Nada never fails to deliver~~~ Inappropriate & Insane!

[Guest guest]

As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last Tuesday

and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I was

going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and October.

This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering), Special Ops Vet,

former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who has built his vast

fortune over the last few years. He has his head together. He just wants to

play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started his

life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July and

October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and he

was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug all

over the place to find out more.

Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about my

judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy... I

said this:

" Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified and

dogs in the yard. I was done.

So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

Lynnette

" Mom...

[Guest guest]

OMG Big dogs? Curtains?

Wow those are some pretty superficial judgements.

Plus none of her beezwax!!!!

Good girl

Ha ha any woman who judges a man by his curtains knows absolutly nothing

about men!

On Wed, Jun 1, 2011 at 1:28 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last

> Tuesday and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma

> test...

>

> I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

> was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

> October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

> Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man

> who has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head

> together. He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

>

> He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started

> his life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house

> this summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for

> crying out loud.

>

> So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in

> July and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school

> together and he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him

> up on FB and dug all over the place to find out more.

>

> Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

>

> So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about

> my judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

> dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also

> said that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with)

> and they're both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

>

> So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy...

> I said this:

>

> " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

> there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know

> he lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously

> wrong... you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama

> for you and your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being

> impulsive and irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR

> tricks. I will not own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE

> of this adventure with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

>

> She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

>

> No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

> and dogs in the yard. I was done.

>

> So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

>

> Lynnette

>

> " Mom...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awesome! YOur boundary-setting skills ROCK!

I am very impressed by your growth in this skill, it takes a lot of courage.

Its the KO equivalent of a knight facing down a dragon.

Thanks for sharing that with us here, its so great to know that these skills can

be learned, sort of like emotional judo: we can learn to block & deflect punches

and turn our opponent's attack around so that we remain upright and they're the

one face-down on the mat.

Brava!

-Annie

>

> As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last Tuesday

and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

>

> I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

>

> He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started his

life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

>

> So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July

and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and

he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug

all over the place to find out more.

>

> Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

>

> So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about my

judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

>

> So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy... I

said this:

>

> " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

>

> She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

>

> No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

and dogs in the yard. I was done.

>

> So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

>

> Lynnette

>

> " Mom...

>

[Guest guest]

I thought you'd find this funny... we both seem to be at the 'same place' with

all this crap. I told my dad last night about this... he said, (In true male,

war-vet-badass fashion) " At least he #$@%$# HAS curtains. "

When I told him what " I " said... he smiled... " It's about time! "

Lynnette

>

> >

> >

> > As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last

> > Tuesday and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma

> > test...

> >

> > I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

> > was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

> > October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

> > Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man

> > who has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head

> > together. He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

> >

> > He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started

> > his life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house

> > this summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for

> > crying out loud.

> >

> > So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in

> > July and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school

> > together and he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him

> > up on FB and dug all over the place to find out more.

> >

> > Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

> >

> > So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about

> > my judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

> > dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also

> > said that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with)

> > and they're both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

> >

> > So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy...

> > I said this:

> >

> > " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

> > there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know

> > he lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously

> > wrong... you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama

> > for you and your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being

> > impulsive and irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR

> > tricks. I will not own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE

> > of this adventure with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

> >

> > She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

> >

> > No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

> > and dogs in the yard. I was done.

> >

> > So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

> > " Mom...

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, funny! Curtains! That is sooooo something my nada would say!

One of my nada's many side jobs (finally self-employed after she'd leave a job

every 1-2 years because the boss was always a jerk)is sewing curtains for

people. My sister was at a function once with nada and a lady who had just moved

into a house that required over a hundred thousand dollars in repairs just to

bring it up to code. Nada walks up to her and said, " Well, of course the first

thing you'll want in your new home is curtains! " And she was serious.

The lady got a very confused look on her face and glanced at my sister, who just

shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Anyway, great job at cutting her off! Yay for you!

>

> As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last Tuesday

and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

>

> I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

>

> He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started his

life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

>

> So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July

and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and

he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug

all over the place to find out more.

>

> Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

>

> So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about my

judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

>

> So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy... I

said this:

>

> " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

>

> She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

>

> No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

and dogs in the yard. I was done.

>

> So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

>

> Lynnette

>

> " Mom...

>

[Guest guest]

Forget the Walrus... I AM the DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGON!

Lynnette

> >

> > As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last

Tuesday and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

> >

> > I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

> >

> > He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started

his life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

> >

> > So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July

and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and

he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug

all over the place to find out more.

> >

> > Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

> >

> > So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about

my judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

> >

> > So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy...

I said this:

> >

> > " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

> >

> > She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

> >

> > No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

and dogs in the yard. I was done.

> >

> > So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

> > " Mom...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" I am the nada...(wooooo)

I am the nada...(wooooo)

I am THE DRAGON! Bee-bee-pee-dee! "

(With apologies to the Beatles.)

-Annie

> > >

> > > As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last

Tuesday and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

> > >

> > > I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that

I was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

> > >

> > > He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started

his life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

> > >

> > > So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in

July and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together

and he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and

dug all over the place to find out more.

> > >

> > > Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

> > >

> > > So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about

my judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

> > >

> > > So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of

therapy... I said this:

> > >

> > > " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going

up there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know

he lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously

wrong... you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for

you and your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive

and irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will

not own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

> > >

> > > She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

> > >

> > > No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence

electrified and dogs in the yard. I was done.

