Re: Saw my nada again at my daughters school!

[Guest guest]

Hey, I don't know and I haven't read the other thread, but you don't owe your

mom a second chance. If she's willing to go this far to break boundaries with

you, get the restraining order. This is creepy behavior and confusing to a

child to boot.

>

> dear all

> a few months ago i msged everyone about seeing my nada at my daughters school

loitering with her car...(btw have been NC with her for now 1 yr) and i have

reiterated many times over if she wants to see my children both myself and hubby

need to be present.

> So this morning getting the kids into the car and i see her car parked a

street down. i dirve past and see my step dad. i dirve to my daughters school

and see him doing a uturn on her school street as well. WTF>! i told the

principal right away. later in the day i went to pick my daughter up and

surprise surprise i see my mums car parked right in front of the school with her

in it! i got so angry and freaked out that i immediately went to her class and

asked her to be let out 15mins early. her teacher knows about the situation and

even saw my mums car driving past when i showed it to her. i am seriously

thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do that i want to give

a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of sending to her and my

step dad via email...please all let me know what you all think...whether its a

good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the order or not...I know with a

restraining order the defendent has a chance to refute it and than it goes to

court for trial (i am sure my mum is going to refute everything is say...)

> anyways a bit freaked out...and advice would be helpful. here is the msg below

which i havent sent yet...

>

>

> this message needs to be forwarded to nada and step dad as soon as possible.

>

> There has been more than one occasion whereby you and theo have been at xyz

school loitering without her parents permission and loitering around our house.

This is against school policy and we will not tolerate this. The school is fully

aware of this and if it does not stop i will be pursuing a restraining order.

>

> If you want to see the kids you can see them with both myself and hubby

present.

>

[Guest guest]

Good grief! Nightmare time.... glad to see you're taking control of the

situation.

While your note is a a good start, I'd suggest some revisions that support what

you've already told her about seeing the kids (for the purpose of the RO if it

comes to that.)

" X & Y

As you are well aware, the relationship between you and I is currently

non-existent due to your ongoing abusive treatment of me both as a child and as

an adult. While you may argue this point endlessly, I - with the support of my

husband and therapist - will keep my boundaries of no-contact in tact for the

forseeable future.

I have stated clearly that should you choose to see my children, your

grandchildren, that both myself and my husband must be present. The children's

school is well aware of this parameter and respects my decision to enforce it.

However, my husband, the school and myself have all witnessed you stalking my

children at or near the school campus. I have been advised to obtain a fully

enforceable restraining order against you for this dangerous and damaging

behavior.

I am asking you one time, in this note, to stop. Failure to do so will result

in legal action.

Me "

That outlines what is what and where it's going.

Lynnette

>

> dear all

> a few months ago i msged everyone about seeing my nada at my daughters school

loitering with her car...(btw have been NC with her for now 1 yr) and i have

reiterated many times over if she wants to see my children both myself and hubby

need to be present.

> So this morning getting the kids into the car and i see her car parked a

street down. i dirve past and see my step dad. i dirve to my daughters school

and see him doing a uturn on her school street as well. WTF>! i told the

principal right away. later in the day i went to pick my daughter up and

surprise surprise i see my mums car parked right in front of the school with her

in it! i got so angry and freaked out that i immediately went to her class and

asked her to be let out 15mins early. her teacher knows about the situation and

even saw my mums car driving past when i showed it to her. i am seriously

thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do that i want to give

a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of sending to her and my

step dad via email...please all let me know what you all think...whether its a

good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the order or not...I know with a

restraining order the defendent has a chance to refute it and than it goes to

court for trial (i am sure my mum is going to refute everything is say...)

> anyways a bit freaked out...and advice would be helpful. here is the msg below

which i havent sent yet...

>

>

> this message needs to be forwarded to nada and step dad as soon as possible.

>

> There has been more than one occasion whereby you and theo have been at xyz

school loitering without her parents permission and loitering around our house.

This is against school policy and we will not tolerate this. The school is fully

aware of this and if it does not stop i will be pursuing a restraining order.

>

> If you want to see the kids you can see them with both myself and hubby

present.

