Re: Anyone not yet really accepted that their parent(s) has BPD? Thanks All!

[Guest guest]

Hey Thanks everyone so so so much for writing back to share your experiences. It

really is mad how many people's experiences are exactly the same. That this

horrible BPD thing is so widespread.

I think I'm coming to a slooooow acceptance. At the moment I can't stop crying

and feeling sad. Sad for me, sad for nada, sad for all of the people who are on

this list who didn't have mothers and are struggling with the after effects.

It's also really scary realising the extent to which I've been adapting

myself/my behaviour in order to avoid her rages. Not doing things I really

wanted to do and then convincing myself that those things weren't really that

important to me anyway... Checking my sent section in my text messages (2 or 3

times!) each time I send her message in case I accidentally wasn't 'friendly and

nice' enough in the text... Having my stomach flip everytime I see that she's

logged into messenger... Not going vegetarian because I know it'll make her

angry... I'm only just seeing how mad my behaviour's been.

And that if I am going to start acting like a self-respecting self-loving adult

there will be more and more rages to come as I try to set boundaries...

Hopefully the relief thing that many of you talk about will come soon. It does

make a lot of sense but the sad feeling/scared feeling is overwhelming some how

now.

Thinking of you all!

Hugs.

SB

>

> With the exception of thinking she's being spied on, just about everything

else you said about your nada sounds exactly like mine. Exactly.

>

> I went years hoping that someday I could get her into therapy, someday things

might change. I went years hearing about how badly her sister treated her, how

badly her brother treated her, how badly her mother treated her. How Grandad

molested her when she was a teenager. Honest to God, she really *looked* and

*sounded* like someone who wanted to get better, who wanted to get into therapy,

who *could* actually improve.

>

> She even was in therapy twice and dropped out both times. Hopes raised, then

dashed.

>

> About six years ago her behavior got so annoying, then alarming, that I

started to do some digging. Apparently she left therapy when her therapist told

her she had serious problems and needed intensive help, and assigned her some

homework he wanted her to do. Apparently that big blowup in church that led to

her leaving the choir and her and my stepfather leaving the church he'd been a

member of since before he'd even known her actually went more like, She was

asked to leave because she was carrying tales and starting trouble between other

members. When my brother graduated from police academy she was on the outs with

me because I disagreed with her about something, and she spent the entire

evening huddling behind my brother's current girlfriend, shooting tragic looks

at everyone as if to say, " She's being so mean to me! " The tension was so thick

you could cut it with a knife. It was a horrible evening.

>

> Then came the clincher. It seems that the evil sister who had treated her so

badly her entire life, who had borrowed thousands of dollars and not paid her

back, who talked about her behind her back...actually was molested when *she*

was young...BY NADA.

>

> This was the point at which I finally gave up.

>

> I know that such a person is never going to face up to her own pathology. As

long as I stayed in contact with her, things were going to stay the same or

worse. Her constant upsets and emotional tantrums and vendettas against other

people were going to rule my life, for the rest of my life.

>

> I had been fantasizing about running away from home since I was four. I just

granted myself permission to do it.

>

> I wish I could say life has been happy ever after since then. Unfortunately I

have screwed my life up so many ways through being raised in this family that

some of the damage can never be undone. I also made the mistake of signing up

to be power of attorney for a couple of mentally ill relatives who are turning

out to be wayyy more of a handful than I ever imagined in my worst nightmares.

So, I can't say life's been a bed of roses. But I do have one great

relationship--with my wonderful husband, a person who's so happy, well adjusted,

and upbeat that I don't even know how he picked me. And I don't have this

screaming banshee whining on and on and on, sending me 12 emails a week about

Bush being a Satanist, poison chem trails in the air, and God knows what

else. (She finds every kook on the web and believes everything they say, I

swear.)

>

> Some BP's get better. Ours may not have the capacity.

>

> (((((hugs))))

>

> .

>