An Antidote to Nada's perceptions of me

[Guest guest]

I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I know I will be

talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will be taken off

life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year were not so committed

for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live two days drive (or one

long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a way to say good-bye to him and

not disrupt the routine of my small family. As he is semi-unconscious, he may

not even respond were I there.

I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I need a

mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is giving me

another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately when she puts me

down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I hope to put it

on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond their

reach. ~ Huie

Best,

" Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your own heart. "

Carl Jung

[Guest guest]

In my own case, I think I need more compassion for myself for choosing to give

up, and back away for the sake of my own mental health.

I've been No Contact (virtually) for about 3 years now, and I still feel

residual misplaced guilt and longing to have at least the fantasy

mother-daughter relationship I used to have with her, but I know intellectually

that that is just me beating myself up with a big stick and feeling like a bad

human being for holding back and protecting myself.

I speak often of emotional detachment, but I've only achieved it on a surface

level. I am consciously choosing to not contact my nada, but underneath I wish

I dared to. But I know I am too weak to withstand the emotional onslaught: the

crying, the recriminations, the guilt, the venomous anger that she will spew at

me. I just can't take it.

The silent, low-grade, chronic guilt I feel is I think healthier for me than

subjecting myself to the abuse again. My resilience is eroded away, I have no

stamina left.

I need peace.

-Annie

>

> I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I know I will

be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will be taken off

life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year were not so committed

for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live two days drive (or one

long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a way to say good-bye to him and

not disrupt the routine of my small family. As he is semi-unconscious, he may

not even respond were I there.

>

> I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

>

> I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I need a

mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is giving me

another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately when she puts me

down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I hope to put it

on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

>

> There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond their

reach. ~ Huie

>

> Best,

>

> " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your own heart. "

Carl Jung

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Did you see the 60 minutes episode a few weeks ago where they interviewed monks

on Mt. Athos?

One monk was relating that one of his parents--father?--was on his deathbed and

had been asking to see his son. The monks on Athos don't leave; the interviewer

asked him whether he felt guilty about not going to say goodbye to his father.

He said something like, " No. We pray for him. And I know we will see each other

again in Paradise. " He didn't seem distressed. He seemed peaceful and hopeful.

, Since you believe in a HP, maybe it would be helpful for you to

remember that the HP is Higher and more Powerful than nada; she isn't the one

with the authority to judge you. You don't have to be right there with your

uncle in order to wish him a peaceful departure from this life. I'm sure he

will be happy to have your prayers, even from where you are. May his memory be

eternal.

Thank you for sharing that quote.

And, Annie, detachment is hard. I don't think I know anyone who is completely

detached from the emotional connection to our nadas, at least not all of the

time. Things come in waves, and sometimes we feel stronger than we do at other

times. But you have a lot of experience; you have honesty; and a great deal of

people have benefited from what you share. I think you have done the right

thing in acknowledging you are not God, you are not impervious to harm, and you

know what your limits are and how much you can handle. Thank you for being such

a beam of light through the FOG, and for sharing openly even when you struggle.

I think we can remain compassionate toward others even when we're not around

them. Sometimes it's even in everyone's best interest for us to step away and

love them from a distance, even for the whole of this life. Just because we

don't speak to someone doesn't mean we are mean or hateful, or that we're being

" unloving. "

I believe that if my parents have God's love, they don't really need me right

there with them, because He is able to love them and be compassionate with them

far better than I ever could. Conversely,the unconditional love that a parental

relationship is supposed to show us is meant to be a reflection of the divine

love; but since I have God's love, it doesn't really matter to me anymore that

they totally screwed up in that department. I think there was an exercise in the

SWOE-WB that is meant to help us with this kind of detachment...something like

" I release [name] to God's care, and [name] releases me to God's care. " (or sub

HP, or whatever. I know not everyone believes in God, but this works for me).

Sveta

> >

> > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I know I

will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will be taken off

life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year were not so committed

for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live two days drive (or one

long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a way to say good-bye to him and

not disrupt the routine of my small family. As he is semi-unconscious, he may

not even respond were I there.

> >

> > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> >

> > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I need a

mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is giving me

another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately when she puts me

down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I hope to put it

on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> >

> > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond

their reach. ~ Huie

> >

> > Best,

> >

> > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your own heart. "

Carl Jung

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

OH HP Means higher power. I instantly went to " Hewlett Packard "

>

>

> Did you see the 60 minutes episode a few weeks ago where they interviewed

> monks on Mt. Athos?

>

> One monk was relating that one of his parents--father?--was on his deathbed

> and had been asking to see his son. The monks on Athos don't leave; the

> interviewer asked him whether he felt guilty about not going to say goodbye

> to his father. He said something like, " No. We pray for him. And I know we

> will see each other again in Paradise. " He didn't seem distressed. He seemed

> peaceful and hopeful.

>

> , Since you believe in a HP, maybe it would be helpful for you to

> remember that the HP is Higher and more Powerful than nada; she isn't the

> one with the authority to judge you. You don't have to be right there with

> your uncle in order to wish him a peaceful departure from this life. I'm

> sure he will be happy to have your prayers, even from where you are. May his

> memory be eternal.

>

> Thank you for sharing that quote.

>

> And, Annie, detachment is hard. I don't think I know anyone who is

> completely detached from the emotional connection to our nadas, at least not

> all of the time. Things come in waves, and sometimes we feel stronger than

> we do at other times. But you have a lot of experience; you have honesty;

> and a great deal of people have benefited from what you share. I think you

> have done the right thing in acknowledging you are not God, you are not

> impervious to harm, and you know what your limits are and how much you can

> handle. Thank you for being such a beam of light through the FOG, and for

> sharing openly even when you struggle.

>

> I think we can remain compassionate toward others even when we're not

> around them. Sometimes it's even in everyone's best interest for us to step

> away and love them from a distance, even for the whole of this life. Just

> because we don't speak to someone doesn't mean we are mean or hateful, or

> that we're being " unloving. "

>

> I believe that if my parents have God's love, they don't really need me

> right there with them, because He is able to love them and be compassionate

> with them far better than I ever could. Conversely,the unconditional love

> that a parental relationship is supposed to show us is meant to be a

> reflection of the divine love; but since I have God's love, it doesn't

> really matter to me anymore that they totally screwed up in that department.

> I think there was an exercise in the SWOE-WB that is meant to help us with

> this kind of detachment...something like " I release [name] to God's care,

> and [name] releases me to God's care. " (or sub HP, or whatever. I know not

> everyone believes in God, but this works for me).

>

> Sveta

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I know

> I will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will be

> taken off life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year were not

> so committed for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live two

> days drive (or one long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a way to

> say good-bye to him and not disrupt the routine of my small family. As he is

> semi-unconscious, he may not even respond were I there.

> > >

> > > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> > >

> > > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I

> need a mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is

> giving me another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately when

> she puts me down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I hope

> to put it on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> > >

> > > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond

> their reach. ~ Huie

> > >

> > > Best,

> > >

> > > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your own

> heart. " Carl Jung

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Well, if it helps, even a Hewlett-Packard has more power to change my mother

than I do. ;-)

>

> OH HP Means higher power. I instantly went to " Hewlett Packard "

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If I don't believe in Hewlett Packard, does that mean I'm going to Dell?

*slaps thigh* :-)

> > > >

> > > > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I know

> > I will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will be

> > taken off life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year were not

> > so committed for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live two

> > days drive (or one long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a way to

> > say good-bye to him and not disrupt the routine of my small family. As he is

> > semi-unconscious, he may not even respond were I there.

