Now I feel like my boss is like Nada

[Guest guest]

Okay, so some of you recall my panic attack on Friday that my supervisor made

worse by not only saying some very harmful, unsafe things, but then by laughing

at me when I began to hyperventilate and have a full blown panic attack.

So far, this week, she has not spoken to me at all, and barely responds to my

emails. In fact, I find myself feeling the same sort of anxiety when she passes

my office as when nada was sending me cutsey little emails and Facebook posts

(she is blocked on both now). I only have 5 days left in this place, and I need

the money, so I need to figure out a way to get through this. I have decided

that I am having no conversation outside of work-related matters, and if that

can all be done via email, then praise the lord.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I am very aware that my supervisor's

codependent, enmeshed behavior is more about her than about me. But I'm not far

along enough in my learning yet to be able to put that into practice in my

interactions with her. I am approaching this situation as practice for dealing

with all the other " crazies " in the world, which certainly helps keep me focused

and calm, but I would welcome any additional advice on how to get through the

next few days. Especially considering that I'm guessing sometime next week she

is going to feel obligated to take me to lunch or something (no thanks!). Is

there a way to gracefully turn that down?

Thanks all for understanding.

[Guest guest]

This has happened to me too. I wish I had advice but I always had to leave

because of my anxiety.

>

>

> Okay, so some of you recall my panic attack on Friday that my supervisor

> made worse by not only saying some very harmful, unsafe things, but then by

> laughing at me when I began to hyperventilate and have a full blown panic

> attack.

>

> So far, this week, she has not spoken to me at all, and barely responds to

> my emails. In fact, I find myself feeling the same sort of anxiety when she

> passes my office as when nada was sending me cutsey little emails and

> Facebook posts (she is blocked on both now). I only have 5 days left in this

> place, and I need the money, so I need to figure out a way to get through

> this. I have decided that I am having no conversation outside of

> work-related matters, and if that can all be done via email, then praise the

> lord.

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions? I am very aware that my supervisor's

> codependent, enmeshed behavior is more about her than about me. But I'm not

> far along enough in my learning yet to be able to put that into practice in

> my interactions with her. I am approaching this situation as practice for

> dealing with all the other " crazies " in the world, which certainly helps

> keep me focused and calm, but I would welcome any additional advice on how

> to get through the next few days. Especially considering that I'm guessing

> sometime next week she is going to feel obligated to take me to lunch or

> something (no thanks!). Is there a way to gracefully turn that down?

>

> Thanks all for understanding.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

When I was trying to escape from a horrible boss and get myself transferred to

another department, I went on a short course of anti-anxiety meds.

That worked great for me, it was only for a few months, and I didn't need them

anymore once I got away from the boss-monster from hell. So... maybe that will

work for you too.

But each of us is different and must find whatever it is that works for us

individually.

Could you take paid sick leave for the last 5 days?

-Annie

>

> Okay, so some of you recall my panic attack on Friday that my supervisor made

worse by not only saying some very harmful, unsafe things, but then by laughing

at me when I began to hyperventilate and have a full blown panic attack.

>

> So far, this week, she has not spoken to me at all, and barely responds to my

emails. In fact, I find myself feeling the same sort of anxiety when she passes

my office as when nada was sending me cutsey little emails and Facebook posts

(she is blocked on both now). I only have 5 days left in this place, and I need

the money, so I need to figure out a way to get through this. I have decided

that I am having no conversation outside of work-related matters, and if that

can all be done via email, then praise the lord.

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions? I am very aware that my supervisor's

codependent, enmeshed behavior is more about her than about me. But I'm not far

along enough in my learning yet to be able to put that into practice in my

interactions with her. I am approaching this situation as practice for dealing

with all the other " crazies " in the world, which certainly helps keep me focused

and calm, but I would welcome any additional advice on how to get through the

next few days. Especially considering that I'm guessing sometime next week she

is going to feel obligated to take me to lunch or something (no thanks!). Is

there a way to gracefully turn that down?

>

> Thanks all for understanding.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wish I could take paid sick leave for the last 5 days, but I don't have any

left because I was sick a couple of weeks ago. It's actually 7 days but I'm

taking vacation for 2 of them. I even edited my end date because I just can't be

here through next Friday, and changed it to Thursday.

