It's official--they disowned my grandmother

[Guest guest]

You might remember how I talked about how my fada and enabling mom have been

ignoring my grandmother's (family friend who's wonderful) emails and phone

calls.

Well, my grandma called me last night, first, to arrange plans since I'm

visiting her in the summer, and secondly, to update me on what happened.

My sister had a birthday recently, and she sent her a card with a gift card in

it, as she always does. She tried calling to wish her a happy birthday, as

usual, but they ignored it.

My parents returned the card, with the gift card still enclosed, along with a

note. It said something like, " We have recently re-evaluated our relationships,

and it would be best if you no longer sent cards or presents. " It went on longer

than that, but geez. That's exactly what they said to me, after I tried sending

my siblings christmas gifts back in 2009. They didn't return the gifts, but they

did say, " don't send any more. "

She told me that she's trying to decide whether to call CPS or not--I had

previously encouraged her to do that. I told her, whatever she decides, I'll

always support her.

I know one of my friends tried to discourage me from calling CPS because " it

causes more harm than good " but part of me does hope that my grandma does call.

At the very least, they seriously need to revoke my parents' right to homeschool

the little ones. If they could go to public school, or heck, Catholic school,

they could see what healthier relationships are like, and see that my parents

are insane.

anyway, I cried last night, but I'm feeling okay today. Sad, but okay, because I

will be able to process it through properly at counseling on Thursday.

So far, my fada's sister, who's mentally healthy, is still in contact with my

family (albeit, just periodic emails/phone calls), and so is my mom's brother

and his family. Grandma called them, and they told her they hoped they wouldn't

be next to be disowned. I hope not--they're the ones that see my family the

most.

I have been avoiding emailing them (mom's brother's family) for that reason--I

don't want to put them in an awkward position, and I don't want them to be

disowned. It's very important for some family connections to remain.

Grandma has no clue what exactly led to the disowning of her--maybe it's because

she's in good contact with me, maybe it's because she attended my wedding. I

have no clue.

She wondered aloud what lies my parents are telling the little ones. " Oh,

grandma doesn't want to be with us anymore. Same way Holly doesn't like us

anymore. " DAMN MY FADA.

Anyway, I'm glad my grandma told me, even though I'm in finals (stress,

anyone?).

I want to do something nice for her, 'cause she's sad about being cut out of my

siblings' lives, but I'm not sure what. Maybe a hand-made card or something.

Just had to give an update.

[Guest guest]

Oh geez

I'm sorry

Can you send her flowers? thats always my fav gift.

>

>

> You might remember how I talked about how my fada and enabling mom have

> been ignoring my grandmother's (family friend who's wonderful) emails and

> phone calls.

>

> Well, my grandma called me last night, first, to arrange plans since I'm

> visiting her in the summer, and secondly, to update me on what happened.

>

> My sister had a birthday recently, and she sent her a card with a gift card

> in it, as she always does. She tried calling to wish her a happy birthday,

> as usual, but they ignored it.

>

> My parents returned the card, with the gift card still enclosed, along with

> a note. It said something like, " We have recently re-evaluated our

> relationships, and it would be best if you no longer sent cards or

> presents. " It went on longer than that, but geez. That's exactly what they

> said to me, after I tried sending my siblings christmas gifts back in 2009.

> They didn't return the gifts, but they did say, " don't send any more. "

>

> She told me that she's trying to decide whether to call CPS or not--I had

> previously encouraged her to do that. I told her, whatever she decides, I'll

> always support her.

>

> I know one of my friends tried to discourage me from calling CPS because

> " it causes more harm than good " but part of me does hope that my grandma

> does call. At the very least, they seriously need to revoke my parents'

> right to homeschool the little ones. If they could go to public school, or

> heck, Catholic school, they could see what healthier relationships are like,

> and see that my parents are insane.

>

> anyway, I cried last night, but I'm feeling okay today. Sad, but okay,

> because I will be able to process it through properly at counseling on

> Thursday.

>

> So far, my fada's sister, who's mentally healthy, is still in contact with

> my family (albeit, just periodic emails/phone calls), and so is my mom's

> brother and his family. Grandma called them, and they told her they hoped

> they wouldn't be next to be disowned. I hope not--they're the ones that see

> my family the most.

>

> I have been avoiding emailing them (mom's brother's family) for that

> reason--I don't want to put them in an awkward position, and I don't want

> them to be disowned. It's very important for some family connections to

> remain.

>

> Grandma has no clue what exactly led to the disowning of her--maybe it's

> because she's in good contact with me, maybe it's because she attended my

> wedding. I have no clue.

>

> She wondered aloud what lies my parents are telling the little ones. " Oh,

> grandma doesn't want to be with us anymore. Same way Holly doesn't like us

> anymore. " DAMN MY FADA.

>

> Anyway, I'm glad my grandma told me, even though I'm in finals (stress,

> anyone?).

>

> I want to do something nice for her, 'cause she's sad about being cut out

> of my siblings' lives, but I'm not sure what. Maybe a hand-made card or

> something.

>

> Just had to give an update.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I know one of my friends tried to discourage me from calling CPS because " it

causes more harm than good " but part of me does hope that my grandma does call.

Any time you are concerned that a child is being abused or neglected, it is

appropriate to call. It is also probably most helpful NOT to tell anyone else

that you did. Other people tend to personalize issues like this, and especially

if they aren't the most stable people themselves, they can get really defensive

and upset. Reports to CPS can be made completely anonymously; but even if you

give your name and contact info to the case worker, the family will never know

it was you.

CPS does more than just remove children from homes--of course, if that's what's

warranted, they do it. They also interview everyone living in the home and as

many other people with knowledge of the abuse/neglect as they can. This helps

children know that someone out there really does care, and it helps them become

aware that there is someone they can call for help. It also helps the case

workers determine if the family may qualify for any additional assistance, like

classes or counseling, that may be available.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the encouragement, svaktshka. I don't tell very many people, and

I think she had a bad experience with CPS is what happened. Definitely won't

be telling her of any future CPS calls. Sure, they are overworked, but I do

believe they try to take care of the kids.

Hopefully, of the three calls my husband and I put to CPS, they checked on

the little ones. Maybe that's what caused my parents to start being paranoid

about people reporting them or something like that--so they started cutting

out people who may not be " loyal " to my family, and they must have seen

grandma as a danger to the privacy of the family.

Okay, I'm just rambling, but my biggest hope is that a) my mom realizes that

this isn't normal through any counseling or classes she may be prescribed

and my mom gets a backbone to protect the little ones and c) the little

ones are sent to public/private school so they can learn what real

relationships are like.

I just wish I could sneak by and give them all hugs when my parents aren't

looking...but I live in another state and they're almost never out of sight

of my parents. *sigh*

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > I know one of my friends tried to discourage me from calling CPS because

> " it causes more harm than good " but part of me does hope that my grandma

> does call.

>

> Any time you are concerned that a child is being abused or neglected, it is

> appropriate to call. It is also probably most helpful NOT to tell anyone

> else that you did. Other people tend to personalize issues like this, and

> especially if they aren't the most stable people themselves, they can get

> really defensive and upset. Reports to CPS can be made completely

> anonymously; but even if you give your name and contact info to the case

> worker, the family will never know it was you.

>

> CPS does more than just remove children from homes--of course, if that's

> what's warranted, they do it. They also interview everyone living in the

> home and as many other people with knowledge of the abuse/neglect as they

> can. This helps children know that someone out there really does care, and

> it helps them become aware that there is someone they can call for help. It

> also helps the case workers determine if the family may qualify for any

> additional assistance, like classes or counseling, that may be available.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear about this, Holly. I know you have been worried about it for a

long time.

I hope things go OK for those kids, too.

Hang in there...I know life's been tough lately.

(((hugs)))

.

[Guest guest]

(((hugs)))Thanks, . I'm focusing on the hope that possibly the little

ones and I might be able to reconnect once they become adults. Hopefully

they'll all join Facebook at some point...

>

>

> Sorry to hear about this, Holly. I know you have been worried about it for

> a long time.

>

> I hope things go OK for those kids, too.

>

> Hang in there...I know life's been tough lately.

>

> (((hugs)))

>

> .

>

>

>