Being Excluded.

[Guest guest]

So my sis is graduating college on Saturday. I was not invited.

I imagine my nada is coming to town to see it.

I'm being excluded because of my nada and my sisters need to be loyal to her by

shunning me from her life.

I remember my college graduation as being one of the greatest days of my life,

and my sister AND nada were part of it.

I can't be there to tell her how proud of her I am, and to share in the

happiness.

My heart has been breaking for years now. Doesn't seem like it's going to stop

any time soon.

~Sara Jo

[Guest guest]

Sara Jo...my heart breaks with you. You might buy a card, write how proud

you are of her, date it, and save it. Maybe one day she'll come around. <3

That's what I try to do for my siblings. I haven't been buying cards, but I

do write in my journal, and I collect odd stuff that I know they would

love...and put it in a box to give to them when they grow up. It hurts so

much to miss out on so much.

My little sister had First Communion last year

My other little sister is getting ready for Confirmation next year

My older little brother got married last year. I think he graduated this

year, possibly. Not sure.

My little brother had First Communion this year.

My other little brother will be getting Confirmation the year after.

I wish I could help my little brother cope with his deafness (I'm profoundly

deaf, he's moderately so.) I wish I could commiserate with my sisters as

they hit menarche. I wish I could have celebrated my brother's wedding, and

developed a friendship with his wife.

I have not been invited, and still won't be invited, since my fada disowned

me. >.< I get so mad sometimes, at how much they're forcing me to

miss...almost like a test. " Haha, YOU chose to not come grovelling back when

I made YOU prove your love for me, by disowning you! This means YOU chose

not to care about your siblings! This means you're a worthless and disloyal

daughter! "

Yeah. I feel your pain. (((hugs)))

>

>

> So my sis is graduating college on Saturday. I was not invited.

>

> I imagine my nada is coming to town to see it.

>

> I'm being excluded because of my nada and my sisters need to be loyal to

> her by shunning me from her life.

>

> I remember my college graduation as being one of the greatest days of my

> life, and my sister AND nada were part of it.

>

> I can't be there to tell her how proud of her I am, and to share in the

> happiness.

>

> My heart has been breaking for years now. Doesn't seem like it's going to

> stop any time soon.

> ~Sara Jo

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((((SaraJo)))))

It really does hurt bad to be excluded like that. I'm so sorry.

Having a personality disordered parent who drives her children apart from each

other is just one big heartache. Is there any hope that when your nada

(eventually) passes away, you and your sisters can reconcile with each other?

Would you want to try it at that point?

-Annie

>

> So my sis is graduating college on Saturday. I was not invited.

>

> I imagine my nada is coming to town to see it.

>

> I'm being excluded because of my nada and my sisters need to be loyal to her

by shunning me from her life.

>

> I remember my college graduation as being one of the greatest days of my life,

and my sister AND nada were part of it.

>

> I can't be there to tell her how proud of her I am, and to share in the

happiness.

>

> My heart has been breaking for years now. Doesn't seem like it's going to stop

any time soon.

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your response, Holly.

You seem to come from a large family. Also...you seem like you might be pretty

young? I'm 27. I've been on this journey for about 4 years now.

As far as being deaf....were you born that way? My dad is deaf. He was born

deaf. I first learned to communicate using sign language. My nada kept me away

from my dad for so many years. I've forgotten most of the short hand that I knew

as kid (I was fluent!) but I am slowly getting it back the more I use it.

I'm sorry that you are also going through the pain of exclusion. I thought about

sending her a card or something. Normally I would have give her a nice gift, or

thrown her a party. Now that I'm not involved, I don't know what's appropriate.

Thanks for sharing. I hate that you're going through this, too...but I'm glad

you are on here.

~Sara Jo

>

> >

> >

> > So my sis is graduating college on Saturday. I was not invited.

> >

> > I imagine my nada is coming to town to see it.

> >

> > I'm being excluded because of my nada and my sisters need to be loyal to

> > her by shunning me from her life.

> >

> > I remember my college graduation as being one of the greatest days of my

> > life, and my sister AND nada were part of it.

> >

> > I can't be there to tell her how proud of her I am, and to share in the

> > happiness.

