Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 I have the worst phone phobia. I hate talking on the phone. I freak out when my phone rings. i'll do almost anything to conduct biz in person or by e-mail. I swear its because of all the years of nada treatment. Hello " and then nada prattles on a horrible story about a kid I know being decapitated. She gets bored, hangs up. I'm left in horror. " Or " Hello " " RAGE " or " Hello " " Its your dad, here's a guilt trip. " I'm 8 years NC. Will I ever get over the phone phobia? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 I've heard that phobias (fear of spiders, fear of flying, etc.) respond well to traditional desensitization therapy, have you tried that? And I think I remember reading that emdr therapy (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) works well for phobias (?) -Annie > > I have the worst phone phobia. I hate talking on the phone. I freak out when > my phone rings. i'll do almost anything to conduct biz in person or by > e-mail. I swear its because of all the years of nada treatment. Hello " and > then nada prattles on a horrible story about a kid I know being decapitated. > She gets bored, hangs up. I'm left in horror. " Or " Hello " " RAGE " or " Hello " > " Its your dad, here's a guilt trip. " > > I'm 8 years NC. Will I ever get over the phone phobia? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 You know, I'm also terribly phone avoidant and I'd never considered how my mother might be the reason. Receiving highly emotional, raging, or traumatic phone calls from her was a constant reality for so many years. It was all about her and there was no room for how any of it made me feel; I could never even consider it. The resultant guilt or strung out feeling I was left with impacted my life and relationships in some pretty detrimental ways. Right this moment, I'm refusing to discuss an emotional issue with my fiancée over the phone, and we are long distance. It's like I feel crippled by it, that it's pointless to try and no matter whether or how hard we do, it will only lead to more and worse dramatic emotionalism, which I cannot tolerate. I'm afraid to say that it repulses me in myself and others, because of the way it repulses me so much about my mother. Ugh. I'm sorry to have just taken your post and made it about myself. How borderline! I guess I want to say that I know how you're feeling about phone-hate. (See how unwilling I am to say " phobia " for fear of giving power to neuroses?) Ha, that's neurotic in itself. Perhaps we could start by finding someone to call us and committing to answer. (I am the world's worst to hit " ignore. " ) Eventually, we could begin to move up to agreeing to hard conversations over the phone. I think I'm breaking into hives now. (wink) > > I have the worst phone phobia. I hate talking on the phone. I freak out when > my phone rings. i'll do almost anything to conduct biz in person or by > e-mail. I swear its because of all the years of nada treatment. Hello " and > then nada prattles on a horrible story about a kid I know being decapitated. > She gets bored, hangs up. I'm left in horror. " Or " Hello " " RAGE " or " Hello " > " Its your dad, here's a guilt trip. " > > I'm 8 years NC. Will I ever get over the phone phobia? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 Are you thankful for call display GS? LOL Weird phobias yes, I can add to this one. I have phobic, fearful/anxiety laden responses to loud thumping on floors and through walls. I have mostly always lived in condos and apartments which have adjoining suites. Typically there will be varying degrees of noice through floors/walls. If there's a sudden thump from the neighbour I become anxious, stressed, heart races, distraction, etc. For years I wasn't really connecting the dots until it finally clicked one day for some reason. Since then I have worked on consciously processing these anxious feelings when they occur but it's still there and very difficult to overcome completely. The reason is obvious. As a child in a BPD home there was constantly rage, physical abuse, screaming, fights, and volitility. A thump on a wall or floor means someone was coming to beat me up, or somebody else was having a violent fight in the home. It sucks. It just sucks. Anybody else have weird PTSD quirks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 Oh, yes, the thumps, the chair scraping on the floor...I used to be really jumpy. Once a teacher scraped a big table across the floor suddenly before class, getting it all arranged for his teaching, and I just about jumped out of my skin, my heart was racing, and it took a while for it to settle down. It's just something we live our whole lives with...living on the edge (in a bad way.) My weird quirk is email. I used to be on the ball with emails, all emails, replying as soon as I read it. But then the whole disowning happened by email, my dishrag mom going flying monkey through email. And now I'm more likely to let it slide. I'll read it, let it sit, and sometimes just forget about it. But I'm forced to use it since I'm hard of hearing, and I hate using the phone though I can hear well enough, it's always hard. I'm like GS, I'll go lengths to use email. And yet I've developed a form of phobia. I'm just now getting better at responding again... On Mon, May 16, 2011 at 3:43 PM, Hellfireblonde wrote: > > > Are you thankful for call display GS? LOL > > Weird phobias yes, I can add to this one. > > I have phobic, fearful/anxiety laden responses to loud thumping on floors > and through walls. I have mostly always lived in condos and apartments which > have adjoining suites. Typically there will be varying degrees of noice > through floors/walls. > > If there's a sudden thump from the neighbour I become anxious, stressed, > heart races, distraction, etc. For years I wasn't really connecting the dots > until it finally clicked one day for some reason. Since then I have worked > on consciously processing these anxious feelings when they occur but it's > still there and very difficult to overcome completely. > > The reason is obvious. As a child in a BPD home there was constantly rage, > physical abuse, screaming, fights, and volitility. A thump on a wall or > floor means someone was coming to beat me up, or somebody else was having a > violent fight in the home. > > It sucks. It just sucks. Anybody else have weird PTSD quirks? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 I have been phone phobic most of my life. I'm fine with my husband and kids but strangers - no way. My Nada used to rage at me over the phone because she felt it gave her more power. She also used to make me call her boss and make up some excuse for her not going to work. I was around eight when this started and since she was also an alcoholic she called in sick a lot. I wonder now what her boss thought when this childish voice called to say her " Mommy " was too sick to come to work? > > I have the worst phone phobia. I hate talking on the phone. I freak out when > my phone rings. i'll do almost anything to conduct biz in person or by > e-mail. I swear its because of all the years of nada treatment. Hello " and > then nada prattles on a horrible story about a kid I know being decapitated. > She gets bored, hangs up. I'm left in horror. " Or " Hello " " RAGE " or " Hello " > " Its your dad, here's a guilt trip. " > > I'm 8 years NC. Will I ever get over the phone phobia? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 Ugh, i'm so sorry you had to call in 'sick' for your nada. A typical example of parentifying the child. You deserved better. :-( It's too bad her boss didn't clue in that there was neglect in your home and call CPS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 Oh speaking of PTSD My very worst symptom is that I cant deal with people gasping, sighing, weezing or making gutteral noises. You guessed it - nada did not know how to use her words and would grunt at me. Ugggh meant diet coke. UGGGhhhh meant chocolate bar. And on and on. Add to that her hypochondria and it was a house full of gross noises. Drive boyfriend nuts. I could jump out of my skin over a simple sigh. It sucks. On Mon, May 16, 2011 at 3:17 PM, Hellfireblonde wrote: > > > Ugh, i'm so sorry you had to call in 'sick' for your nada. A typical > example of parentifying the child. You deserved better. :-( > > It's too bad her boss didn't clue in that there was neglect in your home > and call CPS. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 I get the sudden adrenaline rush, the fight-or-flight response, if I hear the sound of stomping feet coming toward me. That meant nada was enraged at me and coming to scream at me or beat me; her rage escalating with each stomp. Are we surprised that I would have frequent nightmares as a child of giant monsters looking for me, chasing me, coming to get me? The cherry on top: if I told mom had a nightmare, looking for comfort, nada would tell me that it was because I must have done something bad and was keeping it a secret from her, and my conscience was bothering me. She'd grill me, asking me what did I do that was so bad that I was having nightmares about it; being grilled by her terrified me as well. So, my mother was giving me the nightmares, and then making me feel inappropriately guilty and responsible for having them. Psychological torture on top of psychological torture. I guess I'm pretty lucky to be as functional as I am, considering. -Annie > > > > > > > Ugh, i'm so sorry you had to call in 'sick' for your nada. A typical > > example of parentifying the child. You deserved better. :-( > > > > It's too bad her boss didn't clue in that there was neglect in your home > > and call CPS. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 My phone phobia was a bit different. I was always afraid I'd say something wrong on the phone and the caller would get mad at me. Same thing in school: I was always afraid to try answering a question in class because if I got it wrong, I was sure the teacher would be mad at me. I remember one time I did give a wrong answer and all I could do was put my head down on my desk and cry. I was in high school at the time. Golly - wonder where all that fear came from? Duh. When I first got married I refused to make phone calls to businesses (phone company, landlord, water, garbage). Hubby would do it. Then I tried simple calls to friends, safe calls you might say. Then I tried answering a phone only if hubby was there. I could say hello, listen and then say something like, " Here, you can talk to my husband. " So I got the practice without the responsibility. It took years to feel confident enough to deal with the phone. Now in my line of work, I handle calls quite often and they're not always easy or nice. But I do it and feel stronger. It takes time. Maybe even years like me. But it can happen. > > I have the worst phone phobia. I hate talking on the phone. I freak out when > my phone rings. i'll do almost anything to conduct biz in person or by > e-mail. I swear its because of all the years of nada treatment. Hello " and > then nada prattles on a horrible story about a kid I know being decapitated. > She gets bored, hangs up. I'm left in horror. " Or " Hello " " RAGE " or " Hello " > " Its your dad, here's a guilt trip. " > > I'm 8 years NC. Will I ever get over the phone phobia? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 Grilling you about your nightmares and your imaginary sins...I'm sorry, that reminds me so much of dianetics. I read up a lot about cults, and that's a huge similarity in cults. But it most reminds me of scientology. You survived, though--a testament to your strength! On Mon, May 16, 2011 at 7:35 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > I get the sudden adrenaline rush, the fight-or-flight response, if I hear > the sound of stomping feet coming toward me. That meant nada was enraged at > me and coming to scream at me or beat me; her rage escalating with each > stomp. Are we surprised that I would have frequent nightmares as a child of > giant monsters looking for me, chasing me, coming to get me? > > The cherry on top: if I told mom had a nightmare, looking for comfort, nada > would tell me that it was because I must have done something bad and was > keeping it a secret from her, and my conscience was bothering me. She'd > grill me, asking me what did I do that was so bad that I was having > nightmares about it; being grilled by her terrified me as well. > > So, my mother was giving me the nightmares, and then making me feel > inappropriately guilty and responsible for having them. > > Psychological torture on top of psychological torture. > > I guess I'm pretty lucky to be as functional as I am, considering. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > Ugh, i'm so sorry you had to call in 'sick' for your nada. A typical > > > example of parentifying the child. You deserved better. :-( > > > > > > It's too bad her boss didn't clue in that there was neglect in your > home > > > and call CPS. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2011 Report Share Posted May 17, 2011 I've thought and posted before about how it seems to me that being in a dysfunctional family is like being in some bizarre mini-cult, headed by an all-powerful, charismatic leader. When you're born into a cult, its hard to undo the programming you've had from birth that only the cult leader is right about everything, and is to be given total loyalty and obedience, etc., and if you question the cult leader or want to leave the cult you are anathema and damned, ostracized, or even killed. That's fascinating RE what goes on with dianetics and/or scientology is similar to what my nada did to me! I've never studied those, but I saw that film about the Jim cult: he had a private, highly guarded compound ( " town " ) for his cult in Guyana (spelling?) and he told all his followers to drink poisoned Koolaid with him and they all did, and they all died (parents even gave their children the poison to drink) except a very few members who refused and escaped. I see a lot of similarities between dysfunctional families and cults, actually. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Ugh, i'm so sorry you had to call in 'sick' for your nada. A typical > > > > example of parentifying the child. You deserved better. :-( > > > > > > > > It's too bad her boss didn't clue in that there was neglect in your > > home > > > > and call CPS. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2011 Report Share Posted May 17, 2011 I hear you!! I don't actually have a phone phobia so much as an aversion... Email is the much preferred method of contact for me, or text. I totally understand your situation and I wish I had an answer. It's been years of this for me... *Star Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2011 Report Share Posted May 18, 2011 omg, hellfireblonde, your post brought me to tears. Its as though I could have writtne it myself, and only recently, have I started to realize why I too, have the same reaction to bumps/ bangs on the walls or ceiling (I live in an apartment also) Every bang causes me such horrible anxiety. Why has it taken until now (I am 30) to understand the root of all this? I don't know, but your post came at such perfect timing for me. This whole thread did. This is something I'v been focusing on a lot lately. Thank you. > > Are you thankful for call display GS? LOL > > Weird phobias yes, I can add to this one. > > I have phobic, fearful/anxiety laden responses to loud thumping on floors and through walls. I have mostly always lived in condos and apartments which have adjoining suites. Typically there will be varying degrees of noice through floors/walls. > > If there's a sudden thump from the neighbour I become anxious, stressed, heart races, distraction, etc. For years I wasn't really connecting the dots until it finally clicked one day for some reason. Since then I have worked on consciously processing these anxious feelings when they occur but it's still there and very difficult to overcome completely. > > The reason is obvious. As a child in a BPD home there was constantly rage, physical abuse, screaming, fights, and volitility. A thump on a wall or floor means someone was coming to beat me up, or somebody else was having a violent fight in the home. > > It sucks. It just sucks. Anybody else have weird PTSD quirks? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 God, that's so true re: cults and dysfunctional families. that demand for loyalty and refusal to let anyone else in. Gives me shivers. My father was like that. And if by some miracle, we had a friend over, and s/he left, my parents would say really mean, mocking things about them, the way they walked, talked, etc.. It was a non-aggressive way of communicating that only THEY were to be trusted, etc. Makes me sick. > > I've thought and posted before about how it seems to me that being in a dysfunctional family is like being in some bizarre mini-cult, headed by an all-powerful, charismatic leader. When you're born into a cult, its hard to undo the programming you've had from birth that only the cult leader is right about everything, and is to be given total loyalty and obedience, etc., and if you question the cult leader or want to leave the cult you are anathema and damned, ostracized, or even killed. > > That's fascinating RE what goes on with dianetics and/or scientology is similar to what my nada did to me! I've never studied those, but I saw that film about the Jim cult: he had a private, highly guarded compound ( " town " ) for his cult in Guyana (spelling?) and he told all his followers to drink poisoned Koolaid with him and they all did, and they all died (parents even gave their children the poison to drink) except a very few members who refused and escaped. > > I see a lot of similarities between dysfunctional families and cults, actually. > > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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