help, my daughter's friend is getting hoovered

[Guest guest]

Well if she's listening to us strangers on the internet, I'd recommend butting

out.

----------

Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

device.

Re: Re: help, my daughter's friend is getting

hoovered

I couldn't agree with you more. I hope she makes that choice. Another

reason I agreed to send the initial email is because I was hoping to hear

things exactly like this from someone other than me (her mother who children

tend to selectively listen to haha).

BPDingNoMore

On Sat, Apr 23, 2011 at 4:09 PM, climberkayak wrote:

>

>

> My two cents....this doesn't have to be so complicated. It's very important

> that your daughter not take responsibility for the well-being of her friend.

> That she understand that sometimes people have to make their own mistakes -

> and are really determined to do so!

>

> All she has to do is speak honestly to her friend once, that she's

> concerned that the possible BPDfriend is having a bad effect on her because

> of changes X,Y, and Z that she observes. Then if the friend chooses to

> ignore that and continue it is her choice. Beyond that, delving too deep

> trying to psychoanalyze everyone in this situation I think could lead to

> unhealthy spaces for your daughter. She's a kid and should be focusing on

> her own development right now.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

that's what i'm hoping she will do.

BPDingNoMore

>

>

> Well if she's listening to us strangers on the internet, I'd recommend

> butting out.

>

> ----------

> Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

> device.

>

> Re: Re: help, my daughter's friend is getting

> hoovered

>

> I couldn't agree with you more. I hope she makes that choice. Another

> reason I agreed to send the initial email is because I was hoping to hear

> things exactly like this from someone other than me (her mother who

> children

> tend to selectively listen to haha).

>

> BPDingNoMore

>

> On Sat, Apr 23, 2011 at 4:09 PM, climberkayak wrote:

>

>

> >

> >

> > My two cents....this doesn't have to be so complicated. It's very

> important

> > that your daughter not take responsibility for the well-being of her

> friend.

> > That she understand that sometimes people have to make their own mistakes

> -

> > and are really determined to do so!

> >

> > All she has to do is speak honestly to her friend once, that she's

> > concerned that the possible BPDfriend is having a bad effect on her

> because

> > of changes X,Y, and Z that she observes. Then if the friend chooses to

> > ignore that and continue it is her choice. Beyond that, delving too deep

> > trying to psychoanalyze everyone in this situation I think could lead to

> > unhealthy spaces for your daughter. She's a kid and should be focusing on

>

> > her own development right now.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > > I want to preface this message with the statement that I am in no

way

> > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > >

> > >

> >

> > > So, my daughter goes to school with a girl that is a lesbian.

There are

> > > many people who choose this lifestyle and my daughter is aware of

them and

> > > doesn't really think about it one way or another. But there is

this one

> > > girl that is a lesbian that targets all the empathetic people in

the

> > > school. she sucks all these girls into her drama and mesmerizes

them. They

> > > become consumed with her and her drama. She always targets

straight girls.

> > > Nothing so far has happened with her and these girls because

eventually

> > > these girls figure it out or my daughter will run over to them and

say,

> > > " You're getting hoovered, walk away. "

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Well, my daughter would love to try to explain to this current

girl that is

> > > getting Hoovered what is taking place. She doubts it would work

but she

> > > isn't getting what she means by " hoovered " . She wondered if there

was a

> > > letter or a passage from a book or something that she could print

out for

> > > the girl and let her read if maybe THEN the girl who is getting

sucked in

> > > would understand. The issue is too close to my daughter because of

her

> > > sister most likely being BPD for her to explain without getting

her emotions

> > > tangled up in her delivery of what she wants to say to her. My

daughter is

> > > willing to drop it and let her good friend get sucked in by this

girl who is

> > > very predatory. But she just has felt that she hasn't been able to

> > > articulate herself the way she wants to. She does not feel that

the girl

> > > getting sucked in is a lesbian and feels that she is changing

everything

> > > about herself and her gpa (grade point average) is even lowering

as we speak

> > > because of this BPDish girl. (I don't know if this girl really has

BPD or

> > > not… but it sure looks suspicious from everything we've

observed). My

> > > daughter can't save anyone. But she just wanted to inform her of

what lies

> > > ahead. She just wants her friend to be informed. My daughter has a

lot of

> > > friends that are gay and feels it's authentic. She just doesn't

see that

> > > this fits this girl.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I personally have had this happen to me as well. There was a woman

I knew

> > > that tried to convince me that I am gay. Which is funny because I

have been

> > > chasing guys since I was old enough to walk. It's something that

had never

> > > occurred to me. I listened to her but disagreed with her and let

her know

> > > that I don't have those kinds of feelings for her. She harassed me

and

> > > stalked me for quite some time. A year ago she found me on

Facebook and

> > > wrote to me. She wanted to apologize to me for what she put me

through.

> > > She told me that I was just another victim of her BPD antics. I

chuckled to

> > > myself and thought, " I'M SO NOT SURPRISED!! " She has been through

treatment

> > > (DBT) for it. I think she is doing well. I haven't heard from her

again

> > > for about a year and don't know if she really will contact me

again. I

> > > think she just wanted to apologize to me for trying to take over

my life and

> > > control me and suck me up into her agenda. Apology accepted. Still

don't

> > > want to hang out with her because I don't trust her and we have

nothing in

> > > common. I have a lot of friends that are lesbian or gay, so it's

not an

> > > issue of their sexuality, just someone I don't click with.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I don't want to share my situation with my daughter my situation

because I

> > > think it's just too much information to be sharing with my

daughter and if

> > > she recycles the information, I don't want her getting the details

out of

> > > order and mixing up my story. That has already happened to me once

with a

> > > friend. She took creative license and told my story her own way

for her own

> > > manipulative intentions. I guess you live and learn. I wish I had

never

> > > told her.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > So, I was thinking… does anyone want to write a letter to this

girl? If

> > > it's a letter that might work, I'll take email address off and the

list name

> > > and print it out for my daughter to give her. The Hooverer is J

and the

> > > person being Hoovered is K.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Again, I want to end this message with a statement that I am in no

way

> > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks so much,

> > >

> > > BpdingNoMore

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I'm a lurker here, but what exactly is the " gay lifestyle? " Because my life

basically involves going to work, messing around online, babysitting my

friend's kids, watching TV and on the weekends, meeting a few friends for

drinks.

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > > I want to preface this message with the statement that I am in no

> way

> > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > So, my daughter goes to school with a girl that is a lesbian.

> There are

> > > > many people who choose this lifestyle and my daughter is aware of

> them and

> > > > doesn't really think about it one way or another. But there is

> this one

> > > > girl that is a lesbian that targets all the empathetic people in

> the

> > > > school. she sucks all these girls into her drama and mesmerizes

> them. They

> > > > become consumed with her and her drama. She always targets

> straight girls.

> > > > Nothing so far has happened with her and these girls because

> eventually

> > > > these girls figure it out or my daughter will run over to them and

> say,

> > > > " You're getting hoovered, walk away. "

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Well, my daughter would love to try to explain to this current

> girl that is

> > > > getting Hoovered what is taking place. She doubts it would work

> but she

> > > > isn't getting what she means by " hoovered " . She wondered if there

> was a

> > > > letter or a passage from a book or something that she could print

> out for

> > > > the girl and let her read if maybe THEN the girl who is getting

> sucked in

> > > > would understand. The issue is too close to my daughter because of

> her

> > > > sister most likely being BPD for her to explain without getting

> her emotions

> > > > tangled up in her delivery of what she wants to say to her. My

> daughter is

> > > > willing to drop it and let her good friend get sucked in by this

> girl who is

> > > > very predatory. But she just has felt that she hasn't been able to

> > > > articulate herself the way she wants to. She does not feel that

> the girl

> > > > getting sucked in is a lesbian and feels that she is changing

> everything

> > > > about herself and her gpa (grade point average) is even lowering

> as we speak

> > > > because of this BPDish girl. (I don't know if this girl really has

> BPD or

> > > > not… but it sure looks suspicious from everything we've

> observed). My

> > > > daughter can't save anyone. But she just wanted to inform her of

> what lies

> > > > ahead. She just wants her friend to be informed. My daughter has a

> lot of

> > > > friends that are gay and feels it's authentic. She just doesn't

> see that

> > > > this fits this girl.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I personally have had this happen to me as well. There was a woman

> I knew

> > > > that tried to convince me that I am gay. Which is funny because I

> have been

> > > > chasing guys since I was old enough to walk. It's something that

> had never

> > > > occurred to me. I listened to her but disagreed with her and let

> her know

> > > > that I don't have those kinds of feelings for her. She harassed me

> and

> > > > stalked me for quite some time. A year ago she found me on

> Facebook and

> > > > wrote to me. She wanted to apologize to me for what she put me

> through.

> > > > She told me that I was just another victim of her BPD antics. I

> chuckled to

> > > > myself and thought, " I'M SO NOT SURPRISED!! " She has been through

> treatment

> > > > (DBT) for it. I think she is doing well. I haven't heard from her

> again

> > > > for about a year and don't know if she really will contact me

> again. I

> > > > think she just wanted to apologize to me for trying to take over

> my life and

> > > > control me and suck me up into her agenda. Apology accepted. Still

> don't

> > > > want to hang out with her because I don't trust her and we have

> nothing in

> > > > common. I have a lot of friends that are lesbian or gay, so it's

> not an

> > > > issue of their sexuality, just someone I don't click with.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I don't want to share my situation with my daughter my situation

> because I

> > > > think it's just too much information to be sharing with my

> daughter and if

> > > > she recycles the information, I don't want her getting the details

> out of

> > > > order and mixing up my story. That has already happened to me once

> with a

> > > > friend. She took creative license and told my story her own way

> for her own

> > > > manipulative intentions. I guess you live and learn. I wish I had

> never

> > > > told her.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > So, I was thinking… does anyone want to write a letter to this

> girl? If

> > > > it's a letter that might work, I'll take email address off and the

> list name

> > > > and print it out for my daughter to give her. The Hooverer is J

> and the

> > > > person being Hoovered is K.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Again, I want to end this message with a statement that I am in no

> way

> > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Thanks so much,

> > > >

> > > > BpdingNoMore

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Doug, you may feel that its a choice, but some people do not. Myself included. I

believe that this entire issue could ahve been avoided had the OP left out the

sexuality of the girls. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe somewhere in

these posts, the OP said that it was not a case of trying to change their

sexuality, but rather just drawing them into her drama. Regardless of all this,

we are hearing this like 3 people removed and I don't believe that any of us are

able to say whether or not the " lesbian " girl in question has BPD traits.

Also the original post included a story about the poster and a lesbian woman,

which has nothing, it seems, to do with this. I felt the original post was bias

as well, and a bit offensive to be honest. I wasn't going to respond to it, but

I felt I needed to say that not all people think being gay is a life style

choice. I felt you stated that like it were a fact and I wanted to remind you,

in is an opinion. Your opinion.

> > >

> > > > I want to preface this message with the statement that I am in no

> way

> > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > So, my daughter goes to school with a girl that is a lesbian.

> There are

> > > > many people who choose this lifestyle and my daughter is aware of

> them and

> > > > doesn't really think about it one way or another. But there is

> this one

> > > > girl that is a lesbian that targets all the empathetic people in

> the

> > > > school. she sucks all these girls into her drama and mesmerizes

> them. They

> > > > become consumed with her and her drama. She always targets

> straight girls.

> > > > Nothing so far has happened with her and these girls because

> eventually

> > > > these girls figure it out or my daughter will run over to them and

> say,

> > > > " You're getting hoovered, walk away. "

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Well, my daughter would love to try to explain to this current

> girl that is

> > > > getting Hoovered what is taking place. She doubts it would work

> but she

> > > > isn't getting what she means by " hoovered " . She wondered if there

> was a

> > > > letter or a passage from a book or something that she could print

> out for

> > > > the girl and let her read if maybe THEN the girl who is getting

> sucked in

> > > > would understand. The issue is too close to my daughter because of

> her

> > > > sister most likely being BPD for her to explain without getting

> her emotions

> > > > tangled up in her delivery of what she wants to say to her. My

> daughter is

> > > > willing to drop it and let her good friend get sucked in by this

> girl who is

> > > > very predatory. But she just has felt that she hasn't been able to

> > > > articulate herself the way she wants to. She does not feel that

> the girl

> > > > getting sucked in is a lesbian and feels that she is changing

> everything

> > > > about herself and her gpa (grade point average) is even lowering

> as we speak

> > > > because of this BPDish girl. (I don't know if this girl really has

> BPD or

> > > > not… but it sure looks suspicious from everything we've

> observed). My

> > > > daughter can't save anyone. But she just wanted to inform her of

> what lies

> > > > ahead. She just wants her friend to be informed. My daughter has a

> lot of

> > > > friends that are gay and feels it's authentic. She just doesn't

> see that

> > > > this fits this girl.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I personally have had this happen to me as well. There was a woman

> I knew

> > > > that tried to convince me that I am gay. Which is funny because I

> have been

> > > > chasing guys since I was old enough to walk. It's something that

> had never

> > > > occurred to me. I listened to her but disagreed with her and let

> her know

> > > > that I don't have those kinds of feelings for her. She harassed me

> and

> > > > stalked me for quite some time. A year ago she found me on

> Facebook and

> > > > wrote to me. She wanted to apologize to me for what she put me

> through.

> > > > She told me that I was just another victim of her BPD antics. I

> chuckled to

> > > > myself and thought, " I'M SO NOT SURPRISED!! " She has been through

> treatment

> > > > (DBT) for it. I think she is doing well. I haven't heard from her

> again

> > > > for about a year and don't know if she really will contact me

> again. I

> > > > think she just wanted to apologize to me for trying to take over

> my life and

> > > > control me and suck me up into her agenda. Apology accepted. Still

> don't

> > > > want to hang out with her because I don't trust her and we have

> nothing in

> > > > common. I have a lot of friends that are lesbian or gay, so it's

> not an

> > > > issue of their sexuality, just someone I don't click with.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I don't want to share my situation with my daughter my situation

> because I

> > > > think it's just too much information to be sharing with my

> daughter and if

> > > > she recycles the information, I don't want her getting the details

> out of

> > > > order and mixing up my story. That has already happened to me once

> with a

> > > > friend. She took creative license and told my story her own way

> for her own

> > > > manipulative intentions. I guess you live and learn. I wish I had

> never

> > > > told her.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > So, I was thinking… does anyone want to write a letter to this

> girl? If

> > > > it's a letter that might work, I'll take email address off and the

> list name

> > > > and print it out for my daughter to give her. The Hooverer is J

> and the

> > > > person being Hoovered is K.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Again, I want to end this message with a statement that I am in no

> way

> > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Thanks so much,

> > > >

> > > > BpdingNoMore

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I debated whether to even comment on this topic, because people tend to have

such strongly held opinions on the subjects related to sexuality. I begin to

regret that I did so.

If I may urge you , please take the time to read what is written, before you

permit yourself to react from an emotional trigger. As I said below, I m not

entering into the debate about whether homosexuality is genetic, environmental,

or pure choice. On that topic I am, and did in the previous post, remain mum. If

you will re read carefully below, you will see that this is true.

However the choice to LIVE an openly gay lifestyle, to be self identified as

gay, is a choice. I have friends who do so choose, and others who, though they

will admit, either publicly, or to condidantes, of whom I am one, that they do

have same sex desires, do not so choose.

Whether a person lives openly as gay, or does not, is a choice they have to

make. You have no idea what I think are the causative factors in homosexuality,

whether genetic, environmental, social, based on anything I have posted here.

The fact that this young Drama Queen is self identified as gay, but targets or

chooses exclusively straight, but malleable girls for her life dramas is , I

think, a matter for concern.

Furthermore, if you will read carefully the last line of my post, I said

This is all based on my experience.

So , please read carefully before you choose to debate or correct me.

Doug

> > >

> > > Dear BPDingNoMore,

> > >

> > > I realize that you may not have done this on purpose, but by writing

> > " There are many people who choose this lifestyle... " you have

> > communicated a significant amount of bias. Vegetarianism is a lifestyle,

> > unless you have a health condition or allergies to animal protein, it is

> > a choice you consciously make and can stop at any time. However, being

> > gay or lesbian is not a lifestyle.

> >

> > ___________________________________________________

> > Since the purpose of THIS forum is not the whole gay lifestyle issue, I

> > m not going to debate the genetics vs environment issue. However,

> > whether or not someone has same sex attraction or desires, living the "

> > gay lifestyle " most certainly is a lifestyle choice. Some have urges

> > and desires in that direction, but choose not to act on it or live, it.

> > Other choose to do so. But for one who has made that choice to try and

> > manipulate others into her choice, is both inappropriate and a

> > Borderline trait. Black and white. No gray. You cannot be different

> > from me and be good.

> >

> > And if you read this part from the original post

> >

> > But there is this one girl that is a lesbian that targets all the

> > empathetic people in the school. she sucks all these girls into her

> > drama and mesmerizes them. They become consumed with her and her drama.

> > She always targets straight girls. Nothing so far has happened with her

> > and these girls because eventually these girls figure it

> >

> > then it is quite clear that this girl s issues are not strictly dealing

> > with her sexuality, but with her personality. If she goes out of her

> > way to target straight girls, then either she does not believe it is

> > genetic, but a choice she can force or manipulate onto other people, or

> > she is practicing a form of sexual abuse. If someone chooses to

> > identify and live as gay , that is thier choice. However someone "

> > recruiting " those who have not done so for thier own purposes is no

> > different from an older boy trying to seduce a younger girl. And her

> > behavior surely does sound BP. Inappropriate sexual boundaries,

> > pulling others into her own choices, or issues, and turning them into

> > her own support group, ie, flying monkeys.

> >

> >

> > > However, from what you have written, all I am picking up is that there

> > is a lesbian girl in your daughter's circle and every time this girl

> > attempts to interact with other girls your daughter attempts to run

> > interference. I realize that you may be 100% correct in your assessment

> > that this girl has BPD and can potentially harm other girls. On the

> > other hand, you have presented no evidence whatsoever - no facts, no

> > specific issues, nothing for us to go on.

> >

> > On the contrary, she writes

> >

> >

> >

> > she is changing everything about herself and her gpa (grade point

> > average) is even lowering as we speak because of this BPDish girl.

> >

> > That is certainly consistant with a BP person. She manipulates people

> > around her into altering their personalities to fit her needs. Even, it

> > seems, she is intent upon manipulating girls into changing their

> > sexuality to meet her needs. Again, sexually inappropriate behaviours

> > are a key marker of BP.

> >

> > It is her behaviors which are the issue, not her sexuality. And her

> > behaviors scream Drama Queen, which in turn suggests BPD.

> >

> > Although our primary concern here is the issue of BP parents, what is

> > described surely seems like troubling behaviour, and teenage girls do

> > begin to exhibit BP traits.

> >

> > Having said all that, while I m sure the daughter has legitimate

> > concerns, my experience is that trying to warn flying monkeys away from

> > BPs, or stop people from being hoovered, is an exercise in futility. If

> > they ask, answer. But those who would accept wise counsel are not going

> > to get hoovered. Those who wont accpet it, will get hoovered

> > regardless. You cannot keep people from touching a wet paint sign, nor

> > can you keep them from orbiting destructive people. They ones who get

> > caught up in thier circles are drawn like moths. You can keep yourself

> > healthy, and that is about it.

> >

> > This is all based on my experience.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> >

> >

> >

>>

>

[Guest guest]

I did read carefully, and I still disagree with you. I have the right to do so.

And please, do not tell me what is or is not an emotional trigger for me. Lets

leave analyzing me for my T. I simply pointed out that you stated something as

though it were fact and that some people do not agree. Again, you have stated

the same thing as though it were fact and that if I had read it carefully enough

then I would have agreed with you. Again, this is not true. No matter how you

state it, some people may disagree. And that doesn't mean those people are

acting on an emotional triggers, it means they disagree.

Can we simply agree to disagree?

> > > >

> > > > Dear BPDingNoMore,

> > > >

> > > > I realize that you may not have done this on purpose, but by writing

> > > " There are many people who choose this lifestyle... " you have

> > > communicated a significant amount of bias. Vegetarianism is a lifestyle,

> > > unless you have a health condition or allergies to animal protein, it is

> > > a choice you consciously make and can stop at any time. However, being

> > > gay or lesbian is not a lifestyle.

> > >

> > > ___________________________________________________

> > > Since the purpose of THIS forum is not the whole gay lifestyle issue, I

> > > m not going to debate the genetics vs environment issue. However,

> > > whether or not someone has same sex attraction or desires, living the "

> > > gay lifestyle " most certainly is a lifestyle choice. Some have urges

> > > and desires in that direction, but choose not to act on it or live, it.

> > > Other choose to do so. But for one who has made that choice to try and

> > > manipulate others into her choice, is both inappropriate and a

> > > Borderline trait. Black and white. No gray. You cannot be different

> > > from me and be good.

> > >

> > > And if you read this part from the original post

> > >

> > > But there is this one girl that is a lesbian that targets all the

> > > empathetic people in the school. she sucks all these girls into her

> > > drama and mesmerizes them. They become consumed with her and her drama.

