Guest guest Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Hi everyone. I'm new here. My mother has personality disorder but this is all so new to me. I posted before that this was only recently found out and I've been seeing a therapist for 2 months or so. Reading through some of the posts here and on various sites/books, I relate to a lot of the stories I hear, but I find myself cringing at calling it abuse. The is the side of BPD I'm not quite understanding, the parts that talk about violence and rages and such. I mean, I don't see my mom as violent or abusive. I see her more as depressed, jealous, paranoid, accusatory, manipulative at times maybe. When my mom rants at me about how nobody loves her and she's a failure as a mother, or about how I want to leave and move across the country and I'm abandoning her and she's losing me forever and it hurts and blahblah. Is this her way of raging? =/ Thinking about it, having to listen to my mom graphically describe how she would kill herself (especially when I was younger), I guess really is emotional/mental abuse... But I still find myself cringing at the word and not wanting to think of my mom as abusive/me being a victim of abuse. And then there's the part of me that starts thinking about how my mom would react if she ever knew I thought of her as abusive... and the whole can of worms THAT would open up and how upset and hurt she'd be, and all the drama that would come from it... I'm still so new to all of this; I'm just beginning my journey. Any thoughts or comments are welcome. -Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Kate, it sounds like you are so used to protecting your mother's emotions that you do it without thinking now. I suspect that your mother won't hit every single symptom. Some people use rage to manipulate -- others use drama or guilt -- but the end result is that you live your life trying to make or keep them happy, even at the expense of your own happiness. What this group seems to have in common is a desire to find a way to change that. > > Hi everyone. I'm new here. My mother has personality disorder but this is all so new to me. I posted before that this was only recently found out and I've been seeing a therapist for 2 months or so. > > Reading through some of the posts here and on various sites/books, I relate to a lot of the stories I hear, but I find myself cringing at calling it abuse. > > The is the side of BPD I'm not quite understanding, the parts that talk about violence and rages and such. > > I mean, I don't see my mom as violent or abusive. I see her more as depressed, jealous, paranoid, accusatory, manipulative at times maybe. > > When my mom rants at me about how nobody loves her and she's a failure as a mother, or about how I want to leave and move across the country and I'm abandoning her and she's losing me forever and it hurts and blahblah. Is this her way of raging? =/ > > Thinking about it, having to listen to my mom graphically describe how she would kill herself (especially when I was younger), I guess really is emotional/mental abuse... But I still find myself cringing at the word and not wanting to think of my mom as abusive/me being a victim of abuse. > > And then there's the part of me that starts thinking about how my mom would react if she ever knew I thought of her as abusive... and the whole can of worms THAT would open up and how upset and hurt she'd be, and all the drama that would come from it... > > I'm still so new to all of this; I'm just beginning my journey. Any thoughts or comments are welcome. > > -Kate > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 HI Kate, Not everybody with BPD exhibits the same symptoms. Some of them show violence, some don't. Some rage in an obvious way, some don't. The ones that don't show it may be raging internally, leading to an assortment of other behaviors. What is common between them is that they aren't able to properly regulate their emotions. Little things that other people would barely notice can turn into huge dramas for them because their emotions are exagerated. Fear of abandonment is often a part of that, often with the " abandonment " being more imagined than real. Being unable to accept that other people are allowed to have different likes, dislikes and opinions, or having problems with privacy and/or inappropriate sharing of their thoughts is also common with a lot of them because they don't have proper separation between themselves and other people. Some people have a hard time understanding that they were, and maybe still are, emotionally abused. Emotional abuse is often far subtler than physical abuse and when you're raised with it, it tends to seem normal because you don't know anything else. I'd definitely call a parent who describes to her child how she's going to kill herself emotionally abusive. That's not how normal parents act and it can be horribly damaging to the child. Using talk of suicide to manipulate people is not unusual with BPD. That's emotionally abuse even if the other people are adults. The difference between normal and emotionally abusive is often more about the pattern of treatment than about individual incidents. A normal parent tries to raise children who feel good about themselves and become capable and independent. When a parent shows a pattern of trying to make his or her children feel bad about themselves or of trying to prevent the children from following the normal path of learning and becoming independent adults, that's likely to be emotional abuse. Even something as simple as coming home from work every evening and telling a child that he or she is bad can be very damaging. Sometimes the abuse is a failure to act rather than an action. Failing to show love to a child can also be very damaging. At 04:13 PM 05/06/2011 th3fac3insid3 wrote: >Hi everyone. I'm new here. My mother has personality disorder >but this is all so new to me. I posted before that this was >only recently found out and I've been seeing a therapist for 2 >months or so. > >Reading through some of the posts here and on various >sites/books, I relate to a lot of the stories I hear, but I >find myself cringing at calling it abuse. > >The is the side of BPD I'm not quite understanding, the parts >that talk about violence and rages and such. > >I mean, I don't see my mom as violent or abusive. I see her >more as depressed, jealous, paranoid, accusatory, manipulative >at times maybe. > >When my mom rants at me about how nobody loves her and she's a >failure as a mother, or about how I want to leave and move >across the country and I'm abandoning her and she's losing me >forever and it hurts and blahblah. Is this her way of raging? =/ > >Thinking about it, having to listen to my mom graphically >describe how she would kill herself (especially when I was >younger), I guess really is emotional/mental abuse... But I >still find myself cringing at the word and not wanting to think >of my mom as abusive/me being a victim of abuse. > >And then there's the part of me that starts thinking about how >my mom would react if she ever knew I thought of her as >abusive... and the whole can of worms THAT would open up and >how upset and hurt she'd be, and all the drama that would come >from it... > >I'm still so new to all of this; I'm just beginning my journey. >Any thoughts or comments are welcome. > >-Kate -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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