Guest guest Posted May 17, 2011 Report Share Posted May 17, 2011 A week of silence followed the day my nada had called the hospital and the police and raged because I wasn't home at 7pm. Instead of feeling relieved and enjoying her silence I was tense and feeling a general malaise. So I called ,encouraged by my daughter.Left a message that I was thinking about her. Well the return call came back a couple of hours later:she is so depressed,everything is so wrong in her life.I suggested antidepressants which her doctor had prescribed several times, she was insulted and threw them away ! Her answer to this was " I would take them if they solved all the other problems in my life " and then she hung up on me. An hour later, I get a call from my step sister, whose life nada had made miserable (She was the typical wicked stepmother) Well she is now the golden child! Nada had called her crying that I don't love her and make her life miserable! I am upset when she calls me constantly but cannot find peace during the nc periods. I am caught in her net. Do you have suggestions on how to clear your mind of this constant assaults and mind games that bpds play? I am sick of being at the mercy of this sick woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2011 Report Share Posted May 17, 2011 You're not alone, Jocelyn. I am there with you. Being NC with nada means I'm not in the loop of her drama, which means I can't prepare myself for what might happen next. Which makes me incredibly anxious- you know, the giant-pit-in-my-stomach-can't-concentrate kind of anxious. But the alternative - being in contact with her - just exposes me to emotional abuse, bullying and intrusion. I've read at least 4 books now on how to change my reactions to her behaviors. I'm in therapy. Again. It's just so damn frustrating. If I find an answer I'll let you know I'm guessing it takes time, time and more time. And work. Lots and lots of work. > > A week of silence followed the day my nada had called the hospital and the police and raged because I wasn't home at 7pm. Instead of feeling relieved and enjoying her silence I was tense and feeling a general malaise. So I called ,encouraged by my daughter.Left a message that I was thinking about her. Well the return call came back a couple of hours later:she is so depressed,everything is so wrong in her life.I suggested antidepressants which her doctor had prescribed several times, she was insulted and threw them away ! Her answer to this was " I would take them if they solved all the other problems in my life " and then she hung up on me. > An hour later, I get a call from my step sister, whose life nada had made miserable (She was the typical wicked stepmother) Well she is now the golden child! Nada had called her crying that I don't love her and make her life miserable! > I am upset when she calls me constantly but cannot find peace during the nc periods. > I am caught in her net. > Do you have suggestions on how to clear your mind of this constant assaults and mind games > that bpds play? I am sick of being at the mercy of this sick woman. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 [ " I would take them if they solved all the other problems in my life " and then she hung up on me.] well, that's just it, for my mother, it's 'I want someone/something else to solve my problem. I don't want to engage in life, I just want something else to do it for me. " I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I truly know how it feels, that sense of guilt and grief at feeling you're not the good daughter anymore. It does become less and less as time goes on. You deserve your own life and not being your mother's lifesaver. When she told your step sister you don't love her, what she meant is that you won't play by her rules. It's a very selfish thing. maybe read " Boundaries " by Cloud/Townsend, and " Walking on Eggshells. " Anything that will give you the courage to not pick up that phone when she calls, or that is, to pick it up when YOU feel like it. And stay with us; post here when you're tempted to pick up the phone or to talk your mother through her depression. My mother is like this, too. Every time we talk (down to once a day from 5-8 times a day), she reminds me of every depression, fart, discomfort her little self is feeling. It's not my job to make her comfy. It used to be! She's gotta do it herself and have the want-to. I'm not doing her any favors by pretending to be her messiah. Good luck and keep us in the loop! Fiona > > A week of silence followed the day my nada had called the hospital and the police and raged because I wasn't home at 7pm. Instead of feeling relieved and enjoying her silence I was tense and feeling a general malaise. So I called ,encouraged by my daughter.Left a message that I was thinking about her. Well the return call came back a couple of hours later:she is so depressed,everything is so wrong in her life.I suggested antidepressants which her doctor had prescribed several times, she was insulted and threw them away ! Her answer to this was " I would take them if they solved all the other problems in my life " and then she hung up on me. > An hour later, I get a call from my step sister, whose life nada had made miserable (She was the typical wicked stepmother) Well she is now the golden child! Nada had called her crying that I don't love her and make her life miserable! > I am upset when she calls me constantly but cannot find peace during the nc periods. > I am caught in her net. > Do you have suggestions on how to clear your mind of this constant assaults and mind games > that bpds play? I am sick of being at the mercy of this sick woman. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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