Mother's Day after effects

[Guest guest]

So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a card. It is

still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through it. Her

presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a lot of

thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked the

presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on weird

little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she gushed on

and on about the packing material I used rather than the present itself which

she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big lie the whole

thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really does not and

never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE to. And now

as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like such a

shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry is

easier.

[Guest guest]

, I am sorry to hear of your sadness. I don't know if you are a mom

yourself, but I found it helped that my little family (husband and son)

appreciate me. I think if I were not a happy family, that I would make a way to

go out with a friend who is like a sister or brother to me, and would celebrate

that I survived my childhood. I feel better and better about this holiday the

less I think about my nada on this day.

And finally I am free of the guilt. Annie you would be proud of me. Two years

ago, I don't think I ever could have envisioned the place I am today, where it

is OK and even a joy to put my well-being ahead of nada's.

I called yesterday, only because it seemed to me like I felt neutral about

calling. No expectations. And the answering machine picked up. As I contemplated

leaving a message, the machine hung up on me. Today I know when to quit and I

did NOT call back to try again. My nada uses caller id as an answering machine

anyways. And I have nothing to prove. I am no longer a " try, try again "

daughter.

We have the relationship we have, I am grateful for life. And I am grateful that

I have learned how to nurture myself. I have learned that from Al-anon. Here on

this list, I learn the other strategies and witness wonderful support and

understanding that I am not responsible for adoring nada.

Thanks all for a place where I no longer live by this motto, " The beatings will

continue as long as morale does not improve. " I no longer beat myself up for not

being able to improve nada's morale!

Best,

[Guest guest]

((((())))) You are right, I am so very happy for you AND proud of you

for leaving the inappropriate, misplaced guilt behind.

Your progress over the last couple of years has indeed been quite remarkable,

and you should be very proud of YOURSELF, in my opinion!

I can actually " hear " your more healthy, assertive, less guilt-ridden state of

mind in the tone of your posts.

I'm so happy for you that your husband and son appreciate you and support you,

and I bet they are proud of you too.

Way to go, kid. Big thumbs up of encouragement and approval from me!

-Annie

>

> , I am sorry to hear of your sadness. I don't know if you are a mom

yourself, but I found it helped that my little family (husband and son)

appreciate me. I think if I were not a happy family, that I would make a way to

go out with a friend who is like a sister or brother to me, and would celebrate

that I survived my childhood. I feel better and better about this holiday the

less I think about my nada on this day.

>

> And finally I am free of the guilt. Annie you would be proud of me. Two years

ago, I don't think I ever could have envisioned the place I am today, where it

is OK and even a joy to put my well-being ahead of nada's.

>

> I called yesterday, only because it seemed to me like I felt neutral about

calling. No expectations. And the answering machine picked up. As I contemplated

leaving a message, the machine hung up on me. Today I know when to quit and I

did NOT call back to try again. My nada uses caller id as an answering machine

anyways. And I have nothing to prove. I am no longer a " try, try again "

daughter.

>

> We have the relationship we have, I am grateful for life. And I am grateful

that I have learned how to nurture myself. I have learned that from Al-anon.

Here on this list, I learn the other strategies and witness wonderful support

and understanding that I am not responsible for adoring nada.

>

> Thanks all for a place where I no longer live by this motto, " The beatings

will continue as long as morale does not improve. " I no longer beat myself up

for not being able to improve nada's morale!

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Thanks all for a place where I no longer live by this motto, " The beatings

will continue as long as morale does not improve. " I no longer beat myself up

for not being able to improve nada's morale!

>

Hi , thanks for your post and I'm so glad to hear you are doing so well.

It sounds like you've really got detachment working for you. This is the

direction I am working toward because I'm tired of continuuing to be sad over

the same thing. I quoted the above because I like it! It's true...as much as

I wish my nada's morale could improve for *everyone's* sake, it is what it is.

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I'm new to this group. I joined because my mom has BPD. I am so relieved to have

seen this topic - this past Mother's Day (as every mother's day, and every

holiday, for that matter) was torture. As a result of me not visiting my mom

(who lives 2.5 hours from me - I have 3 kids ages 4 and under. Look at me, I'm

defending myself in cyberspace), I am now being blamed for tearing our family

apart.

I sometimes vent about my mom's behavior to another family member. She somehow

got wind of this right before Mother's Day, and since she was already upset that

I was not visiting her, all hell broke loose. Problem is, I feel incredibly

guilty. I mean, who talks about their mom negatively?

