Am I paranoid? Random acts of sabotage around the house by BPD parent?

[Guest guest]

Hi

I was just wondering if anyone had come across anything similar with their BPD

parent doing acts of sabotage around the house that your instinct says it is

them but you have no way to prove it.

I was at my dad's yesterday and nada was there too. Somehow the big freezer in

the garage had been turned off at the mains switch. Nada was the one who

discovered it and was going on how it could have happened and blaming my dad.

She also said it seems like it had been off 12-13 hours which I thought was a

bit specific. The mains switch is on the wall and you would have to reach over

the freezer to turn it off. It is not something you could just accidentally lean

against and turn it off. My instinct says it was nada but I have no proof. And

things like this happen when nada is around and she is always the one who

discovers it. The frequency of these events are just far enough apart that makes

me question if I am being paranoid about nada.

Other things that have happened include:

The part on the dishwasher that swirls around and sprays water was somehow found

to be attached upside down and not cleaning dishes properly (even though the

weekend before it was working fine). Again this is not something that just

happens. The piece but have had to been pulled off and inserted wrong way round.

Nada discovers this and has no idea how it has happened

A similar things happens with the washing machine, a part is dis-attached

somehow.

For awhile, nada's clothes when they were washed, started coming out the washing

machine with small holes in them. These holes looked like they had been done

with scissors. There wasn't any of that fraying or threads coming undone like

you would expect if clothes were catching on something in the washing machine or

if clothes developed holes from wear and tear. Nada thought it spooky only her

clothes were being affected and thought it was a spirit after her. And then mine

and my dad's clothes started being affected (my favorite top at the time was

cut). Nada's family belong to a cult like organization and she went to see the

head honcho to get these spirits away and after that the holes appearing in the

clothes stopped.

All of these things my instinct says it is nada doing it but I have no way to

prove it. For all of these things she makes a drama out of it and wonders how it

could have happened. But on the other hand they are only inconveniences and

accidents do happen so maybe I am being paranoid?

Can anyone relate?

Nav

[Guest guest]

I don't think you are being paranoid. Trust your gut.

They love attention right? She becomes a " saviour " by finding out that the DW

has not been cleaning properly, and discovering the deep freeze.

The holes in clothes.... " someone is out to get her... " she's special enough to

be targeted by unknown forces? Attention seeking.

My mother used to think that my step father (who had the sense to leave her),

would jump on a plane, fly 3000kms to fiddle with her furnace so she would die

of carbon monoxide poisoning.

0_o

>

> Hi

> I was just wondering if anyone had come across anything similar with their BPD

parent doing acts of sabotage around the house that your instinct says it is

them but you have no way to prove it.

>

> I was at my dad's yesterday and nada was there too. Somehow the big freezer in

the garage had been turned off at the mains switch. Nada was the one who

discovered it and was going on how it could have happened and blaming my dad.

She also said it seems like it had been off 12-13 hours which I thought was a

bit specific. The mains switch is on the wall and you would have to reach over

the freezer to turn it off. It is not something you could just accidentally lean

against and turn it off. My instinct says it was nada but I have no proof. And

things like this happen when nada is around and she is always the one who

discovers it. The frequency of these events are just far enough apart that makes

me question if I am being paranoid about nada.

>

> Other things that have happened include:

>

> The part on the dishwasher that swirls around and sprays water was somehow

found to be attached upside down and not cleaning dishes properly (even though

the weekend before it was working fine). Again this is not something that just

happens. The piece but have had to been pulled off and inserted wrong way round.

Nada discovers this and has no idea how it has happened

>

> A similar things happens with the washing machine, a part is dis-attached

somehow.

>

> For awhile, nada's clothes when they were washed, started coming out the

washing machine with small holes in them. These holes looked like they had been

done with scissors. There wasn't any of that fraying or threads coming undone

like you would expect if clothes were catching on something in the washing

machine or if clothes developed holes from wear and tear. Nada thought it spooky

only her clothes were being affected and thought it was a spirit after her. And

then mine and my dad's clothes started being affected (my favorite top at the

time was cut). Nada's family belong to a cult like organization and she went to

see the head honcho to get these spirits away and after that the holes appearing

in the clothes stopped.