> > > She always targets straight girls. Nothing so far has happened with her

> > > and these girls because eventually these girls figure it

> > >

> > > then it is quite clear that this girl s issues are not strictly dealing

> > > with her sexuality, but with her personality. If she goes out of her

> > > way to target straight girls, then either she does not believe it is

> > > genetic, but a choice she can force or manipulate onto other people, or

> > > she is practicing a form of sexual abuse. If someone chooses to

> > > identify and live as gay , that is thier choice. However someone "

> > > recruiting " those who have not done so for thier own purposes is no

> > > different from an older boy trying to seduce a younger girl. And her

> > > behavior surely does sound BP. Inappropriate sexual boundaries,

> > > pulling others into her own choices, or issues, and turning them into

> > > her own support group, ie, flying monkeys.

> > >

> > >

> > > > However, from what you have written, all I am picking up is that there

> > > is a lesbian girl in your daughter's circle and every time this girl

> > > attempts to interact with other girls your daughter attempts to run

> > > interference. I realize that you may be 100% correct in your assessment

> > > that this girl has BPD and can potentially harm other girls. On the

> > > other hand, you have presented no evidence whatsoever - no facts, no

> > > specific issues, nothing for us to go on.

> > >

> > > On the contrary, she writes

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > she is changing everything about herself and her gpa (grade point

> > > average) is even lowering as we speak because of this BPDish girl.

> > >

> > > That is certainly consistant with a BP person. She manipulates people

> > > around her into altering their personalities to fit her needs. Even, it

> > > seems, she is intent upon manipulating girls into changing their

> > > sexuality to meet her needs. Again, sexually inappropriate behaviours

> > > are a key marker of BP.

> > >

> > > It is her behaviors which are the issue, not her sexuality. And her

> > > behaviors scream Drama Queen, which in turn suggests BPD.

> > >

> > > Although our primary concern here is the issue of BP parents, what is

> > > described surely seems like troubling behaviour, and teenage girls do

> > > begin to exhibit BP traits.

> > >

> > > Having said all that, while I m sure the daughter has legitimate

> > > concerns, my experience is that trying to warn flying monkeys away from

> > > BPs, or stop people from being hoovered, is an exercise in futility. If

> > > they ask, answer. But those who would accept wise counsel are not going

> > > to get hoovered. Those who wont accpet it, will get hoovered

> > > regardless. You cannot keep people from touching a wet paint sign, nor

> > > can you keep them from orbiting destructive people. They ones who get

> > > caught up in thier circles are drawn like moths. You can keep yourself

> > > healthy, and that is about it.

> > >

> > > This is all based on my experience.

> > >

> > > Doug

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I m not going to debate this topic or the validity of my shared experience with

you.

This is veering way off the area of concern for this group.

I felt your responces were emotionally charged. If I misread what you said, or

have touched a nerve for you, my apologies.

> > > > >

> > > > > Dear BPDingNoMore,

> > > > >

> > > > > I realize that you may not have done this on purpose, but by writing

> > > > " There are many people who choose this lifestyle... " you have

> > > > communicated a significant amount of bias. Vegetarianism is a lifestyle,

> > > > unless you have a health condition or allergies to animal protein, it is

> > > > a choice you consciously make and can stop at any time. However, being

> > > > gay or lesbian is not a lifestyle.

> > > >

> > > > ___________________________________________________

> > > > Since the purpose of THIS forum is not the whole gay lifestyle issue, I

> > > > m not going to debate the genetics vs environment issue. However,

> > > > whether or not someone has same sex attraction or desires, living the "

> > > > gay lifestyle " most certainly is a lifestyle choice. Some have urges

> > > > and desires in that direction, but choose not to act on it or live, it.

> > > > Other choose to do so. But for one who has made that choice to try and

> > > > manipulate others into her choice, is both inappropriate and a

> > > > Borderline trait. Black and white. No gray. You cannot be different

> > > > from me and be good.

> > > >

> > > > And if you read this part from the original post

> > > >

> > > > But there is this one girl that is a lesbian that targets all the

> > > > empathetic people in the school. she sucks all these girls into her

> > > > drama and mesmerizes them. They become consumed with her and her drama.

> > > > She always targets straight girls. Nothing so far has happened with her

> > > > and these girls because eventually these girls figure it

> > > >

> > > > then it is quite clear that this girl s issues are not strictly dealing

> > > > with her sexuality, but with her personality. If she goes out of her

> > > > way to target straight girls, then either she does not believe it is

> > > > genetic, but a choice she can force or manipulate onto other people, or

> > > > she is practicing a form of sexual abuse. If someone chooses to

> > > > identify and live as gay , that is thier choice. However someone "

> > > > recruiting " those who have not done so for thier own purposes is no

> > > > different from an older boy trying to seduce a younger girl. And her

> > > > behavior surely does sound BP. Inappropriate sexual boundaries,

> > > > pulling others into her own choices, or issues, and turning them into

> > > > her own support group, ie, flying monkeys.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > However, from what you have written, all I am picking up is that there

> > > > is a lesbian girl in your daughter's circle and every time this girl

> > > > attempts to interact with other girls your daughter attempts to run

> > > > interference. I realize that you may be 100% correct in your assessment

> > > > that this girl has BPD and can potentially harm other girls. On the

> > > > other hand, you have presented no evidence whatsoever - no facts, no

> > > > specific issues, nothing for us to go on.

> > > >

> > > > On the contrary, she writes

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > she is changing everything about herself and her gpa (grade point

> > > > average) is even lowering as we speak because of this BPDish girl.

> > > >

> > > > That is certainly consistant with a BP person. She manipulates people

> > > > around her into altering their personalities to fit her needs. Even, it

> > > > seems, she is intent upon manipulating girls into changing their

> > > > sexuality to meet her needs. Again, sexually inappropriate behaviours

> > > > are a key marker of BP.

