I'm not OK. Last night I saw pictures.

[Guest guest]

My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight to

Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization and

horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for him.

I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of my

childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try to

save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I got

blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told me

as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

I think today I'll just cry.

Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

Hugs to you... . I don't know what to say to make it better. Cry, rant, scream,

yell, punch a pillow. Do what you need to heal.

Amy

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight

to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization

and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for

him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

(((((((((((((((Lynette)))))))))))))))

I can't imagine how . . . overbearing the emotions must be right now. I'm so

sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure I'd be able to breathe (without

focused effort) if I were in your shoes.

How horrid to see, in vivid color, the trauma of your past. And then to have it

blamed on you.

Yuck. Please take care of yourself, and know you are among friends.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight

to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization

and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for

him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Lynette)))))

I am giving you and the small Lynette in the photos (with the look of innocence

gone from her sweet little face) a big virtual hug. Both of the people who were

supposed to be your protectors and nurturers let you down, very hard. Its

beyond unconscionable to blame a little child for your adult problems. Both of

them are reprehensible and unworthy in my opinion and should not have been

allowed the privilege and honor of raising a child.

Today, I decided to go out for breakfast and as I was enjoying my coffee and

muffin at my outdoor table a whole flock of little kindergarteners arrived at

the grocery store (the coffee shop was next door to a grocery store.) The 20 or

so children (and their several teachers and teaching assistants) were there for

a " field trip " . I was enchanted by these kids. Some of them sat with me as I

ate my muffin, and they were polite but full of questions and just so

intelligent and sweet. Every one of them seemed so bright, and friendly, and

darling.

I just can't imagine any mother or father mistreating such a very, very young,

tenderly vulnerable, precious little human being.

These children are PEOPLE, not objects, not things. They have feelings,

thoughts, opinions, and individuality, and they deserve better than abuse and

neglect.

YOU deserved much, much better than what you got, Lynette.

Just my two cent's worth.

-Annie

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight

to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization

and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for

him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

(((Lynn))) it's like you were ambushed by those photos.

how awful to have to relive it like that.

we're here for you; maybe NC is the way to go, esp when someone who's put you

through so much pain is making it worse by blaming your son...i'm with you, for

his sake esp, NC is the way to go.

So sorry for your hurt today.

Fiona

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight

to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization

and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for

him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Lynnette,

It's very hard to take when you realize new things about the past, and even

hrder when documented in pictures. Right in your face...and associate that with

blame on your pure and innocent soul...cosmically unfair.

What I say to myself all the time, is that us humans all have things we deal

with. Everyone has something. I consider myself extremely unlucky in the Mom

Department, the Dad department and clip on to that, the whole Family Department.

Some people are unlucky in the Physical Health Department, and get horrible

afflictions, some in the Mental Health Department and live in virtual prison for

their entire lives.

You were unlucky in these departments as well.

But it does not define you.

I consider myself unlucky in these areas to try to make sense of it all. It

takes my innocent and trusting heart out of the equation...it was never my

fault. I did nothing to make any of this happen, and I did not deserve any of

the consequences of underdeveloped parents. I wish someone would have swooped in

and rescued me from my tortured isolation with them.

Consider yourself unlucky in this department, and try to see the beautiful

person I'm so sure you really are...and that you survived...

Give yourself a big hug and pat on the back for coming through.

And don't give the pictures any more weight than they deserve.

Amy

[Guest guest]

How could a child possibly be responsible for a parents' bad choices?????

It's rediculous!!! Not worth discussing with them! You know the truth.

NC sounds like the best option and will help set you free of the blame

that they have tried to place in your lap. They aren't capable of accepting

responsibility for their actions and never will be capable.

Laurie

In a message dated 4/21/2011 8:37:11 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

hermitsdaughter@... writes:

(((Lynn))) it's like you were ambushed by those photos.

how awful to have to relive it like that.

we're here for you; maybe NC is the way to go, esp when someone who's put

you through so much pain is making it worse by blaming your son...i'm with

you, for his sake esp, NC is the way to go.

So sorry for your hurt today.

Fiona

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has

been 'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally

had enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those

big rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 -

4.5 at the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and

cobblers, me on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's

boyfriend, , in Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and

then, a few months later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at

beer/drug parties with a guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first

of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed

straight to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of

realization and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay

present for him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many,

many years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what

they mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today

I'm in my head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers

up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other

people 'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks

like .... and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother

most of my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He

didn't try to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on

welfare most of the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have

nothing to do with him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he

blamed my mom's actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure

that I got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one

Aunt told me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago

that 'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I

told her that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

Props to you for ability to step back and say, " I'm done. " Attempting to reason

with a BP is just like throwing energy into a big, black pit. They hear nothing

you say and are not affected by what you say. They're narcissists. They don't

have the ability to take responsibility--you're right. They'll never believe

that they're ill.

I don't know how FOO can " rationalize " that a child (or tween or teen etc) is

responsible for the mental illness of the Nada. I empathize... my FOO did the

same thing to me. They'd rather not deal with the wrath of Nada, and they just

agree with whatever she says.

Take the time to cry or be angry or sad. Be able to mourn it.

But realize now that you have the choice and the ability to make it all stop

now. As a child, you couldn't get away. You have control now, and you have the

strength to step back say " enough is enough. "

Definitely do what is best for you.

- Cvidzz

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight

to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization

and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for

him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU ALL... UPDATE!!!!

It's been a week from Hades.

All balls in the air hit me at once...this was just the kicker.

But I'm still standing.

Epiphany came Wednesday night....

I went back to Dad's to help with the rest of the garage. Opened an unmarked

HUGE grey tote. It contained approximately 40 of Nada's photo albums from,

'Back then.'

Instict took over.

" OH HELL NO! " I screamed and shut the lid.

In that moment I realized I had TOTAL CONTROL over her. Over the continual

damage that comes to my way... either deliberately or by ancient photo albums

chronically my fall down the rabbit hole of childhood. The woman WAS and

CONTINUES to be insane. It's in the pictures. It's in her phone calls. It's

in her emails. Her IM's. Her 'notes.' It's just WHO SHE IS.

But **I** can - AT ANY GIVEN POINT - scream " OH HELL NO!!!! " and slam the door

down on the snakepit of her insanity.

That's it folks. I'm still undecided about total NC. Not sure if I'll get any

further away from her than the LC is providing now... but I can say the the rant

of, 'OH HELL NO' is the emotional NC I needed.

Peace.

Lynnette

>

> My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

>

> There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed straight

to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of realization

and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay present for

him.

>

> I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

>

> I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

>

> For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

>

> My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

>

> I think today I'll just cry.

>

> Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago that

'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told her

that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

>

> I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Lynette,

Some more cyberhugs to add to those you've already gotten. The realization that

we can control the narrative from this point forward is very empowering. All of

you helped me see last month that I could absolutely shut my mother out and it

was in my power. It was huge and it made such a difference. I know we all more

or less know this, but being reminded of this from time to time is really

needed.

I'm so glad you are standing and protecting yourself. And " Oh hell no! " is a

great mantra for all of us coping with our nadas/fadas.

Be strong and best wishes.

Arianna

P.S. The part in your original message where you wrote about how she blames all

her problems on your child's birth rang so true to me that I got goosebumps.

After she tried to convince me to abort my first baby, then when it was too late

and she tried to convince me to give him up for adoption, my mother blamed me

for ruining her life. That's what she would say to my face all the time, then

turn around and be loving to the baby a month after he was born. Then as he was

getting bigger she adored him, but still said those same nasty things to my

face, and she likes to show herself off as a devoted grandmother (which, to be

fair, she can be sometimes).

> >

> > My dad and teen were cleaning out my dad's garage yesterday. Nada has been

'storing' a lot of her stuff in there for the last 11 years. Dad finally had

enough and wants his garage back. So they started going through those big

rubber totees. They found picture albums that were my moms. I was 2 - 4.5 at

the start. All blonde innocence with little mommy & me outfits and cobblers, me

on daddy's lap, etc.... Then about 4-5 it changes. Mom's boyfriend, , in

Miami (she cheated on dad with him and abandoned me) and then, a few months

later, the pictures are of us in Utah and Wyoming- at beer/drug parties with a

guy she met in a bar and me, innocence gone. The first of our 'homeless days.'

> >

> > There were more picture albums. I couldn't open them. I was headed

straight to Dissasociation.... my step-dad kept me 'there' and the look of

realization and horror on my teens face was too much to bare. I had to stay

present for him.

> >

> > I thought sleeping it off would be better. I've seen these pics many, many

years ago but never in context. Never with a real understanding of what they

mean and what this whole thing did to me. But today is worse... today I'm in my

head... way way way in the back. All doors/windows and barriers up.

> >

> > I'm writing this here so I can attempt to 'get it out' and let other people

'see' what was kept secret for so long... what it feels like and looks like ....

and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of understanding.

> >

> > For those wondering... my bio dad was in contact with my Grandmother most of

my childhood. He didn't seek custody. He didn't try to find me. He didn't try

to save me. He now claims he 'couldn't find me.' My mom was on welfare most of

the time... he could have found me if he'd wanted to. I have nothing to do with

him... one '2 month period of contact' 14 years ago... he blamed my mom's

actions and everything on me. I left.

> >

> > My foo hates me (save for 2 cousins and one Aunt).... she's made sure that I

got blamed for all of her stuff. Period. They know better... the one Aunt told

me as much... but it doesn't matter... I'm guilty.

> >

> > I think today I'll just cry.

> >

> > Nada's 'recovery' that she's preaching is #$%$#%. She told me 2 days ago

that 'she never had a problem with her family til (my teen) was born. " I told

her that was untrue and she knew it. She changed subjects.

> >

> > I'm 99% sure I'm going NC soon. I can't take much more.

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>