I don't think I've ever said anything about my mom that I haven't said directly

to her. But I still feel like I did something incredibly shameful. I feel like

the drama in our family is all my fault - and, well, that's what my mom thinks

too.

Makes me think perhaps I am the one with the mental illness. Does anyone out

there have similar issues? Does this all sound familiar to anyone?

>

> So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a card. It is

still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through it. Her

presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a lot of

thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked the

presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on weird

little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she gushed on

and on about the packing material I used rather than the present itself which

she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big lie the whole

thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really does not and

never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE to. And now

as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like such a

shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry is

easier.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I kinda know how you feel. I've said a lot of awful things about my mom to my

best friend, in moments of anger when I desperately needed to vent. Then I feel

guilty. And then when my best friend turns around and basically repeats back the

things I said, I get defensive of my mom! And then I feel more guilty cause I

know my best friend has this really awful opinion about my mom and I want to be

like, " It's not that bad... "

Reading the posts on here makes me feel guilty too. It's like, I can relate to a

lot of it, but then I flinch at the harshness of some of the things said. I

think I'm having trouble accepting that a lot of the things my mom did could be

considered abusive. And I feel guilty for even THINKING it, like it's some kind

of thought-crime and my mom will somehow just KNOW and get even more upset and

hurt that I think that. Or turn around and get defensive cause it's not like she

ever beat me, like HER mom did to her when she was a kid. Probably throw in my

face that she never beat me unconscious at 4 years old for saying the word

'stupid' like her mom did to her. And therefor my feelings aren't valid, like

always. *sigh* Or, if they are valid, she just gets depressed and cries about

how she was a failure as a mother, just like she failed at everything else in

life. And then I feel like shit for making her feel like that. *sigh*

-Kate

>

>

>

> Hello all,

> I'm new to this group. I joined because my mom has BPD. I am so relieved to

have seen this topic - this past Mother's Day (as every mother's day, and every

holiday, for that matter) was torture. As a result of me not visiting my mom

(who lives 2.5 hours from me - I have 3 kids ages 4 and under. Look at me, I'm

defending myself in cyberspace), I am now being blamed for tearing our family

apart.

>

> I sometimes vent about my mom's behavior to another family member. She somehow

got wind of this right before Mother's Day, and since she was already upset that

I was not visiting her, all hell broke loose. Problem is, I feel incredibly

guilty. I mean, who talks about their mom negatively?

>

> I don't think I've ever said anything about my mom that I haven't said

directly to her. But I still feel like I did something incredibly shameful. I

feel like the drama in our family is all my fault - and, well, that's what my

mom thinks too.

>

> Makes me think perhaps I am the one with the mental illness. Does anyone out

there have similar issues? Does this all sound familiar to anyone?

>

[Guest guest]

WE all talk negatively about our moms--because our nada's (or fada's) ARE

NEGATIVE people! You are safe here!

BPD's twist reality to suit themselves. They like to play 'helpless victim' to

anyone that will listen. No matter what you try to do, it always backfires.

Trust me, you aren't the mentally ill one here. And your job is to be a mother

to your children. They come first, not any drama your mother wants to make.

Hugs!

> >

> > So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a card. It

is still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through it. Her

presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a lot of

thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked the

presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on weird

little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she gushed on

and on about the packing material I used rather than the present itself which

she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big lie the whole

thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really does not and

never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE to. And now

as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like such a

shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry is

easier.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I agree with echobabe.

We were not put here to be human punching bags (emotional punching bags or

physical ones) for anyone, including our parents. You have the right to

protect yourself from abuse and the duty to protect your children from abusive,

toxic, damaging people.

How you do this will vary from individual to individual, its all about what

works for YOU: limited contact with boundaries in place, or no contact.

But I think I can safely say that nobody here will make you feel guilty for

protecting yourself and removing yourself from a harmful person/family of

origin.

-Annie

> > >

> > > So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a card. It

is still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through it. Her

presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a lot of

thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked the

presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on weird

little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she gushed on

and on about the packing material I used rather than the present itself which

she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big lie the whole

thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really does not and

never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE to. And now

as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like such a

shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry is

easier.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Kate, I know exactly how you feel. Echobabe and Annie, thanks for the words of

support. Really, it's a relief to know that others are experiencing the same

kind of pain, guilt and anxiety.