> >

> > My heart has been breaking for years now. Doesn't seem like it's going to

> > stop any time soon.

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Thanks for your response. I have actually thought about this. And ya know, if my

sis wants to be friends again after nada dies, of course I will. I'm always

willing to talk to her and be a part of her life. HOWEVER....I don't think that

if/when that time comes, that I will like the reason we were friends again. It

shouldn't be that way. She should love me no matter what, just as I do her, and

not because nada isn't around anymore to tell her otherwise.

To me, that's just allowing nada to affect our decisions even AFTER she's gone.

But of course. I will always be there for her. My door is always open. I make an

effort to make sure she knows that.

I imagine nada will be in town this weekend for the graduation ceremony (she

lives 8 hours away). Ironically, I will be out of town. Will be strange to know

how close we would have been to each other.

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So my sis is graduating college on Saturday. I was not invited.

> >

> > I imagine my nada is coming to town to see it.

> >

> > I'm being excluded because of my nada and my sisters need to be loyal to her

by shunning me from her life.

> >

> > I remember my college graduation as being one of the greatest days of my

life, and my sister AND nada were part of it.

> >

> > I can't be there to tell her how proud of her I am, and to share in the

happiness.

> >

> > My heart has been breaking for years now. Doesn't seem like it's going to

stop any time soon.

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara Jo,

I'm the oldest of 6 kids--I'm 23, and my youngest sibling is 8. We're a big

homeschool Catholic family, which in another world would be a perfect

setting for a humorous book. I got disowned in 2009, according to DH, 4 days

after we got engaged. I was realizing it slowly, esp with the help of DH and

his family, but then the engagement really threw fada for a loop, I

guess...?

Yep, my brother and I were both born deaf, and we both were raised hearing

with hearing aids. I have a cochlear implant and a hearing aid...and learned

ASL in college. It's great you're remembering more of your signs So sad

your nada kept you apart from your dad...geez, the way my dad sometimes

treated me and my brother, I can't imagine what nada did to your dad beyond

keeping his daughter separated from him.

I'd say, since you're not involved anymore, buy a card you normally would

have bought her, write it, date it, and save it for whenever she might come

around to the sane world. It may or may not happen, I'm sorry to say. But at

least you'll have a card, so you can feel like a sister, and yet avoid

potentially upsetting her or your nada.

My oldest little brother is going through the same thing your sister is,

which is giving honor to fada by also disowning me, albeit a few months

later after I sent him a birthday card. It was a nice 2 page letter that

sounds like fada wrote it for him, explaining that he couldn't be my brother

anymore while I was disrespecting fada. But that's another story.

I'm glad you're on here too, yet sorry for the circumstances that brought

you to the BPD forum. I'm hoping one of these days my siblings will be able

to break free and be their strong, independent selves. I know I'll be

sharing with them the books, websites, and this group to help them recover.

Holly

>

>

> Thanks for your response, Holly.

>

> You seem to come from a large family. Also...you seem like you might be

> pretty young? I'm 27. I've been on this journey for about 4 years now.

>

> As far as being deaf....were you born that way? My dad is deaf. He was born

> deaf. I first learned to communicate using sign language. My nada kept me

> away from my dad for so many years. I've forgotten most of the short hand

> that I knew as kid (I was fluent!) but I am slowly getting it back the more

> I use it.

>

> I'm sorry that you are also going through the pain of exclusion. I thought

> about sending her a card or something. Normally I would have give her a nice

> gift, or thrown her a party. Now that I'm not involved, I don't know what's

> appropriate.

>

> Thanks for sharing. I hate that you're going through this, too...but I'm

> glad you are on here.

> ~Sara Jo

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > So my sis is graduating college on Saturday. I was not invited.

> > >

> > > I imagine my nada is coming to town to see it.

> > >

> > > I'm being excluded because of my nada and my sisters need to be loyal

> to

> > > her by shunning me from her life.

> > >

> > > I remember my college graduation as being one of the greatest days of

> my

> > > life, and my sister AND nada were part of it.

> > >

> > > I can't be there to tell her how proud of her I am, and to share in the

> > > happiness.

> > >

> > > My heart has been breaking for years now. Doesn't seem like it's going

> to

> > > stop any time soon.

> > > ~Sara Jo

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >