My uncle's passing

[Guest guest]

One of my favorite uncles died this past Wednesday. He was my nada's last

remaining full-brother. He is the last tie, besides my nada, to the Ukraine.

Tomorrow at 10 am, my maternal family: 3 aunts and one remaining uncle and many

many cousins and their children will be in the funeral home for my uncle A's

funeral.

I returned to my home town yesterday from my trip up North and I wanted to share

highlights.

First, I am very grateful for the blessings of Twelve Step recovery. For me,

detaching with love has been a very powerful mantra in dealing with our family's

loss.

My uncle passed just hours before I began my journey to be with his family. I

left my home at 7:30 Wednesday morning for the airport. But he'd passed at 5:00

am on Wednesday.... and I woke at 6:00 to hear my husband talking on the phone

to my cousin. There were about fifteen minutes of wondering... if should I

change my plans to attend the funeral instead? And I decided to go with the

faith and continue forward motion. The shuttle to the airport was paid for... my

ticket non-refundable, my son set to spend time with neighborhood friends...so I

rested my fear against the commitment I'd already made...

The entire journey was one continuous process of looking at all that my Inner

Critic wanted to say, and telling It, " Well, you could be right, maybe I am in

the right place at the wrong time... but there is no denying the reality that I

am here now. " That Inner Critic, is nada's voice from my childhood, which I seem

to be letting go of.

I was not able to stay for the funeral (it is being held tomorrow), but I had my

own private viewing on Friday with my uncle's wife and son, and her sister and

eldest daughter.

While I am my nada's daughter (I even look uncannily like her), I am a long ways

away from being under her power. In the days preceding this trip, I learned for

sure that I can handle MYSELF with my mother under trying circumstances. I am

relieved too that mom is afraid of death, because this meant she could not

muster up the courage to come and attend the wake nor the funeral. Nor could she

wrestle with us, with her shoulds, ought to's and could have dones. That meant,

I was able to be present to my relatives without having a concern in the world

about what nada thought, nor trying to counter her ill effects.

I want to share that I got to see that my uncle and aunts have similar ways of

dealing with my mom. How good to have my maternal family as a powerful reality

check!

So grateful for the ease of this journey and the reserve of strength and peace I

was able to bring to this situation. How very grateful that I have no OTHER

family members with her disorder. And no alcoholics either. Nothing short of a

miracle, so my HP must have a hand in this!

Best,

[Guest guest]

So sorry about your loss, . It sounds like you were able to find

personal growth, triumph really, during such a difficult time. I'm glad for you,

and thank you for sharing ;-)

>

>

> One of my favorite uncles died this past Wednesday. He was my nada's last

remaining full-brother. He is the last tie, besides my nada, to the Ukraine.

Tomorrow at 10 am, my maternal family: 3 aunts and one remaining uncle and many

many cousins and their children will be in the funeral home for my uncle A's

funeral.

>

> I returned to my home town yesterday from my trip up North and I wanted to

share highlights.

>

> First, I am very grateful for the blessings of Twelve Step recovery. For me,

detaching with love has been a very powerful mantra in dealing with our family's

loss.

>

> My uncle passed just hours before I began my journey to be with his family. I

left my home at 7:30 Wednesday morning for the airport. But he'd passed at 5:00

am on Wednesday.... and I woke at 6:00 to hear my husband talking on the phone

to my cousin. There were about fifteen minutes of wondering... if should I

change my plans to attend the funeral instead? And I decided to go with the

faith and continue forward motion. The shuttle to the airport was paid for... my

ticket non-refundable, my son set to spend time with neighborhood friends...so I

rested my fear against the commitment I'd already made...

>

> The entire journey was one continuous process of looking at all that my Inner

Critic wanted to say, and telling It, " Well, you could be right, maybe I am in

the right place at the wrong time... but there is no denying the reality that I

am here now. " That Inner Critic, is nada's voice from my childhood, which I seem

to be letting go of.

>

> I was not able to stay for the funeral (it is being held tomorrow), but I had

my own private viewing on Friday with my uncle's wife and son, and her sister

and eldest daughter.

>

> While I am my nada's daughter (I even look uncannily like her), I am a long

ways away from being under her power. In the days preceding this trip, I learned

for sure that I can handle MYSELF with my mother under trying circumstances. I

am relieved too that mom is afraid of death, because this meant she could not

muster up the courage to come and attend the wake nor the funeral. Nor could she

wrestle with us, with her shoulds, ought to's and could have dones. That meant,

I was able to be present to my relatives without having a concern in the world

about what nada thought, nor trying to counter her ill effects.

>

> I want to share that I got to see that my uncle and aunts have similar ways of

dealing with my mom. How good to have my maternal family as a powerful reality

check!

>

> So grateful for the ease of this journey and the reserve of strength and peace

I was able to bring to this situation. How very grateful that I have no OTHER

family members with her disorder. And no alcoholics either. Nothing short of a

miracle, so my HP must have a hand in this!

>

> Best,

>

>