I think I'm at the point now that I can no longer maintain a relationship with

my mom. I've tried to help her by getting involved in her treatment. I've tried

to just let this sort of thing brush off my shoulder. I've tried to just keep my

distance and set boundaries...but no matter what I do, it never changes

anything. It always ends like this - her blowing up and blaming me for all of

her problems. I just don't know what else is left. But I can't continue on her

roller coaster.

Problem is - what do I say to my Dad? They're still together, although their

relationship is -not surprisingly - on the rocks. I love my Dad dearly. I'm

angry with him for not ever sticking up for his kids, but I also kind of see why

he doesn't (to avoid the wrath of mom). I don't want to hurt him or put him in

an awkward position.

Then again, why am I trying to protect him when he hasn't been protecting me?

Honestly, I wish he would just leave her, and I can't understand why he won't.

Thanks so much

Judy

> > > >

> > > > So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a card.

It is still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through it. Her

presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a lot of

thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked the

presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on weird

little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she gushed on

and on about the packing material I used rather than the present itself which

she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big lie the whole

thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really does not and

never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE to. And now

as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like such a

shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry is

easier.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It could be that your dad (like mine did) has a dependent kind of personality in

the love relationship department, and he is deeply dependent on and enmeshed

with his wife/your mom. It would be too frightening and stressful for him to

leave her or even stand up to her; in his world the abuse he knows is more

tolerable than being alone.

And having him switch his dependency and enmeshment to you wouldn't be healthy

for either of you.

In the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " the author discusses the types

of men who are attracted to and stay with the different types of borderline pd

females, but generally it would seem that in a dysfunctional relationship a more

domineering, bossy, strong-willed, controlling individual will invariably hook

up with a more passive, needy, enabling, weak-willed individual, and they become

co-dependent on each other in an unhealthy way.

Its sad to realize that your dad isn't able or willing to leave his marriage,

and you are probably going through a kind of mourning or grieving for him, which

is normal. Let yourself mourn and grieve, and you will pass through it and

heal, sooner or later.

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > > So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a card.

It is still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through it. Her

presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a lot of

thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked the

presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on weird

little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she gushed on

and on about the packing material I used rather than the present itself which

she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big lie the whole

thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really does not and

never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE to. And now

as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like such a

shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry is

easier.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I bought beautiful flowers for my BPD mother...and she told me to keep them.

I asked why.

She said she doesn't like to watch flowers dying.

ugh.

It's always something.

Amy

[Guest guest]

But if you hadn't given them to her, she would have complained that you didn't

care about her.

> I bought beautiful flowers for my BPD mother...and she told me to keep them.

> I asked why.

> She said she doesn't like to watch flowers dying.

> ugh.

> It's always something.

>

> Amy

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Annie. Yeah, you're probably right. I love that book. It's amazing.

My Dad actually wants me and my siblings to go to " group therapy " with her.

Seriously, can you imagine the aftermath of THAT? What the hell is he thinking?

Rhetorical questions Thanks again.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So I'm still in contact with my nada and sent her presents and a

card. It is still a really hard day though and I have to force myself through

it. Her presents arrived today and her first reaction was " it's clear you put a

lot of thought into it " and later after me prompting asking her how she liked

the presents she said she did. But it felt... " off " . As usual she focused on

weird little details rather than the main present themselves. One year she

gushed on and on about the packing material I used rather than the present

itself which she later allowed to melt. Most of all though it's just the big

lie the whole thing is that never sits well. It's realizing that she really

does not and never did act *as a mother* to me and I truly believe she's UNABLE

to. And now as each year passes she gets more infirm and it all just seems like

such a shame. Just feeling sad and empty today...I think sometimes being angry

is easier.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mine has even done the " gaslighting " or " mind-f**k " thing RE flowers, to me.

I'd get her flowers, and she'd say that they arrived wilted or damaged or

something, so I'd have to get the florist to re-send them. Then she told me

what your nada told you: that she didn't really like flowers because they remind

her of funerals, so I stopped sending her flowers. Then after I'd stopped, she

asked in a pathetic voice " Why don't you send me flowers anymore? "

You. Can't. Win.

So... eh! Screw her. I stopped trying.

-Annie

>

> I bought beautiful flowers for my BPD mother...and she told me to keep them.

> I asked why.

> She said she doesn't like to watch flowers dying.

> ugh.

> It's always something.

