Nada keeps breaking my rules

[Guest guest]

I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all my contact

information is changing, and I have decided not to share it with her. But I did

want to share it with my blog followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog,

the good news in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me in

any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts some superficial

comment. I seriously want to email her right now and scream at her I HATE YOUR

FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know better than to

respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I seriously am so angry that I

could easily put my fist through my office window.

What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

[Guest guest]

,

My advice is to not post anything to a public blog that you

don't want her to read. If you're going to post personal

information, do it somewhere where you can control who has

access. If your blog is public, there's probably not much you

can do to prevent her from reading it. Depending on where it is

hosted, you may be able to ban her ID from commenting even if

you can't ban her from reading. Banning one ID may just result

in her getting another ID to use though.

I wouldn't respond to her comment at all. She knows you don't

want contact with her. If she's continuing to try to contact you

that way any response you make is going to be a " win " for her

and nothing you say is likely to make her stop.

At 04:24 PM 04/29/2011 afldancer wrote:

>I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

>my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

>share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

>followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

>in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

>in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

>some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

>now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

>ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

>

>I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

>better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

>seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

>my office window.

>

>What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

>

>

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

You can send a formal, registered/certified " Do Not Contact " letter through a

lawyer, informing your nada officially that you do not wish any contact from her

in any form, that any further attempts at contact are unwanted and unwelcome.

Then if she continues to attempt contact, you have possible grounds to get a

restraining order. The ability to get a restraining order varies from state to

state; some states have stronger anti-stalking laws while other states require

there to be documented evidence of violence or threats of violence, vandalism,

pet killings, surveillance behaviors, physical stalking, libel, slander, etc.

If you are at the point where you're not going to give her your new address when

you move, perhaps a " stop contact " or " cease and desist " letter is your next

step if she refuses to leave you alone.

-Annie

>

> I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all my contact

information is changing, and I have decided not to share it with her. But I did

want to share it with my blog followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog,

the good news in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me in

any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts some superficial

comment. I seriously want to email her right now and scream at her I HATE YOUR

FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

>

> I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know better than to

respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I seriously am so angry that I

could easily put my fist through my office window.

>

> What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I on the other hand recommend deleting her comments as soon as they're posted,

if you can't ban her or block her from your blog altogether. Your blog is like

your home, and you don't have to allow nada inside just because she demands to

be let in.

-Annie

> >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> >

> >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> >my office window.

> >

> >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> >

> >

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Katrina,

I knew that my blog was public and there was a possibility she might see it. But

my blog is about the industry that I work in and I'm not going to go into hiding

because of her. My problem is not that she read it. My problem is that she is

still attempting to contact me through any means she can find even though I have

told her in no uncertain terms not to. Just last week I reiterated to her

husband who contacted me for her, that I did not want any contact. They were

asking where to send my birthday package. And I had to tell him, I have told her

that I want no contact with her. I do not want a birthday package from either of

you, and you cannot have my new contact information. And that was just last week

that I reminded him of that, and then here she is, today, trying to contact me

now through my blog.

So this is not about her knowing, I don't care about that. This is about her

continuing to break my personal boundaries and not respect me. I have no

intention of responding, but I'm just not at the point yet where this doesn't

bother me. I am furious right now.

> >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> >

> >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> >my office window.

> >

> >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> >

> >

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

I am going to try and block her IP address. I want to get to the place where

when she tries to get in, I just laugh it off and delete it. But I'm so angry

right now, it's very hard. Then this whole thing just happened with my

boss...see new post...

> > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > >

> > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > >my office window.

> > >

> > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I understand; its hard when several stressors are hitting at the same time.

Depending on my own level of resilience at the moment, I can juggle two or maybe

three stressful things at a time, but add another one and I become overwhelmed.

Its too much.

I don't know the answer RE how you can become " immune " to your nada, other than

to just cut all emotional ties with her. You are in the process of moving and

cutting off her physical access to you, but perhaps you're not at the place yet

emotionally where you have no more connection with nada in any way?

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I would add fear and guilt

in there as well, meaning that if your mother can still inspire fear of her

wrath or if she can still induce you to feel guilty and responsible for her

feelings, then you still are connected to her in some way. If she can affect

you this strongly (anxiety attacks, panic attacks) then she still has power over

you, is another way to look at it. Or... you for some reason are still allowing

her to have power over you.

My Sister told me that she was able to make this shift, this change in herself.

Sister says that she no longer thinks of our nada as " Mother. " In my Sister's

heart, our mother has died. Sister decided that our Nada is just another of

Sister's clients, so Sister has no emotional ties to our nada any longer.

Sister *expects* nada to act out and say vicious, ugly, untrue things to her,

and although this still hurts Sister's feelings (Sister is only human) it

doesn't rip Sister's heart out any longer. Sister is able to not take our

nada's attacks personally any more. Or, she is able to take them less

personally.

I don't know how one gets to that point where no matter what nada does or no

matter what nada says, it doesn't affect you at all, any more than hearing a dog

barking into the wind.

I'm lucky, my nada has stopped trying to contact me. When I would get

" ambushed " by her I'd get a nasty reaction that seems an awful lot like

" Meniere's Disease " : a sudden loud ringing in the ears, sudden splitting

headache, vertigo, and nausea, followed by literally crashing into sleep for 12

hours. I can't earn a living if THAT is going on, so I had to go No Contact to

preserve my own well-being.

But maybe in your case, sending nada a formal " cease and desist contact " letter

through a lawyer would shake nada up enough to make her stop trying to contact

you? Who knows?

