Giving notice to co-dependent boss--HELP!

[Guest guest]

Okay, I'm hoping someone will respond with some good advice in the next two

hours.

I have accepted a position out-of-state, and I'm giving my boss notice today. I

am pretty certain she is going to flip. It's a perfect example of there is never

a good time, you know? We have been swamped, I have a colleague on maternity

leave (and it's usually just the three of us, when I leave it will just be two

of us), and in the past day we've had two major projects land on our desks, not

to mention that we are already on massive deadlines and freaking out. I do

nonprofit development, so these deadlines mean money, LOTS of money, and if we

miss deadlines, well, it can be bad for our revenue goal and, therefore, our

jobs. So, yes, this is an unusually stressful time for both of us, since we are

a man down due to maternity leave.

I am prepared to give a month's notice (or leave today, if that happens) to make

sure we meet all deadlines and have a smooth transition. I am taking my boss to

lunch to get her away from the stress of the office when I tell her. But her

mood today, she is very stressed. And the thing is, one of the good things about

me leaving, is that she is very co-dependent on her job, and I have become, to

an extent, enmeshed with her in that. So it's great that I'm breaking free, but

she is a good person, she has actually been a wonderful boss for the most part

(aside from the co-dependent oddities--and frankly no boss is perfect, so her

faults are manageable considering what I've dealt with in the past).

I am hoping that telling her today will be positive. The new job is a very

unique opportunity and I'm not leaving because I want to leave the company, but

rather because I have this very unique opportunity (actually as close to my

dream job as you can get) and it's out-of-state.

Any advice on how to handle this? What if she starts crying? What if she gets

angry? How do I assure her that I'm not abandoning her, that it's not personal,

that I am going to make sure that the transition is smooth, and that I have

really appreciated her mentorship the past 4+ years?

Thank you for urgent advice!

[Guest guest]

,

what an awesome opportunity for you! I don't have any experience or advice

for dealing with codependent people, but what you've told us sounds like

perfectly reasonable things to say. You've been offered a wonderful

opportunity, and you're taking it. You loved working with her and you loved

your job, but you do have to think of professional development. You're

prepared to give her up to 1 month's notice to provide plenty of time to

find a replacement, and want to make sure that the transition goes smoothly.

You really appreciated her mentorship, and will miss working with her.

Yep, sounds like you already have a pretty good script set up in your head

If she starts freaking out or breaking down--well, some reaction will be

normal, minor stress. But if she starts crying or something, definitely stay

professional and focus on the positives. I would avoid saying things like,

" I know this will cause a lot of problems for us... " but rather phrase it as

" I'd like to work with you to make the transition as smooth as possible... "

I hope this kinda helps??

Good luck, and congrats!

Holly

>

>

> Okay, I'm hoping someone will respond with some good advice in the next two

> hours.

>

> I have accepted a position out-of-state, and I'm giving my boss notice

> today. I am pretty certain she is going to flip. It's a perfect example of

> there is never a good time, you know? We have been swamped, I have a

> colleague on maternity leave (and it's usually just the three of us, when I

> leave it will just be two of us), and in the past day we've had two major

> projects land on our desks, not to mention that we are already on massive

> deadlines and freaking out. I do nonprofit development, so these deadlines

> mean money, LOTS of money, and if we miss deadlines, well, it can be bad for

> our revenue goal and, therefore, our jobs. So, yes, this is an unusually

> stressful time for both of us, since we are a man down due to maternity

> leave.

>

> I am prepared to give a month's notice (or leave today, if that happens) to

> make sure we meet all deadlines and have a smooth transition. I am taking my

> boss to lunch to get her away from the stress of the office when I tell her.

> But her mood today, she is very stressed. And the thing is, one of the good

> things about me leaving, is that she is very co-dependent on her job, and I

> have become, to an extent, enmeshed with her in that. So it's great that I'm

> breaking free, but she is a good person, she has actually been a wonderful

> boss for the most part (aside from the co-dependent oddities--and frankly no

> boss is perfect, so her faults are manageable considering what I've dealt

> with in the past).