> > > >

> > > > It is her behaviors which are the issue, not her sexuality. And her

> > > > behaviors scream Drama Queen, which in turn suggests BPD.

> > > >

> > > > Although our primary concern here is the issue of BP parents, what is

> > > > described surely seems like troubling behaviour, and teenage girls do

> > > > begin to exhibit BP traits.

> > > >

> > > > Having said all that, while I m sure the daughter has legitimate

> > > > concerns, my experience is that trying to warn flying monkeys away from

> > > > BPs, or stop people from being hoovered, is an exercise in futility. If

> > > > they ask, answer. But those who would accept wise counsel are not going

> > > > to get hoovered. Those who wont accpet it, will get hoovered

> > > > regardless. You cannot keep people from touching a wet paint sign, nor

> > > > can you keep them from orbiting destructive people. They ones who get

> > > > caught up in thier circles are drawn like moths. You can keep yourself

> > > > healthy, and that is about it.

> > > >

> > > > This is all based on my experience.

> > > >

> > > > Doug

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >>

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Doug,

" orbiting destructive people " that is a good saying. I love it.

Thank you for reading past what I mis-spoke and understanding what I was

trying to get at.

You touched on what I was trying to say. I was not EVER suggesting that

people choose this. What I meant is people either choose to or choose not

to act upon it. I guess it would be similar to someone being a certain

political party but may not choose to vote?

Thank you for noticing that I provided plenty of exmaples already of why I

thought this situation could possibly be BPD. This girl is constantly

trying to change people and make them like her. Not just thier sexuality,

but thier hobbies, interests, music, you name it. People are like zombies

wandering right towards her willing to do whatever she suggests next.

Doug...these last 3 paragraphs are not directed towards you. I do have to

say... I was quite surprised at how sent the message out to get support and

figure things out and got quite a few responses from people using this as a

platform to attack a personal issue that hit a nerve for them. What a waste

of time...I thought we were here to help each other? If you want to help me

understand a different way of thinking... It is so much easier to hear when

you aren't being attacked and just gently spoken to about perhaps a

different way to look at things.

Thank you for the kind notes that people wrote to me privately off list. I

sensed that there were many people who were afraid to stand up and speak in

certain discussions because they were just going to have every word they

said picked apart possibly for enteratinment by a couple people. I almost

felt triggered by a couple of the replies I got. I felt almost wondered if

there was some BPD behavior going on in the replies or possibly some fleas

(I hope that's the right term. I can't remember, I know so little about BPD

and am learning as I go.)

I'm not perfect, I'm still learning But also, we are all entitled to our

own views and I hope in the future when I post messages, that I can get the

advice, support, undertanding that I am hoping for me and for everyone.

BPDingNoMore

>

>

>

> > >

> > > > I want to preface this message with the statement that I am in no

> way

> > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > So, my daughter goes to school with a girl that is a lesbian.

> There are

> > > > many people who choose this lifestyle and my daughter is aware of

> them and

> > > > doesn't really think about it one way or another. But there is

> this one

> > > > girl that is a lesbian that targets all the empathetic people in

> the

> > > > school. she sucks all these girls into her drama and mesmerizes

> them. They

> > > > become consumed with her and her drama. She always targets

> straight girls.

> > > > Nothing so far has happened with her and these girls because

> eventually

> > > > these girls figure it out or my daughter will run over to them and

> say,

> > > > " You're getting hoovered, walk away. "

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Well, my daughter would love to try to explain to this current

> girl that is

> > > > getting Hoovered what is taking place. She doubts it would work

> but she

> > > > isn't getting what she means by " hoovered " . She wondered if there

> was a

> > > > letter or a passage from a book or something that she could print

> out for

> > > > the girl and let her read if maybe THEN the girl who is getting

> sucked in

> > > > would understand. The issue is too close to my daughter because of

> her

> > > > sister most likely being BPD for her to explain without getting

> her emotions

> > > > tangled up in her delivery of what she wants to say to her. My

> daughter is

> > > > willing to drop it and let her good friend get sucked in by this

> girl who is

> > > > very predatory. But she just has felt that she hasn't been able to

> > > > articulate herself the way she wants to. She does not feel that

> the girl

> > > > getting sucked in is a lesbian and feels that she is changing

> everything

> > > > about herself and her gpa (grade point average) is even lowering

> as we speak

> > > > because of this BPDish girl. (I don't know if this girl really has

> BPD or

> > > > not… but it sure looks suspicious from everything we've

> observed). My

> > > > daughter can't save anyone. But she just wanted to inform her of

> what lies

> > > > ahead. She just wants her friend to be informed. My daughter has a

> lot of

> > > > friends that are gay and feels it's authentic. She just doesn't

> see that

> > > > this fits this girl.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I personally have had this happen to me as well. There was a woman

> I knew

> > > > that tried to convince me that I am gay. Which is funny because I

> have been

> > > > chasing guys since I was old enough to walk. It's something that

> had never

> > > > occurred to me. I listened to her but disagreed with her and let

> her know

> > > > that I don't have those kinds of feelings for her. She harassed me

> and

> > > > stalked me for quite some time. A year ago she found me on

> Facebook and

> > > > wrote to me. She wanted to apologize to me for what she put me

> through.

