Considering LC - you all predicted it, you were right

[Guest guest]

So after yesterday's horrible phone call, my husband was livid. He and I both

agreed its time to probably go LC with my mom and its painful to think about

right here at Mother's Day. I don't even want to think about MD right now!!

Anyway, whoever it was that said once I cut off email contact that she would

lash out on the phone was right. I am amazed at how predictable BPDs are and

about how RIGHT all of you have been about what her next behavior will be when I

do this or that. Unbelievable.

My husband and I are going to spend time in prayer and discussion about exactly

what the right path is and the exact boundaries we will set but in the meantime

I drafted a written letter of how I will go about it.

I think it would be unwise to send this to her in a written format because she

can send it wherever she will and that is power for her. But then a part of me

doesn't want to speak to her on the phone for a long time. (Probably will have

my husband on the phone with me because she doesn't insult me as much when he's

around)

Here it is - you all tell me what ya think. The reason I started it the way I

did is her " soapbox " is that our relationship is broken and I am the only one

that can fix it.

At this time, she's been visiting weekly or every other week and calling once a

week or more.

Her current therapist seems to encourage her to blame everyone for her problems,

I have heard it from her mouth with my own 2 ears. And my BPD mom thinks her

therapist is awesome (of course).

**********************************************************

I desire a relationship with you very much. But the problem is that your

constant blaming and accusations as well as your condescending manner towards me

are a great source of strife and contention in my life. Your continual efforts

to confront me with your accusations, blaming, and insults leave me emotionally,

mentally, and spiritually drained and unable to be a good mother and wife.

In order to give the best that I have to my first priority – Josh and

– I have no other choice at this time but to limit the amount of contact I have

with you and set boundaries for the contact that we do have.

- I will only be available to talk to you by phone once every other week. I will

not discuss or respond in any manner to emails or text messages.

- Our family will be available to visit with you once every other month.

- If you desire a visit, please call at least the day before and make plans on

when is a good time for us to visit.

- During phone calls and visits: I will not discuss with you, under any

circumstances, joint counseling sessions nor will I engage in any discussions

involving accusations, blaming, or arguing. If you attempt to accuse, blame, or

argue with me or insult me, I will either end the conversation or ask you to

leave my home.

- I will let you know if I become uncomfortable with anything we are discussing

at any point and that I do not wish to discuss it further. If you cannot respect

that boundary, I will end the conversation immediately or ask you to leave my

home.

If you should decide to seek treatment for your problems from a qualified

therapist who is interested in helping you work out your issues without blaming

others, then it may become possible for us to have a more manageable

relationship one day.

Any written responses to this letter will go unopened into the trash.

(end letter)

TIA for your thoughts. This group has been great.