>

>

> Amy

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Judy,

Re: what to say to your dad. My dad is the sweetest man, but he's also nada's

dishrag and #1 flying monkey. To add to it all, he's mostly deaf and has been

getting all his information from nada for years. He thinks 'till death we part'

means he'll accept any and all abuse my mom throws his way. He has been known to

intervene as directed by nada. As he has gotten older and deafer it just gets

worse.

Your situation is obviously different, but you should be prepared that your dad

may not want to hear you. On the other hand, if he doesn't know about BPD and

his role in enabling her, perhaps finding out would help him get away from the

abuse.

I love my dad dearly, but feel very conflicted about him. He stuck with her,

which made my life better than it might have been. But he rarely ever stood up

to her, rarely protected me. I feel very protective toward him, but wonder why.

He always states his family means the world to him, yet he lets Momster run

amock.

Whatever you decide to say, I wish you luck!

[Guest guest]

>

> Okay, so I love the word " Momster " .

>

> As a result of me not visiting my mom for Mother's Day, my momster started

looking for a fight. She found one when she caught wind that I had told my uncle

that we weren't going to re-arrange our plans to travel the 5 hours roundtrip to

visit with our 3 kids. How dare I share that with my uncle?

>

> The last time I spoke to her was a week before Mother's Day, when I told her

we couldn't change our plans...and she was (shockingly) understanding. I didn't

even know we were " fighting " until my Dad told me.

>

> Since then, I've received a large number of text messages and emails from her.

Most of them are " how could you " , " why do you hate me " , " what's wrong with you " ,

" why do want to hurt me so badly - does it make you feel better " , " you have

problems " , etc...she also seems to think my husband and his family are evil and

planting ideas into my head. I tried to call her and talk about whatever the

hell she thinks happened in an adult manner, but she won't answer my calls.

>

> I finally decided to call/text block her and send all of her emails to spam.

Unfortunately, verizon isn't cooperating. I got one more text this morning. " I

don't know what I did to turn you away. It is killing me...I am clueless as to

what happened....what did I do wrong?...I need help before I fall...I feel pain

everywhere...blah blah blah " Longest text message ever. Friggin' verizon.

>

> Crap. I hate that I read it. Now I feel like I need to help her. But this is

all part of the process, right? I mean, when getting defensive didn't work, she

moved on to being helpless. I've seen it a million times. She's had suicidal

ideations before. She's been in inpatient mental health treatment.

>

> Why can't I just make myself ignore it????? I don't want to fall back in.

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Judy,

> > Re: what to say to your dad. My dad is the sweetest man, but he's also

nada's dishrag and #1 flying monkey. To add to it all, he's mostly deaf and has

been getting all his information from nada for years. He thinks 'till death we

part' means he'll accept any and all abuse my mom throws his way. He has been

known to intervene as directed by nada. As he has gotten older and deafer it

just gets worse.

> >

> > Your situation is obviously different, but you should be prepared that your

dad may not want to hear you. On the other hand, if he doesn't know about BPD

and his role in enabling her, perhaps finding out would help him get away from

the abuse.

> >

> > I love my dad dearly, but feel very conflicted about him. He stuck with her,

which made my life better than it might have been. But he rarely ever stood up

to her, rarely protected me. I feel very protective toward him, but wonder why.

He always states his family means the world to him, yet he lets Momster run

amock.

> >

> > Whatever you decide to say, I wish you luck!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Sounds so frustrating. I visited the inlaws for Mothers Day. I believe the

mother and husband are bpd. Her annoying question was, " What's wrong, tell

me what's wrong? " The question's designed to put the other person on the

defensive. Or to soothe the interrogator.

>

>

> Okay, so I love the word " Momster " .

>

> As a result of me not visiting my mom for Mother's Day, my momster started

> looking for a fight. She found one when she caught wind that I had told my

> uncle that we weren't going to re-arrange our plans to travel the 5 hours

> roundtrip to visit with our 3 kids. How dare I share that with my uncle?

>

> The last time I spoke to her was a week before Mother's Day, when I told

> her we couldn't change our plans...and she was (shockingly) understanding. I

> didn't even know we were " fighting " until my Dad told me.

>

> Since then, I've received a large number of text messages and emails from

> her. Most of them are " how could you " , " why do you hate me " , " what's wrong

> with you " , " why do want to hurt me so badly - does it make you feel better " ,

> " you have problems " , etc...she also seems to think my husband and his family

> are evil and planting ideas into my head.

