Hi from the bpd sibling group member - NC with nada?

[Guest guest]

Hi

I'm over at the bpd sibling group and joined this one recently too.

Has anyone been to the fog site? It's really good.

http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html

Bit upsetting if youre in the state i'm in.

I was just looking at C-PTSD as well over at that site. I've got problems haha

anyway, my question is, have you guys successfully gone NC with nada, as I have

been planning to for years? LC doesn't work, you know the drill, no respect for

boundaries.

Most recent freak out of mine over what nada has done: she joined a friend of

mine on facebook to tell her to call me for my birthday. She has met this girl

once. She is going to be very ill at my age due to a genetic condition and i

most certainly did not want to draw attention to my birthday, especially with

her. It's infantalising as well. God knows what else she told her that has no

bearing on reality. Of course my friend said it's funny but she doesn't know the

extent of it, how can you really explain.

~jane

[Guest guest]

For the most part I managed not to have direct contact with her.  Now mind you

she did try to use her friends and other sneaky methods once it was clear that I

would not respond to her.  Let's say I got myself some caller ID, not that

expensive and well worth it even if you don't have an issue with a nada or other

people you wish to avoid speaking with, be prepared to send stuff back if she

sends it.  And if you have anyone call jsut you're not available and you're not

involved in the sitatuion.  Now my situation nobody wanted anything to do with

nada anyhow so with my family I only had one member who was goofy enoght to talk

to her when she would call.  Finally had to tell her to get caller ID and

ignore her as well.  One of those she was dangling mys tuff to get me to come

back so be prepared for that too.  Make sure you've gotten what you want out of

her house or you chance not getting it back.  I got lucky, after my nada died,

even though

nada messed her will up I managed to get ther personal items out of the house

as well as my cat back.  Yet another item she dangled in front of me.  But yes

it can be done, Of course I think the thing that helped me was avoiding her to

avoid my panic attacks because for a long time I would get panicky around her. 

And man some of the crazy crap she told my aunt about the animalss, glad they

are safer now, (she threatened to open the doors and let them go.

Anyhow it can be done, just depends on how much of your family is going to

respect your wishes, I got lucky and there wasn't much after dad died that

wanted to deal with her.

Good luck

Marie

Subject: Hi from the bpd sibling group member - NC with

nada?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, April 30, 2011, 8:53 PM

 

Hi

I'm over at the bpd sibling group and joined this one recently too.

Has anyone been to the fog site? It's really good.

http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html

Bit upsetting if youre in the state i'm in.

I was just looking at C-PTSD as well over at that site. I've got problems haha

anyway, my question is, have you guys successfully gone NC with nada, as I have

been planning to for years? LC doesn't work, you know the drill, no respect for

boundaries.

Most recent freak out of mine over what nada has done: she joined a friend of

mine on facebook to tell her to call me for my birthday. She has met this girl

once. She is going to be very ill at my age due to a genetic condition and i

most certainly did not want to draw attention to my birthday, especially with

her. It's infantalising as well. God knows what else she told her that has no

bearing on reality. Of course my friend said it's funny but she doesn't know the

extent of it, how can you really explain.

~jane

[Guest guest]

Thanks.

Also is anyone else a bit embarrassed to have put up with it all for so long?

One of my friends got pissed at me a few months back for 'always having the same

problems for 10 years, your mum, your sister' something like that. I didn't

think i even told him much, I mean if i did, he'd have been madder, sooner haha.

For me not protecting myself.

Also, you can't tell anyone you know this stuff. I just can't explain it! I

found out at the sibling group it's so good to have people who know what you

mean.

Also, my brother will be so mad. (sorry someone just called, this post is now

disjointed, lost my train of thought)

Yes my stuff is stored there at the moment, but I won't do anything til I've got

it. I might even pay for storage though she will ask questions hmmm. It depends

on how soon a friend can empty the house i'm moving into, when this current

house-sitting gig ends. Lucky dad has my kitties, he & his gf are fairly

reasonable grumps.

>

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> Subject: Hi from the bpd sibling group member - NC with

nada?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Saturday, April 30, 2011, 8:53 PM

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> Hi

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> I'm over at the bpd sibling group and joined this one recently too.

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> Has anyone been to the fog site? It's really good.

http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html

>

> Bit upsetting if youre in the state i'm in.

>

> I was just looking at C-PTSD as well over at that site. I've got problems haha

anyway, my question is, have you guys successfully gone NC with nada, as I have

been planning to for years? LC doesn't work, you know the drill, no respect for

boundaries.

>

> Most recent freak out of mine over what nada has done: she joined a friend of

mine on facebook to tell her to call me for my birthday. She has met this girl

once. She is going to be very ill at my age due to a genetic condition and i

most certainly did not want to draw attention to my birthday, especially with

her. It's infantalising as well. God knows what else she told her that has no

bearing on reality. Of course my friend said it's funny but she doesn't know the

extent of it, how can you really explain.

>

> ~jane

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[Guest guest]

Hi Jane,

Welcome to the KO group (adult Kids Of bpd parents.)

So, I'm getting the impression that your nada ( " not a mom " ) is too intrusive in

your life?

I'm having difficulty understanding the overall picture of what your mom's bpd

behaviors are, how they negatively impact you, and how you and she relate to

each other; so, maybe with more info the other members here and I can give you

more feedback, if that's what you'd like. Share as much or as little as you

feel comfortable with.

