Nada's calls to my work phone

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

Even since Nada figured out she can leave messages on my work phone, she's

calling multiple times per day and leaving upsetting messages saying she is

having medical problems, and that " everyone thinks it is wrong that my daughter

doesn't contact me. "

Ok, here is what I know:

1. I need to stop listening to the messages. I am planning to do this.

2. She is probably making up her " medical problem " or exaggerating it, if there

is a problem, after all, she's not calling from the hospital.

3. If she's not making it up, it's not like I can do anything about it.

4. " Everyone " ? Oh, please!!

So here is where I have a problem:

I went from feeling light and free due to not having contact with nada, to

feeling like her prisoner again. When I see her number come up on my caller ID I

have a flood of physical reactions, and yesterday it happened while a co-worker

was in my office... I don't think he could really tell, but self-consciousness

about it was huge. As you may remember, I called everyone I could possibly think

of to try to get her number blocked, and because we use IP phones, no one

apparently can help me (including the university police).

Any advice on what I can do to make this a manageable situation for myself?

Thanks for your advice!

[Guest guest]

I'm betting that after the first few times, you will feel SO VERY light, free

and empowered again when you simply hit the " delete " button on your nada's phone

messages without listening to them. The first couple of times will be

difficult, but then, you won't feel anything but relief.

I'm lucky, my phone system displays who the messages are from, so I don't even

have to hear her voice in order to delete a message.

If you do have to hear at least part of the message in order to know who it is,

you'll get to the point where you recognize her tone/voice within a half second

or so, and you can then just hit " delete. "

I know this is hard to do, at first, and it involves you actively choosing to

hit that delete button without listening to the message, but you CAN do it, and

I'm willing to bet money that you will feel much less trapped and helpless when

you can take this power back.

Keep reminding yourself that the paralyzing guilt you feel is *inappropriate*

and *misplaced*. I wish for you that you will be able to give it back to the

person it actually belongs to: nada. Her guilt is not yours to carry.

I also wish you could access your anger. If this was me, and my nada was

actively harassing me with unwanted phone calls after I'd told her repeatedly to

not call me at work (in my case, it would be my nada somehow gaining access to

my clients and their numbers) and nada was attempting to shame and embarrass me

to my clients, it would make me f**king ENRAGED at her.

That would be as though nada had declared war on me, because that would be her

maliciously trying to hurt me. If that were to happen to me, I would think, " So

be it: you want war? You got war, lady. "

Anger is empowering. It can be a dangerous weapon, but its also a powerful

weapon to help you survive instead of collapsing into being a helpless, limp

prey.

But that's me, what works for me may not necessarily work for you.

This is all about you finding something that works for you, though.

So far, being passive and listening to her messages isn't working for you,

correct? So, maybe its time to try something new.

I hope you will find whatever technique will work for you, very soon, because

life is too damned short to not live it in joy.

-Annie

>

> Hi All,

> Even since Nada figured out she can leave messages on my work phone, she's

calling multiple times per day and leaving upsetting messages saying she is

having medical problems, and that " everyone thinks it is wrong that my daughter

doesn't contact me. "

>

> Ok, here is what I know:

> 1. I need to stop listening to the messages. I am planning to do this.

> 2. She is probably making up her " medical problem " or exaggerating it, if

there is a problem, after all, she's not calling from the hospital.

> 3. If she's not making it up, it's not like I can do anything about it.

> 4. " Everyone " ? Oh, please!!

>

> So here is where I have a problem:

> I went from feeling light and free due to not having contact with nada, to

feeling like her prisoner again. When I see her number come up on my caller ID I

have a flood of physical reactions, and yesterday it happened while a co-worker

was in my office... I don't think he could really tell, but self-consciousness

about it was huge. As you may remember, I called everyone I could possibly think

of to try to get her number blocked, and because we use IP phones, no one

apparently can help me (including the university police).

> Any advice on what I can do to make this a manageable situation for myself?

>

> Thanks for your advice!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm also agreeing with hitting delete delete delete.

But be prepared for her to call from another number.

can you change the number? Or use a google voice thing?

As for " everyone, " I'm someone and I think your nada is full of SHIT!!!

On Thu, Jun 2, 2011 at 10:06 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I'm betting that after the first few times, you will feel SO VERY light,

> free and empowered again when you simply hit the " delete " button on your

> nada's phone messages without listening to them. The first couple of times

> will be difficult, but then, you won't feel anything but relief.

>

> I'm lucky, my phone system displays who the messages are from, so I don't

> even have to hear her voice in order to delete a message.

>

> If you do have to hear at least part of the message in order to know who it

> is, you'll get to the point where you recognize her tone/voice within a half

> second or so, and you can then just hit " delete. "

>

> I know this is hard to do, at first, and it involves you actively choosing

> to hit that delete button without listening to the message, but you CAN do

> it, and I'm willing to bet money that you will feel much less trapped and

> helpless when you can take this power back.

>

> Keep reminding yourself that the paralyzing guilt you feel is

> *inappropriate* and *misplaced*. I wish for you that you will be able to

> give it back to the person it actually belongs to: nada. Her guilt is not

> yours to carry.

>

> I also wish you could access your anger. If this was me, and my nada was

> actively harassing me with unwanted phone calls after I'd told her

> repeatedly to not call me at work (in my case, it would be my nada somehow

> gaining access to my clients and their numbers) and nada was attempting to

> shame and embarrass me to my clients, it would make me f**king ENRAGED at

> her.

>

> That would be as though nada had declared war on me, because that would be

> her maliciously trying to hurt me. If that were to happen to me, I would

> think, " So be it: you want war? You got war, lady. "

>

> Anger is empowering. It can be a dangerous weapon, but its also a powerful

> weapon to help you survive instead of collapsing into being a helpless, limp

> prey.

>

> But that's me, what works for me may not necessarily work for you.

>

> This is all about you finding something that works for you, though.

>

> So far, being passive and listening to her messages isn't working for you,

> correct? So, maybe its time to try something new.

>

> I hope you will find whatever technique will work for you, very soon,

> because life is too damned short to not live it in joy.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Hi All,

> > Even since Nada figured out she can leave messages on my work phone,

> she's calling multiple times per day and leaving upsetting messages saying

> she is having medical problems, and that " everyone thinks it is wrong that

> my daughter doesn't contact me. "

> >

> > Ok, here is what I know:

> > 1. I need to stop listening to the messages. I am planning to do this.

> > 2. She is probably making up her " medical problem " or exaggerating it, if

> there is a problem, after all, she's not calling from the hospital.

> > 3. If she's not making it up, it's not like I can do anything about it.

> > 4. " Everyone " ? Oh, please!!

> >

> > So here is where I have a problem:

> > I went from feeling light and free due to not having contact with nada,

> to feeling like her prisoner again. When I see her number come up on my

> caller ID I have a flood of physical reactions, and yesterday it happened

> while a co-worker was in my office... I don't think he could really tell,

> but self-consciousness about it was huge. As you may remember, I called

> everyone I could possibly think of to try to get her number blocked, and

> because we use IP phones, no one apparently can help me (including the

> university police).

> > Any advice on what I can do to make this a manageable situation for

> myself?

> >

> > Thanks for your advice!

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I don't know if this will help much but can you ask the University if it's

possible to get a new number?

I think your idea to not listen to the messages is a good one. Eventually,

she'll get it that you're not calling back.

>

> Hi All,

> Even since Nada figured out she can leave messages on my work phone, she's

calling multiple times per day and leaving upsetting messages saying she is

having medical problems, and that " everyone thinks it is wrong that my daughter

doesn't contact me. "

>

> Ok, here is what I know:

> 1. I need to stop listening to the messages. I am planning to do this.

> 2. She is probably making up her " medical problem " or exaggerating it, if

there is a problem, after all, she's not calling from the hospital.

> 3. If she's not making it up, it's not like I can do anything about it.

> 4. " Everyone " ? Oh, please!!

>

> So here is where I have a problem:

> I went from feeling light and free due to not having contact with nada, to

feeling like her prisoner again. When I see her number come up on my caller ID I

have a flood of physical reactions, and yesterday it happened while a co-worker

was in my office... I don't think he could really tell, but self-consciousness

about it was huge. As you may remember, I called everyone I could possibly think

of to try to get her number blocked, and because we use IP phones, no one

apparently can help me (including the university police).

> Any advice on what I can do to make this a manageable situation for myself?

>

> Thanks for your advice!

>

>

>

>