>

> I decided at that point to call block her and send all of her emails to

> spam. Unfortunately, verizon isn't cooperating. I got one more text this

> morning. " I don't know what I did to turn you away. It is killing me...I am

> clueless as to what happened....what did I do wrong?...I need help before I

> fall...I feel pain everywhere...blah blah blah " Longest text message ever.

> Friggin' verizon.

>

> Crap. I hate that I read it. Now I feel like I need to help her. But this

> is all part of the process, right? I mean, when getting defensive didn't

> work, she moved on to being helpless. I've seen it a million times. She's

> had suicidal ideations before. She's been in inpatient mental health

> treatment.

>

> Why can't I just make myself ignore it????? I don't want to fall back in.

>

>

> >

> >

> > Judy,

> > Re: what to say to your dad. My dad is the sweetest man, but he's also

> nada's dishrag and #1 flying monkey. To add to it all, he's mostly deaf and

> has been getting all his information from nada for years. He thinks 'till

> death we part' means he'll accept any and all abuse my mom throws his way.

> He has been known to intervene as directed by nada. As he has gotten older

> and deafer it just gets worse.

> >

> > Your situation is obviously different, but you should be prepared that

> your dad may not want to hear you. On the other hand, if he doesn't know

> about BPD and his role in enabling her, perhaps finding out would help him

> get away from the abuse.

> >

> > I love my dad dearly, but feel very conflicted about him. He stuck with

> her, which made my life better than it might have been. But he rarely ever

> stood up to her, rarely protected me. I feel very protective toward him, but

> wonder why. He always states his family means the world to him, yet he lets

> Momster run amock.

> >

> > Whatever you decide to say, I wish you luck!

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Take my advice, ignore it! I know it's hard. For years, I went through this

same kind of bullshit. Finally, the last time I decided to ignore her. I just

realized that there was nothing else to do, no way to rationalize with someone

so irrational. And I had no desire to talk to her. I went months with no

contact whatsoever. When I saw her next, she told me she was in therapy. For

the first time since I can remember. So ignoring her seems to be what finally

made her look at herself, instead of blaming me.

> Okay, so I love the word " Momster " .

>

> As a result of me not visiting my mom for Mother's Day, my momster started

looking for a fight. She found one when she caught wind that I had told my uncle

that we weren't going to re-arrange our plans to travel the 5 hours roundtrip to

visit with our 3 kids. How dare I share that with my uncle?

>

> The last time I spoke to her was a week before Mother's Day, when I told her

we couldn't change our plans...and she was (shockingly) understanding. I didn't

even know we were " fighting " until my Dad told me.

>

> Since then, I've received a large number of text messages and emails from her.

Most of them are " how could you " , " why do you hate me " , " what's wrong with you " ,

" why do want to hurt me so badly - does it make you feel better " , " you have

problems " , etc...she also seems to think my husband and his family are evil and

planting ideas into my head.

>

> I decided at that point to call block her and send all of her emails to spam.

Unfortunately, verizon isn't cooperating. I got one more text this morning. " I

don't know what I did to turn you away. It is killing me...I am clueless as to

what happened....what did I do wrong?...I need help before I fall...I feel pain

everywhere...blah blah blah " Longest text message ever. Friggin' verizon.

>

> Crap. I hate that I read it. Now I feel like I need to help her. But this is

all part of the process, right? I mean, when getting defensive didn't work, she

moved on to being helpless. I've seen it a million times. She's had suicidal

ideations before. She's been in inpatient mental health treatment.

>

> Why can't I just make myself ignore it????? I don't want to fall back in.

>

>

> >

> >

> > Judy,

> > Re: what to say to your dad. My dad is the sweetest man, but he's also

nada's dishrag and #1 flying monkey. To add to it all, he's mostly deaf and has

been getting all his information from nada for years. He thinks 'till death we

part' means he'll accept any and all abuse my mom throws his way. He has been

known to intervene as directed by nada. As he has gotten older and deafer it

just gets worse.

> >

> > Your situation is obviously different, but you should be prepared that your

dad may not want to hear you. On the other hand, if he doesn't know about BPD

and his role in enabling her, perhaps finding out would help him get away from

the abuse.

> >

> > I love my dad dearly, but feel very conflicted about him. He stuck with her,

which made my life better than it might have been. But he rarely ever stood up

to her, rarely protected me. I feel very protective toward him, but wonder why.

He always states his family means the world to him, yet he lets Momster run

amock.

> >

> > Whatever you decide to say, I wish you luck!

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Gail.

