Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 The other day, I was sitting with my elderly nada and my seriously father, doing what I call an ³intervention². After 50 years of marriage to my BPD mom, my dad, at the very end of his life, has ³had it² with her, and my ³intervention² type talks with both of them seems to calm things down even if just for a little while. So, while we are ³expressing feelings², my nada announces in front of my dad, ³I don¹t like living in the same house with someone who is dying.² I ask her why. She says, ³It¹s so dull. There¹s so much coughing, and groaning.² This is the same woman who insisted she take a week away from home after my dad¹s latest cancer surgery, since she had been weakened by ³seeing blood². No matter that I daily cleaned out blood clots from his catheter. I looked her in the eye, and said, ³Mom, I have to tell you that would you¹ve said is rather selfish. Think of what dad is going through. You are in a marriage, and this is part of the ³Til death do us part².² Well, you would have though a bomb exploded. The fact that I said her response seemed selfish elicited all kinds of remarks like, ³Do you know what I¹ve put up with for the last six years???² I looked at my dad with incredible sympathy. I told him, ³Don¹t worry, I won¹t leave you.² He responded, ³I want to die surrounded by people who love me.² Someone is dying who provided for her every need for 50 years, and all she can think of is herself. Unbelievable. And so sad.. How much of this is her fear talking? Any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 Wow, . I'm sorry about your Dad. It's hard enough to watch someone you love die, but add a BPD mom on top of it and, boy, you've got your hands full. I can't say whether or not she's being selfish or fearful...although I do wonder what difference it makes. You're probably scared too. Losing someone is scary. But acting out and saying the things that she said are just downright mean. Don't let your mom's mental health ruin what little time you and your Dad have left together. You'll never get that back. Judy > > The other day, I was sitting with my elderly nada and my seriously father, > doing what I call an ³intervention². After 50 years of marriage to my BPD > mom, my dad, at the very end of his life, has ³had it² with her, and my > ³intervention² type talks with both of them seems to calm things down even > if just for a little while. > > So, while we are ³expressing feelings², my nada announces in front of my > dad, ³I don¹t like living in the same house with someone who is dying.² > > I ask her why. She says, ³It¹s so dull. There¹s so much coughing, and > groaning.² This is the same woman who insisted she take a week away from > home after my dad¹s latest cancer surgery, since she had been weakened by > ³seeing blood². No matter that I daily cleaned out blood clots from his > catheter. > > I looked her in the eye, and said, ³Mom, I have to tell you that would > you¹ve said is rather selfish. Think of what dad is going through. You are > in a marriage, and this is part of the ³Til death do us part².² > > Well, you would have though a bomb exploded. The fact that I said her > response seemed selfish elicited all kinds of remarks like, ³Do you know > what I¹ve put up with for the last six years???² > > I looked at my dad with incredible sympathy. I told him, ³Don¹t worry, I > won¹t leave you.² He responded, ³I want to die surrounded by people who > love me.² > > Someone is dying who provided for her every need for 50 years, and all she > can think of is herself. > > Unbelievable. And so sad.. How much of this is her fear talking? > > Any thoughts? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 sounds awful. She's selfish. What can you do? Sorry youre going through this! On Wed, May 11, 2011 at 9:04 AM, Dickan wrote: > > > The other day, I was sitting with my elderly nada and my seriously father, > doing what I call an ³intervention². After 50 years of marriage to my BPD > mom, my dad, at the very end of his life, has ³had it² with her, and my > ³intervention² type talks with both of them seems to calm things down even > if just for a little while. > > So, while we are ³expressing feelings², my nada announces in front of my > dad, ³I don¹t like living in the same house with someone who is dying.² > > I ask her why. She says, ³It¹s so dull. There¹s so much coughing, and > groaning.² This is the same woman who insisted she take a week away from > home after my dad¹s latest cancer surgery, since she had been weakened by > ³seeing blood². No matter that I daily cleaned out blood clots from his > catheter. > > I looked her in the eye, and said, ³Mom, I have to tell you that would > you¹ve said is rather selfish. Think of what dad is going through. You are > in a marriage, and this is part of the ³Til death do us part².² > > Well, you would have though a bomb exploded. The fact that I said her > response seemed selfish elicited all kinds of remarks like, ³Do you know > what I¹ve put up with for the last six years???² > > I looked at my dad with incredible sympathy. I told him, ³Don¹t worry, I > won¹t leave you.² He responded, ³I want to die surrounded by people who > love me.² > > Someone is dying who provided for her every need for 50 years, and all she > can think of is herself. > > Unbelievable. And so sad.. How much of this is her fear talking? > > Any thoughts? > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 How horrible for your father -- and how sad. My thoughts: put her ass into a urine soaked nursing home while you tenderly nurse your father at home. Bless you~ > > The other day, I was sitting with my elderly nada and my seriously father, > doing what I call an ³intervention². After 50 years of marriage to my BPD > mom, my dad, at the very end of his life, has ³had it² with her, and my > ³intervention² type talks with both of them seems to calm things down even > if just for a little while. > > So, while we are ³expressing feelings², my nada announces in front of my > dad, ³I don¹t like living in the same house with someone who is dying.