-Annie

>

> Hi

> I'm over at the bpd sibling group and joined this one recently too.

> Has anyone been to the fog site? It's really good.

http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html

> Bit upsetting if youre in the state i'm in.

> I was just looking at C-PTSD as well over at that site. I've got problems haha

anyway, my question is, have you guys successfully gone NC with nada, as I have

been planning to for years? LC doesn't work, you know the drill, no respect for

boundaries.

> Most recent freak out of mine over what nada has done: she joined a friend of

mine on facebook to tell her to call me for my birthday. She has met this girl

once. She is going to be very ill at my age due to a genetic condition and i

most certainly did not want to draw attention to my birthday, especially with

her. It's infantalising as well. God knows what else she told her that has no

bearing on reality. Of course my friend said it's funny but she doesn't know the

extent of it, how can you really explain.

> ~jane

>

[Guest guest]

Ah yes well, intrusive, abusive, demanding, demeaning.

I think i posted here ages ago as chocolate kieren but i didn't say much. I have

talked a lot about my sister over at the sibling group, she is difficult to say

the least, and has 3 kids. So I learned the terminology and looked into it all a

bit ages ago. I had a flatmate with bpd, then, in terms of my sister, it made

sense. Then all the possibly baby boomer ladies at the bpd sibling group sounded

like my mums sisters (i'm gen y). and their bpd siblings sounded like my mum.

And my mum was losing it again. So i put 2 & 2 together without really wanting

to. It's easier to go along with it. But harmful to myself and others in the

family.

More recently i have been between rentals. I was staying at mums for a few weeks

and she is in a level state for her, on psych meds since her last

hospitalisation in 2009, sort of vagued out, sleeping and reading a lot, not

leaving the house. Her husband is ok, managing really well now, i think he just

works more now.

I'm house sitting now, but while i was there I got hassled a lot, interogated

about my sister and her kids, who don't have contact with her. I was woken in

the middle of the night to bear the brunt of her rage after my sister called

asking for money. It didn't escalate somehow, however I do not feel safe there.

I am able to talk to her, and while pretending to agree, just think to myself

how wrong she is. Sometimes I disagree but I try to be firm rather than angry.

She has been good to me in that I'm in a bit of a state since breaking up with

my ex and I go to her for support but unfortunately she isn't really actually

very helpful, but she's my mum! Also my sisters problems meant I had the kids a

lot for a few months, which I can't afford, so i had to get an advance from mum,

then work it off at her work.

At my old house maybe a year ago it was pretty bad with mum, she would call late

to yell at me while giving my brother the impression that she wasn't talking to

me. I can't remember why.

around when she was hospitalised in 2009 she would call me at work to yell at me

(this is the last time i had a job) or try to talk me into leaving work, driving

to get her cigarettes to drop them off to her and drive back to work. She

doesn't let you get off the phone sort of thing, and it's hard to say no to her.

I had a break from her 15 years ago when i walked out on her while i was still

at school, it's a longer story than that, but i finished school in independant

housing where my family either didn't come round or behaved themselves. That was

a year and a half. Since then it's been problems galore. My sister not taking

care of her kids, me having to try to take care of everyone, then depression,

anxiety, and all related poverty and abusive partners, and having to financially

depend on abusive family. Yay. nice. How is everyone??!! lol

> >

> > Hi

> > I'm over at the bpd sibling group and joined this one recently too.

> > Has anyone been to the fog site? It's really good.

http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html

> > Bit upsetting if youre in the state i'm in.

> > I was just looking at C-PTSD as well over at that site. I've got problems

haha anyway, my question is, have you guys successfully gone NC with nada, as I

have been planning to for years? LC doesn't work, you know the drill, no respect

for boundaries.

> > Most recent freak out of mine over what nada has done: she joined a friend

of mine on facebook to tell her to call me for my birthday. She has met this

girl once. She is going to be very ill at my age due to a genetic condition and

i most certainly did not want to draw attention to my birthday, especially with

her. It's infantalising as well. God knows what else she told her that has no

bearing on reality. Of course my friend said it's funny but she doesn't know the

extent of it, how can you really explain.

> > ~jane

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jane, I don't get to post much because my schedule keeps me crazy busy,

but I do read from time to time. I wanted to thank you for the link, it is

very very interesting!

Mia

On Sat, Apr 30, 2011 at 8:53 PM, janefrankiehw

wrote:

>

>

> Hi

> I'm over at the bpd sibling group and joined this one recently too.

> Has anyone been to the fog site? It's really good.

> http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html

> Bit upsetting if youre in the state i'm in.

> I was just looking at C-PTSD as well over at that site. I've got problems

> haha anyway, my question is, have you guys successfully gone NC with nada,

> as I have been planning to for years? LC doesn't work, you know the drill,

> no respect for boundaries.

> Most recent freak out of mine over what nada has done: she joined a friend

> of mine on facebook to tell her to call me for my birthday. She has met this

> girl once. She is going to be very ill at my age due to a genetic condition

> and i most certainly did not want to draw attention to my birthday,

> especially with her. It's infantalising as well. God knows what else she

> told her that has no bearing on reality. Of course my friend said it's funny

> but she doesn't know the extent of it, how can you really explain.

> ~jane

>

>

>