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I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a horrible

time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started medication

for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to actually

do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find fear

continually holds me back for things I want to do.

I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small business

that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have great

job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at my

price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before where I

don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years and I

enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then what if

it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I hate

large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow any

innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I thought I

should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about the

assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a few

freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I would

just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to my

freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me as

much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his disapproval

I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and I am

100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this same

thing.

I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed this

since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does to my

back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks me

out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make the

call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay for

this surgery.

I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm scared

to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

Casey

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I don't have an answer to the surgery part of your question, but if you like

reading, there is a good book called " Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. " I read it

many years ago, before joining this list. I also had a terrible social anxiety

" thing " later diagnosed as a " disorder " . It was by joining small speaking groups

and giving speeches where I was critiqued in a very supportive, structured way

that I overcame my petrifying fear of speaking in public. In hindsight, I

parented myself. That whole either or, black or white thing gets in my way

too...be kind to yourself and take baby steps and break the process down in to

manageable pieces. I am still a total underachiever, mostly because I fear

criticism. Am sure it comes from the knife the the ribs I would notice after

hanging up the phone with nada. I believe it affected my self-esteem and that's

what you need to be a success in the world, right?

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, April 27, 2011 11:44:42 PM

Subject: Fear holds me back

I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a horrible

time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started medication

for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to actually

do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find fear

continually holds me back for things I want to do.

I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small business

that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have great

job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at my

price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before where I

don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years and I

enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then what if

it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I hate

large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow any

innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I thought I

should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about the

assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a few

freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I would

just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to my

freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me as

much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his disapproval

I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and I am

100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this same

thing.

I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed this

since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does to my

back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks me

out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make the

call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay for

this surgery.

I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm scared

to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

Casey

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Guest guest

I think that's true. There are several dysfunctional dynamics that can happen

between a Cluster B personality-disordered mother and her child, but one of them

is that nada *fears* the normal, natural event of her child growing up,

becoming an independent adult, leaving home and having his or her own life and

family.

Nada interprets that normal and desirable course of events as abandonment of

herself.

So either consciously or subconsciously, nada undermines, cripples or even

destroys her child's healthy sense of self-esteem. This makes her growing child

frozen with fear of risk, bereft of normal social skills, and emotionally and

even financially dependent on nada.

Nada has in effect prevented her child from growing up and becoming an

independent, emotionally healthy adult. Nada is *using* her own child to fill

her own needs regardless of the devastating impact on her child. Its

incredibly, unbelievably selfish to do that and to me indicates a complete lack

of empathy for the child, no conscience and no remorse. (I personally think

that borderline pd and narcissistic pd are really " psychopathy lite " , but that's

just me.)

-Annie

>

> I don't have an answer to the surgery part of your question, but if you like

> reading, there is a good book called " Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. " I read

it

> many years ago, before joining this list. I also had a terrible social

anxiety

> " thing " later diagnosed as a " disorder " . It was by joining small speaking

groups

> and giving speeches where I was critiqued in a very supportive, structured way

> that I overcame my petrifying fear of speaking in public. In hindsight, I

> parented myself. That whole either or, black or white thing gets in my way

> too...be kind to yourself and take baby steps and break the process down in to

> manageable pieces. I am still a total underachiever, mostly because I fear

> criticism. Am sure it comes from the knife the the ribs I would notice after

> hanging up the phone with nada. I believe it affected my self-esteem and

that's

> what you need to be a success in the world, right?

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, April 27, 2011 11:44:42 PM

> Subject: Fear holds me back

>

>

> I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a

horrible

> time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

> restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started

medication

> for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to actually

> do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find fear

> continually holds me back for things I want to do.

>

> I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small

business

> that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have

great

> job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at my

> price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before where I

> don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years and I

> enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then what if

> it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I hate

> large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow any

> innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

>

> But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I thought I

> should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about the

> assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a few

> freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I would

> just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to my

> freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me as

> much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

> nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his

disapproval

> I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and I

am

> 100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this same

> thing.

>

> I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed this

> since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does to

my

> back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks me

> out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make the

> call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay for

> this surgery.

>

> I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm

scared

> to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

> Casey

>

>

>

>

>

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Guest guest

Had to add a postscript after reading Annie's note. It is hard for me to believe

that this whole process is totally unintentional. I can feel the slow burn.

