Fog Alert

[Guest guest]

I am having a fog attack. I am not going to visit my family for Easter (they

live in another town.) My family is a Nada/Flying Monkey type. I rarely hear

from my sibling and have cut down contact with my Nada (am at very low contact.)

My invites to family events almost only ever come through my Nada. They usually

consist of an invite after the fact " Why weren't you there " type. Or an invite

when the event is 20 minutes away (I live an hour away from them). I have also

been invited and disinvited because the event is " family only. "

So I decided to stay put this easter and have a nice day. My Nada asked me last

week if I was coming for Easter. I said I didn't know as I hadn't been invited.

She told me about the plans my sibling has - I said I would see, but most likely

would stay home. (She actually responds to this pretty well.)

Now I'm dealing with the fog. I think it's mostly self induced, actually. I

still feel like if I tried hard enough, I could make things better or have a

normal family. I know this isn't true, but I am so tired of dealing with my

family. Sigh.... .

On the positive side, it has been a lovely, quiet, drama free day.

Must keep focusing on this.

Amy

[Guest guest]

One way to not give in to self-induced FOG (fear-obligation-guilt) is to develop

friendships with other people who are nice, mentally healthy, and at loose ends

on the traditional " family " holidays who would enjoy getting together with you

for a dinner, or a hike, or a show, or whatever.

Your own hobbies and interests can lead you to develop friendships with others

who aren't particularly close to their own family of origin, and these friends

may eventually develop into your " family of choice. "

Its too easy to rely on blood relationships to supply our need for socializing

and that's fine if most of one's relatives by blood or by marriage are nice,

sane people, but when we're unlucky enough to be born into a dysfunctional,

toxic family-of-origin then we have to take the initiative and create our own

circle of friends so that we can have a healthy, joyful, satisfying life outside

of those whom we just happen by sheer chance to be related to.

So, perhaps use this as a starting point to join some interest groups whose

interest you share, or join a church or a political group or something that

piques your interest and start making a circle of friends to share your life

with.

Just my two cent's worth, to take or leave.

-Annie

>

> I am having a fog attack. I am not going to visit my family for Easter (they

live in another town.) My family is a Nada/Flying Monkey type. I rarely hear

from my sibling and have cut down contact with my Nada (am at very low contact.)

My invites to family events almost only ever come through my Nada. They usually

consist of an invite after the fact " Why weren't you there " type. Or an invite

when the event is 20 minutes away (I live an hour away from them). I have also

been invited and disinvited because the event is " family only. "

>

> So I decided to stay put this easter and have a nice day. My Nada asked me

last week if I was coming for Easter. I said I didn't know as I hadn't been

invited. She told me about the plans my sibling has - I said I would see, but

most likely would stay home. (She actually responds to this pretty well.)

>

> Now I'm dealing with the fog. I think it's mostly self induced, actually. I

still feel like if I tried hard enough, I could make things better or have a

normal family. I know this isn't true, but I am so tired of dealing with my

family. Sigh.... .

>

> On the positive side, it has been a lovely, quiet, drama free day.

> Must keep focusing on this.

> Amy

>