Does anyone have a BPD Mom who has died?....

[Guest guest]

My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still really

struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's like to

have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went on while

she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just feeling alone

and like no one understands...

[Guest guest]

While I personally do not undertand, I wanted to offer some words of comfort, if

I can. My dad remarried and my step mother, it turns out had a nada. My step

mother and I have talked over the years and she has offered a lot of insight.

Several years ago her nada died, and she said she cried harder that she ever

had, more so because with her mother dieing, also went the hope that some day

her mother might get help.

She said over the years, while her nada was an evil woman (that is straight from

my step mother's mouth) that she has started to come to peace with it all. Her

and I have found some common ground in it all, for what its worth. My step

mother and I have always hit it off, and I wonder if this is why. She also has

two grown daughters and she did not continue the cycle with her kids, and I

think that helps her too, to know she was a better mother to her daughters than

her mother was to her.

I wish I had more to offer you in the way of comforting words. JUst know that

you are not alone, even when you feel that way, and you never know when someone

will come into your life that understands what you've been through.

>

> My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still

really struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's

like to have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went

on while she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just

feeling alone and like no one understands...

>

[Guest guest]

My mom died in July of 09. She was in full blown BPD mode at her death. 2

days before she died I spoke to her at her apartment because she was having

auditory hallucinations. I tried to get her to go see her Dr. As a result,

that was the last time I spoke to her. She refused to answer her phone the next

day, and died in the early hours of the morning the day after.

She died as the result of an anuerysm for which she had refused to follow the Dr

s orders, gaslighting a conversation in which the Dr told her that part of it

had healed. Never happened of course. Nor did she continue to have it

monitored. Nor did she stop smoking.

She died sooner than she would have, but you cannot argue with a BP.

She had suicidal ideations and dramatized psuedo attempts throughout my life.

This was a sort of slow motion suicide.

So, yes, there are those of us who do understand.

Nada was nada and all that entails. Part of me feels a relief at not having to

deal with it anymore. Part of it feels, damn, I m a motherless child. That

sucks. I miss the small good parts. I miss what I always wanted to have, and now

never will. I miss my mom. I missed her when she was alive, because the

disorder so consumed her. I was angry at her, and resented her, for all she did

to me as a BP mom. And now she is dead, and I m grieving that, while at the

same time trying not to feel guilt.

It is complicated.

Doug

>

> My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still

really struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's

like to have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went

on while she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just

feeling alone and like no one understands...

>

[Guest guest]

My nada passed on March 21st of this year. It was and is a major blessing for

us both.

[Guest guest]

Mickie,

My Nada passed away in November 2009 and I am still picking up the pieces. Nada

was a " High Functioning " BP. I don't believe that she was evil per se just

emotionally immature and very, very angry. Nada could pass for normal most of

the time but her wild mood swings eventually gave her away. She indulged her

rages on myself and my siblings.

I was told repeatedly by her friends and even strangers what a wonderful mother

I had. Nada could be a charmer as long as no one disagreed with her.

I grew up feeling apathetic and resigned to the fact that no one would ever " get

it " . All I wanted was for someone to acknowledge what an angry nut bar she was.

It would have meant so much to me then.

The first time I tried to tell someone about Nada's behavior I burst into tears.

Needless to say that the person did not believe me.

Now that she is gone ALL my repressed feelings about her are starting to

surface. Its very uncomfortable and depressing. When she was alive a small

part of me still hoped that someday Nada would magically transform into a Real

Mother. Now that she is gone the hope is gone, and I am mourning the loss of

not ever having a real mother. I am considering going into therapy now.

>

> My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still

really struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's

like to have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went

on while she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just

feeling alone and like no one understands...

>

[Guest guest]

My mom passed away 3 months ago. In her last 2 years, she had major memory loss

but she remembered my husband and myself. She was actually nicer than she had

been my entire life. Everyone complimented me for being " such a devoted

daughter " . I guess I was still trying to make her happy...even though for

fleeting moments. It's interesting how BPD moms portray themselves to the public

as loving mothers yet at home show a different side. There are some good

memories that I have but many hurtful ones also.

>

> My nada passed on March 21st of this year. It was and is a major blessing for

us both.

>

>

[Guest guest]

WOW Doug...your last paragraph was as if I wrote it...that is exactly how I

feel. It is comforting to know I'm not alone in what I have been through, what I

have lost and the grieving of her death as well as the loss of never really

having a Mother. She had " motherly " moments but they were far and few between.