After basically saying no contact!!! to my nada she is peppering me with checks

in the mail and cards from " the lord. " It's like I need to get a vampire stake

out or something...it's horrible.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Fri, April 29, 2011 10:17:29 AM

Subject: Re: Fear holds me back

I think that's true. There are several dysfunctional dynamics that can happen

between a Cluster B personality-disordered mother and her child, but one of them

is that nada *fears* the normal, natural event of her child growing up,

becoming an independent adult, leaving home and having his or her own life and

family.

Nada interprets that normal and desirable course of events as abandonment of

herself.

So either consciously or subconsciously, nada undermines, cripples or even

destroys her child's healthy sense of self-esteem. This makes her growing child

frozen with fear of risk, bereft of normal social skills, and emotionally and

even financially dependent on nada.

Nada has in effect prevented her child from growing up and becoming an

independent, emotionally healthy adult. Nada is *using* her own child to fill

her own needs regardless of the devastating impact on her child. Its

incredibly, unbelievably selfish to do that and to me indicates a complete lack

of empathy for the child, no conscience and no remorse. (I personally think

that borderline pd and narcissistic pd are really " psychopathy lite " , but that's

just me.)

-Annie

>

> I don't have an answer to the surgery part of your question, but if you like

> reading, there is a good book called " Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. " I read

>it

>

> many years ago, before joining this list. I also had a terrible social

anxiety

>

> " thing " later diagnosed as a " disorder " . It was by joining small speaking

>groups

>

> and giving speeches where I was critiqued in a very supportive, structured way

> that I overcame my petrifying fear of speaking in public. In hindsight, I

> parented myself. That whole either or, black or white thing gets in my way

> too...be kind to yourself and take baby steps and break the process down in to

> manageable pieces. I am still a total underachiever, mostly because I fear

> criticism. Am sure it comes from the knife the the ribs I would notice after

> hanging up the phone with nada. I believe it affected my self-esteem and

that's

>

> what you need to be a success in the world, right?

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, April 27, 2011 11:44:42 PM

> Subject: Fear holds me back

>

>

> I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a

horrible

>

> time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

> restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started

>medication

>

> for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to actually

> do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find fear

> continually holds me back for things I want to do.

>

> I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small

business

>

> that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have

>great

>

> job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at my

> price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before where I

> don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years and I

> enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then what if

> it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I hate

> large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow any

> innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

>

> But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I thought I

> should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about the

> assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a few

> freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I would

> just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to my

> freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me as

> much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

> nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his

disapproval

>

> I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and I

am

>

> 100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this same

> thing.

>

> I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed this

> since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does to

>my

>

> back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks me

> out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make the

> call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay for

> this surgery.

>

> I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm

scared

>

> to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

> Casey

>

>

>

>

>

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Guest guest

A vampire stake haha! I think we will never really know or be able to tell

whether most of the things BPDs do are intentional or unintentional. It's almost

irrelevant, it has the same effect on us either way. I know I felt guilty for a

lot of my nada's behavior until I was taught that it doesn't MATTER whether

she's sick, she can't help it, she doesn't " mean it " etc, it is still HER

behavior, and there is not anything I can do to about it.

Casey

> >

> > I don't have an answer to the surgery part of your question, but if you like

> > reading, there is a good book called " Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. " I

read

> >it

> >

> > many years ago, before joining this list. I also had a terrible social

anxiety

> >

> > " thing " later diagnosed as a " disorder " . It was by joining small speaking

> >groups

> >

> > and giving speeches where I was critiqued in a very supportive, structured

way

>

> > that I overcame my petrifying fear of speaking in public. In hindsight, I

> > parented myself. That whole either or, black or white thing gets in my way

> > too...be kind to yourself and take baby steps and break the process down in

to

>

> > manageable pieces. I am still a total underachiever, mostly because I fear

> > criticism. Am sure it comes from the knife the the ribs I would notice after

> > hanging up the phone with nada. I believe it affected my self-esteem and

that's

> >

> > what you need to be a success in the world, right?

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: slingshot2hell <slingshot2hell@>

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Wed, April 27, 2011 11:44:42 PM

> > Subject: Fear holds me back

> >

> >

> > I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a

horrible

> >

> > time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

> > restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started

> >medication

> >

> > for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to

actually

>

> > do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find

fear

>

> > continually holds me back for things I want to do.

