Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I saw my first mother's day commercial for the year already. I don't remember what it was for, they all make me cringe. The same messages: mom's are the best, for all mom has done for you, because there's no one you can count on like mom, mom loves you!! Blech!! Then the posts start up on facebook (either the copy and paste status about moms, or original ones like " going out to lunch with mom! " )and I get to see how many people have a great relationship with their mom. And I get to think about again, how I will never know that kind of mother / daughter bond. I woke up at 5am and until 6:30am just layed in bed thinking about the last few months before NC (over 3 years ago) when everything finally boiled over. It just weighs on my mind more around mother's day. We're going to California (I live on the east coast) for 2 weeks to visit my husband's family and celebrate mother's day with his mom and sister (who has kids). I hope this will take my mind off all the ill feelings that surface at this time of years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Mothers Day....YUK! I attended a funeral today of a very special lady - I have known her over 10 years, but not in close regular contact. However she radiated warmth and gentleness and understanding. Every time we met she would beam unconditional goodness into my life. I didn't understand this until recently. I had difficulty accepting her invitations to visit, to go quilt together, to sit in the sun and watch the plants grow, to talk recipes. it was so out of my comfort zone (to be treated well). Her three children were beyond distraught at the funeral. At the lineup as we offered condolences I couldn't say what was in my heart - " YOUR MOTHER that I saw a few dozen times was more of a mother than mine will ever be " . Instead I found myself feeling I will never know what it is like to grieve for a mother who is actually a mother. Her grandaughter (age 8) had written the most beautful poem to her - everyone who read it cried. I cried too. But my tears were for my son (9) who will NEVER have the privelege of feeling real grief for a loving grandmother, never write a childs innocent love-filled poem. In their grief, normal families have no idea how blessed they are to just be bale to feel that grief, the proof of true love. Our KO grief is hollow, and not comforted by memory, but made worse. I miss my friend more than I will ever miss my own biological nada. So yes, F*** mothers Day...it's just a celebration of suffering for us. (sorry about the tone of this post) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Yup, I have no intent of sending anything to my mother or having any kind of contact with her. > > > Mothers Day....YUK! > > I attended a funeral today of a very special lady - I have known her over 10 years, but not in close regular contact. However she radiated warmth and gentleness and understanding. Every time we met she would beam unconditional goodness into my life. I didn't understand this until recently. I had difficulty accepting her invitations to visit, to go quilt together, to sit in the sun and watch the plants grow, to talk recipes. it was so out of my comfort zone (to be treated well). > > Her three children were beyond distraught at the funeral. At the lineup as we offered condolences I couldn't say what was in my heart - " YOUR MOTHER that I saw a few dozen times was more of a mother than mine will ever be " . Instead I found myself feeling I will never know what it is like to grieve for a mother who is actually a mother. > > Her grandaughter (age 8) had written the most beautful poem to her - everyone who read it cried. I cried too. But my tears were for my son (9) who will NEVER have the privelege of feeling real grief for a loving grandmother, never write a childs innocent love-filled poem. > In their grief, normal families have no idea how blessed they are to just be bale to feel that grief, the proof of true love. > > Our KO grief is hollow, and not comforted by memory, but made worse. > > I miss my friend more than I will ever miss my own biological nada. > > So yes, F*** mothers Day...it's just a celebration of suffering for us. > > (sorry about the tone of this post) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 23, 2011 Report Share Posted April 23, 2011 Yes, yes!! It's so wonderful that you have other plans on mother's day that keep you away from your nada and keep your mind off nada. Surround yourself with the positive people in your life and celebrate holidays with the people you actually consider family. Yeeeeahhhh Mother's Day is so bothersome (to put it lightly) for children of nadas. Even when I wasn't NC with nada mother's day was always a disaster of some kind. I am glad to be NC and not even have to deal with it anymore. Yup, no cards no presents and no phony gestures on my part that will just cause chaos anyway. Celebrate the women in your life--whether they're mothers or not. It is good to know and recognize that there are tremendously good mothers out there... it would just be nice if society didn't place such a saintly label on ALL mothers. Yuck indeed. - Cvidzz > > I saw my first mother's day commercial for the year already. I don't remember what it was for, they all make me cringe. The same messages: mom's are the best, for all mom has done for you, because there's no one you can count on like mom, mom loves you!! > Blech!! Then the posts start up on facebook (either the copy and paste status about moms, or original ones like " going out to lunch with mom! " )and I get to see how many people have a great relationship with their mom. And I get to think about again, how I will never know that kind of mother / daughter bond. > I woke up at 5am and until 6:30am just layed in bed thinking about the last few months before NC (over 3 years ago) when everything finally boiled over. It just weighs on my mind more around mother's day. > > We're going to California (I live on the east coast) for 2 weeks to visit my husband's family and celebrate mother's day with his mom and sister (who has kids). I hope this will take my mind off all the ill feelings that surface at this time of years. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Mothers day is doubly horrible for me. It was 12 months ago that a lot of stuff happened between me and my Nada and I began No contact with her. I stil get occasional texts and pressure from her flying monkeys to contact her, but I refuse to respond. I think there is going to be trouble from the flying monkeys re: Mother's day and that I am going to be doing absolutely nothing on that day. I will not be breaking the no contact as it has been great to have that pressure of that relationship removed. I am trying to work through the FOG this decision is causing, but will be staying true to my decision and not making contact. Mind you, it also helps that I live in another state from her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 You're not alone. It's horrible for me too. And nada makes it out to be some monumental holiday where I'm supposed to forget about all the BS she's put us through. I try to just spend it with my partner's family, who do not have BPD and do nice things. Sometimes I'll invite nada, but it just depends on whether she's behaved herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 I cannot tell you how relieved I am that I am not alone. I was just telling my therapist (which I may need to see weekly since mothers day is around the corner) that I abhor this holiday and Father's Day. Its a triple whammy for me. One, I do not have a mother to celebrate. Two, my husband and I have been trying for 3 years to get pregnant but nothing has happened so I am not a mother. Three, my husband's father died suddenly of a heart attack 4 years ago so we dont celebrate either day. My sis in law has two kids so on mother's day she usually goes on her own. Basically, these days are just big reminders of what I DONT have. I hate it!!! AJ > > I saw my first mother's day commercial for the year already. I don't remember what it was for, they all make me cringe. The same messages: mom's are the best, for all mom has done for you, because there's no one you can count on like mom, mom loves you!! > Blech!! Then the posts start up on facebook (either the copy and paste status about moms, or original ones like " going out to lunch with mom! " )and I get to see how many people have a great relationship with their mom. And I get to think about again, how I will never know that kind of mother / daughter bond. > I woke up at 5am and until 6:30am just layed in bed thinking about the last few months before NC (over 3 years ago) when everything finally boiled over. It just weighs on my mind more around mother's day. > > We're going to California (I live on the east coast) for 2 weeks to visit my husband's family and celebrate mother's day with his mom and sister (who has kids). I hope this will take my mind off all the ill feelings that surface at this time of years. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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