Arg! Too much stress. I guess I will just have to try to have a sense of humor

about it.

Thanks for all of your suggestions!

[Guest guest]

I don't know if this helps, but when someone is angry or cold to me and I

know I've done nothing wronog, I just recite " I can stand this " over and

over in my head to help me with the discomfort of their emotions.

Good luck!

>

>

> I wish I could take paid sick leave for the last 5 days, but I don't have

> any left because I was sick a couple of weeks ago. It's actually 7 days but

> I'm taking vacation for 2 of them. I even edited my end date because I just

> can't be here through next Friday, and changed it to Thursday.

>

> Arg! Too much stress. I guess I will just have to try to have a sense of

> humor about it.

>

> Thanks for all of your suggestions!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Perhaps you could plan a small treat for the end of each day - something you

enjoy - picking up something from your favorite take-out place for dinner or

buying a new shade of nail polish - that you could actually write down on a

little calendar and focus on as something to look forward to for surviving

another day of " nasty boss. "

Each time you're forced to deal with her remind yourself that you'll get your

" reward " at the day's end - maybe wear a special bracelet as a reminder that

you're planning this.

One time when I was enduring a bad boss my mother made me a voodoo doll out of

muslin - I jabbed it with pins when I was aggravated! No, I don't really believe

in voodoo dolls, but it sure made me feel better, ha ha.

You could make one of your boss! Just for fun and stress relief. Take that - jab

jab....

> I don't know if this helps, but when someone is angry or cold to me and I

> know I've done nothing wronog, I just recite " I can stand this " over and

> over in my head to help me with the discomfort of their emotions.

> Good luck!

>

[Guest guest]

When my transfer out of the Department from Hell was confirmed, I made a

" count-down " calendar and put it on the wall outside the door to my office. And

yes, I agree: that was childish of me, and passive-aggressive if not outright

bpd-ish on my part, but, I have to admit that it felt good to symbolically go

" neener, neener " at someone who had been so vile to me.

-Annie

>

> > I don't know if this helps, but when someone is angry or cold to me and I

> > know I've done nothing wronog, I just recite " I can stand this " over and

> > over in my head to help me with the discomfort of their emotions.

> > Good luck!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I started reading Codependent No More last night, finally. And this morning I

decided that if waif boss wants to act all butt hurt because she misbehaved and

I called her on it, then that's okay by me. I don't have to be upset because

she's upset, and I don't have to act all timid or whatever because she's putting

off all these hostile vibes. She doesn't get to control how I feel by putting on

the silent, hostile treatment (you all know the 'tude I'm talking about).

I'm not forgiving/forgetting or anything like that. As far as I'm concerned, if

she wants to repair things, she needs to come talk to me about what she did. If

she doesn't want to repair things, then that's fine too. I am a professional and

I can continue to handle working with her on a professional level the next few

days. If she can't behave professionally then that's her problem, not mine.

Someone give me a gold star. I earned one!

> >

> > > I don't know if this helps, but when someone is angry or cold to me and I

> > > know I've done nothing wronog, I just recite " I can stand this " over and

> > > over in my head to help me with the discomfort of their emotions.

> > > Good luck!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Coping Strategies 101.

Ok, so you have to survive 5 more days. Figure out how much you are getting

paid each hour to survive this witch... then break it down to 10 minutes = XX

$'s.

Each time she acts up, add up the minutes and figure she's paying YOU so much

money to rant. It's costing HER (well the company but the $ is from her

departmenbt) so much in 'rant fees' and 'lost productivity'.... basically she's

'paying to play.'

Sure, it seems a bit unorthodox and crass but hey... the idea is to make a game

out of it and nothing says, GAME ON like equating 'stupid' to cash.

I also suggest you whip out the headphones and jive your way through the week...

and when the 'magical lunch' comes around... you can simply say, " Oh, I'm

sorry... I'd love to but because I'm moving out of state, my personal friends

are taking me out each day this week as a goodbye times.... thank you for the

tought. " I am NOT above lying in these cases. Restaurants are hostage taking

environments and i'll have none of them unless I'm with people I like,

Lynnette

>

> Okay, so some of you recall my panic attack on Friday that my supervisor made

worse by not only saying some very harmful, unsafe things, but then by laughing

at me when I began to hyperventilate and have a full blown panic attack.

>

> So far, this week, she has not spoken to me at all, and barely responds to my

emails. In fact, I find myself feeling the same sort of anxiety when she passes

my office as when nada was sending me cutsey little emails and Facebook posts

(she is blocked on both now). I only have 5 days left in this place, and I need

the money, so I need to figure out a way to get through this. I have decided

that I am having no conversation outside of work-related matters, and if that

can all be done via email, then praise the lord.

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions? I am very aware that my supervisor's

codependent, enmeshed behavior is more about her than about me. But I'm not far

along enough in my learning yet to be able to put that into practice in my

interactions with her. I am approaching this situation as practice for dealing

with all the other " crazies " in the world, which certainly helps keep me focused

and calm, but I would welcome any additional advice on how to get through the

next few days. Especially considering that I'm guessing sometime next week she

is going to feel obligated to take me to lunch or something (no thanks!). Is

there a way to gracefully turn that down?

>

> Thanks all for understanding.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bwahaha! Lynette, I love your mind!

> >

> > Okay, so some of you recall my panic attack on Friday that my supervisor

made worse by not only saying some very harmful, unsafe things, but then by

laughing at me when I began to hyperventilate and have a full blown panic

attack.

> >

> > So far, this week, she has not spoken to me at all, and barely responds to

my emails. In fact, I find myself feeling the same sort of anxiety when she

passes my office as when nada was sending me cutsey little emails and Facebook

posts (she is blocked on both now). I only have 5 days left in this place, and I

need the money, so I need to figure out a way to get through this. I have

decided that I am having no conversation outside of work-related matters, and if

that can all be done via email, then praise the lord.

> >

> > Does anyone have any suggestions? I am very aware that my supervisor's

codependent, enmeshed behavior is more about her than about me. But I'm not far

along enough in my learning yet to be able to put that into practice in my

interactions with her. I am approaching this situation as practice for dealing

with all the other " crazies " in the world, which certainly helps keep me focused

and calm, but I would welcome any additional advice on how to get through the

next few days. Especially considering that I'm guessing sometime next week she

is going to feel obligated to take me to lunch or something (no thanks!). Is

there a way to gracefully turn that down?

> >

> > Thanks all for understanding.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Me too, I'm clicking on an imaginary " Like! " icon for the very creative ideas in

your post, Lynnette!

-Annie

> > >

> > > Okay, so some of you recall my panic attack on Friday that my supervisor

made worse by not only saying some very harmful, unsafe things, but then by

laughing at me when I began to hyperventilate and have a full blown panic

attack.

> > >

> > > So far, this week, she has not spoken to me at all, and barely responds to

my emails. In fact, I find myself feeling the same sort of anxiety when she

passes my office as when nada was sending me cutsey little emails and Facebook

posts (she is blocked on both now). I only have 5 days left in this place, and I

need the money, so I need to figure out a way to get through this. I have

decided that I am having no conversation outside of work-related matters, and if

that can all be done via email, then praise the lord.

> > >

> > > Does anyone have any suggestions? I am very aware that my supervisor's

codependent, enmeshed behavior is more about her than about me. But I'm not far

along enough in my learning yet to be able to put that into practice in my

interactions with her. I am approaching this situation as practice for dealing

with all the other " crazies " in the world, which certainly helps keep me focused

and calm, but I would welcome any additional advice on how to get through the

next few days. Especially considering that I'm guessing sometime next week she

is going to feel obligated to take me to lunch or something (no thanks!). Is

there a way to gracefully turn that down?

> > >

> > > Thanks all for understanding.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

So I have a source in HR who told me some things today (since I'm leaving I

guess she felt okay gossiping with me--in the HR person's defense, she helped me

cope with boss for a long time and did a really good job helping retain me as an

employee as long as she did--so regardless of the bit of gossip she has shared

lately, she has been, in my opinion, a very good HR manager). The things she

told me, and I won't go into detail because it's not necessary, showed me a

whole new side of my boss. This person who I thought was on my side but just a

total weakling in fact NEVER stood up for me and, in fact, had the balls to

stand up and ask for a promotion for herself (even though she has done

absolutely nothing to deserve it--hasn't taken on any new projects, has gone

above and beyond to show she's promotion materials, etc.) while not bothering to

ask for any kind of promotion for me. It's okay though, because the VP of our

department (she's my boss's boss's boss) had noticed all the work I was doing

and the initiative I was taking, and was going to promote me out from under

enmeshed boss and into working more directly with her and with more authority.

Anyways, the things I learned have given me a new perspective on my relationship

with my boss. My stepmom was saying " that HR person shouldn't tell you that

stuff, it will only upset you " , but ACTUALLY, it sparked a lightbulb in my head.

Suddenly everything was clear. Even though a lot of it made me angry and hurt,

it also just clarified everything in an amazing way. After an initial 10 minutes

of being angry, the whole thing was quite laughable to me, because I saw EXACTLY

how our codependency played out and how she manipulated me for so long and how I

didn't see it at all. I decided that I was going to make a little list of

lessons learned that I can take with me on this and try to apply to new

professional relationships.

I wanted to ask you all one question though. I am going back and forth from

finding the whole thing laughable to being really truly very angry. I do not

believe that confronting boss for her dishonesty, etc. would be of any benefit.

It does not serve me to burn professional bridges, nor do I find it

professional. But I thought that I could write a burn letter. Get out everything

I want to say, and I mean everything that I want to say, just exact myself, and

then read it to myself. Or maybe just read it to a friend. Or my fish. Or maybe

just post on here...and then I would burn it. Never actually give it to her or

read it to her or anything.

I feel like it would be beneficial to me to express my feelings, at least in

writing and to myself, rather than just wave my hand and go " oh well " . What do

you think?

[Guest guest]

Oh heck yeah, keep all identifying details safely anonymous, but write your

letter of scathing truth and post it here. You will get lots of validation from

us! And congrats on using this whole boss-from-hell thing as a learning

experience instead of letting it crush you; you are now stronger and wiser for

it. Big thumbs up of encouragement from me!

-Annie

>

> So I have a source in HR who told me some things today (since I'm leaving I

guess she felt okay gossiping with me--in the HR person's defense, she helped me

cope with boss for a long time and did a really good job helping retain me as an

employee as long as she did--so regardless of the bit of gossip she has shared

lately, she has been, in my opinion, a very good HR manager). The things she

told me, and I won't go into detail because it's not necessary, showed me a

whole new side of my boss. This person who I thought was on my side but just a

total weakling in fact NEVER stood up for me and, in fact, had the balls to

stand up and ask for a promotion for herself (even though she has done

absolutely nothing to deserve it--hasn't taken on any new projects, has gone

above and beyond to show she's promotion materials, etc.) while not bothering to

ask for any kind of promotion for me. It's okay though, because the VP of our

department (she's my boss's boss's boss) had noticed all the work I was doing

and the initiative I was taking, and was going to promote me out from under

enmeshed boss and into working more directly with her and with more authority.

>

> Anyways, the things I learned have given me a new perspective on my

relationship with my boss. My stepmom was saying " that HR person shouldn't tell

you that stuff, it will only upset you " , but ACTUALLY, it sparked a lightbulb in

my head. Suddenly everything was clear. Even though a lot of it made me angry

and hurt, it also just clarified everything in an amazing way. After an initial

10 minutes of being angry, the whole thing was quite laughable to me, because I

saw EXACTLY how our codependency played out and how she manipulated me for so

long and how I didn't see it at all. I decided that I was going to make a little

list of lessons learned that I can take with me on this and try to apply to new

professional relationships.

>

> I wanted to ask you all one question though. I am going back and forth from

finding the whole thing laughable to being really truly very angry. I do not

believe that confronting boss for her dishonesty, etc. would be of any benefit.

It does not serve me to burn professional bridges, nor do I find it

professional. But I thought that I could write a burn letter. Get out everything

I want to say, and I mean everything that I want to say, just exact myself, and

then read it to myself. Or maybe just read it to a friend. Or my fish. Or maybe

just post on here...and then I would burn it. Never actually give it to her or

read it to her or anything.

>

> I feel like it would be beneficial to me to express my feelings, at least in

writing and to myself, rather than just wave my hand and go " oh well " . What do

you think?

>

>

>