Re: PTSD strikes today, very relevant article for me...

[Guest guest]

I just want to add that I am so tired of her ambushing me!!! That's why I went

no contact. It's like she is stalking me.

[Guest guest]

I can completely understand that you're feeling stalked, because they *are*

stalking you, in my opinion.

You can send a formal No Contact letter if that will help you to feel better.

The letter basically says, " This letter is to formally notify you that I do not

wish any further contact with you under any circumstances, permanently. Any

form of contact from you is unwelcome and unwanted. If you persist in further

efforts to contact me directly or indirectly I will take steps to secure a

restraining order. " Then sign it and date it and (get it witnessed or sent

through a lawyer) and send it by confirmed mail delivery (they have to sign for

it and you get a confirmation receipt.)

My suggestion is that if you mean business, and you really want to cut off all

contact permanently, then, don't be afraid to play hard ball. Perhaps for a

while anyway, let anger replace your fear. It might help your ptsd symptoms go

away.

If someone ignored my request and kept needling me (Ha,ha, I know all about your

plans, you're too stupid to hide anything from me!) it would make me ROYALLY

pissed off.

But, truly, your therapist would be the best one to consult about that. Its too

easy to get stuck in anger, so maybe your therapist can help you work through

this ptsd episode in a more healthy way.

-Annie

>

> I just want to add that I am so tired of her ambushing me!!! That's why I went

no contact. It's like she is stalking me.

>

[Guest guest]

The worst is that she couldn't respect me, and I just had to ask my brother (not

the estranged one) to not give her any information. I feel like a jackass, like

I'm putting him in the middle. But I honestly don't want any relationship with

her. AT ALL. PERIOD.

Nor do I want any interaction with her.

I know the next thing I say is going to draw some harsh responses from people,

but I'm not sure I'm comfortable sending a letter like that. I can see that it

might be judged as harsh by my other family members, and that they might even

start to think I'm the crazy one. And I know that I need to do what's right for

me and what will make me feel safe. But that concern about how it affects my

relationship with other family members is valid. I don't want to lose my brother

when I'm already estranged from one because of being a flying monkey and

disordered in his own right (actually his wife is the disordered one but you

know what that does to the man--dishrag).

I am not having a full on panic attack, but I'm under a lot of stress right now,

and this whole incident is triggering a lot of anxiety for me. I feel like I can

barely keep functioning at work right now. Fortunately I have a therapy

appointment tonight. But in a few weeks I will move and have to find a new

therapist, and because of changed in healthcare, I will probably have to wait a

couple of months to do so. So you guys are going to be even more important to me

during that time.

Thank you all.

[Guest guest]

You'll get no judgements from me one way or the other RE what you need to do to

create a healthy, workable situation for yourself, I am all about figuring out

what works *for you*, meaning, for each of us, individually. There is no one

best way or only way to handle this stuff. No oughts or shoulds. Each case is

unique, and the bottom line is to try and choose something you can live with RE

having contact or not having contact. I wish you the best of luck with moving

to a new location; sometimes a fresh start really helps us RE dealing with toxic

foo issues.

-Annie

>

> The worst is that she couldn't respect me, and I just had to ask my brother

(not the estranged one) to not give her any information. I feel like a jackass,

like I'm putting him in the middle. But I honestly don't want any relationship

with her. AT ALL. PERIOD.

>

> Nor do I want any interaction with her.

>

> I know the next thing I say is going to draw some harsh responses from people,

but I'm not sure I'm comfortable sending a letter like that. I can see that it

might be judged as harsh by my other family members, and that they might even

start to think I'm the crazy one. And I know that I need to do what's right for

me and what will make me feel safe. But that concern about how it affects my

relationship with other family members is valid. I don't want to lose my brother

when I'm already estranged from one because of being a flying monkey and

disordered in his own right (actually his wife is the disordered one but you

know what that does to the man--dishrag).

>

> I am not having a full on panic attack, but I'm under a lot of stress right

now, and this whole incident is triggering a lot of anxiety for me. I feel like

I can barely keep functioning at work right now. Fortunately I have a therapy

appointment tonight. But in a few weeks I will move and have to find a new

therapist, and because of changed in healthcare, I will probably have to wait a

couple of months to do so. So you guys are going to be even more important to me

during that time.

>

> Thank you all.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ug, I just realized I will be making the information public and it will be

public anyways. But I can make sure she doesn't get my address or phone number.

I guess I might have to send one of those letters anyways.

I run a personal blog about something I am very passionate about and I have

actually gotten a new job working in that industry. So I really wanted to tell

all my followers, etc., in my blog what's happening, especially since I'll be

moving and the blog is a little site specific and will be moving with me.