Might be worth a try.

-Annie

> > > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > > >

> > > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > > >my office window.

> > > >

> > > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > Katrina

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your right, Annie, I need to do the cease and desist letter. I wonder if I can

just send it certified mail myself though. I need to save my money on an

attorney because I may need one to deal with my property manager (whole

different story).

The funny thing is, she doessn't have physical access to me right now. We live

in different parts of the country.

What you described as happening when nada reaches out to touch me, that's

basically what I feel, with some variation. I am trying to get to a point where

I don't allow her to have control over me like that, where I don't give her that

power, and not responding is my first step, but right now I'm just strong enough

to not respond, but I still FEEL it. It still affects me. But she doesn't get to

know that.

I definitely think a certified letter is my next step. Ug. Was hoping to not

have to go so far.

> > > > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > > > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > > > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > > > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > > > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > > > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > > > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > > > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > > > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > > > >

> > > > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > > > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > > > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > > > >my office window.

> > > > >

> > > > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > > --

> > > > Katrina

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You can send a certified/registered letter yourself, the kind that the recipient

has to sign for, and you get a receipt so you know its been accepted. Maybe

also get a *notary public* to witness it and sign it (that's not expensive) and

make it look more " official. "

Or, maybe wait until you do get a lawyer RE your property manager issue and then

have him or her send the " cease contact " letter on your behalf.

Its more intimidating to get a registered letter from a lawyer on their official

letterhead, is all. Since your nada is already not respecting your boundaries

(or you) to begin with, she might respect (or fear) a more legal-looking

authority figure.

But its your call; only you can determine what will and will not work for you.

-Annie

> > > > > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > > > > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > > > > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > > > > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > > > > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > > > > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > > > > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > > > > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > > > > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > > > > >

> > > > > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > > > > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > > > > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > > > > >my office window.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > --

> > > > > Katrina

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Huh, on my blog comments don't actually post to the page until I approve

them. Does it work like that on yours? If it does, then my suggestion would

be to have someone else screen the comments and delete her so that you don't

have to see it.

I have the same worry about my blog, that my FOO might read it. Or when I'm

in the news (its my job to be in the news) they can watch and monitor. Makes

me a little ill. But short of both a career and personality change, there

isn't much I can do about it. UGH.

On Fri, Apr 29, 2011 at 7:07 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> You can send a certified/registered letter yourself, the kind that the

> recipient has to sign for, and you get a receipt so you know its been

> accepted. Maybe also get a *notary public* to witness it and sign it (that's

> not expensive) and make it look more " official. "

>

> Or, maybe wait until you do get a lawyer RE your property manager issue and

> then have him or her send the " cease contact " letter on your behalf.

>

> Its more intimidating to get a registered letter from a lawyer on their

> official letterhead, is all. Since your nada is already not respecting your

> boundaries (or you) to begin with, she might respect (or fear) a more

> legal-looking authority figure.

>

> But its your call; only you can determine what will and will not work for

> you.

>

>

> -Annie

>

>

> > > > > > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > > > > > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > > > > > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > > > > > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > > > > > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > > > > > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > > > > > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > > > > > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > > > > > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > > > > > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > > > > > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > > > > > >my office window.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > --

> > > > > > Katrina

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do have to approve them first, but I had the notifications to email me so I

would know to go approve them. I guess I will have to turn that off and just

visit it a few times a day to approve comments. Because basically, I got this

email notification, thinking it was my new employer, and, of course, it was an

ambush again. I need to spend some time figuring out why it freaks me out so

much when she does this crap and how to put the medium chill on it. Because

freaking out like this is unacceptable.

> > > > > > > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > > > > > > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > > > > > > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > > > > > > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > > > > > > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > > > > > > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > > > > > > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > > > > > > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > > > > > > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > > > > > > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > > > > > > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > > > > > > >my office window.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > --

> > > > > > > Katrina

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Actually, I am of the opinion it is perfectly acceptable to freak out like that.

Of course you are, it's like having a really scary ex who is stalking you, but

it's your own mother!

my sis got an intervention order. it still wasn't easy. she nearly had her

breached on it(phone calls in the middle of the night etc.), which would mean

nada wouldn't be able to travel if convicted, except that my brother kicked up

such a fuss. (im in australia, it's an avo for exes and something else for

non-domestic-partners depending on the state i think)

If it was me, I wouldn't send a lawyers letter. i would I G N O R E as for a 3

year old. I've moved & not told her where I am before, hoping she sort of

doesn't notice but it's never lasted long.

> > > > > > > > >I have told her not to contact me. And I am moving soon and all

> > > > > > > > >my contact information is changing, and I have decided not to

> > > > > > > > >share it with her. But I did want to share it with my blog

> > > > > > > > >followers, etc. So, yes, I did put it on my blog, the good news

> > > > > > > > >in my life. I had told her not to email me, not to contact me

> > > > > > > > >in any way. So what does she do? She reads my blog and posts

> > > > > > > > >some superficial comment. I seriously want to email her right

> > > > > > > > >now and scream at her I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! STOP CONTACTING

> > > > > > > > >ME! STOP EMAILING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >I just deleted the comment rather than approve, and I know

> > > > > > > > >better than to respond, but I am in a rage myself right now. I

> > > > > > > > >seriously am so angry that I could easily put my fist through

> > > > > > > > >my office window.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >What do I do? Is there anything I can do besides ignore it?

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > --

> > > > > > > > Katrina

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >