Beginning to think I am crazy

[Guest guest]

I am just having one of those days where I am not sure what to think.  My

brother keeps telling me different stories.  First he tells me that he has it

" out " with my dad and stepmom, and he isn't talking to them.  A couple of months

later, he tells me something dad told him.  Then he tells me that my stepmom

told him not to visit them any more.  The last conversation with him, he tells

me his wife is leaving him, and dad told him he would be able to save money

now.  Then, on his facebook page, I see a picture of him with our stepmom with a

caption of " I love you mom. "   Either he's just saying what he thinks I want to

hear, or he just keeps lying to me.  I am not sure which one.  

I did write my dad a letter, and I can understand them both being angry, but I

figure if they really did love me, then they would have gotten over their anger

and would want to work past it instead of the silence.  I wrote down almost

everything I could think of that my stepmom said or did to me, not that she was

physically abusive.  It was all emotional.  I go back and read all of that and

think " I know I didn't imagine all of this. "   If I am lying about all those

things that happened, then why the silence?  What if I hit upon the truth, and

they don't want anyone finding out?  I think my brother is easier to manipulate

because he was only 8 when my parents divorced, and I don't think he really

remembers our mom.  He has more memories of our stepmom.  Like Gibbs from NCIS,

I have a " gut " feeling that I have hit upon the truth, even if the proof that I

have is circumstantial.  But, I have always been one to second guess myself.  I

don't know...maybe I am crazy, or hormonal or whatever.  MY GYN tells me that

because I am on birth control, there is no way I could be going through

menopause, but I know I am. 

So, am I just imagining things that aren't there, or am I too busy second

guessing my instincts?

Janet 

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

[Guest guest]

Wow. Clearly there are " miscommunications " in your family.

I don't really know your situation, but I'm guessing it's your step-mom who's

the BPD. That said, this is all I have to offer:

Stay out of the relationship between your brother and parents. Let him handle

that. If he can make it work (unlikely), that's great for him. If he gets hurt

and manipulated (very likely), then possibly he'll learn, but that's up to him.

You can't save him.

Keep your brother out of any relationship between you and your parents. It

sounds like he's trying to do this anyway.

You aren't in control of your parents' anger or forgiveness. That ball is in

their court.

The only thing you have control over is your actions and your feelings. If you

are hurt by your step-mom, then you need to protect yourself. If your family

can't see that or validate your emotions or actions, then you need to find

someone to talk to who does understand your side of this. If you aren't in

therapy, I'd certainly start looking for one, preferably one with some

understanding of BPD since it's hard for those with no experience with BPD to

understand it. It's tough separating from a BPD family member without the

support of therapy.

I had a friend once tell me that when everyone was angry at the choices I made

in life, it might be a sign that I was making choices that were good for me

rather than everyone else. Looking back, I can see the truth in that. When I

took active steps to protect myself, my family would be upset with me. When I

gave in, they were happy.

You have the right to peace in your life and to happiness. You aren't supposed

to be a martyr to your family.

Good luck to you.

>

> I am just having one of those days where I am not sure what to think.  My

> brother keeps telling me different stories.  First he tells me that he has it

> " out " with my dad and stepmom, and he isn't talking to them.  A couple of

months

> later, he tells me something dad told him.  Then he tells me that my stepmom

> told him not to visit them any more.  The last conversation with him, he tells

> me his wife is leaving him, and dad told him he would be able to save money

> now.  Then, on his facebook page, I see a picture of him with our stepmom with

a

> caption of " I love you mom. "   Either he's just saying what he thinks I want to

> hear, or he just keeps lying to me.  I am not sure which one.  

> I did write my dad a letter, and I can understand them both being angry, but I

> figure if they really did love me, then they would have gotten over their

anger

> and would want to work past it instead of the silence.  I wrote down almost

> everything I could think of that my stepmom said or did to me, not that she

was

> physically abusive.  It was all emotional.  I go back and read all of that and

> think " I know I didn't imagine all of this. "   If I am lying about all those

> things that happened, then why the silence?  What if I hit upon the truth, and

> they don't want anyone finding out?  I think my brother is easier to

manipulate

> because he was only 8 when my parents divorced, and I don't think he really

> remembers our mom.  He has more memories of our stepmom.  Like Gibbs from

NCIS,

> I have a " gut " feeling that I have hit upon the truth, even if the proof that

I

> have is circumstantial.  But, I have always been one to second guess myself. 

I

> don't know...maybe I am crazy, or hormonal or whatever.  MY GYN tells me that

> because I am on birth control, there is no way I could be going through

> menopause, but I know I am. 

>

> So, am I just imagining things that aren't there, or am I too busy second

> guessing my instincts?

> Janet 

>  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

> understanding.

>  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

>  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

>  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

> Proverbs 3:5-8

>

>