Removal of people onlist

[Guest guest]

After I made it as clear as possible to take the gay issue offline, two people

decided to ignore me –even though they both said they had thoughts of not

responding--and continued to post online what should have been personal messages

to each other had they wanted to continue the conversation (see below). I have

removed them from the list, although they can rejoin at a later date.

I am sorry to have to take this step, but I have set a boundary, and I would be

remiss if I did not follow though. It is a good example of how to observe your

own boundaries. I will continue to remove people from the list if they continue

to talk about this online.

Re: help, my daughter's friend is getting hoovered

I did read carefully, and I still disagree with you. I have the right to do so.

And please, do not tell me what is or is not an emotional trigger for me. Lets

leave analyzing me for my T. I simply pointed out that you stated something as

though it were fact and that some people do not agree. Again, you have stated

the same thing as though it were fact and that if I had read it carefully enough

then I would have agreed with you. Again, this is not true. No matter how you

state it, some people may disagree. And that doesn't mean those people are

acting on an emotional triggers, it means they disagree.

Can we simply agree to disagree?

> > > >

> > > > Dear BPDingNoMore,

> > > >

> > > > I realize that you may not have done this on purpose, but by writing

> > > " There are many people who choose this lifestyle... " you have

> > > communicated a significant amount of bias. Vegetarianism is a lifestyle,

> > > unless you have a health condition or allergies to animal protein, it is

> > > a choice you consciously make and can stop at any time. However, being

> > > gay or lesbian is not a lifestyle.

> > >

> > > ___________________________________________________

> > > Since the purpose of THIS forum is not the whole gay lifestyle issue, I

> > > m not going to debate the genetics vs environment issue. However,

> > > whether or not someone has same sex attraction or desires, living the "

> > > gay lifestyle " most certainly is a lifestyle choice. Some have urges

> > > and desires in that direction, but choose not to act on it or live, it.

> > > Other choose to do so. But for one who has made that choice to try and

> > > manipulate others into her choice, is both inappropriate and a

> > > Borderline trait. Black and white. No gray. You cannot be different

> > > from me and be good.

> > >

> > > And if you read this part from the original post

> > >

> > > But there is this one girl that is a lesbian that targets all the

> > > empathetic people in the school. she sucks all these girls into her

> > > drama and mesmerizes them. They become consumed with her and her drama.

> > > She always targets straight girls. Nothing so far has happened with her

> > > and these girls because eventually these girls figure it

> > >

> > > then it is quite clear that this girl s issues are not strictly dealing

> > > with her sexuality, but with her personality. If she goes out of her

> > > way to target straight girls, then either she does not believe it is

> > > genetic, but a choice she can force or manipulate onto other people, or

> > > she is practicing a form of sexual abuse. If someone chooses to

> > > identify and live as gay , that is thier choice. However someone "

> > > recruiting " those who have not done so for thier own purposes is no

> > > different from an older boy trying to seduce a younger girl. And her

> > > behavior surely does sound BP. Inappropriate sexual boundaries,

> > > pulling others into her own choices, or issues, and turning them into

> > > her own support group, ie, flying monkeys.

> > >

> > >

> > > > However, from what you have written, all I am picking up is that there

> > > is a lesbian girl in your daughter's circle and every time this girl

> > > attempts to interact with other girls your daughter attempts to run

> > > interference. I realize that you may be 100% correct in your assessment

> > > that this girl has BPD and can potentially harm other girls. On the

> > > other hand, you have presented no evidence whatsoever - no facts, no

> > > specific issues, nothing for us to go on.

> > >

> > > On the contrary, she writes

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > she is changing everything about herself and her gpa (grade point

> > > average) is even lowering as we speak because of this BPDish girl.

> > >

> > > That is certainly consistant with a BP person. She manipulates people

> > > around her into altering their personalities to fit her needs. Even, it

> > > seems, she is intent upon manipulating girls into changing their

> > > sexuality to meet her needs. Again, sexually inappropriate behaviours

> > > are a key marker of BP.

> > >

> > > It is her behaviors which are the issue, not her sexuality. And her

> > > behaviors scream Drama Queen, which in turn suggests BPD.

> > >

> > > Although our primary concern here is the issue of BP parents, what is

> > > described surely seems like troubling behaviour, and teenage girls do

> > > begin to exhibit BP traits.

> > >

> > > Having said all that, while I m sure the daughter has legitimate

> > > concerns, my experience is that trying to warn flying monkeys away from

> > > BPs, or stop people from being hoovered, is an exercise in futility. If

> > > they ask, answer. But those who would accept wise counsel are not going

> > > to get hoovered. Those who wont accpet it, will get hoovered

> > > regardless. You cannot keep people from touching a wet paint sign, nor

> > > can you keep them from orbiting destructive people. They ones who get

> > > caught up in thier circles are drawn like moths. You can keep yourself

> > > healthy, and that is about it.

> > >

> > > This is all based on my experience.

> > >

> > > Doug

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >>

> >

>