> > > >

> > > > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> > > >

> > > > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I

> > need a mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is

> > giving me another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately when

> > she puts me down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I hope

> > to put it on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> > > >

> > > > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond

> > their reach. ~ Huie

> > > >

> > > > Best,

> > > >

> > > > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your own

> > heart. " Carl Jung

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I think that is hysterical! I want that on a T-shirt!

LOL*snort*LOL!

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I know

> > > I will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will be

> > > taken off life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year were

not

> > > so committed for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live two

> > > days drive (or one long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a way

to

> > > say good-bye to him and not disrupt the routine of my small family. As he

is

> > > semi-unconscious, he may not even respond were I there.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> > > > >

> > > > > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I

> > > need a mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is

> > > giving me another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately

when

> > > she puts me down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I

hope

> > > to put it on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> > > > >

> > > > > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is

beyond

> > > their reach. ~ Huie

> > > > >

> > > > > Best,

> > > > >

> > > > > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your own

> > > heart. " Carl Jung

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

HA!!!! What would it mean to not believe in Hewlett Packard? Would you have

to live without printing out your documents?

On Fri, May 13, 2011 at 8:13 AM, writermanque wrote:

>

>

>

> If I don't believe in Hewlett Packard, does that mean I'm going to Dell?

>

> *slaps thigh* :-)

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I

> know

> > > I will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will

> be

> > > taken off life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year

> were not

> > > so committed for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live

> two

> > > days drive (or one long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a

> way to

> > > say good-bye to him and not disrupt the routine of my small family. As

> he is

> > > semi-unconscious, he may not even respond were I there.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> > > > >

> > > > > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I

> > > need a mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is

> > > giving me another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately

> when

> > > she puts me down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I

> hope

> > > to put it on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> > > > >

> > > > > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is

> beyond

> > > their reach. ~ Huie

> > > > >

> > > > > Best,

> > > > >

> > > > > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your

> own

> > > heart. " Carl Jung

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

*applause* =) LMAO.

>

>

> If I don't believe in Hewlett Packard, does that mean I'm going to Dell?

>

>

[Guest guest]

As it turns out, I've already gone to Dell. My HP was not worthy of my faith.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I

> > know

> > > > I will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will

> > be

> > > > taken off life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year

> > were not

> > > > so committed for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live

> > two

> > > > days drive (or one long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a

> > way to

> > > > say good-bye to him and not disrupt the routine of my small family. As

> > he is

> > > > semi-unconscious, he may not even respond were I there.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes I

> > > > need a mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP is

> > > > giving me another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately

> > when

> > > > she puts me down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I

> > hope

> > > > to put it on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is

> > beyond

> > > > their reach. ~ Huie

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Best,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your

> > own

> > > > heart. " Carl Jung

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Oh, you heretic you! Hewlett Packard might have to

burn you at the stake...

" Dell hath no fury like a bpd scorned... "

-Annie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I find myself thinking a LOT LESS about nada these days, though I

> > > know

> > > > > I will be talking to her shortly about the fact that her brother will

> > > be

> > > > > taken off life-support tomorrow afternoon. I wish this time of year

> > > were not

> > > > > so committed for me--baseball games, recitals, concerts... and I live

> > > two

> > > > > days drive (or one long 16 hour drive) from my uncle. I cannot see a

> > > way to

> > > > > say good-bye to him and not disrupt the routine of my small family. As

> > > he is

> > > > > semi-unconscious, he may not even respond were I there.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I am pretty sure nada will fault me for not going to see my uncle.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I no longer try to change nada's perceptions of me, but sometimes

I

> > > > > need a mantra to keep me from biting her head off. I wonder if my HP

is

> > > > > giving me another tool in which to look at my mom more compassionately

> > > when

> > > > > she puts me down? I came across a quote just now that bears sharing. I

> > > hope

> > > > > to put it on a card and tape it to my phone for the coming week.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is

> > > beyond

> > > > > their reach. ~ Huie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Best,

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > " Your vision will become clear, only when you can look into your

> > > own

> > > > > heart. " Carl Jung

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >