Introduction of new member

[Guest guest]

Well, where do I begin. Ok, first - I want to make sure that I belong to

the appropriate Yahoo group that you have designed - I've joined three

groups: WTO Christian, Parents Of, and Adult Children....so, please advise

after reading the brief summary of my life.

I am nearly sixty years old. Recently, my mother passed away.

During the time of her illness in a rest home - confirmation, after

confirmation

I came to realize the truth - I was not a part of my family (my counselor

believes that God set me apart from them - they were highly dysfunctional).

My father apologized while my mom was in the rest home...my current

husband was in shock that what he has observed for the past sixteen years is

really true. During my mom's funeral - my brother (the golden child of our

" family " ) made sure that I wasn't welcome - no words of love or compassion

were shared. My son made my mother's funeral about him - whining that he

wouldn't go into the funeral parlor and I couldn't force him to do so (which,

I didn't even attempt to do - I just mentioned that customarily it is

proper to be with family in the parlor.) - well, he's a 34 year old man that

was

quite the challenge as a child - he made sure the focus was always on him.

Needless to say, this is the moment that I bottomed out and decided to

enter counseling. This time, I specified that it wasn't me that had to do

forgiving, etc that I was suffering from so much more - see, I've always been

quite eager to forgive, after all, that's what the Lord wants us to do -

so, I confessed that this was so much more.

In counseling (the best I've ever received) we've decided that it

isn't about my having to do anything (well, you know what I mean - I have

homework, etc and I'm learning survival techniques) - it's about the fact that

I have been a magnet for BPD or narcissistic personalities (not sure what

the difference is - I believe the individuals in my life are closer to the

narcissistic definitions I've found on the net) - Starting from my

domineering and non-nurturing self-absorbed mother, alcoholic father, brother,

former husband (23 long years), son, and step-daughter - I've become a victim

(I've also admitted that while I was a child, my parents left me in the care

of my pedophile uncle on several occasions) . I'm reading the books

Boundaries and Stop Walking on Eggshells to help equip me for a life of freedom

as I am somewhat forced to have to continue having relationships with some

of these individuals. With the Lord's help, I've come a long way and I want

to learn as much as I can - my counselor mentioned that I was under a

boulder in my first session and now I'm progressing nicely. I see so clearly

what is behind me, but, not so sure about what lies ahead - not sure how to

handle given situations that will arise.

Thanks for welcoming me to your group - I do hope that one of the

groups I joined is my match. So, please advise as to which group may fit me.

Thanks, Braty

[Guest guest]

Hi Braty,

Maybe check out some of our earlier posts for the last few days or weeks to see

if you think we're a good fit for you.

We recently had a thread about discussing our religious beliefs here, because at

this particular sub-group we generally discuss our issues with our pd parents

from a secular point of view. We're a mixed bag of philosophies/religious

beliefs/atheism, cultures, ages, and sexual orientations here, and all are

welcome. And in general we tend to stay rather secular in our discussions.

It seems that some of us experienced " spiritual abuse " or religious abuse by our

mentally ill parents, so, the topic of religion doesn't come up for discussion

here very often as a method of coping with our pd parents.

I even expressed my opinion that if a particular book or therapy or religious

precept has worked for a member (to help them figure out how to cope better)

then I'd be interested to hear about it, but, if you feel the need to discuss

all your experiences and learnings from your particular religious framework/from

your religion's context, then, perhaps the Christian WTO Support Group would be

a better fit for you.

-Annie

>

>

> Well, where do I begin. Ok, first - I want to make sure that I belong to

> the appropriate Yahoo group that you have designed - I've joined three

> groups: WTO Christian, Parents Of, and Adult Children....so, please advise

> after reading the brief summary of my life.

>

> I am nearly sixty years old. Recently, my mother passed away.

> During the time of her illness in a rest home - confirmation, after

confirmation

> I came to realize the truth - I was not a part of my family (my counselor

> believes that God set me apart from them - they were highly dysfunctional).

> My father apologized while my mom was in the rest home...my current

> husband was in shock that what he has observed for the past sixteen years is

> really true. During my mom's funeral - my brother (the golden child of our

> " family " ) made sure that I wasn't welcome - no words of love or compassion

> were shared. My son made my mother's funeral about him - whining that he

> wouldn't go into the funeral parlor and I couldn't force him to do so (which,

> I didn't even attempt to do - I just mentioned that customarily it is

> proper to be with family in the parlor.) - well, he's a 34 year old man that

was

> quite the challenge as a child - he made sure the focus was always on him.

> Needless to say, this is the moment that I bottomed out and decided to

> enter counseling. This time, I specified that it wasn't me that had to do

> forgiving, etc that I was suffering from so much more - see, I've always been

> quite eager to forgive, after all, that's what the Lord wants us to do -

> so, I confessed that this was so much more.

>

> In counseling (the best I've ever received) we've decided that it

> isn't about my having to do anything (well, you know what I mean - I have

> homework, etc and I'm learning survival techniques) - it's about the fact

that

> I have been a magnet for BPD or narcissistic personalities (not sure what

> the difference is - I believe the individuals in my life are closer to the

> narcissistic definitions I've found on the net) - Starting from my

> domineering and non-nurturing self-absorbed mother, alcoholic father,

brother,

> former husband (23 long years), son, and step-daughter - I've become a victim

> (I've also admitted that while I was a child, my parents left me in the care

> of my pedophile uncle on several occasions) . I'm reading the books

> Boundaries and Stop Walking on Eggshells to help equip me for a life of

freedom

> as I am somewhat forced to have to continue having relationships with some

> of these individuals. With the Lord's help, I've come a long way and I want

> to learn as much as I can - my counselor mentioned that I was under a

> boulder in my first session and now I'm progressing nicely. I see so clearly

> what is behind me, but, not so sure about what lies ahead - not sure how to

> handle given situations that will arise.

>

> Thanks for welcoming me to your group - I do hope that one of the

> groups I joined is my match. So, please advise as to which group may fit me.

> Thanks, Braty

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

WTO Christian is mostly for chosen partners and ex-partners of Borderlines,

though it is also appropriate for any Christian who is trying to cope with a

Borderline who wants to share in a religious setting; Parents Of would obviously

be for parents of Borderlines; and this group, for the Adult Children of

Borderlines. You don't have to pick just one. You can read posts on all the

boards you have joined and leave any that doesn't seem to fit.

If you have any questions about whether something is or is not appropriate to

post, you can refer to the WTO Guidelines (which should have been emailed to you

when you joined, but you can always find them under " Files " on the left-hand

side of the page). As Annie mentioned, typically on this board we try to be

sensitive to the fact that not everyone here shares our religious beliefs. That

topic is addressed in the list Guidelines.

I understand there are also support groups out there on the web for people who

are dealing with Narcissists. BPD and NPD do have a lot in common and can be

co-morbid (i.e., they can occur together). You might be able to search for some

NPD support groups if you think it would be helpful.

I hope you are able to find the validation and support you need! Welcome to our

board.