>

> All of these things my instinct says it is nada doing it but I have no way to

prove it. For all of these things she makes a drama out of it and wonders how it

could have happened. But on the other hand they are only inconveniences and

accidents do happen so maybe I am being paranoid?

>

> Can anyone relate?

>

> Nav

>

[Guest guest]

I agree that this is probably attention-seeking behavior on your nada's part.

If there is no drama focusing on her as either the victim or the savior, she

will create some.

You could always buy some of those mini-surveillance cameras ( " nanny cams " ) and

place them around the house when nada isn't there, but that's a lot of expense

and trouble to go to when nobody has been physically harmed.

However, if her negative, destructive, hostile, attention-seeking behaviors get

to the point where she decides to, for example, add toxic, dangerous ingredients

to foods she's preparing so that you or your dad get sick (or she makes herself

sick) then maybe the cameras would be a good idea.

If she becomes a danger to others or to herself, then, she needs a psych

evaluation and the nanny cams can help prove that she's reached that point.

If I were you I'd start carefully documenting all these instances of bizarre

things going wrong in the house; include the previous set of incidents you

described here in your documentation with dates, times, witnesses, etc. It will

come in handy later.

-Annie

>

> Hi

> I was just wondering if anyone had come across anything similar with their BPD

parent doing acts of sabotage around the house that your instinct says it is

them but you have no way to prove it.

>

> I was at my dad's yesterday and nada was there too. Somehow the big freezer in

the garage had been turned off at the mains switch. Nada was the one who

discovered it and was going on how it could have happened and blaming my dad.

She also said it seems like it had been off 12-13 hours which I thought was a

bit specific. The mains switch is on the wall and you would have to reach over

the freezer to turn it off. It is not something you could just accidentally lean

against and turn it off. My instinct says it was nada but I have no proof. And

things like this happen when nada is around and she is always the one who

discovers it. The frequency of these events are just far enough apart that makes

me question if I am being paranoid about nada.

>

> Other things that have happened include:

>

> The part on the dishwasher that swirls around and sprays water was somehow

found to be attached upside down and not cleaning dishes properly (even though

the weekend before it was working fine). Again this is not something that just

happens. The piece but have had to been pulled off and inserted wrong way round.

Nada discovers this and has no idea how it has happened

>

> A similar things happens with the washing machine, a part is dis-attached

somehow.

>

> For awhile, nada's clothes when they were washed, started coming out the

washing machine with small holes in them. These holes looked like they had been

done with scissors. There wasn't any of that fraying or threads coming undone

like you would expect if clothes were catching on something in the washing

machine or if clothes developed holes from wear and tear. Nada thought it spooky

only her clothes were being affected and thought it was a spirit after her. And

then mine and my dad's clothes started being affected (my favorite top at the

time was cut). Nada's family belong to a cult like organization and she went to

see the head honcho to get these spirits away and after that the holes appearing

in the clothes stopped.

>

> All of these things my instinct says it is nada doing it but I have no way to

prove it. For all of these things she makes a drama out of it and wonders how it

could have happened. But on the other hand they are only inconveniences and

accidents do happen so maybe I am being paranoid?

>

> Can anyone relate?

>

> Nav

>

[Guest guest]

This is me again being rather paranoid, but...it also occurred to me that these

behaviors on your nada's part could possibly be passive-aggressive acts of

revenge.

Passive-aggressive people choose that sneaky, indirect method of " getting even "

with you when they're afraid of confronting you directly.

I hate to sound so paranoid, but if these behaviors keep up or increase, I would

be very, very careful about eating any foods that she prepares. Truly. Better

safe than sorry, in my opinion.