> > >

> > > So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

> > >

> > > Lynnette

> > >

> > > " Mom...

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nice work! Totally impressed that you didn't buy into that BS.

Have a great time with your friend!

>

> As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last Tuesday

and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

>

> I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

>

> He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started his

life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

>

> So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July

and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and

he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug

all over the place to find out more.

>

> Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

>

> So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about my

judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

>

> So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy... I

said this:

>

> " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

>

> She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

>

> No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

and dogs in the yard. I was done.

>

> So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

>

> Lynnette

>

> " Mom...

>

[Guest guest]

So how did your conversation go after that?

Was she cool and distant? Or did she slam the phone down on you?

>

> As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last Tuesday

and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

>

> I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

>

> He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started his

life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

>

> So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July

and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and

he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug

all over the place to find out more.

>

> Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

>

> So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about my

judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

>

> So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy... I

said this:

>

> " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

>

> She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

>

> No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

and dogs in the yard. I was done.

>

> So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

>

> Lynnette

>

> " Mom...

>

[Guest guest]

Nada responded as Nada responds when she's called out.

First it's denial.

Than it's hurt.

Then it's belligerance.

Then it's denial again.

Then anger.

Then cold steely silence.

I can chart it ;o)

However, I feel that as long as I do not engage in what she says/does/ or how

she responds... and I do not fill that weirdness with opinions of my own ... and

I let the pregnant silence at the end of her tirade 'sit'... I am OK w/me.

One of the greatest things I've learned in the last 5 years (even pre-therapy)

is that KO's fill that silent void to keep control or mitigate someone elses

emotional rants. While I didn't have a deep understanding of it 'then'... I

sure do now. It's that need we had as kids to make sure we could control,

passify, make pleasant all the uncomfortableness we were exposed to.

I no longer do that.

Nada (or other crazy folks) have outbursts, I just wait. I sit. I hold my lips

together. I do NOT respond. No need to. I will not be forced into a

confrontation with someone who is nuts. Hard at first, gets easier w/practice.

So, how did Nada respond? Like a Nada.

Lynnette

> >

> > As you may remember, my therapist (after 2.5 years) 'released' me last

Tuesday and last night I seem to have passed some sort of cosmic Kharma test...

> >

> > I had mentioned last weekend (first time talking to Nada in 7 weeks) that I

was going to WY to see an old friend (male) and hunt/fish/etc in July and

October. This is a highly educated man (BA - Physics, MS - Engineering),

Special Ops Vet, former HS Curriculum Developer/Teacher and now an oil man who

has built his vast fortune over the last few years. He has his head together.

He just wants to play with an old friend and a young-en. Sure!

> >

> > He also lives in a 'hole' that he bought when he got divorced and started

his life over 3 years ago. He's breaking ground for his 'grown up' house this

summer. Ok... so whatever. NOt a deal with me. He's an OLD FRIEND for crying

out loud.

> >

> > So a week ago I casually mentioned to Nada that I was going up there in July

and October... period. She knew him by name (we'd gone to school together and

he was in my pack) so... here's the BPD part... she looked him up on FB and dug

all over the place to find out more.

> >

> > Um. PRIVACY VIOLATIONS!

> >

> > So... last night she tells me she did this. That she's VERY WORRIED about

my judgement and HOW COULD I??? " Did you SEE HIS CURTAINS? " and " HE has huge

dogs! " She went on and on by the curtains things made me laugh... She also said

that she'd " talked to XX (married match.com man she's living with) and they're

both very, very worried.... " Sure, Nada...

> >

> > So... the following sane response brought to you by 2.5 years of therapy...

I said this:

> >

> > " Mom. That is extremly invasive of you. I only mentioned we were going up

there because you wanted to know about the timing of teen's birthday. I know he

lives in a hole... not my concern. But here's where you went seriously wrong...

you felt it your RIGHT and necessary to s noop around, create drama for you and

your SO, work yourself in a lather and then accuse me of being impulsive and

irrational. I am neither. I never have been. Those are YOUR tricks. I will not

own the churn you created here. I will be sharing NO MORE of this adventure

with you. Now... what else would you like to talk about? "

> >

> > She was furious. I got off the phone and that was that.

> >

> > No guilt. No what-ifs. No icky stomach aches. Nothing. Fence electrified

and dogs in the yard. I was done.

> >

> > So... this is what healthy boundaries feel and look like. SWEET!

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

> > " Mom...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" It's that need we had as kids to make sure we could control, passify, make

pleasant all the uncomfortableness we were exposed to. "

YES, that's my childhood summarized.

[Guest guest]

....and wasn't it exhausting?

Nada still tries to put me in that role... I used to 'find' those roles

professionally, too.

Now I think, " SC$#% IT! Let the ship burn.... not my problem. And I go on my

way. "

Lynnette

>

> " It's that need we had as kids to make sure we could control, passify, make

pleasant all the uncomfortableness we were exposed to. "

>

> YES, that's my childhood summarized.

>

[Guest guest]

yes, me, too! as an assistant to an Executive Editor with a HUGE temper

problem, I found myself trying to solve her problems and make her happy. Didn't

work.

> >

> > " It's that need we had as kids to make sure we could control, passify, make

pleasant all the uncomfortableness we were exposed to. "

> >

> > YES, that's my childhood summarized.

> >

>