>

> I am hoping that telling her today will be positive. The new job is a very

> unique opportunity and I'm not leaving because I want to leave the company,

> but rather because I have this very unique opportunity (actually as close to

> my dream job as you can get) and it's out-of-state.

>

> Any advice on how to handle this? What if she starts crying? What if she

> gets angry? How do I assure her that I'm not abandoning her, that it's not

> personal, that I am going to make sure that the transition is smooth, and

> that I have really appreciated her mentorship the past 4+ years?

>

> Thank you for urgent advice!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Just be honest with her, and tell her that you have been offered a job

opportunity that is more suited to you and want you want in your life.  A

months

notice should be plenty of time for her to find a replacement and get them

trained.  It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you, and I wish you all

the

happiness in your new life.

Janet

 

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tue, April 19, 2011 12:08:14 PM

Subject: Giving notice to co-dependent boss--HELP!

 

Okay, I'm hoping someone will respond with some good advice in the next two

hours.

I have accepted a position out-of-state, and I'm giving my boss notice today. I

am pretty certain she is going to flip. It's a perfect example of there is never

a good time, you know? We have been swamped, I have a colleague on maternity

leave (and it's usually just the three of us, when I leave it will just be two

of us), and in the past day we've had two major projects land on our desks, not

to mention that we are already on massive deadlines and freaking out. I do

nonprofit development, so these deadlines mean money, LOTS of money, and if we

miss deadlines, well, it can be bad for our revenue goal and, therefore, our

jobs. So, yes, this is an unusually stressful time for both of us, since we are

a man down due to maternity leave.

I am prepared to give a month's notice (or leave today, if that happens) to make

sure we meet all deadlines and have a smooth transition. I am taking my boss to

lunch to get her away from the stress of the office when I tell her. But her

mood today, she is very stressed. And the thing is, one of the good things about

me leaving, is that she is very co-dependent on her job, and I have become, to

an extent, enmeshed with her in that. So it's great that I'm breaking free, but

she is a good person, she has actually been a wonderful boss for the most part

(aside from the co-dependent oddities--and frankly no boss is perfect, so her

faults are manageable considering what I've dealt with in the past).

I am hoping that telling her today will be positive. The new job is a very

unique opportunity and I'm not leaving because I want to leave the company, but

rather because I have this very unique opportunity (actually as close to my

dream job as you can get) and it's out-of-state.

Any advice on how to handle this? What if she starts crying? What if she gets

angry? How do I assure her that I'm not abandoning her, that it's not personal,

that I am going to make sure that the transition is smooth, and that I have

really appreciated her mentorship the past 4+ years?

Thank you for urgent advice!

[Guest guest]

In true KO fashion you're trying to prevent someone else's reactions. You

can't. Don't own their choices.

You have a job out of state. You accepted it. Go!

You're giving ample notice. You're doing it over lunch. Be done.

She's going to react how she's going to react... is business. Nothing more,

nothing less.

Enjoy your opportunity. Ignore the drama.

Lynnette

>

> Okay, I'm hoping someone will respond with some good advice in the next two

hours.

>

> I have accepted a position out-of-state, and I'm giving my boss notice today.

I am pretty certain she is going to flip. It's a perfect example of there is

never a good time, you know? We have been swamped, I have a colleague on

maternity leave (and it's usually just the three of us, when I leave it will

just be two of us), and in the past day we've had two major projects land on our

desks, not to mention that we are already on massive deadlines and freaking out.

I do nonprofit development, so these deadlines mean money, LOTS of money, and if

we miss deadlines, well, it can be bad for our revenue goal and, therefore, our

jobs. So, yes, this is an unusually stressful time for both of us, since we are

a man down due to maternity leave.