There have been members here in earlier years who have posted about their nada

serving them foods with ingredients that nada KNEW the member (or the member's

husband, or child, or father, etc.) was allergic to, and then doing the " Oops!

Sorry! I forgot! " thing, then doing it again, and again. Very hostile but

plausibly deniable (the first time or two) and could have wound up sending the

allergic person to the hospital with anaphylactic shock or even killing them.

The first time some bizarre thing happens in or around your home that IS

dangerous or nearly injures one of you, then, I'd consult with a psychiatrist

ASAP about what your next steps should be, and take your documentation with you.

(Keep an eye on your car, too.)

-Annie

> >

> > Hi

> > I was just wondering if anyone had come across anything similar with their

BPD parent doing acts of sabotage around the house that your instinct says it is

them but you have no way to prove it.

> >

> > I was at my dad's yesterday and nada was there too. Somehow the big freezer

in the garage had been turned off at the mains switch. Nada was the one who

discovered it and was going on how it could have happened and blaming my dad.

She also said it seems like it had been off 12-13 hours which I thought was a

bit specific. The mains switch is on the wall and you would have to reach over

the freezer to turn it off. It is not something you could just accidentally lean

against and turn it off. My instinct says it was nada but I have no proof. And

things like this happen when nada is around and she is always the one who

discovers it. The frequency of these events are just far enough apart that makes

me question if I am being paranoid about nada.

> >

> > Other things that have happened include:

> >

> > The part on the dishwasher that swirls around and sprays water was somehow

found to be attached upside down and not cleaning dishes properly (even though

the weekend before it was working fine). Again this is not something that just

happens. The piece but have had to been pulled off and inserted wrong way round.

Nada discovers this and has no idea how it has happened

> >

> > A similar things happens with the washing machine, a part is dis-attached

somehow.

> >

> > For awhile, nada's clothes when they were washed, started coming out the

washing machine with small holes in them. These holes looked like they had been

done with scissors. There wasn't any of that fraying or threads coming undone

like you would expect if clothes were catching on something in the washing

machine or if clothes developed holes from wear and tear. Nada thought it spooky

only her clothes were being affected and thought it was a spirit after her. And

then mine and my dad's clothes started being affected (my favorite top at the

time was cut). Nada's family belong to a cult like organization and she went to

see the head honcho to get these spirits away and after that the holes appearing

in the clothes stopped.

> >

> > All of these things my instinct says it is nada doing it but I have no way

to prove it. For all of these things she makes a drama out of it and wonders how

it could have happened. But on the other hand they are only inconveniences and

accidents do happen so maybe I am being paranoid?

> >

> > Can anyone relate?

> >

> > Nav

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Annie

I'm going to speak to my dad about documenting these instances. I think it is

some sort of passive aggressive revenge and I have a feeling nada does these

things when dissociating (she seems to zone out a lot). But not that that

matters.

It is interesting you mention food. Although nada doesn't cook anymore (why

should she, we should wait on her- lol!) when she used to and my grandparents

(her in laws) used to live with us, they stated they preferred a low fat diet as

the both had heart problems/high blood pressure. I witnessed on a number of

occasions nada pouring extra oil into their meals. I never challenged her on it

as at that time I was still very much under her control.

Also, although I do not have any food allergies I can't stand mushrooms and when

we used to make pizza at home, nada would try to sneak a few pieces onto my

pizza.

Just these little things that on their own cause no major consequences but put

them together over a period of years and you have a picture of a not very well

women. Not that nada would admit it because she is fine obviously!

Nav

> >

> > I agree that this is probably attention-seeking behavior on your nada's

part. If there is no drama focusing on her as either the victim or the savior,

she will create some.

> >

> > You could always buy some of those mini-surveillance cameras ( " nanny cams " )

and place them around the house when nada isn't there, but that's a lot of

expense and trouble to go to when nobody has been physically harmed.

