LC..triggered by benign contact

[Guest guest]

I am low contact with nada who moved 10 min walk away after I asked for her

help with something small and she ended up raging at DH and calling him

wonderful names here in our house, including my abusive ex's name.

 

Today I went down to her place with my kids 8 and almost 2. For like an

hour...and OMG Of course my dad, (who was talking about leaving before the move,

then moved with her and has basically given up on finding a job, friends, life

generally and spends lots of time napping...he is 57!!!! ) went for a rest.

 

I am TRIGGERED. My shoulders are tight to headache point, I feel overloaded,

cranky, overwhelmed and ready to blow. I ended up yelling at my big girl who

was rough housing with toddler (also often happens after grandma's), who then

bit her to the point it brought blood because 8 year old went too far and shook

her. Made peace with big girl and started over.

 

Finally got them both to sleep after much tears and whining from both

 

How can beningn contact: a bowl of soup, kids played dolls and blocks, took home

my old fish tank, light chat trigger me. Am I crazy? I feel frustrated, confused

and guilty.

 

I am also doing inner child stuff and have gotten to a very traumatized 8 year

old who is too scared to talk, who used to sneak around at nite hiding the

knives. Maybe a bad time to go to nadas..

 

Also, have been using my pregnancy as an excuse for LC. 5 months down til I have

to find a new excuse

 

Thanks

SK

[Guest guest]

Would you go out for a " benign " cup of coffee with your abusive ex?

I hope not. You'd know that he's abusive. You'd know that his abuse was

traumatic for you. You probably wouldn't be surprised if you felt on edge after

running in to him in public, let alone if you had to sit at a table with him

wondering if he was going to blow up at you.

People with BPD are abusers, too. It's not surprising that being around them

would cause you to physically and emotionally react as if you were experiencing

the trauma again. Especially when you know they have not changed anything about

their behavior.

Why is it your expectation that you would feel any differently than you do? Can

you use this experience--your feelings, your physical tension--to help you

figure out where your personal limit is? These reactions tell us that some kind

of boundary is being violated. I think you might benefit from figuring out for

yourself where that boundary is.

Sveta

>

> I am low contact with nada who moved 10 min walk away after I asked for her

help with something small and she ended up raging at DH and calling him

wonderful names here in our house, including my abusive ex's name.

>  

> Today I went down to her place with my kids 8 and almost 2. For like an

hour...and OMG Of course my dad, (who was talking about leaving before the move,

then moved with her and has basically given up on finding a job, friends, life

generally and spends lots of time napping...he is 57!!!! ) went for a rest.

>  

> I am TRIGGERED. My shoulders are tight to headache point, I feel overloaded,

cranky, overwhelmed and ready to blow. I ended up yelling at my big girl who

was rough housing with toddler (also often happens after grandma's), who then

bit her to the point it brought blood because 8 year old went too far and shook

her. Made peace with big girl and started over.

>  

> Finally got them both to sleep after much tears and whining from both

>  

> How can beningn contact: a bowl of soup, kids played dolls and blocks, took

home my old fish tank, light chat trigger me. Am I crazy? I feel frustrated,

confused and guilty.

>  

> I am also doing inner child stuff and have gotten to a very traumatized 8 year

old who is too scared to talk, who used to sneak around at nite hiding the

knives. Maybe a bad time to go to nadas..

>  

> Also, have been using my pregnancy as an excuse for LC. 5 months down til I

have to find a new excuse

>  

> Thanks

> SK

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are not crazy. You have a lifetime of probably both covert and overt

emotional abuse from your nada that is simply less tolerable to you than it used

to be. You're only human, and sometimes, there is just a point that you reach

where you say, " Enough is enough. I'm done. I'm not going to take this

anymore. "

I agree with you; I don't think its a good idea to have any contact with someone

who is triggering you so much when you are pregnant. Its not good for you or

the baby, and the stress is negatively affecting your other children as well.

If your nada is being ugly and disrespecting your husband and/or you, then, she

doesn't earn the privilege of contact with you or your family. It's basically

your call to deal with your mother and not allow her to abuse and disrespect

you, your husband, or to upset/mistreat your kids.

Its your decision how you want to handle it, but in my opinion there is nothing

wrong with going Low Contact (with lots of boundaries in place) or No Contact

either temporarily or permanently. There are up sides and down sides to each

choice. Only you can figure out what will work for you, and you get to decide

if you want a " time out " to think about it.

Best of luck to you; having her living so close is really unfortunate, but, hey,

maybe you can move away in the not too distant future.

-Annie

>

> I am low contact with nada who moved 10 min walk away after I asked for her

help with something small and she ended up raging at DH and calling him

wonderful names here in our house, including my abusive ex's name.

>  

> Today I went down to her place with my kids 8 and almost 2. For like an

hour...and OMG Of course my dad, (who was talking about leaving before the move,

then moved with her and has basically given up on finding a job, friends, life

generally and spends lots of time napping...he is 57!!!! ) went for a rest.

>  

> I am TRIGGERED. My shoulders are tight to headache point, I feel overloaded,

cranky, overwhelmed and ready to blow. I ended up yelling at my big girl who

was rough housing with toddler (also often happens after grandma's), who then

bit her to the point it brought blood because 8 year old went too far and shook

her. Made peace with big girl and started over.

>  

> Finally got them both to sleep after much tears and whining from both

>  

> How can beningn contact: a bowl of soup, kids played dolls and blocks, took

home my old fish tank, light chat trigger me. Am I crazy? I feel frustrated,

confused and guilty.

>  

> I am also doing inner child stuff and have gotten to a very traumatized 8 year

old who is too scared to talk, who used to sneak around at nite hiding the

knives. Maybe a bad time to go to nadas..

>  

> Also, have been using my pregnancy as an excuse for LC. 5 months down til I

have to find a new excuse

>  

> Thanks

> SK

>

>