>

> I am prepared to give a month's notice (or leave today, if that happens) to

make sure we meet all deadlines and have a smooth transition. I am taking my

boss to lunch to get her away from the stress of the office when I tell her. But

her mood today, she is very stressed. And the thing is, one of the good things

about me leaving, is that she is very co-dependent on her job, and I have

become, to an extent, enmeshed with her in that. So it's great that I'm breaking

free, but she is a good person, she has actually been a wonderful boss for the

most part (aside from the co-dependent oddities--and frankly no boss is perfect,

so her faults are manageable considering what I've dealt with in the past).

>

> I am hoping that telling her today will be positive. The new job is a very

unique opportunity and I'm not leaving because I want to leave the company, but

rather because I have this very unique opportunity (actually as close to my

dream job as you can get) and it's out-of-state.

>

> Any advice on how to handle this? What if she starts crying? What if she gets

angry? How do I assure her that I'm not abandoning her, that it's not personal,

that I am going to make sure that the transition is smooth, and that I have

really appreciated her mentorship the past 4+ years?

>

> Thank you for urgent advice!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much, guys. I told her at lunch, and the scariness I had feared did

not happen. It went as well as I could've planned.

Whew! Too much stress!

[Guest guest]

Awesome! I'm glad she took it well At least you were prepared just in

case, and now you can focus on getting geared up for your new job!

>

>

> Thank you so much, guys. I told her at lunch, and the scariness I had

> feared did not happen. It went as well as I could've planned.

>

> Whew! Too much stress!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I wasn't so much trying to control her reaction as just be prepared for it

and to be as sensitive as possible. I knew that it would go one way or the

other, and I could only control how I would react to that. And when I think

about it, my fear was really misplaced, but I think I have PTSD from giving

notice at other places with mentally unstable bosses who freaked out on me. And

I just wanted to avoid that at all costs.

I fully agree with you. I'm running my own life, as my t-shirt says. =)

And it went perfectly. I wanted to stay on for a month so I would be pocketing

$$ up until the day I left town and I will. Plus I will be making sure I meet

all the upcoming deadlines that they have. Win, win.

> >

> > Okay, I'm hoping someone will respond with some good advice in the next two

hours.

> >

> > I have accepted a position out-of-state, and I'm giving my boss notice

today. I am pretty certain she is going to flip. It's a perfect example of there

is never a good time, you know? We have been swamped, I have a colleague on

maternity leave (and it's usually just the three of us, when I leave it will

just be two of us), and in the past day we've had two major projects land on our

desks, not to mention that we are already on massive deadlines and freaking out.

I do nonprofit development, so these deadlines mean money, LOTS of money, and if

we miss deadlines, well, it can be bad for our revenue goal and, therefore, our

jobs. So, yes, this is an unusually stressful time for both of us, since we are

a man down due to maternity leave.

> >

> > I am prepared to give a month's notice (or leave today, if that happens) to

make sure we meet all deadlines and have a smooth transition. I am taking my

boss to lunch to get her away from the stress of the office when I tell her. But

her mood today, she is very stressed. And the thing is, one of the good things

about me leaving, is that she is very co-dependent on her job, and I have

become, to an extent, enmeshed with her in that. So it's great that I'm breaking

free, but she is a good person, she has actually been a wonderful boss for the

most part (aside from the co-dependent oddities--and frankly no boss is perfect,

so her faults are manageable considering what I've dealt with in the past).

> >

> > I am hoping that telling her today will be positive. The new job is a very

unique opportunity and I'm not leaving because I want to leave the company, but

rather because I have this very unique opportunity (actually as close to my

dream job as you can get) and it's out-of-state.

> >

> > Any advice on how to handle this? What if she starts crying? What if she

gets angry? How do I assure her that I'm not abandoning her, that it's not

personal, that I am going to make sure that the transition is smooth, and that I

have really appreciated her mentorship the past 4+ years?

> >

> > Thank you for urgent advice!

> >

> >

>