> >

> > However, if her negative, destructive, hostile, attention-seeking behaviors

get to the point where she decides to, for example, add toxic, dangerous

ingredients to foods she's preparing so that you or your dad get sick (or she

makes herself sick) then maybe the cameras would be a good idea.

> >

> > If she becomes a danger to others or to herself, then, she needs a psych

evaluation and the nanny cams can help prove that she's reached that point.

> >

> > If I were you I'd start carefully documenting all these instances of bizarre

things going wrong in the house; include the previous set of incidents you

described here in your documentation with dates, times, witnesses, etc. It will

come in handy later.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

At the site " bully online " the authors point out that any one incident of

bizarre, or negative, or hurtful behavior can be explained away. Everyone has a

bad day now and then, or says something hurtful now and then; everyone makes a

mistake or is forgetful from time to time because nobody is perfect.

What is NOT so easy to explain away is a *pattern* or a *history* of disturbing,

negative, hurtful behaviors; something that crops up over and over and over

again. Perhaps its a characteristic negative behavior directed at anyone who

ticks off the pd individual, or perhaps its various and different odd, negative

or harmful incidents happening to only one person or a few persons that the pd

person has access to... but watch for any patterns that may crop up in your

documentation.

I'm glad you are deciding to document these incidents; I think it is wise. I

suggest that both you AND your father do this: both of you keep a record and

share your information with each other. Its just wise to have a backup, sez I.

And yes, the other incidents you mention such as nada making sure that there are

mushrooms on your pizza when you've specifically told her that you do not like

them is very passive-aggressive and hostile on her part, but in a " plausibly

deniable " way.

Its the " Oops! I forgot! " defense, which doesn't hold up after the 3rd or 4th

time.

After the second time, you KNOW its deliberate.

Note: passive-aggressive revenge behaviors that seek to do real harm to

others... this is way over in the deep end of the crazy pool; its more related

to psychopathy than anything else.

Be careful, dear.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I agree that this is probably attention-seeking behavior on your nada's

part. If there is no drama focusing on her as either the victim or the savior,

she will create some.

> > >

> > > You could always buy some of those mini-surveillance cameras ( " nanny

cams " ) and place them around the house when nada isn't there, but that's a lot

of expense and trouble to go to when nobody has been physically harmed.

> > >

> > > However, if her negative, destructive, hostile, attention-seeking

behaviors get to the point where she decides to, for example, add toxic,

dangerous ingredients to foods she's preparing so that you or your dad get sick

(or she makes herself sick) then maybe the cameras would be a good idea.

> > >

> > > If she becomes a danger to others or to herself, then, she needs a psych

evaluation and the nanny cams can help prove that she's reached that point.

> > >

> > > If I were you I'd start carefully documenting all these instances of

bizarre things going wrong in the house; include the previous set of incidents

you described here in your documentation with dates, times, witnesses, etc. It

will come in handy later.

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> > >

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

My Dad has been dead 2 1/2 years now but my nada is still blaming things on him.

Recent paperwork (bank statements for example) get lost or misfiled and she

blames him, that he was sneaky and kept things from her. Items she's purchased

end up in his bathroom or bedroom and he's taking her stuff. It may be dementia

but she seems to need to keep on criticizing him.

As for us, she'll whine about getting this or that done. We'll offer to move

things or clear things up for her and she'll say no, not today. Then she'll

whine to the neighbors about all of this, that getting these things done is so

important to her and she doesn't want to come right out and ask us (she's so

subtle and considerate, right?) but we never do anything for her.

Or I'll fix something for her (flashlight, telephone, thermostat, sprinkler

system) and a week or two later it will be all mucked up. Then she'll say either

I didn't fix it or I must have done something wrong. Yeah, like I don't know how

to put batteries in a flashlight or change the temperature on the thermostat?

Give me a break. But then I'm the bad guy.

>

> Hi

> I was just wondering if anyone had come across anything similar with their BPD

parent doing acts of sabotage around the house that your instinct says it is

them but you have no way to prove it.

>