> >

> > I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small

business

> >

> > that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have

> >great

> >

> > job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at my

> > price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before where

I

> > don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years and

I

> > enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then what

if

>

> > it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I

hate

>

> > large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow any

> > innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

> >

> > But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I thought

I

> > should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about

the

>

> > assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a

few

> > freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I

would

> > just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to my

> > freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me as

> > much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

> > nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his

disapproval

> >

> > I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and I

am

> >

> > 100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this

same

>

> > thing.

> >

> > I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed

this

> > since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does

to

> >my

> >

> > back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks

me

> > out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make the

> > call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay

for

> > this surgery.

> >

> > I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm

scared

> >

> > to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

> >

> > Casey

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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Hi DW Commercial

Hey, I'm doing CBT for social anxiety! Just remembered nada sent me to drama

class cos i was so shy and I hated it. Sis says she should have sent me to chess

club or something, and now i have a complex about it. Fish out of water complex

haha.

I was shy but, well it's a long story. Basically it depends on my life at the

time, how grounded I am (how far away from abusive people i am, how safe i

feel).

How did you go about it? small speaking groups? Did that not absolutely terrify

you, as it would me?! You're brave. How did you do the first one?

> > >

> > > I don't have an answer to the surgery part of your question, but if you

like

> > > reading, there is a good book called " Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. " I

read

> > >it

> > >

> > > many years ago, before joining this list. I also had a terrible social

anxiety

> > >

> > > " thing " later diagnosed as a " disorder " . It was by joining small speaking

> > >groups

> > >

> > > and giving speeches where I was critiqued in a very supportive, structured

way

> >

> > > that I overcame my petrifying fear of speaking in public. In hindsight, I

> > > parented myself. That whole either or, black or white thing gets in my way

> > > too...be kind to yourself and take baby steps and break the process down

in to

> >

> > > manageable pieces. I am still a total underachiever, mostly because I fear

> > > criticism. Am sure it comes from the knife the the ribs I would notice

after

> > > hanging up the phone with nada. I believe it affected my self-esteem and

that's

> > >

> > > what you need to be a success in the world, right?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: slingshot2hell <slingshot2hell@>

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Sent: Wed, April 27, 2011 11:44:42 PM

> > > Subject: Fear holds me back

> > >

> > >

> > > I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a

horrible

> > >

> > > time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

> > > restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started

> > >medication

> > >

> > > for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to

actually

> >

> > > do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find

fear

> >

> > > continually holds me back for things I want to do.

> > >

> > > I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small

business

> > >

> > > that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have

> > >great

> > >

> > > job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at

my

> > > price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before

where I

> > > don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years

and I

> > > enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then

what if

> >

> > > it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I

hate

> >

> > > large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow

any

> > > innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

> > >

> > > But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I

thought I

> > > should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about

the

> >

> > > assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a

few

> > > freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I

would

> > > just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to

my

> > > freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me

as

> > > much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

> > > nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his

disapproval

> > >

> > > I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and

I am

> > >

> > > 100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this

same

> >

> > > thing.

> > >

> > > I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed

this

> > > since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does

to

> > >my

> > >

> > > back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks

me

> > > out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make

the

> > > call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay

for

> > > this surgery.

> > >

> > > I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm

scared

> > >

> > > to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

> > >

> > > Casey

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Guest guest

Jane: It's taken many, many years. At the university I was required to

participate in seminars where we would read a series of books at a table with a

small group. This is the first event that sticks in my mind. We would each have

our time, and I remember being so scared I could barely talk (may have even had

to take a pill before the class to keep from freaking out.) So that's how my

anxiety was revealed to me. I had a lot of classes where we were required to

stand in front of the room and present a topic. Just kept pushing myself out

there because I was determined to overcome this, so in graduate school the same

thing would happen. My hands would get cold, my chest would start to contract

and I couldn't breath...but I would just push through it. Then I joined

Toastmasters, and that really helped a lot after I finished graduate school and

became a supervisor. I had to run meetings, and do presentations, so the TM

group would critique those, because that's what you do. Then I started to do

more presentations and it became easier. It takes a certain determination to

beat this thing, to overcome it...hope that's helpful, dw

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sat, April 30, 2011 6:11:44 PM

Subject: Re: Fear holds me back

Hi DW Commercial

Hey, I'm doing CBT for social anxiety! Just remembered nada sent me to drama

class cos i was so shy and I hated it. Sis says she should have sent me to chess

club or something, and now i have a complex about it. Fish out of water complex

haha.