And I can relate to the others who said that outsiders thought she was such a

great Mom, so sweet, kind and gentle and how she was such a wonderful person and

mother and how she loved me so much. REALLY?? Come live with us for a while and

we'll see what you think! It's amazing how BPD's can seem so completely normal

and in control and then in my case (I'm an only child) she only boarded the

crazy train around me and my step-dad but mostly me. NO one believed me

including my family they called me a liar when I tried to tell them about the

drinking, the drugs, the eating disorder, the crazy behaviour, the hitting, the

screaming, the manipulating. I got into therapy and my therapist is like your

Mom has BPD. But would anyone listen to me, nope I was a teenager what did I

know. My step-dad and my grandparents buried their heads in the sand and had me

deal with her, I was 13 years old when it all started to spiral out of control

and I became her caretaker. I took her to her appointments, checked her into the

psych ward, got her into rehab, got her into an eating disorder clinic, sat by

her bedside through ICU every few months and four times on life-support and on

the fourth go around she had a massive stroke and every organ was failing and I

finally decided to take her off of the life support and put us both out of our

misery I guess...no support from my grandparents before or after her death, my

step dad had left her years before, so as always everything was put on my

shoulders including the guilt I feel every single day. WOW that kind of all just

came spilling out...thank-u for sharing and listening this has been helpful

> >

> > My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still

really struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's

like to have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went

on while she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just

feeling alone and like no one understands...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

(((((mickie)))))

No child should have to experience the gut-wrenching drama that you did; that

was unconscionably irresponsible and self-serving of the adults in your family

to disbelieve you, abandon you, and saddle you with such responsibilities far

beyond your years and ability to process. Its just so incredibly narcissistic of

your mother's family and your step dad to abandon a minor child in that way.

I feel for your pain.

-Annie

> > >

> > > My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still

really struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's

like to have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went

on while she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just

feeling alone and like no one understands...

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

When my nada died it was a shock mainly because instead of telling me she had

died the hospital when they got a hold of me asked me what funeral home instead

of saying your mother has died.  So until I spoke with one of my aunts I

thought it was one of her or her monkey's idea of a sick joke.  Mind you one

monkey came in with some stupid clowns that was claimed to be dad's, well I send

them back and said get lost.  I guess that monkey got scolded by the other

monkeys that it was a tacky idea.

Ah yes the funeral I dodged that bullet, signed my rights away as soon as I

could on that one as I had no idea I had an account to inherit because I had

figured she had dis inherited me alltogether.  I didn't show up to the memorial

her little friends had either because ewwwwwww I was not going to sit and listen

to  how wonder she was or how horrible her life was and waht a good soldier she

was.

By the way watch out for the wills too.  My nada's will was poorly done.  Oh

it was clear that I was written out.  However there are certain accounts that

are out of the will's control like hmmmmmmmmm a certain bank brokerage account

because she failed to change the name on the account and her lawyer gave up on

her mean I got a rather large sum of money inherited.  Be aware that the

monkeys she left around will screw you in any way they can, confuse your

relatives and make general mischief, my advice now HIRE A LAWYER, let them go

snooping for you, you will find banks and other people can't guilt you through

a  lawyer and you can get information and if you were disinherited get some of

the family stuff back. After my lawyer got involved I was able to remove a lot

of dad's scultpures and paintings that were in the hosue as well as two of my

cats. 

I had to laugh at one of my aunts who has gotten mad at me and we're not talking

right now probalby never will again and I'm not to fussy she was too controlling

for my taste, kinda nada like herself.  She is so naive it's funny.  She never

figured out that the reason nada was on ice for so long was because her lawyer

and POA (prime monkey) were refusing to do anything and this monkey was going to

support her goign to the news with how horrible it was her sister hadn't been

buried in 2 months.  Well I signed it to that monkey who is supporting your

plight, SHE could have gotten the job done but didn't.

Also be prepared for some weird stories about your nada that common sense

screams to you that makes no sense!!!  IE nada was supposidly getting around

the house in an office chair, ha ha ha I don't htink any doctor would let her

out of their office not walking let alone pushing around in an office

chair!!!!!!!  Unfortunatley for my aunt she is silly enought to beleive such

tales and I think that's what pissed her off is that I said nope makes no sense.

proflaf

Subject: Re: Does anyone have a BPD Mom who has died?....

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, May 8, 2011, 12:31 AM

 

(((((mickie)))))

No child should have to experience the gut-wrenching drama that you did; that

was unconscionably irresponsible and self-serving of the adults in your family

to disbelieve you, abandon you, and saddle you with such responsibilities far

beyond your years and ability to process. Its just so incredibly narcissistic of

your mother's family and your step dad to abandon a minor child in that way.

I feel for your pain.

-Annie

> > >

> > > My Mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and it was of her own doing. I'm still

really struggling with it because no one understood or understands what it's

like to have had a parent like that. And even with all the craziness that went

on while she was alive, I'm still really struggling with her death...Just

feeling alone and like no one understands...

> > >

> >

>