Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 I should have known better! My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 Wow - Lynette's comment today comes to mind. " Nada is a bitch " Unbelievable. I'll be amazed if she has any friends. > > > I should have known better! > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include > my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen > out of a room. > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my > daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in > their beautiful cards. > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis > were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you > gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of > trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the > earrings. I never got a thank you. > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act > differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 Their behavior is rather predictable, isn't it. Sadly. Whenever I see the movie " Blazing Saddles " , the scene in it where " Lily Von Schtupp " is given a lovely rose by her suitor, her tepid reaction to the gift reminds me of my nada: " Oh... a wed wose. How ordinary. " as she accepts it and tosses it behind her. Yep. Nothing is ever good enough, so, I stopped trying, myself. -Annie > > I should have known better! > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 Hey Jocelyne, Your mom's a bitch. Nothing you can do about it. Lynnette > > I should have known better! > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 When I was a child, my mother routinely refused to accept gifts that I bought her, because " she's only giving it to me because she feels guilty. " I was never sure what I was supposed to have felt guilty about, except that I was a horrible child. She would refuse to open them for hours, and then, with her best victim/martyr face on, reluctantly open it. When I was older, she would open the gift but then exclaim, " What am I going to do with that? " And she has an issue with cards too. She wants them to be really mushy and say how wonderful she is, which of course kills me to send. Once when my brother and I were still living at home, she got mad that we handed her cards to her rather than mailing them. We lived in the same house, for god's sake! > Their behavior is rather predictable, isn't it. Sadly. > > Whenever I see the movie " Blazing Saddles " , the scene in it where " Lily Von Schtupp " is given a lovely rose by her suitor, her tepid reaction to the gift reminds me of my nada: " Oh... a wed wose. How ordinary. " as she accepts it and tosses it behind her. > > Yep. Nothing is ever good enough, so, I stopped trying, myself. > > -Annie > > > > > > I should have known better! > > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 At Christmas nada admired a sweater in a store, an expensive sweater, and later on I went back to the store and bought it for her. My stepfather bought her a matching turtle neck to wear under it. She opened my gift and got all excited and laughing that it was the gift that she wanted. Then opened my stepfather's gift and said: oh nice, ANOTHER turtle neck. She was pissy and pouty whenever anyone else opened their gifts, and only was happy opening her gift if she liked it. She couldn't feign that she was happy to receive a gift, even if it wasn't her style. She gave me a box of cookies as a gift and a dvd. The dvd was fine, but I don't particularly like cookies and I am in training as an athlete so I generally don't eat them. But I was thankful anyhow that she at least tried to get me something. Isn't it the THOUGHT that counts? Talk about selfish and self-centered. BITCH. > > I should have known better! > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 This is very NPD. She didn't want you to get the attention. I would stay out of situations where she has to share the limelight. > > I should have known better! > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 Once when I was 8, I picked out these cute embroidered handkerchiefs for my mom. I thought the flowers on them were so pretty. Ok, not a very practical gift, but I was 8! She did the, What am I going to do with these bit. I never forgot it. Years later when I was in my 20's, my parents went to Denmark or Norway or somewhere like that, and brought me back embroidered hankies. I know she saw the amused and annoyed look on my face, and didn't know what it was about. I agree--BITCH. > At Christmas nada admired a sweater in a store, an expensive sweater, and later on I went back to the store and bought it for her. My stepfather bought her a matching turtle neck to wear under it. She opened my gift and got all excited and laughing that it was the gift that she wanted. Then opened my stepfather's gift and said: oh nice, ANOTHER turtle neck. > > She was pissy and pouty whenever anyone else opened their gifts, and only was happy opening her gift if she liked it. She couldn't feign that she was happy to receive a gift, even if it wasn't her style. She gave me a box of cookies as a gift and a dvd. The dvd was fine, but I don't particularly like cookies and I am in training as an athlete so I generally don't eat them. But I was thankful anyhow that she at least tried to get me something. Isn't it the THOUGHT that counts? Talk about selfish and self-centered. > > BITCH. > > > > > > > > I should have known better! > > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 Your post reminded me of one of my nada's traits. She has (or used to have) an excellent memory, and she would and did wait literally *years* sometimes to " get me back " in a precisely parallel way when she believed I had hurt her or disrespected her. I found that very, very creepy. Its as though she stored various incidents " on disc " and had instant access to them, so when an opportunity presented itself she could call it up and... Gotcha back! Example. She was visiting me and decided (without my knowledge or permission) to rearrange the furniture and knickknacks in my dining room. I said something like, " Gee, mom, I liked it the way it was. I'm sorry you spent all that time moving this stuff, I wish you'd asked me first. " She got snippy, didn't apologize or offer to move the stuff back again, said it was a better layout, etc., and I said, " Fine. Whatever. I'll just move it all back again myself after you leave. " So, many years later I'm visiting her house, and three of our cousins arrive to take away a rather large and very heavy antique organ nada decided to give to them. For some reason nada goes to another part of the house after she lets them in; I have to show them where the organ is. The boys managed to pick the thing up and were staggering down the hallway with it, so I quickly move a chair and a coffee table a few feet out of their way so they won't trip or bump/mar the furniture or the organ. The moment they make it out the door, nada is all over me, scolding and criticizing me for moving her furniture without asking her first, even though I was in the process of moving it back again! Its just amazing and creepy, the way their minds work, I tells ya! -Annie > > > > > > I should have known better! > > > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > > > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > > > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > > > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 That is creepy. I'd always assumed my mom forgot that I gave her the hankies and that it was just a coincidence. But maybe she was consciously or unconsciously getting me back. How weird! > Your post reminded me of one of my nada's traits. > > She has (or used to have) an excellent memory, and she would and did wait literally *years* sometimes to " get me back " in a precisely parallel way when she believed I had hurt her or disrespected her. > > I found that very, very creepy. > > Its as though she stored various incidents " on disc " and had instant access to them, so when an opportunity presented itself she could call it up and... Gotcha back! > > Example. She was visiting me and decided (without my knowledge or permission) to rearrange the furniture and knickknacks in my dining room. I said something like, " Gee, mom, I liked it the way it was. I'm sorry you spent all that time moving this stuff, I wish you'd asked me first. " She got snippy, didn't apologize or offer to move the stuff back again, said it was a better layout, etc., and I said, " Fine. Whatever. I'll just move it all back again myself after you leave. " > > So, many years later I'm visiting her house, and three of our cousins arrive to take away a rather large and very heavy antique organ nada decided to give to them. For some reason nada goes to another part of the house after she lets them in; I have to show them where the organ is. The boys managed to pick the thing up and were staggering down the hallway with it, so I quickly move a chair and a coffee table a few feet out of their way so they won't trip or bump/mar the furniture or the organ. The moment they make it out the door, nada is all over me, scolding and criticizing me for moving her furniture without asking her first, even though I was in the process of moving it back again! > > Its just amazing and creepy, the way their minds work, I tells ya! > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > I should have known better! > > > > My daughters planned a lovely mother'day for me and we decided to include my Nada.They are seldom in contact with her and feel she sucks the oxygen out of a room. > > > > We went to a lovely restaurant and exchanged presents.The presents my daughters gave me,I will treasure forever,as well as the words they used in their beautiful cards. > > > > But here is word for word, the reaction I got from my Nada: " The gnocchis were cold,the restaurant was the loudest I have ever been to,the jacket you gave me is too short and the earrings are too long " I had gone to a lot of trouble to order the jacket she had admired in a magazine as well as the earrings. I never got a thank you. > > > > I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she might act differently and setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt feelings. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 Your nada doesn't like sharing, can't be pleased and has to make sure everyone else knows how put out and unhappy she is. She'll ruin more days/family time for you only if you let her. Your kids sound terrific--savor those relationships instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2011 Report Share Posted May 10, 2011 I agree, and " sucking all the oxygen out of the room " is a good way to describe this! -Annie > > > Your nada doesn't like sharing, can't be pleased and has to make sure everyone else knows how put out and unhappy she is. She'll ruin more days/family time for you only if you let her. > > Your kids sound terrific--savor those relationships instead. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 I have seen it both ways, complaining and minimizing the good, emphasising the bad. And on the other end of the spectrum, going so Nada overboard, gushing about a small bit of something, that it seem insincere, and saps the value from every praise or thanks she gives. Either way it comes down to this. Nada is entitled to all you have, all you can give, all the world has to offer, and when anyone gives anything less, as is inevitable, it is not enough. After a while, you just stop. I bought nada a new microwave. It was sitting unused on her counter when she died. A TV. Unused, an old one she found in a yard sale in its place. A high powered antenna, since she did not want cable. On top of her TV, unused, and after I bought that, THEN she got cable. You can only win with nada this way: Do whatever you do for her because you want to. Do it for your reasons, regardless of her responce. Or do nothing, for your reasons. If you are waiting for her to act normal, and say, thanks, it was a nice time having dinner with my family, nope, not gonna happen. Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 i say amen to this doug, esp. the last part where you give us some good rules to follow about giving, and i think not just to our nada's but to anyone we might want to do something for.. do it out of love, for our own reasons, not expecting anything necessarily in return, that way, if the person happens not to be a nada, the thanks they migth give will be a bonus. when we give out of love it is indeed something that is its own reward. thanks doug again for your insight and thotfulness here. blessings to all, ann Subject: Re: Mother's day To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Wednesday, May 11, 2011, 8:44 AM  I have seen it both ways, complaining and minimizing the good, emphasising the bad. And on the other end of the spectrum, going so Nada overboard, gushing about a small bit of something, that it seem insincere, and saps the value from every praise or thanks she gives. Either way it comes down to this. Nada is entitled to all you have, all you can give, all the world has to offer, and when anyone gives anything less, as is inevitable, it is not enough. After a while, you just stop. I bought nada a new microwave. It was sitting unused on her counter when she died. A TV. Unused, an old one she found in a yard sale in its place. A high powered antenna, since she did not want cable. On top of her TV, unused, and after I bought that, THEN she got cable. You can only win with nada this way: Do whatever you do for her because you want to. Do it for your reasons, regardless of her responce. Or do nothing, for your reasons. If you are waiting for her to act normal, and say, thanks, it was a nice time having dinner with my family, nope, not gonna happen. Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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