I was shy but, well it's a long story. Basically it depends on my life at the

time, how grounded I am (how far away from abusive people i am, how safe i

feel).

How did you go about it? small speaking groups? Did that not absolutely terrify

you, as it would me?! You're brave. How did you do the first one?

> > >

> > > I don't have an answer to the surgery part of your question, but if you

>like

>

> > > reading, there is a good book called " Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. " I

>read

>

> > >it

> > >

> > > many years ago, before joining this list. I also had a terrible social

>anxiety

>

> > >

> > > " thing " later diagnosed as a " disorder " . It was by joining small speaking

> > >groups

> > >

> > > and giving speeches where I was critiqued in a very supportive, structured

>way

>

> >

> > > that I overcame my petrifying fear of speaking in public. In hindsight, I

> > > parented myself. That whole either or, black or white thing gets in my way

> > > too...be kind to yourself and take baby steps and break the process down

in

>to

>

> >

> > > manageable pieces. I am still a total underachiever, mostly because I fear

> > > criticism. Am sure it comes from the knife the the ribs I would notice

>after

>

> > > hanging up the phone with nada. I believe it affected my self-esteem and

>that's

>

> > >

> > > what you need to be a success in the world, right?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: slingshot2hell <slingshot2hell@>

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Sent: Wed, April 27, 2011 11:44:42 PM

> > > Subject: Fear holds me back

> > >

> > >

> > > I have no courage, for even minor things. Most of my childhood I had a

>horrible

>

> > >

> > > time making decisions, even something as simple as what to order at a

> > > restaurant, for fear I would regret my decision later. When I started

> > >medication

> > >

> > > for my OCD and depression at 15 I became much better, and was able to

>actually

>

> >

> > > do things with my life that I wasn't able to before. However I still find

>fear

>

> >

> > > continually holds me back for things I want to do.

> > >

> > > I have a job now that I like very much, however it is for a very small

>business

>

> > >

> > > that frankly does not have enough money and I am way underpaid. But I have

> > >great

> > >

> > > job security because I know they could not find anyone with my ability at

>my

>

> > > price, and they are not going to fire me. I have had many jobs before

where

>I

>

> > > don't " fit in " and am not able to keep it, I have been here for 6 years

and

>I

>

> > > enjoy it a lot. I could get another job paying twice as much, but then

what

>if

>

> >

> > > it doesn't work out? Then I'll have no job! Or what if I don't like it? I

>hate

>

> >

> > > large companies where they put me on an " assembly line " and don't allow

any

>

> > > innovation. I'm too scared to risk what I have for something better.

> > >

> > > But with gas and food prices rising, I really need more money. So I

thought

>I

>

> > > should just go freelance, then I can still be creative and not worry about

>the

>

> >

> > > assembly line effect or bosses that don't like my weirdness. I have had a

>few

>

> > > freelance jobs on weekends, but I really need more time. So I decided I

>would

>

> > > just take one day off at my current job to start with and devote that to

my

>

> > > freelance. I even found a client very happy with this and ready to pay me

>as

>

> > > much for one day as I get for a whole week at my current job. Now I'm all

> > > nervous to tell my boss! I'm not even sure what I'm scared of - his

>disapproval

>

> > >

> > > I guess. There really isn't much he could do about it, except fire me, and

>I am

>

> > >

> > > 100% sure he won't. My coworker already took 2 days off a week doing this

>same

>

> >

> > > thing.

> > >

> > > I also really really need a breast reduction surgery. I know I've needed

>this

>

> > > since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) and the longer I wait, the more damage it does

>to

>

> > >my

> > >

> > > back. But I'm horrified! Just the idea of having part of me REMOVED freaks

>me

>

> > > out. I really need to just do it, but I can never make myself just make

the

>

> > > call. I'll also need that money from aforementioned freelance work to pay

>for

>

> > > this surgery.

> > >

> > > I don't want to end up stuck in the same place my whole life because I'm

>scared

>

> > >

> > > to take any risks! Does anyone have any suggestions?

> > >

> > > Casey

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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