I did decide to ignore it. But I feel guilty of course. One reason is because I

feel like I should do something. She sounds like she's really hurting, and she

believes it's because of me. The other reason I feel guilty - perhaps the

bigger reason - is because a part of me wishes she would just kill herself

already. There, I finally " said " it out loud. Phew.

Sadly, my mother is already in therapy...has been for 5-6 years. Except her

therapist is a moron. Actually, the therapist and psychiatrist apparently

discharged her last week because she's " better " . Really? They also are trying to

get her on long-term disability; she just can't seem to keep a job. Tell me,

how can you be on long-term disability for mental illness but be done with

therapy? Doesn't make any sense.

I have been finding comfort - or perhaps entertainment? - in the most recent

posting about psychD's being fooled by BPs. It's so strange. My mom is one of

the least smart people I know. And she's just getting dumber it seems - the more

she's in treatment, the dumber she gets. I don't understand if it's the meds or

a defense mechanism or if she's really that dumb. But how can someone so dumb

fool a graduate prepared " expert " ? Seems backwards.

> > >

> > >

> > > Judy,

> > > Re: what to say to your dad. My dad is the sweetest man, but he's also

nada's dishrag and #1 flying monkey. To add to it all, he's mostly deaf and has

been getting all his information from nada for years. He thinks 'till death we

part' means he'll accept any and all abuse my mom throws his way. He has been

known to intervene as directed by nada. As he has gotten older and deafer it

just gets worse.

> > >

> > > Your situation is obviously different, but you should be prepared that

your dad may not want to hear you. On the other hand, if he doesn't know about

BPD and his role in enabling her, perhaps finding out would help him get away

from the abuse.

> > >

> > > I love my dad dearly, but feel very conflicted about him. He stuck with

her, which made my life better than it might have been. But he rarely ever stood

up to her, rarely protected me. I feel very protective toward him, but wonder

why. He always states his family means the world to him, yet he lets Momster run

amock.

> > >

> > > Whatever you decide to say, I wish you luck!

> > >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe she just needs to feel her pain right now. At any rate, it's not your job

to make her feel better.

As for wishing she's just kill herself, don't beat yourself up. I think we've

all longed for the relief that will come when we don't need to deal with the BS,

when we can say, it's finally over. I've wished my mom would just die so I

could put the torture behind me.

As for them being in therapy, I don't even ask my mother how her therapy is

going. I don't even want to know.

> Thank you, Gail.

>

> I did decide to ignore it. But I feel guilty of course. One reason is because

I feel like I should do something. She sounds like she's really hurting, and she

believes it's because of me. The other reason I feel guilty - perhaps the bigger

reason - is because a part of me wishes she would just kill herself already.

There, I finally " said " it out loud. Phew.

>

> Sadly, my mother is already in therapy...has been for 5-6 years. Except her

therapist is a moron. Actually, the therapist and psychiatrist apparently

discharged her last week because she's " better " . Really? They also are trying to

get her on long-term disability; she just can't seem to keep a job. Tell me, how

can you be on long-term disability for mental illness but be done with therapy?

Doesn't make any sense.

>

> I have been finding comfort - or perhaps entertainment? - in the most recent

posting about psychD's being fooled by BPs. It's so strange. My mom is one of

the least smart people I know. And she's just getting dumber it seems - the more

she's in treatment, the dumber she gets. I don't understand if it's the meds or

a defense mechanism or if she's really that dumb. But how can someone so dumb

fool a graduate prepared " expert " ? Seems backwards.

>

>

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Judy,

> > > > Re: what to say to your dad. My dad is the sweetest man, but he's also

nada's dishrag and #1 flying monkey. To add to it all, he's mostly deaf and has

been getting all his information from nada for years. He thinks 'till death we

part' means he'll accept any and all abuse my mom throws his way. He has been

known to intervene as directed by nada. As he has gotten older and deafer it

just gets worse.

> > > >

> > > > Your situation is obviously different, but you should be prepared that

your dad may not want to hear you. On the other hand, if he doesn't know about

BPD and his role in enabling her, perhaps finding out would help him get away

from the abuse.

> > > >

> > > > I love my dad dearly, but feel very conflicted about him. He stuck with

her, which made my life better than it might have been. But he rarely ever stood

up to her, rarely protected me. I feel very protective toward him, but wonder

why. He always states his family means the world to him, yet he lets Momster run

amock.

> > > >

> > > > Whatever you decide to say, I wish you luck!

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >