Guest guest Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 I have had a really hard last couple of weeks. It seems like i have been getting triggered left and right lately. The first incident came when i saw my nada---and i haven't seen her in 6 months.(i've been NC with her for 5 years now) We live in the same neighborhood and so naturally, i have the uncomfortable possibility of running into her all over town or in the neighborhood. We live in an enormous neighborhood and live in different sections but she is still close. Anyways, i was outside with my kids playing and all of the sudden i look up and there is my nada exercising coming right toward me! We live in a cul-de-sac that is up from the main road and so she was a small distance away from me but i just froze when i saw her. Everytime i see my nada now i just have a chill run down my entire body and almost immediately i get trauma symptoms. SHe stared me and the kids down( my son is 2 and she has only seen him once) and then i looked at her and she just waved at me and kept running. I have had bad symptoms of anxiety/depression ever since. Later, my little sister called me and said nada was crying because she was upset that she hasn't seen her grandkids and didn't know them(this after i begged her to attend therapy with me for the sake of having a relationship with her grandkids and she told me my son didn't exist to her and she didn't care to know him during one of her rages)My little sister suggested that i send her a picture of the kids (with my nieces in it that my kids don't hardly know b/c my older sis is nada's flying monkey and we stay away from her toxic minion work on nada's behalf)for Mother's Day. She also said nada wanted to meet me at a playground sometime to see the kids. Over the last 5 years of NC, she " resurfaces " about every 6 months and i try to mend things with her with my boundaries intact and she eventually rages by telling me what a horrible daughter i am to her and she will never forgive me or i'm never good enough for her and she tries to start something with me. I can't win. After her refusal to go to therapy with me(after it was originally her suggestion) i really feel like i've had enough! I don't want to subject my kids to her rollercoaster ride(they are 5 and 2. Also, my little sister's b'day was Sunday and we are very close and i couldn't be with her b/c nada had a party for her. It was also Easter Sunday and holidays are always a trigger for me as mine were always hell growing up. There was always some drama nada brought on and so i guess i still have flashbacks and my body just naturally gets tense during holidays. I also saw all my neighbors outside with their families having egg hunts and get togethers and it just made me sad ti know that this will never be my reality. We have a great group of friends that we do things with but it's not YOUR family. I've been attending therapy for 5 years and i have an amazing T that has really helped me. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from the physical, emotional and verbal abuse i suffered at the hands of nada. i'm having bad symptoms of anxiety along with dissociation. My question: has anyone been daignosed with PTSD and have you ever done a workbook to include with your therapy to help you heal? Just about the time i think i'm done grieving and i'm finally reclaiming my life, i get hit with another round of grief, fear, flashbacks, body symptoms, depression and anger. I'm scared i will never heal from this and my nada will always have control over me....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 This sounds hard. Your mother does sound very borderline. You have my sympathy. > > > I have had a really hard last couple of weeks. It seems like i have been > getting triggered left and right lately. The first incident came when i saw > my nada---and i haven't seen her in 6 months.(i've been NC with her for 5 > years now) We live in the same neighborhood and so naturally, i have the > uncomfortable possibility of running into her all over town or in the > neighborhood. We live in an enormous neighborhood and live in different > sections but she is still close. Anyways, i was outside with my kids playing > and all of the sudden i look up and there is my nada exercising coming right > toward me! We live in a cul-de-sac that is up from the main road and so she > was a small distance away from me but i just froze when i saw her. Everytime > i see my nada now i just have a chill run down my entire body and almost > immediately i get trauma symptoms. SHe stared me and the kids down( my son > is 2 and she has only seen him once) and then i looked at her and she just > waved at me and kept running. I have had bad symptoms of anxiety/depression > ever since. Later, my little sister called me and said nada was crying > because she was upset that she hasn't seen her grandkids and didn't know > them(this after i begged her to attend therapy with me for the sake of > having a relationship with her grandkids and she told me my son didn't exist > to her and she didn't care to know him during one of her rages)My little > sister suggested that i send her a picture of the kids (with my nieces in it > that my kids don't hardly know b/c my older sis is nada's flying monkey and > we stay away from her toxic minion work on nada's behalf)for Mother's Day. > She also said nada wanted to meet me at a playground sometime to see the > kids. Over the last 5 years of NC, she " resurfaces " about every 6 months and > i try to mend things with her with my boundaries intact and she eventually > rages by telling me what a horrible daughter i am to her and she will never > forgive me or i'm never good enough for her and she tries to start something > with me. I can't win. After her refusal to go to therapy with me(after it > was originally her suggestion) i really feel like i've had enough! I don't > want to subject my kids to her rollercoaster ride(they are 5 and 2. Also, my > little sister's b'day was Sunday and we are very close and i couldn't be > with her b/c nada had a party for her. It was also Easter Sunday and > holidays are always a trigger for me as mine were always hell growing up. > There was always some drama nada brought on and so i guess i still have > flashbacks and my body just naturally gets tense during holidays. I also saw > all my neighbors outside with their families having egg hunts and get > togethers and it just made me sad ti know that this will never be my > reality. We have a great group of friends that we do things with but it's > not YOUR family. I've been attending therapy for 5 years and i have an > amazing T that has really helped me. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from the > physical, emotional and verbal abuse i suffered at the hands of nada. i'm > having bad symptoms of anxiety along with dissociation. My question: has > anyone been daignosed with PTSD and have you ever done a workbook to include > with your therapy to help you heal? Just about the time i think i'm done > grieving and i'm finally reclaiming my life, i get hit with another round of > grief, fear, flashbacks, body symptoms, depression and anger. I'm scared i > will never heal from this and my nada will always have control over > me....... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 Although I've never been formally diagnosed with ptsd, I still have some of the symptoms in a much milder form. From early childhood I had difficulty sleeping/nightmares; an exaggerated startle reflex; generally nervous, anxious, jumpy; occasional flashbacks triggered by nada's behaviors; being somewhat avoidant of friendships and entirely avoiding intimate adult relationships due to fears of being criticized and rejected. That sort of thing. For a good portion of my life I was actually deeply enmeshed with nada and dad, I'm attributing it to a kind of Stockholm Syndrome response. (I had virtually no social life outside of them until my mid-thirties.) Then in my mid 30's they decided to move away from me, across country; I was basically abandoned! But it was a good thing. My symptoms started gradually lessening when I was no longer in frequent, regular contact with nada and dad. Me personally, I don't think its really possible to recover from the trauma of a long-term abusive relationship unless you're able to get away from your abuser entirely. How can you resolve your unresolved traumas from an abusive parent or spouse if they keep popping up and re-traumatizing you? So, I'm not sure what will work for you if you are still in a position of being exposed to your nada unwillingly (if she can " ambush " you) and if just seeing her triggers ptsd symptoms afresh in you. You are the only one who can figure out something that will work for you RE preventing her from ambushing you. (The best one that occurs to me is moving a few hundred miles away; distance is the best natural boundary there is, IMHO.) Are you currently seeing a therapist? I've heard that ptsd is actually very treatable (its an Axis I anxiety disorder that responds well to both talk therapy and drug therapy) but you need to see a therapist who is knowledgeable and experienced with treating patients with ptsd. I think my symptoms lessened because I was no longer physically in contact with nada, and gradually I allowed less contact by phone too. I am in virtually No Contact now, for all intents and purposes. I'm in control now, she can't ambush me any more. -Annie > > I have had a really hard last couple of weeks. It seems like i have been getting triggered left and right lately. The first incident came when i saw my nada---and i haven't seen her in 6 months.(i've been NC with her for 5 years now) We live in the same neighborhood and so naturally, i have the uncomfortable possibility of running into her all over town or in the neighborhood. We live in an enormous neighborhood and live in different sections but she is still close. Anyways, i was outside with my kids playing and all of the sudden i look up and there is my nada exercising coming right toward me! We live in a cul-de-sac that is up from the main road and so she was a small distance away from me but i just froze when i saw her. Everytime i see my nada now i just have a chill run down my entire body and almost immediately i get trauma symptoms. SHe stared me and the kids down( my son is 2 and she has only seen him once) and then i looked at her and she just waved at me and kept running. I have had bad symptoms of anxiety/depression ever since. Later, my little sister called me and said nada was crying because she was upset that she hasn't seen her grandkids and didn't know them(this after i begged her to attend therapy with me for the sake of having a relationship with her grandkids and she told me my son didn't exist to her and she didn't care to know him during one of her rages)My little sister suggested that i send her a picture of the kids (with my nieces in it that my kids don't hardly know b/c my older sis is nada's flying monkey and we stay away from her toxic minion work on nada's behalf)for Mother's Day. She also said nada wanted to meet me at a playground sometime to see the kids. Over the last 5 years of NC, she " resurfaces " about every 6 months and i try to mend things with her with my boundaries intact and she eventually rages by telling me what a horrible daughter i am to her and she will never forgive me or i'm never good enough for her and she tries to start something with me. I can't win. After her refusal to go to therapy with me(after it was originally her suggestion) i really feel like i've had enough! I don't want to subject my kids to her rollercoaster ride(they are 5 and 2. Also, my little sister's b'day was Sunday and we are very close and i couldn't be with her b/c nada had a party for her. It was also Easter Sunday and holidays are always a trigger for me as mine were always hell growing up. There was always some drama nada brought on and so i guess i still have flashbacks and my body just naturally gets tense during holidays. I also saw all my neighbors outside with their families having egg hunts and get togethers and it just made me sad ti know that this will never be my reality. We have a great group of friends that we do things with but it's not YOUR family. I've been attending therapy for 5 years and i have an amazing T that has really helped me. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from the physical, emotional and verbal abuse i suffered at the hands of nada. i'm having bad symptoms of anxiety along with dissociation. My question: has anyone been daignosed with PTSD and have you ever done a workbook to include with your therapy to help you heal? Just about the time i think i'm done grieving and i'm finally reclaiming my life, i get hit with another round of grief, fear, flashbacks, body symptoms, depression and anger. I'm scared i will never heal from this and my nada will always have control over me....... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.