Nada's siblings opening up to me - I'm not alone!

May 2, 2011

First I want to say that this weekend I said NO (for the first time) to

one of my mom's famous manipulation tactics. She lives 35 miles from me

and often calls me while driving in her car saying she is half way to my

house and is it ok if she drops in. I usually fear her getting upset,

feel guilty that she has already traveled half way, and then feel

obligated to let her come even if it isn't a good time for us.

She pulled that on Saturday and I was so proud of myself that I said

" I'm sorry, I really wish we could visit but this is not a good time. We

already have plans. Maybe another day " . She was upset but it felt so

good to say no.

Then over the course of the weekend, I ended up texting some to her

sisters (my aunts) because of the tornadoes we had here in the south and

both of them at separate times asked me to please call them. Which was

odd because we don't usually interact outside of holidays. I know them

well enough to know they are not and would not be flying monkeys so I

talked to one of my aunts this morning.

Apparently, since I have been setting hard boundaries with my mom, she

has made her sisters her new dumping ground. She verbally vomits on them

about me on a regular basis now and they are the ones catching the brunt

of her emotional outbursts and hysterical crying. I really hate it for

them but recommended she read SWOE.

The interesting thing is I guess they've never opened up to me about my

mom before because.....well, they respect she's my mom and didn't want

to talk to me about her in that way. My aunts are very simple people,

very smart, just very simple white collar folks. My aunt said she was

sick of my mom blaming everyone for her problems, playing the victim,

and always wanting to find someone to rescue. I just listened to her

talk and thought - you don't have to read books and be a psychologist to

diagnose BPD! You hit the nail on the head dear. I mentioned BPD to her

and she said " Honey, she's got something. This isn't normal " .

It felt so good to be reassured I am not the crazy one. I feel like I'm

finally on the right path. Thank God.

Also learned an old acquaintance of mine has a BPD mom and she gave me

the name of her T, who uses a sliding payment scale and maybe I can

afford to see him!

Thanks for listening. Needed to share and you guys would " get " my mini

celebration. :-)

Fredia

May 2, 2011

Yay for sliding scale Ts! I'm fortunate to have a health insurance plan that

covers counseling very well, and then my T said that they can do sliding

scale for what insurance doesn't cover.

I also have old family friends who are like aunts and grandparents who are

sorta opening up to me about my family--they're so supportive and for that

I'm thankful. I had some flying monkey relatives, but I limit contact. One

flying monkey was brought to reality after my grandma (family friend) got

disowned too....I should email her and see what she thinks, one of these

days.

it feels so good to be validated this way

>

> First I want to say that this weekend I said NO (for the first time) to

> one of my mom's famous manipulation tactics. She lives 35 miles from me

> and often calls me while driving in her car saying she is half way to my

> house and is it ok if she drops in. I usually fear her getting upset,

> feel guilty that she has already traveled half way, and then feel

> obligated to let her come even if it isn't a good time for us.

> She pulled that on Saturday and I was so proud of myself that I said

> " I'm sorry, I really wish we could visit but this is not a good time. We

> already have plans. Maybe another day " . She was upset but it felt so

> good to say no.

>

> Then over the course of the weekend, I ended up texting some to her

> sisters (my aunts) because of the tornadoes we had here in the south and

> both of them at separate times asked me to please call them. Which was

> odd because we don't usually interact outside of holidays. I know them

> well enough to know they are not and would not be flying monkeys so I

> talked to one of my aunts this morning.

>

> Apparently, since I have been setting hard boundaries with my mom, she

> has made her sisters her new dumping ground. She verbally vomits on them

> about me on a regular basis now and they are the ones catching the brunt

> of her emotional outbursts and hysterical crying. I really hate it for

> them but recommended she read SWOE.

> The interesting thing is I guess they've never opened up to me about my

> mom before because.....well, they respect she's my mom and didn't want

> to talk to me about her in that way. My aunts are very simple people,

> very smart, just very simple white collar folks. My aunt said she was

> sick of my mom blaming everyone for her problems, playing the victim,

> and always wanting to find someone to rescue. I just listened to her

> talk and thought - you don't have to read books and be a psychologist to

> diagnose BPD! You hit the nail on the head dear. I mentioned BPD to her

> and she said " Honey, she's got something. This isn't normal " .

>

> It felt so good to be reassured I am not the crazy one. I feel like I'm

> finally on the right path. Thank God.

>

> Also learned an old acquaintance of mine has a BPD mom and she gave me

> the name of her T, who uses a sliding payment scale and maybe I can

> afford to see him!

>

> Thanks for listening. Needed to share and you guys would " get " my mini

> celebration. :-)

>

> Fredia

>

May 2, 2011

That's so great that you got validation RE your nada's behaviors not being

normal, from your aunts! It truly is like a heavy weight lifted off your

shoulders to get that kind of validation.

And good for you for having the courage to stick by your boundaries.

Big thumbs up of encouragement from me!

-Annie