Re: Is is intentional?

June 1, 2011

I'd say that what they do is definitely intentional. I don't

think they necessarily understand the consequences that will

result though. My nada does all sorts of things that end up

causing a lot of collateral damage. Sometimes she actually

intends to help people when she does the things that end up

harming them. Sometimes she just intends to get what she wants

without considering anyone else. Other times she's upset and

really wants to hurt whoever her misbehavior is directed at. I

think that BPD breaks their ability to make good choices as well

as their ability to control their emotions. When they're angry

or feel they've been deprived of something that is rightfully

theirs, that seems to really bring out the worst in them. They

do what they think will get them what they want and anyone in

their way had better watch out.

I see dealing with my nada as being similar to dealing with a

rabid dog. Having rabies isn't the dog's fault, but you have to

protect yourself from being bitten by it. I'm sorry that my nada

has BPD, which I don't believe is her fault, but I have to

protect myself and those around me from being bitten by her.

At 08:36 AM 06/01/2011 jml792006 wrote:

>I have been reflecting the last week after my nada;s stunt of

>showing up unwelcomed at my child;s school. Also reflecting all

>the times of abuseive behanviour mainly emotionally she has

>shown me ever since i can remember. is it intentional what they

>do or is it the BP illness that they are unconscious, as in

>part of their brain is just dysfunctional...maybe its a

>combination of both. its just hard to think that someone

>mentally ill and not very intelligent can be so manipualtive

>and destructive to the point where she has turned all most of

>my rellies (my aunts and cousins) against me through her

>bullsh$t.i see some of her traits in my rellies too..that are

>not very smart people either. its so hard to accept that even

>though she has this illness how a mother can do this to their

>own child. i have been accused of being a thief, jealous, the

>devil, selfish, bad mother etc etc by her...its must be hell

>being her! theres a fine line when i feel sorry for her but

>cant let myself feel it too much becuase than i feel myself

>mentally getting trapped in her games. must be the FOG. some

>says its better than others i guess but right now its tough.

--

Katrina

June 2, 2011

My experience with BPD nada was if she was ever confronted about crossing a

" boundary " of any kind, she would immediately go into attack mode. She

was incapable of being " criticized " , questioned, or being " called " out on bad

behavior. If you confront them, be able to accept the consequences,

because there will be some. If the consequence involves them not talking to

you, be thankful.

Laurie

In a message dated 6/1/2011 5:04:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

halehlady@... writes:

I have been reflecting the last week after my nada;s stunt of showing up

unwelcomed at my child;s school. Also reflecting all the times of abuseive

behanviour mainly emotionally she has shown me ever since i can remember. is

it intentional what they do or is it the BP illness that they are

unconscious, as in part of their brain is just dysfunctional...maybe its a

combination of both. its just hard to think that someone mentally ill and not

very

intelligent can be so manipualtive and destructive to the point where she

has turned all most of my rellies (my aunts and cousins) against me through

her bullsh$t.i see some of her traits in my rellies too..that are not very

smart people either. its so hard to accept that even though she has this

illness how a mother can do this to their own child. i have been accused of

being a thief, jealous, the devil, selfish, bad mother etc etc by her...its

must be hell being her! theres a fine line when i feel sorry for her but

cant let myself feel it too much becuase than i feel myself mentally getting

trapped in her games. must be the FOG. some says its better than others i

guess but right now its tough.

June 2, 2011

Here is a link to an article about personality disorder, and why its such a

conundrum of difficulty to wrap our minds around.

The way I've been able to get a handle on it is that (A) yes, their brains are

not functioning properly. Some of these dysfunctions include:

1. " cognitive distortion " which makes the pd person perceive reality differently

than an average of other people around her would perceive it. For example,

those with bpd when tested have much lower scores assessing and naming the

emotions shown on people's faces when shown a few dozen photographs displaying

different emotions, when compared to non-bpd individuals' ability to accurately

perceive and name the emotion being displayed. Other tests involving real-time

3-D brain MRIs show that the bpd's brains do not even light up when they are

receiving goods from someone in a game situation. Both the non-pd partner and

the bpd partner's brains lit up the same way when each would *give* something,

but the bpd's brains *were not registering*, on some level, that they were being

given *to*.

2. " poor executive function " of the brain. The part of the brain that is

supposed to be in control of one's emotions isn't functioning well. That

accounts for the wildly and rapidly fluctuating moods and the impulsivity.

So, the parts of their brain that are dysfunctional are not under their

conscious control, but ( the maladaptive behaviors that they adopt *because*

of their dysfunctional brain ARE under their conscious control.

The person with bpd has to (a) accept that her perceptions of the world around

her are distorted and skewed, and then ( want to learn to react differently

than what seems normal/logical to her.

Its a very, very tall order.

Its similar to the movie " A Beautiful Mind " , when the guy with schizophrenia had

to accept that the hallucinations he had always seen that seemed so very, so

absolutely real to him, were NOT real at all. He had to accept that his own

perception of reality was wrong AND he had to hand over his absolute trust that

his wife, doctor, and friends were telling him the truth about this. Then he

had to willfully, consciously tell himself to ignore what seemed like reality

*to him.* Since this guy was a very unusually super-intelligent individual, a

mathematical genius, he was somehow able to do this. But this achievement due

to sheer willpower was something on the order of a miracle.

I think its nearly impossible for most of those with severe bpd to accept that

their brain is betraying them, and to trust their loved ones and their therapist

to help them recognize when they're behaving in maladaptive, destructive, toxic

ways, and change.

Here's the article; the link is to page 3 of the article with the discussion RE

whether the behavior of those with personality disorder is " unconscious or

calculated? "

http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/understanding/3/

-Annie

>

> I have been reflecting the last week after my nada;s stunt of showing up

unwelcomed at my child;s school. Also reflecting all the times of abuseive

behanviour mainly emotionally she has shown me ever since i can remember. is it

intentional what they do or is it the BP illness that they are unconscious, as

in part of their brain is just dysfunctional...maybe its a combination of both.

its just hard to think that someone mentally ill and not very intelligent can be

so manipualtive and destructive to the point where she has turned all most of my

rellies (my aunts and cousins) against me through her bullsh$t.i see some of her

traits in my rellies too..that are not very smart people either. its so hard to

accept that even though she has this illness how a mother can do this to their

own child. i have been accused of being a thief, jealous, the devil, selfish,

bad mother etc etc by her...its must be hell being her! theres a fine line when

i feel sorry for her but cant let myself feel it too much becuase than i feel

myself mentally getting trapped in her games. must be the FOG. some says its

better than others i guess but right now its tough.

>

June 2, 2011

" The person with bpd has to (a) accept that her perceptions of the world around

her are distorted and skewed, and then ( want to learn to react differently

than what seems normal/logical to her. "

This is the part that is never ever ever ever going to happen with my nada.

She's so quick to believe crazy evil intentions and be unable to perceive

positive actions toward her. Her inability to perceive cause and effect

accurately affects many things - usually any area where she has any intense

emotion about an issue.

I can see her point though - her own perceptions of how things are are real. As

real as my own are to me. How does one person convince another that they are

just wrong and their brain is broken?

Eliza

June 2, 2011

Thank you, Annie. This is fabulous.

> >

> > I have been reflecting the last week after my nada;s stunt of showing up