I will see how things go. If she starts trying to contact me about the move/new

job or starts to try and find information out about me, that letter will go out

ASAP. I have a lawyer on retainer so that can happen asap. A cease and desist

letter on firm letterhead would be pretty hard to ignore, I think. Question, if

I do that and she continues to try and contact me, can I get a restraining

order?

[Guest guest]

I think you did fantastic!!!! Awesome job smelling the hoover. Don't you

love how as soon as you tell them no they move to - but it has your

childhood toys and some other loved one is contacting you via me therefore I

own you. My own FOO has done both of those a lot. i walked away from all of

it. 8 years NC!!!!!!!

Great job lady!!!!

I'm facing the same thing, I have a pretty successful blog and as I make

changes in my life I want to share them - yet the sons of bitches might be

watching, I have no way to stop them. . . .

>

>

> Ug, I just realized I will be making the information public and it will be

> public anyways. But I can make sure she doesn't get my address or phone

> number. I guess I might have to send one of those letters anyways.

>

> I run a personal blog about something I am very passionate about and I have

> actually gotten a new job working in that industry. So I really wanted to

> tell all my followers, etc., in my blog what's happening, especially since

> I'll be moving and the blog is a little site specific and will be moving

> with me.

>

> I will see how things go. If she starts trying to contact me about the

> move/new job or starts to try and find information out about me, that letter

> will go out ASAP. I have a lawyer on retainer so that can happen asap. A

> cease and desist letter on firm letterhead would be pretty hard to ignore, I

> think. Question, if I do that and she continues to try and contact me, can I

> get a restraining order?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I noticed that with my nada as well. I said I wanted No Contact, so that's when

she had to call to find out if I wanted to have this or that item of hers or

dad's that she was wanting to either sell or give away. (I found this out

through my Sister, who got roped into flying monkey-hood, but it turned out OK.)

I think the bpd parent is testing us when we do this. They can't believe we

really mean " No Contact " , I guess. " Is my adult child just in another petty

snit? Surely she's over it by now? " wonders nada. Nadas apparently just cannot

comprehend that its possible that their adult child is truly, actually, for

real, done with their drama and the stress and the hurt they cause. They Do Not

Get It, is all I can figure out.

-Annie

>

> >

> >

> > Ug, I just realized I will be making the information public and it will be

> > public anyways. But I can make sure she doesn't get my address or phone

> > number. I guess I might have to send one of those letters anyways.

> >

> > I run a personal blog about something I am very passionate about and I have

> > actually gotten a new job working in that industry. So I really wanted to

> > tell all my followers, etc., in my blog what's happening, especially since

> > I'll be moving and the blog is a little site specific and will be moving

> > with me.

> >

> > I will see how things go. If she starts trying to contact me about the

> > move/new job or starts to try and find information out about me, that letter

> > will go out ASAP. I have a lawyer on retainer so that can happen asap. A

> > cease and desist letter on firm letterhead would be pretty hard to ignore, I

> > think. Question, if I do that and she continues to try and contact me, can I

> > get a restraining order?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think you are doing the right thing. You need to protect yourself emotionally.

It is hard because those still in " orbit " of the BPD are oh so willing to

" hoover " those of us who have had enough and are trying to make boundaries.

 

I personally find it much harder to deal with the other family members who are

still dancing with my nada. Your story sound very familiar!

 

Be strong! Its hard but you can do it.

 

SK

[Guest guest]

I think you did the perfect thing, really.

You made it very clear that you were not going back to business as usual. He

really is a flying monkey, doing her bidding, and then asking AGAIN if you

wanted the gift...I'm amazed he didn't understand after your first email that

you would not want a gift from your mother.

You said it really well, I was impressed, that you have to protect yourself.

What more is there to say?? I hope he respects that.

Well done, .

Fiona

> >

> > Here is the link to this article (which has no " by line " but was posted by

someone using the name " Skittles " ) which I think has a lot of succinctly-put

insights about why it is exactly that its such a wrongness, such a tragedy for

children to be raised by parents who are *not capable* of good-enough parenting:

in other words, parents with personality disorder (or substance abusers.)

> >

> > http://adultsurvivors.blogspot.com/

> >

> >

> > Here is an excerpt:

> >

> > " ...Suppose that in the midst of a tornado a child sought comfort and

protection from his parents and was told, " What tornado? It's a beautiful

day...Go outside and play. " That's how crazy and unsafe the world seems to some

children. Some survivors have tried to tell the truth about the abuse and were

called liars or accused of being responsible for the abuser's behavior.

> >

> > When a victim or survivor is disbelieved, shamed, threatened into silence,

or when the disclosure is minimized or becomes cause for punishment, the trauma

inflicted by willful ignorance compounds the original trauma. Children can

withstand a lot with the help of other people; conversely, the denial or

rejection of children's normal thoughts and feelings about trauma can cause as

much pain as the original trauma. "

> >

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

RE your question about being able to get a restraining order, you'll need to

consult with your lawyer about that.

