Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I have read bpd is a mental illness and I have read that it is not, but its behavioral/emotional. Unlike schizophrenia or depression. I am confused as to how much my mother was to blame for not getting help and how much my dad is to blame for not forcing her if she truly had a mental illness. From what I've read, a very high percentage of BPD people commit suicide. An even higher percentage attempt it (I read 1 in 3 attempt and 1 in 10 complete). My mother was one that threatened, but in the end, I think she actually killed herself by not receiving medical attention when she should have. I could see she was weary, though, and that saddens me. BPD is a horrible illness for the family, but imagine the pain of the person experiencing it. Someone who cannot control their emotions and has an insatiable need for attention that pushes everyone around them away. The very thing they want -- love, acceptance, is the very thing they push away from them with their behavoirs. What in the world had to happen to them for them to feel so rejected and abandoned by society? I don't know the answers, but I do know how it affected me growing up and the outcome wasn't good. Sometimes I wonder if my mom had completed suicide, if I would have been better off emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I can't say for sure what percent your mom has responsability. I do believe she is 100 percent responsible for yourself . . . but when you are sick. . . .. What I wanted to address is your dad's responsibility. I don't think you can ever " force someone " to get well, even if that person is your wife or your child. They are responsible for themselves. BUT you can set boundaries and take steps to protect your kids. He is responsible for that. 100% > even higher percentage attempt it (I read 1 in 3 attempt and 1 in 10 > complete). My mother was one that threatened, but in the end, I think she > actually killed herself by not receiving medical attention when she should > have. I could see she was weary, though, and that saddens me. BPD is a > horrible illness for the family, but imagine the pain of the person > experiencing it. Someone who cannot control their emotions and has an > insatiable need for attention that pushes everyone around them away. The > very thing they want -- love, acceptance, is the very thing they push away > from them with their behavoirs. What in the world had to happen to them for > them to feel so rejected and abandoned by society? I don't know the answers, > but I do know how it affected me growing up and the outcome wasn't good. > Sometimes I wonder if my mom had completed suicide, if I would have been > better off emotionally. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I wonder the same things, . Would I have been better off if I hadn't been raised by my biomom? It is confusing RE what bpd is, exactly, and what does bpd mean in relation to how much control the person with this condition actually has. Personality disorder is definitely a mental illness, but, its such a different kind of mental illness that it is in a separate Axis or major, first-order subdivision within the DSM, the diagnostic and statistical manual used by American psychiatrists to analyze and diagnose patients. The law considers those with personality disorder to be legally sane, or, able to know the difference between right and wrong, between what is real and what is not real. Only those who are psychotic (severely disconnected with reality) are considered " legally insane " and not responsible for criminal acts they might commit. That's where it gets gray, fuzzy and foggy, particularly with borderline pd. My mother for example could keep it all together emotionally for work, where she was well thought of but was never in a supervisory position; she was an OK neighbor, she and dad had friends, would go to parties and throw the occasional party, we saw our grandparents and other relatives pretty frequently. (It was all surface, though. My mother never had a close friend that she would hang out with, nobody ever just dropped over, everything had to be carefully planned in advance.) But at home, alone with me or Sister, Dad and me, it was like she could turn instantly into a different person. An out of control shrieking angry, violent person, inflicting vitriolic, devastating emotional abuse, unrealistic perfectionism, blaming, accusing me and Sister and Dad of doing or saying things we did NOT say or do, or in other words, a paranoid person. The kind of person who would inflict terrifying physical punishments on small children for not doing chores " perfectly. " At such times my mother, in my opinion, was delusional and clearly NOT connected with reality. And yet, delusional beliefs and paranoia alone are NOT considered to be " psychotic. " It takes active sensory hallucinations: seeing people that aren't there or hearing voices that aren't real, etc., before a person would be considered " psychotic. " So its like sometimes my mother could exert her will power and control her roller-coaster emotions and her paranoia and her distorted negative perceptions, thoughts and feelings when she wanted to badly enough: in public, but she let it all hang out at home where she felt justified and entitled and *safe* to rage at those who were too little or too dependent on her to do anything about it. There were no consequences for acting out at her kids or her husband. So until there is a major sea-change of understanding about how those with bpd can manifest their disorder in such covert ways, and a sea-change that will consider delusional thinking and paranoia to be as disconnected from reality as hallucinations, there is no hope for the children of those with personality disorder. Right now our system can't even manage the overwhelming load of child abuse cases from those who are blatantly, overtly and publicly abusive to their kids, its going to be a very, very long time before our child welfare and protective services system can even think about addressing the covert emotional abuse and damage that children endure from personality-disordered parents who can be " that great guy " or " that wonderful gal " in public. -Annie > > > I have read bpd is a mental illness and I have read that it is not, but its behavioral/emotional. Unlike schizophrenia or depression. I am confused as to how much my mother was to blame for not getting help and how much my dad is to blame for not forcing her if she truly had a mental illness. From what I've read, a very high percentage of BPD people commit suicide. An even higher percentage attempt it (I read 1 in 3 attempt and 1 in 10 complete). My mother was one that threatened, but in the end, I think she actually killed herself by not receiving medical attention when she should have. I could see she was weary, though, and that saddens me. BPD is a horrible illness for the family, but imagine the pain of the person experiencing it. Someone who cannot control their emotions and has an insatiable need for attention that pushes everyone around them away. The very thing they want -- love, acceptance, is the very thing they push away from them with their behavoirs. What in the world had to happen to them for them to feel so rejected and abandoned by society? I don't know the answers, but I do know how it affected me growing up and the outcome wasn't good. Sometimes I wonder if my mom had completed suicide, if I would have been better off emotionally. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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