Guest guest Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 I called to wish her a happy day. I kept the conversation light and cheery. Finally she stated she wants to meet with me to talk (yeah, we all know what those talks are about--HER versions of events that I am supposed to agree to). I demurred, several times, suggested this was not a good conversation in keeping with the day. She escalated, accused me of not caring. " What do you hope to gain? " I finally asked. She said " To explain where your thinking is wrong. " She also wants to tell me exactly why she decided to withdraw from me so I will 'understand.' I told her the reason I finally withdrew from her was that after a year+ of her withdrawl (i.e.cold shoulder) I quit asking her why. I tried to rein in the conversation again, explaining that no two people will see the same reality and it is not important, but by then she wanted to throw mud and have a full out fight. I repeated that I sure with she hadn't brought any of this up and certainly not today, and quickly told her 'happy mothers day, I love you' and 'bye now.' Then I cried. There is no pleasing the bitch, other than me on my knees, taking whatever slop she feeds me. And that I will not do, ever again. I hope the rest of you have better experiences today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 HI For whatever it is worth, I empathise with you. And everyone else struggling today. ((hugs)) Nav > > I called to wish her a happy day. I kept the conversation light and cheery. Finally she stated she wants to meet with me to talk (yeah, we all know what those talks are about--HER versions of events that I am supposed to agree to). > > I demurred, several times, suggested this was not a good conversation in keeping with the day. She escalated, accused me of not caring. " What do you hope to gain? " I finally asked. She said " To explain where your thinking is wrong. " She also wants to tell me exactly why she decided to withdraw from me so I will 'understand.' I told her the reason I finally withdrew from her was that after a year+ of her withdrawl (i.e.cold shoulder) I quit asking her why. > > I tried to rein in the conversation again, explaining that no two people will see the same reality and it is not important, but by then she wanted to throw mud and have a full out fight. I repeated that I sure with she hadn't brought any of this up and certainly not today, and quickly told her 'happy mothers day, I love you' and 'bye now.' > > Then I cried. There is no pleasing the bitch, other than me on my knees, taking whatever slop she feeds me. And that I will not do, ever again. > > I hope the rest of you have better experiences today. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 Yuck. Let me help, if I can... First, you don't have to please her. It's not YOUR job to make HER happy. Period. So what if you give up the hope of making her happy? Of getting her 'signature of approval'? Of having her suddenly " cured " ? Wouldn't that be a huge relief to you as well as a great re-allocation of your emotional energies? Second, your instincts are right on not to have 'that' conversation with her. But extend it beyond TODAY. As an adult you don't have to have ANY conversations with anyone you don't want to have them with. That includes your MOTHER. Just because SHE wants to, doesn't mean YOU have to. Let yourself off the hook. She will eventually find someone to whine, cry, bitch to... yes, usually about YOU.... but she'll burn them out (that whole 'unstable relationship thing in the DMS-IV? That's what this is about.) Third, of course you're gonna cry. Crying is good. Set the timer and bawl your eyes out. When it dings... go do something meaningful to YOU! The more you do this, the less time you'll want to waste on HER games and the shorter the teary eyed sessions will become because the 'end of the timer reward' is a lot more pleasing to your psyche. So yes... your Nada is a mean spirited hag... all of ours are... but you don't have to be that person. You're NOT that person... no matter what she says. So cry a bit more and get on with YOUR happy! Lynnette > > I called to wish her a happy day. I kept the conversation light and cheery. Finally she stated she wants to meet with me to talk (yeah, we all know what those talks are about--HER versions of events that I am supposed to agree to). > > I demurred, several times, suggested this was not a good conversation in keeping with the day. She escalated, accused me of not caring. " What do you hope to gain? " I finally asked. She said " To explain where your thinking is wrong. " She also wants to tell me exactly why she decided to withdraw from me so I will 'understand.' I told her the reason I finally withdrew from her was that after a year+ of her withdrawl (i.e.cold shoulder) I quit asking her why. > > I tried to rein in the conversation again, explaining that no two people will see the same reality and it is not important, but by then she wanted to throw mud and have a full out fight. I repeated that I sure with she hadn't brought any of this up and certainly not today, and quickly told her 'happy mothers day, I love you' and 'bye now.' > > Then I cried. There is no pleasing the bitch, other than me on my knees, taking whatever slop she feeds me. And that I will not do, ever again. > > I hope the rest of you have better experiences today. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 So sorry you had to go through that today. It always sucks when you try to do something nice and as you so eloquently stated, " nothing ever pleases this bitch. " I opted not to call mine today and suprisingly the phone is not ringing off the hook. I did send her a picture of something she likes that I found at a thrift store and a very simple card that only said happy mother's day. Inside I just wrote, " Do something nice for yourself. I'll be at home studying away. Heart, Jen. " Her response? " Thank you for a picture of my fav of Mikhail....La Mort is one of my favorite ballets. BYW - this is not a day when I do something special for myself - Mother's Day is when your children do something for you!!!! ..........mom " There certainly is no pleasing her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 Thank you all for the commiseration. I am really not surprised at her actions, I think I was angrier at myself for not getting off the phone earlier. Every holiday, every birthday she has to chuck some drama into into the scene. No more--she can keep her pain to herself. > > I called to wish her a happy day. I kept the conversation light and cheery. Finally she stated she wants to meet with me to talk (yeah, we all know what those talks are about--HER versions of events that I am supposed to agree to). > > I demurred, several times, suggested this was not a good conversation in keeping with the day. She escalated, accused me of not caring. " What do you hope to gain? " I finally asked. She said " To explain where your thinking is wrong. " She also wants to tell me exactly why she decided to withdraw from me so I will 'understand.' I told her the reason I finally withdrew from her was that after a year+ of her withdrawl (i.e.cold shoulder) I quit asking her why. > > I tried to rein in the conversation again, explaining that no two people will see the same reality and it is not important, but by then she wanted to throw mud and have a full out fight. I repeated that I sure with she hadn't brought any of this up and certainly not today, and quickly told her 'happy mothers day, I love you' and 'bye now.' > > Then I cried. There is no pleasing the bitch, other than me on my knees, taking whatever slop she feeds me. And that I will not do, ever again. > > I hope the rest of you have better experiences today. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 I really, really like the timer idea, and can see using it for crying and bitching too! Limiting the amount of time spent fretting over conversations with her is a great idea. As for 'that' conversation, I told her last August that I would not rehash what occurred during our trip [to Hell] together last July. Let it lie, I said. No good will come of discussing it. She keeps trying to strong arm me into listening to her version of events. No thanks--I've had enough of her crapping everything up and then later painting a picture how she 'heroically' saved the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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