>

[Guest guest]

> i am seriously thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do

that i want to give a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of

sending to her and my step dad via email...please all let me know what you all

think...whether its a good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the order

or not...

I'm no attorney, but it sounds like YOU HAVE ALREADY WARNED THEM by telling them

you need to be present if they visit your children. I don't see how telling

them AGAIN is going to help. But if you still feel the need to make yourself

crystal clear that you don't want them near your kids' school, get an attorney

to mail them a cease and desist letter. But it sounds to me like it's time to

look into the RO for sure!

[Guest guest]

OMY FREAKING GOD!!! THat is so frightening. I'm so sorry. Personally, I

probably wouldn't send a note. I would go straight to the cops. But it

depends on your relationship with your nada and if there is anything worth

nurturing. In my case, there is no hope

I would recommend in the note to use active voice. Instead of saying " you

have been seen. " I would say " I saw you, my child's teacher also saw you. "

And my other advice is to keep it very very very short. When setting

boundaries and calling people out on bad behavior, the shorter hte better.

Less rope for them to hang you with. More words tends to bring confusion.

On Fri, May 20, 2011 at 8:29 AM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> Good grief! Nightmare time.... glad to see you're taking control of the

> situation.

>

> While your note is a a good start, I'd suggest some revisions that support

> what you've already told her about seeing the kids (for the purpose of the

> RO if it comes to that.)

>

> " X & Y

>

> As you are well aware, the relationship between you and I is currently

> non-existent due to your ongoing abusive treatment of me both as a child and

> as an adult. While you may argue this point endlessly, I - with the support

> of my husband and therapist - will keep my boundaries of no-contact in tact

> for the forseeable future.

>

> I have stated clearly that should you choose to see my children, your

> grandchildren, that both myself and my husband must be present. The

> children's school is well aware of this parameter and respects my decision

> to enforce it.

>

> However, my husband, the school and myself have all witnessed you stalking

> my children at or near the school campus. I have been advised to obtain a

> fully enforceable restraining order against you for this dangerous and

> damaging behavior.

>

> I am asking you one time, in this note, to stop. Failure to do so will

> result in legal action.

>

> Me "

>

> That outlines what is what and where it's going.

>

> Lynnette

>

>

>

> >

> > dear all

> > a few months ago i msged everyone about seeing my nada at my daughters

> school loitering with her car...(btw have been NC with her for now 1 yr) and

> i have reiterated many times over if she wants to see my children both

> myself and hubby need to be present.

> > So this morning getting the kids into the car and i see her car parked a

> street down. i dirve past and see my step dad. i dirve to my daughters

> school and see him doing a uturn on her school street as well. WTF>! i told

> the principal right away. later in the day i went to pick my daughter up and

> surprise surprise i see my mums car parked right in front of the school with

> her in it! i got so angry and freaked out that i immediately went to her

> class and asked her to be let out 15mins early. her teacher knows about the

> situation and even saw my mums car driving past when i showed it to her. i

> am seriously thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do

> that i want to give a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of

> sending to her and my step dad via email...please all let me know what you

> all think...whether its a good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the

> order or not...I know with a restraining order the defendent has a chance to

> refute it and than it goes to court for trial (i am sure my mum is going to

> refute everything is say...)

> > anyways a bit freaked out...and advice would be helpful. here is the msg

> below which i havent sent yet...

> >

> >

> > this message needs to be forwarded to nada and step dad as soon as

> possible.

> >

> > There has been more than one occasion whereby you and theo have been at

> xyz school loitering without her parents permission and loitering around our

> house. This is against school policy and we will not tolerate this. The

> school is fully aware of this and if it does not stop i will be pursuing a

> restraining order.

> >

> > If you want to see the kids you can see them with both myself and hubby

> present.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know my letter sounds like beating a dead horse but it's more for the court's

information. Provides a background. Gives a summary. Her Nada won't give a

crap and will do what she's doing... but the court will want to say you were

very VERY clear. I'd even suggest that it be sent certified mail for proof of

receipt.