Anti-stalking laws vary from state to state. In some areas ROs are only issued

if the stalker makes threats of harm or death , other states have

" anti-paparazzi " laws that are more lenient about protecting the privacy of

public individuals.

At the anti-stalking websites, they recommend that you send the formal letter

first (through your lawyer is great) and when you get the receipt, then

carefully document, document, document any and all further attempts at contact.

Save e-mails, save regular mail, save phone messages, notice if they're " doing

surveillance " on you which is driving by your home or parking where they can

watch you come and go from your home, if they show up at your workplace, show up

at your kids' school, etc. Write down the day/date/time of all such incidents

or photograph them. Ask neighbors or co-workers to be witnesses if they saw any

of this.

Any actual acts of vandalism or in-person confrontation will help your case RE

getting a RO, particularly if you have witnesses or can document it somehow.

If your nada goes to the extent of libel and slander in an effort to ruin your

good name or reputation at your place of business or among your co-workers, if

she makes false claims against you with child protective services, then I think

other laws come into play RE libel and slander.

That's lovely that you have easy access to a lawyer; me, I'd utilize that with a

consultation if this were happening to me!

-Annie

>

> Ug, I just realized I will be making the information public and it will be

public anyways. But I can make sure she doesn't get my address or phone number.

I guess I might have to send one of those letters anyways.

>

> I run a personal blog about something I am very passionate about and I have

actually gotten a new job working in that industry. So I really wanted to tell

all my followers, etc., in my blog what's happening, especially since I'll be

moving and the blog is a little site specific and will be moving with me.

>

> I will see how things go. If she starts trying to contact me about the

move/new job or starts to try and find information out about me, that letter

will go out ASAP. I have a lawyer on retainer so that can happen asap. A cease

and desist letter on firm letterhead would be pretty hard to ignore, I think.

Question, if I do that and she continues to try and contact me, can I get a

restraining order?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to say I think you did great.

And I wanted to address your question as to how she could find out about your

life if you had blocked her from everything?

This little word: MUTUAL FRIENDS

I recently had this issue with my own mom. I blocked her from Facebook but she

kept texting me and calling me commenting about my life. I was like HOW did you

know that??? I realized 2 of my aunts (one is a flying monkey) were " stalking "

me on Facebook FOR her and giving her updates. So I had to block them

too....which them made me realize how many " mutual friends " we had and ended up

with me shrinking off of Facebook all together. (I have to keep a profile

because of my business page, but my profile is now locked from everybody).

All that to say, the internet is so public its hard to keep the nada's from

totally finding out about us because all it takes is one phone call to a MUTUAL

FRIEND to find out what is going on with us. Especially if you blog. I blog too

and its hard to block them from reading that.

HUGS to you. I think you're doing a great job and standing strong.

Fredia

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Ug, I just realized I will be making the information public and it will be

> > > public anyways. But I can make sure she doesn't get my address or phone

> > > number. I guess I might have to send one of those letters anyways.

> > >

> > > I run a personal blog about something I am very passionate about and I

have

> > > actually gotten a new job working in that industry. So I really wanted to

> > > tell all my followers, etc., in my blog what's happening, especially since

> > > I'll be moving and the blog is a little site specific and will be moving

> > > with me.

> > >

> > > I will see how things go. If she starts trying to contact me about the

> > > move/new job or starts to try and find information out about me, that

letter

> > > will go out ASAP. I have a lawyer on retainer so that can happen asap. A

> > > cease and desist letter on firm letterhead would be pretty hard to ignore,

I

> > > think. Question, if I do that and she continues to try and contact me, can

I

> > > get a restraining order?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I get free consultations through a plan at work. I pay like $7 a month to be a

member, and I get a discounted rate if I need more than a consultation. But they

will do simple things like this for free.

They also do my taxes for free. =)

> That's lovely that you have easy access to a lawyer; me, I'd utilize that with

a consultation if this were happening to me!

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Ug, I just realized I will be making the information public and it will be

public anyways. But I can make sure she doesn't get my address or phone number.

I guess I might have to send one of those letters anyways.

> >

> > I run a personal blog about something I am very passionate about and I have

actually gotten a new job working in that industry. So I really wanted to tell

all my followers, etc., in my blog what's happening, especially since I'll be

moving and the blog is a little site specific and will be moving with me.

> >

> > I will see how things go. If she starts trying to contact me about the

move/new job or starts to try and find information out about me, that letter

will go out ASAP. I have a lawyer on retainer so that can happen asap. A cease

and desist letter on firm letterhead would be pretty hard to ignore, I think.

Question, if I do that and she continues to try and contact me, can I get a

restraining order?

> >

> >

> >

>