Guest guest Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Hi all, it has been months since I have traversed these pages on account of some huge life-changing experiences engulfing my life. I lost my beautiful father to cancer after a very long battle, moved house and started back at work full time after maternity leave. So needless to say I've been faced with some pretty huge challenges this year and if I stop to think for to long I feel physically and emotionally overwrought (thank God for toddlers, cause they don't leave much room for self-reflection!) I've been N.C with my mother for close to a year now and apart from two very uncomfortable encounters with her in the supermarket, I have had no contact with her, nor do I intend to have any contact with her in the future. I'm sure many of you her can relate to the mixed feelings that come with the N.C decision. Whilst there is a certain degree of relief to be free of the drama, I still find it difficult to overcome the FOG that rears it's ugly head from time to time as well as the sadness and concern for her well-being etc. I have confused memories of her. Sometimes I have a perfectly clear picture of her being sweet and joking around with me and other times I hear her nasty voice despising me? Also, a while ago I saw a photo of her and she looked completely different from when I saw her last- she had grown her hair and looked like a totally different person and that spooked me a little. I can't really explain why. Anyway, I guess the dreams kind of reflect my skewed memories. She chops and changes from being loving and sweet to being quite frightening- she was even trying to strangle me in one of them. The dreams seemed to have increased since my father died and they leave me quite disturbed. I am also quite worried about running into her as we live in the same smallish town and I always find myself looking out for her. Can anyone relate? Well, thanks for listening. Lynda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 I had really scary dreams for a long time. Usually involving being trapped in the house where I was raised, unable to get away from nada. Or plumbing explosions caused by nada that I had to fix. I went to therapy, and my therapist and I decided together that I would just get up and leave the house in the middle of the rage, even though I was dreaming. I haven't had one since. Isn't that weird? On Sat, Apr 30, 2011 at 2:03 AM, birdonawire77 wrote: > > > Hi all, it has been months since I have traversed these pages on account of > some huge life-changing experiences engulfing my life. I lost my beautiful > father to cancer after a very long battle, moved house and started back at > work full time after maternity leave. > So needless to say I've been faced with some pretty huge challenges this > year and if I stop to think for to long I feel physically and emotionally > overwrought (thank God for toddlers, cause they don't leave much room for > self-reflection!) > > I've been N.C with my mother for close to a year now and apart from two > very uncomfortable encounters with her in the supermarket, I have had no > contact with her, nor do I intend to have any contact with her in the > future. I'm sure many of you her can relate to the mixed feelings that come > with the N.C decision. Whilst there is a certain degree of relief to be free > of the drama, I still find it difficult to overcome the FOG that rears it's > ugly head from time to time as well as the sadness and concern for her > well-being etc. > > I have confused memories of her. Sometimes I have a perfectly clear picture > of her being sweet and joking around with me and other times I hear her > nasty voice despising me? Also, a while ago I saw a photo of her and she > looked completely different from when I saw her last- she had grown her hair > and looked like a totally different person and that spooked me a little. I > can't really explain why. > > Anyway, I guess the dreams kind of reflect my skewed memories. She chops > and changes from being loving and sweet to being quite frightening- she was > even trying to strangle me in one of them. > > The dreams seemed to have increased since my father died and they > leave me quite disturbed. I am also quite worried about running into her as > we live in the same smallish town and I always find myself looking out for > her. > > Can anyone relate? > > Well, thanks for listening. > > Lynda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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