Inner rage

[Guest guest]

What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and have for

years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood and beyond,

especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her craziness

 

How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now (spouse,

kids etc)

 

Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

 

SK

[Guest guest]

I haven't figure this one out myself. Going to a psychologist tomorrow to try

to get the ball rolling on suppressing my emotions...

>

> What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and have

for years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood and beyond,

especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her craziness

>  

> How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now (spouse,

kids etc)

>  

> Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

>  

> SK

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi and welcome. I wish I had something useful to offer on this topic but I'm

still pretty full of rage myself. I'm beginning to think that the only way for

me to deal with my deep well of repressed, unexpressed anger successfully is

through therapy.

I'm pretty sure that one of the reasons I chose to go virtually NO Contact with

my nada is that I used to be able to go kind of " zombie " around her, which I

suppose was a kind of dissociating, or disconnecting from my feelings when I was

around her, but I don't seem to be able to do that so easily anymore. And

besides, I don't think its healthy.

If I were to find myself unexpectedly face to face with my nada or even hearing

her on the phone, I am afraid that I might unleash my rage at her. And I don't

want to do that, now. There would be no point in doing that. She is elderly

now, and she's started having rather frequent hallucinations (alzheimers? more

severe bpd?) and even though she went to therapy she didn't get any benefit out

of it and still believes she's just fine and its Sister and I (and everyone

other than herself) who are the crazy, mean, hateful, lying ones.

So, me screaming at her would be like screaming at a puppy. Pointless and

cruel. She is incapable of comprehending that she is mentally ill, it would

terrify her, and it would make me feel like a brute.

Yep, I'm pretty sure that I should get therapy to help me drain off my repressed

rage in a healthy way, and/or channel it into healthy, positive outlets.

-Annie

> >

> > What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and have

for years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood and beyond,

especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her craziness

> >  

> > How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now

(spouse, kids etc)

> >  

> > Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

> >  

> > SK

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My T insists that the best thing to do is to get all that rage out. She is a big

proponent of beating on a body bag/mattress/cushion with a bat (the plastic 'my

first bat' is great or a real bat). Beat on it until the tears flow freely.

This approach, taken with successive 'beatings', brings it all out of you. Of

course, it is easier to do this when there is no one else at home or when you

have arranged for complete privacy.

Another good method is walking/running by yourself to get into that meditative

zone in your head. It takes me about a mile before I hit that place, and it

usually doesn't bring on the tears but it does use up some of the rage. Walk as

much as you can. I have trails near me where I can walk and not have to worry

about people or cars.

Journaling--all of the above are excellent physical ways of getting your

thoughts to flow to put down on paper (or electronically)--all the feelings you

can't get rid of about the BPD in your life.

The bat idea may seem violent to you--but consider this--if all that rage is

just sitting in you ready to come out you have 2 choices, either dump it on some

undeserving soul or keep it in your gut where it slowly kills you. I'd rather

beat it out on an inanimate object.

>

> What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and have

for years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood and beyond,

especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her craziness

>  

> How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now (spouse,

kids etc)

>  

> Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

>  

> SK

>

>

[Guest guest]

So I just exhorcised some inner rage on a pan of muffins. Shaking it upside

down and screaming come out you nada efferr!!!!! It was fun. Try it.

>

>

> My T insists that the best thing to do is to get all that rage out. She is

> a big proponent of beating on a body bag/mattress/cushion with a bat (the

> plastic 'my first bat' is great or a real bat). Beat on it until the tears

> flow freely.

>

> This approach, taken with successive 'beatings', brings it all out of you.

> Of course, it is easier to do this when there is no one else at home or when

> you have arranged for complete privacy.

>

> Another good method is walking/running by yourself to get into that

> meditative zone in your head. It takes me about a mile before I hit that

> place, and it usually doesn't bring on the tears but it does use up some of

> the rage. Walk as much as you can. I have trails near me where I can walk

> and not have to worry about people or cars.

>

> Journaling--all of the above are excellent physical ways of getting your

> thoughts to flow to put down on paper (or electronically)--all the feelings

> you can't get rid of about the BPD in your life.

>

> The bat idea may seem violent to you--but consider this--if all that rage

> is just sitting in you ready to come out you have 2 choices, either dump it

> on some undeserving soul or keep it in your gut where it slowly kills you.

> I'd rather beat it out on an inanimate object.

>

>

>

> >

> > What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and

> have for years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood and

> beyond, especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her

> craziness

> >

> > How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now

> (spouse, kids etc)

> >

> > Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

> >

> > SK

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I have this problem too. I stuff it deep down and I would never dream of lashing

out to relieve myself, like my nada did. Sometimes I have violent dreams though,

very scary.

I wish I could offer an answer but all I can say is that we're justified in our

rage. We got screwed over badly, and that makes us angry.

Mine comes in waves, less so, as the years roll by but it's there nonetheless.

There might be a healing connection between my spiritual growth, ability to self

soothe, and frank honesty with myself about how angry I really am.

I hope one day the rage disappears but it's as much a part of my character as

the positive elements are. That's just the way it is, for now anyway.

Hugs from HF.

[Guest guest]

I lift weights.

They day I was able to leg press twice her body weight I realized I could shove

that B%$#@$# through a wall!

Man... talk about empowering!

Lynnette - who is seriously considering taking up boxing at a local gym... will

let ya'll know next week.

> > >

> > > What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and

> > have for years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood and

> > beyond, especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her

> > craziness

> > >

> > > How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now

> > (spouse, kids etc)

> > >

> > > Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

> > >

> > > SK

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yes, I think the whole self-defense, martial-arts thing can help with

dissipating anger and it can help engender sense of self-esteem and empowerment.

Several years ago now I took a one-afternoon " Dirty Street Fighting " class

offered by our local police department, and we were instructed to really punch

and kick the enormously-padded officer who was playing the role of " attacker " ,

as hard as we could. (His padding was so thick and so extensive that his whole

head and body were covered; he looked more like a giant ragdoll than a human

being!) Many of us in the class had real difficulty making ourselves really hit

another person with all our strength. Even though he was padded and telling us

to.

We were so... conditioned/brainwashed that its wrong to deliberately try to hurt

another human being, even though he/she is trying to hurt or even kill YOU.

So, it was kind of a breakthrough for me when I let myself just really hit him

and kick him as hard as I could. And let me tell you, it did help with draining

some of my anger. And I was so sore the next day I could hardly move!

In a way, it did NOT help my anger when I considered that my own mother had no

such inhibitions or compunctions about hitting, shaking, slapping, spanking, and

beating tiny children with a belt, who were less than half her height and a

fraction of her weight.

Can you imagine repeatedly striking a toddler who is screaming in fear of you,

trying to crawl away from you, eyes wide with shock, begging you please mommy

no!?

It shines a big spotlight on the depth of the mental illness, when you consider

that someone with bpd *can* and *will* do this, over, and over and over again,

and not comprehend how wrong it is and how traumatizing it is to their child.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > What do you do to work on inner rage. I tend to shove down my anger and

> > > have for years. I have lots and lots of anger at my nada from childhood

and

> > > beyond, especially my teenage years which were totally ruined by her

> > > craziness

> > > >

> > > > How do you get it out, so it doesnt overflow and hurt people from now

> > > (spouse, kids etc)

> > > >

> > > > Anytime I get angry I get so scared that I am the crazy BPD one.

> > > >

> > > > SK

> > > >

> > > >