nada going to have a breast op

May 27, 2011

nada discovered she has breast cancer level 1 end of last year and crossed the

globe to have medical treatment where I live. Now she lives few hundreds meters

from my house.

she will have an operation and remove part of her breast in a few weeks.

I never deal with someone like this. I cried to see her having her medical

checks and I am scared of how I will cope in see her after the operation.

Thanks this group and a regular counseling and already 6 months taking sleeping

pills every night and almost daily pill to calm down my nerves, I can stand be

with her few hours a day, and it is not everyday... I feel sorry for her, sad

but, at the same time, she still gets my nerves if I talk or be too long with

her! and I already set up my mind to let it be, I have more patience now than

before, but,...still that awful feeling that I can not stand her. Her voice

irritates me, the way she speaks always ready to blow up for nothing really

takes my nerves and I am the only one to take care of her...

I lived with her for 3 weeks since she arrived and I felt it was 3 years.

Basically I hate almost everything she does or talk and, of course, I feel

guilty for these feelings specially now she has cancer. She still plays FOG, I

tried not let her games effect me, but, they do! For 2 consecutives nights I

went to her house to have dinner after work because she kindly invited me to do

so only to listen her complains and that she is stressed out. And I feel I need

to listen her when she most need the only soul that stands her ...

If get out of the FOG game was difficult when she was healthy, now it is getting

very dificult for me...and I don't stand more these feelings inside me and her

way to see life.

What can I do to get out of it? I am reading a nice book of how to reach

happiness inside my heart, but, it seems I am fine only if mom is fine. I feel

it is impossible to dettach from her and I can't stand her...

any suggestion dear buddies? what a hell this boderline world!!

May 27, 2011

I went through the breast thing with my mom in my 20s. She had a cyst and

needed a biopsy. You would think the world had shut completely down around

her. I ended up taking her to every doctor's appt. Sitting in the hospital

for hours. Missing a ton of work. And then with her at my house laying on

the floor (don't ask me why she wanted to lay on the floor) talking in a

baby victim whisper that she was hungry, wanted a drink, wanted to be

babied. I'm sorry - but the bitch could walk just fine. And where was she

when I was vomiting at school with migraines at age 8 - she didn't even

think I really had them is where she was.

On the other hand, I have known women who have had major breast surgery who

never even mentioned it to their kids until it was over and done and they

were fine.

Stage one cancer is highly highly treatable. The surgery is fairly minor.

Your mother is working you my dear. She is hanging her hat on the word

" cancer " and using it to manipulate you.

A real mother would try to protect you from worry. A real mother would be

strong. She would get the right info. She would face it.

A BPD mother on the other hand would play the victim for all it is worth.

You have the BPD kind.

>

> nada discovered she has breast cancer level 1 end of last year and crossed

> the globe to have medical treatment where I live. Now she lives few hundreds

> meters from my house.

> she will have an operation and remove part of her breast in a few weeks.

> I never deal with someone like this. I cried to see her having her medical

> checks and I am scared of how I will cope in see her after the operation.

> Thanks this group and a regular counseling and already 6 months taking

> sleeping pills every night and almost daily pill to calm down my nerves, I

> can stand be with her few hours a day, and it is not everyday... I feel

> sorry for her, sad but, at the same time, she still gets my nerves if I talk

> or be too long with her! and I already set up my mind to let it be, I have

> more patience now than before, but,...still that awful feeling that I can

> not stand her. Her voice irritates me, the way she speaks always ready to

> blow up for nothing really takes my nerves and I am the only one to take

> care of her...

> I lived with her for 3 weeks since she arrived and I felt it was 3 years.

> Basically I hate almost everything she does or talk and, of course, I feel

> guilty for these feelings specially now she has cancer. She still plays FOG,

> I tried not let her games effect me, but, they do! For 2 consecutives nights

> I went to her house to have dinner after work because she kindly invited me

> to do so only to listen her complains and that she is stressed out. And I

> feel I need to listen her when she most need the only soul that stands her

> ...

> If get out of the FOG game was difficult when she was healthy, now it is

> getting very dificult for me...and I don't stand more these feelings inside

> me and her way to see life.

> What can I do to get out of it? I am reading a nice book of how to reach

> happiness inside my heart, but, it seems I am fine only if mom is fine. I

> feel it is impossible to dettach from her and I can't stand her...

> any suggestion dear buddies? what a hell this boderline world!!

>

May 27, 2011

My mother's first round with breast cancer felt like the end of the world for

me. It was the first time she'd had a significant health issue or operation,

and of course I was expected to make an extra trip to see her that year to see

her through it. Before that the amount of visits and calls I had to do to keep

the relationship stable was manageable, even if a strain at times. Her

illnesses have changed everything.

So I'm probably not a good person to advise you since I'm caught in a

similar net as you are. My nada still lives far away from me, but in every

other way I'm way more involved than is healthy for me. My advice to you, set

what boundaries you can to manage contact so at least it's predictable and

doesn't spiral out of control. Having your nada move local to you after having

lived in another country has got to be terrible! And don't let her dramatics

fool you, breast cancer is very survivable for most people if caught early.

Eliza

>

> nada discovered she has breast cancer level 1 end of last year and crossed the

globe to have medical treatment where I live. Now she lives few hundreds meters

from my house.

> she will have an operation and remove part of her breast in a few weeks.

> I never deal with someone like this. I cried to see her having her medical

checks and I am scared of how I will cope in see her after the operation.

> Thanks this group and a regular counseling and already 6 months taking

sleeping pills every night and almost daily pill to calm down my nerves, I can

stand be with her few hours a day, and it is not everyday... I feel sorry for

her, sad but, at the same time, she still gets my nerves if I talk or be too

long with her! and I already set up my mind to let it be, I have more patience

now than before, but,...still that awful feeling that I can not stand her. Her

voice irritates me, the way she speaks always ready to blow up for nothing

really takes my nerves and I am the only one to take care of her...