> > > > She told me that I was just another victim of her BPD antics. I

> chuckled to

> > > > myself and thought, " I'M SO NOT SURPRISED!! " She has been through

> treatment

> > > > (DBT) for it. I think she is doing well. I haven't heard from her

> again

> > > > for about a year and don't know if she really will contact me

> again. I

> > > > think she just wanted to apologize to me for trying to take over

> my life and

> > > > control me and suck me up into her agenda. Apology accepted. Still

> don't

> > > > want to hang out with her because I don't trust her and we have

> nothing in

> > > > common. I have a lot of friends that are lesbian or gay, so it's

> not an

> > > > issue of their sexuality, just someone I don't click with.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I don't want to share my situation with my daughter my situation

> because I

> > > > think it's just too much information to be sharing with my

> daughter and if

> > > > she recycles the information, I don't want her getting the details

> out of

> > > > order and mixing up my story. That has already happened to me once

> with a

> > > > friend. She took creative license and told my story her own way

> for her own

> > > > manipulative intentions. I guess you live and learn. I wish I had

> never

> > > > told her.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > So, I was thinking… does anyone want to write a letter to this

> girl? If

> > > > it's a letter that might work, I'll take email address off and the

> list name

> > > > and print it out for my daughter to give her. The Hooverer is J

> and the

> > > > person being Hoovered is K.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Again, I want to end this message with a statement that I am in no

> way

> > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Thanks so much,

> > > >

> > > > BpdingNoMore

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

When I used the words " gay lifestyle " ... it was just me trying to quickly

write a post in the short amount of time I had that day and I didn't have

the time to call up one of my many Gay or Lesbian friends and ask them to

proof read my message for the political correctness of the week haha. I

can't keep up with it all. But I'm trying and will keep trying as long as

it doesn't involve changing who I am at the core of who I am.

Wow! My response may have sounded snotty. I promise it wasn't meant that

way. I wish you could hear my laughter as I wrote the message and the

laughter when I read yours because it did strike me funny in a good way.

BPDingNoMore

> I'm a lurker here, but what exactly is the " gay lifestyle? " Because my

> life

> basically involves going to work, messing around online, babysitting my

> friend's kids, watching TV and on the weekends, meeting a few friends for

> drinks.

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > > I want to preface this message with the statement that I am in no

> > way

> > > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > So, my daughter goes to school with a girl that is a lesbian.

> > There are

> > > > > many people who choose this lifestyle and my daughter is aware of

> > them and

> > > > > doesn't really think about it one way or another. But there is

> > this one

> > > > > girl that is a lesbian that targets all the empathetic people in

> > the

> > > > > school. she sucks all these girls into her drama and mesmerizes

> > them. They

> > > > > become consumed with her and her drama. She always targets

> > straight girls.

> > > > > Nothing so far has happened with her and these girls because

> > eventually

> > > > > these girls figure it out or my daughter will run over to them and

> > say,

> > > > > " You're getting hoovered, walk away. "

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, my daughter would love to try to explain to this current

> > girl that is

> > > > > getting Hoovered what is taking place. She doubts it would work

> > but she

> > > > > isn't getting what she means by " hoovered " . She wondered if there

> > was a

> > > > > letter or a passage from a book or something that she could print

> > out for

> > > > > the girl and let her read if maybe THEN the girl who is getting

> > sucked in

> > > > > would understand. The issue is too close to my daughter because of

> > her

> > > > > sister most likely being BPD for her to explain without getting

> > her emotions

> > > > > tangled up in her delivery of what she wants to say to her. My

> > daughter is

> > > > > willing to drop it and let her good friend get sucked in by this

> > girl who is

> > > > > very predatory. But she just has felt that she hasn't been able to

> > > > > articulate herself the way she wants to. She does not feel that

> > the girl

> > > > > getting sucked in is a lesbian and feels that she is changing

> > everything

> > > > > about herself and her gpa (grade point average) is even lowering

> > as we speak

> > > > > because of this BPDish girl. (I don't know if this girl really has

> > BPD or

> > > > > not… but it sure looks suspicious from everything we've

> > observed). My

> > > > > daughter can't save anyone. But she just wanted to inform her of

> > what lies

> > > > > ahead. She just wants her friend to be informed. My daughter has a

> > lot of

> > > > > friends that are gay and feels it's authentic. She just doesn't

> > see that

> > > > > this fits this girl.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I personally have had this happen to me as well. There was a woman

> > I knew

> > > > > that tried to convince me that I am gay. Which is funny because I

> > have been

> > > > > chasing guys since I was old enough to walk. It's something that

> > had never

> > > > > occurred to me. I listened to her but disagreed with her and let

> > her know

> > > > > that I don't have those kinds of feelings for her. She harassed me

> > and

> > > > > stalked me for quite some time. A year ago she found me on

> > Facebook and

> > > > > wrote to me. She wanted to apologize to me for what she put me

> > through.

> > > > > She told me that I was just another victim of her BPD antics. I

> > chuckled to

> > > > > myself and thought, " I'M SO NOT SURPRISED!! " She has been through

> > treatment

> > > > > (DBT) for it. I think she is doing well. I haven't heard from her

> > again

> > > > > for about a year and don't know if she really will contact me

> > again. I

> > > > > think she just wanted to apologize to me for trying to take over

> > my life and

> > > > > control me and suck me up into her agenda. Apology accepted. Still

> > don't

> > > > > want to hang out with her because I don't trust her and we have

> > nothing in

> > > > > common. I have a lot of friends that are lesbian or gay, so it's

> > not an

> > > > > issue of their sexuality, just someone I don't click with.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't want to share my situation with my daughter my situation

> > because I

> > > > > think it's just too much information to be sharing with my

> > daughter and if

> > > > > she recycles the information, I don't want her getting the details

> > out of

> > > > > order and mixing up my story. That has already happened to me once

> > with a

> > > > > friend. She took creative license and told my story her own way

> > for her own

> > > > > manipulative intentions. I guess you live and learn. I wish I had

> > never

> > > > > told her.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > So, I was thinking… does anyone want to write a letter to this

> > girl? If

> > > > > it's a letter that might work, I'll take email address off and the

> > list name

> > > > > and print it out for my daughter to give her. The Hooverer is J

> > and the

> > > > > person being Hoovered is K.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Again, I want to end this message with a statement that I am in no

> > way

> > > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks so much,

> > > > >

> > > > > BpdingNoMore

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Anything that affects the dynamics of people on the list is to be handled

offlist between the list manage , myself, and the offended party. Anyone who

continues the topic onlin will be put on moderation.