² > > I ask her why. She says, ³It¹s so dull. There¹s so much coughing, and > groaning.² This is the same woman who insisted she take a week away from > home after my dad¹s latest cancer surgery, since she had been weakened by > ³seeing blood². No matter that I daily cleaned out blood clots from his > catheter. > > I looked her in the eye, and said, ³Mom, I have to tell you that would > you¹ve said is rather selfish. Think of what dad is going through. You are > in a marriage, and this is part of the ³Til death do us part².² > > Well, you would have though a bomb exploded. The fact that I said her > response seemed selfish elicited all kinds of remarks like, ³Do you know > what I¹ve put up with for the last six years???² > > I looked at my dad with incredible sympathy. I told him, ³Don¹t worry, I > won¹t leave you.² He responded, ³I want to die surrounded by people who > love me.² > > Someone is dying who provided for her every need for 50 years, and all she > can think of is herself. > > Unbelievable. And so sad.. How much of this is her fear talking? > > Any thoughts? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 This almost made me cry. It might still make me cry later. It's not that your mom is selfish so much as what she's being selfish about. I mean, it would be one thing to say something like, " I can't deal with watching the man I have loved for 50 years become worn down by disease and old age and I can't witness his suffering anymore. " That seems like it would be more understandable. To me, at least. That's not what she's saying, though. No, she's disappointed because she doesn't have entertainment. WHAT THE HELL?! I don't even know what to do with that! Dying is boring her? And I realize it's different when it's somebody else's blood, but come on... Who on here doesn't deal with blood clots EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH? That just gets to me. You're doing the right thing by sticking with your dad. Hopefully you can create as loving an environment as possible for him right now. > > The other day, I was sitting with my elderly nada and my seriously father, > doing what I call an ³intervention². After 50 years of marriage to my BPD > mom, my dad, at the very end of his life, has ³had it² with her, and my > ³intervention² type talks with both of them seems to calm things down even > if just for a little while. > > So, while we are ³expressing feelings², my nada announces in front of my > dad, ³I don¹t like living in the same house with someone who is dying.² > > I ask her why. She says, ³It¹s so dull. There¹s so much coughing, and > groaning.² This is the same woman who insisted she take a week away from > home after my dad¹s latest cancer surgery, since she had been weakened by > ³seeing blood². No matter that I daily cleaned out blood clots from his > catheter. > > I looked her in the eye, and said, ³Mom, I have to tell you that would > you¹ve said is rather selfish. Think of what dad is going through. You are > in a marriage, and this is part of the ³Til death do us part².² > > Well, you would have though a bomb exploded. The fact that I said her > response seemed selfish elicited all kinds of remarks like, ³Do you know > what I¹ve put up with for the last six years???² > > I looked at my dad with incredible sympathy. I told him, ³Don¹t worry, I > won¹t leave you.² He responded, ³I want to die surrounded by people who > love me.² > > Someone is dying who provided for her every need for 50 years, and all she > can think of is herself. > > Unbelievable. And so sad.. How much of this is her fear talking? > > Any thoughts? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2011 Report Share Posted May 11, 2011 My guess would be its due to her being a narcissistic a**hole. I'm sure your dad is blessing you for your care and concern for him. Just ignore mommy dearest and focus on your dad now, he needs you. -Annie > > The other day, I was sitting with my elderly nada and my seriously father, > doing what I call an ³intervention². After 50 years of marriage to my BPD > mom, my dad, at the very end of his life, has ³had it² with her, and my > ³intervention² type talks with both of them seems to calm things down even > if just for a little while. > > So, while we are ³expressing feelings², my nada announces in front of my > dad, ³I don¹t like living in the same house with someone who is dying.² > > I ask her why. She says, ³It¹s so dull. There¹s so much coughing, and > groaning.² This is the same woman who insisted she take a week away from > home after my dad¹s latest cancer surgery, since she had been weakened by > ³seeing blood². No matter that I daily cleaned out blood clots from his > catheter. > > I looked her in the eye, and said, ³Mom, I have to tell you that would > you¹ve said is rather selfish. Think of what dad is going through. You are > in a marriage, and this is part of the ³Til death do us part².² > > Well, you would have though a bomb exploded. The fact that I said her > response seemed selfish elicited all kinds of remarks like, ³Do you know > what I¹ve put up with for the last six years???² > > I looked at my dad with incredible sympathy. I told him, ³Don¹t worry, I > won¹t leave you.² He responded, ³I want to die surrounded by people who > love me.² > > Someone is dying who provided for her every need for 50 years, and all she > can think of is herself. > > Unbelievable. And so sad.. How much of this is her fear talking? > > Any thoughts? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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