Lynnette

> > >

> > > dear all

> > > a few months ago i msged everyone about seeing my nada at my daughters

> > school loitering with her car...(btw have been NC with her for now 1 yr) and

> > i have reiterated many times over if she wants to see my children both

> > myself and hubby need to be present.

> > > So this morning getting the kids into the car and i see her car parked a

> > street down. i dirve past and see my step dad. i dirve to my daughters

> > school and see him doing a uturn on her school street as well. WTF>! i told

> > the principal right away. later in the day i went to pick my daughter up and

> > surprise surprise i see my mums car parked right in front of the school with

> > her in it! i got so angry and freaked out that i immediately went to her

> > class and asked her to be let out 15mins early. her teacher knows about the

> > situation and even saw my mums car driving past when i showed it to her. i

> > am seriously thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do

> > that i want to give a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of

> > sending to her and my step dad via email...please all let me know what you

> > all think...whether its a good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the

> > order or not...I know with a restraining order the defendent has a chance to

> > refute it and than it goes to court for trial (i am sure my mum is going to

> > refute everything is say...)

> > > anyways a bit freaked out...and advice would be helpful. here is the msg

> > below which i havent sent yet...

> > >

> > >

> > > this message needs to be forwarded to nada and step dad as soon as

> > possible.

> > >

> > > There has been more than one occasion whereby you and theo have been at

> > xyz school loitering without her parents permission and loitering around our

> > house. This is against school policy and we will not tolerate this. The

> > school is fully aware of this and if it does not stop i will be pursuing a

> > restraining order.

> > >

> > > If you want to see the kids you can see them with both myself and hubby

> > present.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

At the anti-stalking sites (for the support of the victims of stalking) they

recommend that sending a one-time formal " cease and desist " letter is a

necessary first step.

Its all about documentation. Document, document, document.

That's good that you have your kid's school principal/teachers as witnesses,

that's very valuable documentation.

I recommend sending your letter through a lawyer, who will be more familiar with

the laws regarding stalking and harassment in your state and city. Receiving a

formal, brief, unemotional cease and desist letter (that they must sign for, to

confirm receipt) on the letterhead of a lawyer's office is sometimes all it

takes.

In some states its more difficult to get a restraining order, ROs are reserved

for cases where threats of violence or death-threats are made, actual physical

assault has occurred, or vandalism, etc., while other states have more

recently-enacted anti-stalking laws that include stalking and surveillance

behaviors as legitimate reasons to issue a restraining order.

So, if you send the letter yourself, I actually think the briefer and less

emotional it is the better. I like your first draft. I'd get it witnessed by a

notary public, send one copy to your parents and keep one copy (for

documentation). Send it by registered and/or certified mail (the kind that they

must sign for to confirm receipt) and then just very consistently document all

instances where they have been stalking you, and consult a lawyer with your

evidence about getting a restraining order.

Best of luck to you.

-Annie

> > i am seriously thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do

that i want to give a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of

sending to her and my step dad via email...please all let me know what you all

think...whether its a good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the order

or not...

>

> I'm no attorney, but it sounds like YOU HAVE ALREADY WARNED THEM by telling

them you need to be present if they visit your children. I don't see how

telling them AGAIN is going to help. But if you still feel the need to make

yourself crystal clear that you don't want them near your kids' school, get an

attorney to mail them a cease and desist letter. But it sounds to me like it's

time to look into the RO for sure!

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know if this would be helpful, but I've found this site to be very

interesting in regards to relating to people with BPD.

http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/02/08/stalking-part-i-what-is-stalking-and-can-me\

n-be-stalked-by-women/

> > > i am seriously thinking about getting a restraining order. however b4 i do

that i want to give a warning to my nada and here is what i have thought of

sending to her and my step dad via email...please all let me know what you all

think...whether its a good idea to give a warning b4 i go ahead with the order

or not...

> >

> > I'm no attorney, but it sounds like YOU HAVE ALREADY WARNED THEM by telling

them you need to be present if they visit your children. I don't see how

telling them AGAIN is going to help. But if you still feel the need to make

yourself crystal clear that you don't want them near your kids' school, get an

attorney to mail them a cease and desist letter. But it sounds to me like it's

time to look into the RO for sure!

> >

>