A couple of books to consider

[Guest guest]

I just came across this book being discussed at another support group I

frequent, and I read the synopsis and scanned quickly through the reviews, and

most of the reviews were good!

An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal' [Paperback]

C. Friel Ph.D. (Author), D. Friel M.A. (Author)

The book covers all dysfunctional parent/child relationships including

substance-abusing parents and mentally ill parents. From what I could glean, it

appears to have some good, practical advice for those of us raised by

personality-disordered parents.

Its not expensive (the paperback is under $10) but can probably be ordered for

borrowing through your local library.

I also came across this book:

" Divorcing a Parent: Free Yourself from the Past and Live the Life You've Always

Wanted [Paperback]

Beverly Engel M.F.C.C. (Author) "

Even used, this book is expensive (its out of print) but I was able to order it

for borrowing through my local library, although it hasn't arrived yet.

At one of the other support groups for those with bpd parents, a member wrote:

" ...If we are even considering terminating the relationship with a parent, *for

whom we are born with unconditional love*, the relationship is beyond repair: A

parent has to work long and hard to destroy our love for them....IMO, walking

away is a natural response to maltreatment, regardless of the DNA " relationship "

....and a very healthy response to a very unhealthy situation. "

I thought that was very well stated.

However there is no " best " or " only " solution that works for every KO.

Personality disordered parents come in differing degrees of functionality or

abusiveness.

Some pd parents are more functional and have done less damage to us, while other

pd parents are less functional and are an active danger to us or to themselves,

have threatened violence, have actually attacked us, have threatened suicide or

threatened to take away our children, etc. Each of us must choose paths of

action that are suitable to our own situation, based on what you as an

individual can tolerate and manage and live with.

We can take steps even if they are small baby steps, toward a healthier and more

joyful adult life. Even tiny little steps will get you where you want to be,

eventually. And any progress in the right direction is good, sez I.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the book recommendations, Annie. The first one sounds especially

relevant, since I'm still struggling with figuring out what was normal and

what wasn't.

Holly

On Sat, May 21, 2011 at 9:03 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I just came across this book being discussed at another support group I

> frequent, and I read the synopsis and scanned quickly through the reviews,

> and most of the reviews were good!

>

> An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal' [Paperback]

> C. Friel Ph.D. (Author), D. Friel M.A. (Author)

>

> The book covers all dysfunctional parent/child relationships including

> substance-abusing parents and mentally ill parents. From what I could glean,

> it appears to have some good, practical advice for those of us raised by

> personality-disordered parents.

>

> Its not expensive (the paperback is under $10) but can probably be ordered

> for borrowing through your local library.

>

> I also came across this book:

>

> " Divorcing a Parent: Free Yourself from the Past and Live the Life You've

> Always Wanted [Paperback]

> Beverly Engel M.F.C.C. (Author) "

>

> Even used, this book is expensive (its out of print) but I was able to

> order it for borrowing through my local library, although it hasn't arrived

> yet.

>

> At one of the other support groups for those with bpd parents, a member

> wrote:

>

> " ...If we are even considering terminating the relationship with a parent,

> *for whom we are born with unconditional love*, the relationship is beyond

> repair: A parent has to work long and hard to destroy our love for

> them....IMO, walking away is a natural response to maltreatment, regardless

> of the DNA " relationship "

> ...and a very healthy response to a very unhealthy situation. "

>

> I thought that was very well stated.

>

> However there is no " best " or " only " solution that works for every KO.

>

> Personality disordered parents come in differing degrees of functionality

> or abusiveness.

>

> Some pd parents are more functional and have done less damage to us, while

> other pd parents are less functional and are an active danger to us or to

> themselves, have threatened violence, have actually attacked us, have

> threatened suicide or threatened to take away our children, etc. Each of us

> must choose paths of action that are suitable to our own situation, based on

> what you as an individual can tolerate and manage and live with.

>

> We can take steps even if they are small baby steps, toward a healthier and

> more joyful adult life. Even tiny little steps will get you where you want

> to be, eventually. And any progress in the right direction is good, sez I.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have the Guide and it has proved helpful. Not as many strategies for dealing

with them as I had hoped, but a nice resource that was very validating.

>

> " ...If we are even considering terminating the relationship with a parent,

*for whom we are born with unconditional love*, the relationship is beyond

repair: A parent has to work long and hard to destroy our love for them....IMO,

walking away is a natural response to maltreatment, regardless of the DNA

" relationship "

> ...and a very healthy response to a very unhealthy situation. "

>

> I thought that was very well stated.

>

> However there is no " best " or " only " solution that works for every KO.

>

> Personality disordered parents come in differing degrees of functionality or

abusiveness.

>

> Some pd parents are more functional and have done less damage to us, while

other pd parents are less functional and are an active danger to us or to

themselves, have threatened violence, have actually attacked us, have threatened

suicide or threatened to take away our children, etc. Each of us must choose

paths of action that are suitable to our own situation, based on what you as an

individual can tolerate and manage and live with.

>

> We can take steps even if they are small baby steps, toward a healthier and

more joyful adult life. Even tiny little steps will get you where you want to

be, eventually. And any progress in the right direction is good, sez I.

>

> -Annie

>