There is always room for miscommunication and such. No one should ever feel like

they must defend themselves or the views, whatever they are, on the list. This

goes for both BPDNoMore and Doug, the way I read this post. If I am wrong, let

me know.

IN CASE I AM NOT GETTING THROUGH TO YOU, STOP THIS DISCUSSION NOW ON THE LIST

AND TAKE IT OFFLIST IF YOU WANT TO PURSUE THIS. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS

CONTACT ME.

> > > >

> > > > > I want to preface this message with the statement that I am in no

> > way

> > > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > So, my daughter goes to school with a girl that is a lesbian.

> > There are

> > > > > many people who choose this lifestyle and my daughter is aware of

> > them and

> > > > > doesn't really think about it one way or another. But there is

> > this one

> > > > > girl that is a lesbian that targets all the empathetic people in

> > the

> > > > > school. she sucks all these girls into her drama and mesmerizes

> > them. They

> > > > > become consumed with her and her drama. She always targets

> > straight girls.

> > > > > Nothing so far has happened with her and these girls because

> > eventually

> > > > > these girls figure it out or my daughter will run over to them and

> > say,

> > > > > " You're getting hoovered, walk away. "

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, my daughter would love to try to explain to this current

> > girl that is

> > > > > getting Hoovered what is taking place. She doubts it would work

> > but she

> > > > > isn't getting what she means by " hoovered " . She wondered if there

> > was a

> > > > > letter or a passage from a book or something that she could print

> > out for

> > > > > the girl and let her read if maybe THEN the girl who is getting

> > sucked in

> > > > > would understand. The issue is too close to my daughter because of

> > her

> > > > > sister most likely being BPD for her to explain without getting

> > her emotions

> > > > > tangled up in her delivery of what she wants to say to her. My

> > daughter is

> > > > > willing to drop it and let her good friend get sucked in by this

> > girl who is

> > > > > very predatory. But she just has felt that she hasn't been able to

> > > > > articulate herself the way she wants to. She does not feel that

> > the girl

> > > > > getting sucked in is a lesbian and feels that she is changing

> > everything

> > > > > about herself and her gpa (grade point average) is even lowering

> > as we speak

> > > > > because of this BPDish girl. (I don't know if this girl really has

> > BPD or

> > > > > not… but it sure looks suspicious from everything we've

> > observed). My

> > > > > daughter can't save anyone. But she just wanted to inform her of

> > what lies

> > > > > ahead. She just wants her friend to be informed. My daughter has a

> > lot of

> > > > > friends that are gay and feels it's authentic. She just doesn't

> > see that

> > > > > this fits this girl.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I personally have had this happen to me as well. There was a woman

> > I knew

> > > > > that tried to convince me that I am gay. Which is funny because I

> > have been

> > > > > chasing guys since I was old enough to walk. It's something that

> > had never

> > > > > occurred to me. I listened to her but disagreed with her and let

> > her know

> > > > > that I don't have those kinds of feelings for her. She harassed me

> > and

> > > > > stalked me for quite some time. A year ago she found me on

> > Facebook and

> > > > > wrote to me. She wanted to apologize to me for what she put me

> > through.

> > > > > She told me that I was just another victim of her BPD antics. I

> > chuckled to

> > > > > myself and thought, " I'M SO NOT SURPRISED!! " She has been through

> > treatment

> > > > > (DBT) for it. I think she is doing well. I haven't heard from her

> > again

> > > > > for about a year and don't know if she really will contact me

> > again. I

> > > > > think she just wanted to apologize to me for trying to take over

> > my life and

> > > > > control me and suck me up into her agenda. Apology accepted. Still

> > don't

> > > > > want to hang out with her because I don't trust her and we have

> > nothing in

> > > > > common. I have a lot of friends that are lesbian or gay, so it's

> > not an

> > > > > issue of their sexuality, just someone I don't click with.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't want to share my situation with my daughter my situation

> > because I

> > > > > think it's just too much information to be sharing with my

> > daughter and if

> > > > > she recycles the information, I don't want her getting the details

> > out of

> > > > > order and mixing up my story. That has already happened to me once

> > with a

> > > > > friend. She took creative license and told my story her own way

> > for her own

> > > > > manipulative intentions. I guess you live and learn. I wish I had

> > never

> > > > > told her.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > So, I was thinking… does anyone want to write a letter to this

> > girl? If

> > > > > it's a letter that might work, I'll take email address off and the

> > list name

> > > > > and print it out for my daughter to give her. The Hooverer is J

> > and the

> > > > > person being Hoovered is K.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Again, I want to end this message with a statement that I am in no

> > way

> > > > > homophobic or anti-gay.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks so much,

> > > > >

> > > > > BpdingNoMore

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