Guest guest Posted May 18, 2011 Report Share Posted May 18, 2011 I've been in a very dark place for weeks. While visiting there, I've learned a few things about myself and made some tangible decisions. So in an open letter to several people not on this board, I'm going to vent and share them here.... take from this what you will. 1. No longer will I attempt to solve your dramas. Learn to solve them yourself. I'm done. 2. No longer will I burn myself out on your behalf at the expense of my own needs, goals and dreams. I'm done. 3. No longer will I try to cram myself into your mold of expectations. I'm done. 4. No longer will I let you speak to me with such false projections of your inadequecies. I'm done. 5. No longer will I feel your emotions for you. I'm done. 6. No longer will I feel bad because you feel bad. I'm done. 7. No longer will I let your timetable become my timetable because you deem it so. I'm done. 8. No longer will I hold your hand because you refuse to stand up and grow up. I'm done. 9. No longer will I sit passively by, and inadvertantly condone your behaviour, when you rant against 'them' and really 'they' are a product of your own lack of attention to matters. I'm done. 10. No longer will I wonder what is wrong with me because I've said 1 - 9 above. I'm done. Lynnette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2011 Report Share Posted May 18, 2011 Very well put. This resonates with me. You have articulated with concrete, specific examples what for me has been the concept of shifting the inappropriate feelings of guilt and responsibility back onto my nada, where they belong. The responsibility for her own happiness belonged to nada all along, but she made me think it was mine to carry. That was another of her " sins " . Nada's first " sin " was establishing the rule " Me first " ( " Your existence is all about me and my happiness " ) and her second " sin " was " My unhappiness is all your fault; you are responsible for me/my feelings so you carry the guilt when I'm not happy. " But like you, " I'm done " carrying nada's load for her. -Annie > > I've been in a very dark place for weeks. While visiting there, I've learned a few things about myself and made some tangible decisions. So in an open letter to several people not on this board, I'm going to vent and share them here.... take from this what you will. > > 1. No longer will I attempt to solve your dramas. Learn to solve them yourself. I'm done. > > 2. No longer will I burn myself out on your behalf at the expense of my own needs, goals and dreams. I'm done. > > 3. No longer will I try to cram myself into your mold of expectations. I'm done. > > 4. No longer will I let you speak to me with such false projections of your inadequecies. I'm done. > > 5. No longer will I feel your emotions for you. I'm done. > > 6. No longer will I feel bad because you feel bad. I'm done. > > 7. No longer will I let your timetable become my timetable because you deem it so. I'm done. > > 8. No longer will I hold your hand because you refuse to stand up and grow up. I'm done. > > 9. No longer will I sit passively by, and inadvertantly condone your behaviour, when you rant against 'them' and really 'they' are a product of your own lack of attention to matters. I'm done. > > 10. No longer will I wonder what is wrong with me because I've said 1 - 9 above. I'm done. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2011 Report Share Posted May 18, 2011 Very nice. You should publish this somewhere... It's a really great list of boundaries. > > I've been in a very dark place for weeks. While visiting there, I've learned a few things about myself and made some tangible decisions. So in an open letter to several people not on this board, I'm going to vent and share them here.... take from this what you will. > > 1. No longer will I attempt to solve your dramas. Learn to solve them yourself. I'm done. > > 2. No longer will I burn myself out on your behalf at the expense of my own needs, goals and dreams. I'm done. > > 3. No longer will I try to cram myself into your mold of expectations. I'm done. > > 4. No longer will I let you speak to me with such false projections of your inadequecies. I'm done. > > 5. No longer will I feel your emotions for you. I'm done. > > 6. No longer will I feel bad because you feel bad. I'm done. > > 7. No longer will I let your timetable become my timetable because you deem it so. I'm done. > > 8. No longer will I hold your hand because you refuse to stand up and grow up. I'm done. > > 9. No longer will I sit passively by, and inadvertantly condone your behaviour, when you rant against 'them' and really 'they' are a product of your own lack of attention to matters. I'm done. > > 10. No longer will I wonder what is wrong with me because I've said 1 - 9 above. I'm done. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 19, 2011 Report Share Posted May 19, 2011 I hope there's light at the end of your dark tunnel Lynnette. You're a formidable character and I love your list. I like to keep positive thoughts in my mind during such times, like: " nada will die one day " ..... i'm just kidding but it helps to have a sense of humour which I know you do. I think you should add one more point to your list relating to refusing to be subjected to your nada's surprise boob exhibitions ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 19, 2011 Report Share Posted May 19, 2011 LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! " Nada will die one day! " That is actually what my therapist says to me... and then we both laugh. Seriously. It's THAT bad! The whole " Boob Thing " is just weird. I mean really... who keeps a fake rubber-ish boob in their bra for 2.5 years and pulls it out when the conversation slows down? Flops it on the table for 'show and tell'? I want to sneak it away from her and put googly eyes on it... maybe bead-dazzle it. Something. Anything. Way beyond stupid. Lynnette > > I hope there's light at the end of your dark tunnel Lynnette. You're a formidable character and I love your list. > > I like to keep positive thoughts in my mind during such times, like: " nada will die one day " ..... i'm just kidding but it helps to have a sense of humour which I know you do. > > I think you should add one more point to your list relating to refusing to be subjected to your nada's surprise boob exhibitions ;-) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 WOOOOO! Lynette, I LOVE this. Am printing it out and even possibly framing it. It's a KO's Declaration of Independence. Beautiful. > > I've been in a very dark place for weeks. While visiting there, I've learned a few things about myself and made some tangible decisions. So in an open letter to several people not on this board, I'm going to vent and share them here.... take from this what you will. > > 1. No longer will I attempt to solve your dramas. Learn to solve them yourself. I'm done. > > 2. No longer will I burn myself out on your behalf at the expense of my own needs, goals and dreams. I'm done. > > 3. No longer will I try to cram myself into your mold of expectations. I'm done. > > 4. No longer will I let you speak to me with such false projections of your inadequecies. I'm done. > > 5. No longer will I feel your emotions for you. I'm done. > > 6. No longer will I feel bad because you feel bad. I'm done. > > 7. No longer will I let your timetable become my timetable because you deem it so. I'm done. > > 8. No longer will I hold your hand because you refuse to stand up and grow up. I'm done. > > 9. No longer will I sit passively by, and inadvertantly condone your behaviour, when you rant against 'them' and really 'they' are a product of your own lack of attention to matters. I'm done. > > 10. No longer will I wonder what is wrong with me because I've said 1 - 9 above. I'm done. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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