I'm in a bad funk.

[Guest guest]

UGH.

Some days I feel " free " of my nada.

Lately, that's been hard to do. Here goes.

I have an aunt, uncle, and cousins that I didn't speak with for 2 years because,

you guessed it, my nada turned them against me. We've been in contact with each

other for a while now, even though they live 10 hours away, and things are good

and I see them when I can. They are actually visiting my town for the summer

because their work called them here for a few months. So it's been real nice

seeing them so often, although it's exhausting because I'm not used to having

much else to do other than work and come home.

I have ANOTHER aunt and uncle and cousin that ALSO live far away, and my uncle

also got called to my town to work for a while. His wife and daughter (my aunt

and cousin) came to my town to visit him for a few days. My uncle has not

contacted me, and when I found out my aunt and cousing were coming, too (I found

out on facebook) I sent a message saying how much I would love to see them,

since I haven't seen them in about 5 years. I never got a response.

Now...I've NEVER had any animosity with these folks. We've never had bad things

between us. I just got an invitiation to my cousin's graduation (I couldn't go,

but I sent a nice gift). We keep in touch through email and such. Why on earth

would they ignore me when they are literally just a couple miles away? They've

been ignoring my other aunt and uncle who are here in the same town as well. We

have both tried to reach out with no response.

I strongly believe my nada has turned them against me. I've never been close

with this particular uncle, but I know he talks to my nada on a regular basis.

It's the only explanation I have. I'm hurt, confused, and bewildered. I think

that it's triggered some nasty moods in me. I'm pissed at the world, and just in

a fowl mood.

Just makes me feel angry that my nada can still affect me even though she is no

longer a direct part of my life.

Today is nada's birthday, also. I am feeling slight guilt because I haven't

wished her happy birthday. We've been NC for almost a year. Except, she sent me

an email this past January for my birthday. She said " Hey Sara Jo, i wanted to

wish you a happy birthday, have a wonderful day " to which I responded " Hi mom,

thank you for the birthday wishes, I hope you have a wonderful day, also. Love

Sara JO "

I'm not sure what she wanted to accomplish by sending me a happy birthday email.

I don't think she really wanted to wish me a happy birthday. i think she

expected a different response from me. I gave her nothing to work with.

Anyway..I've gone on a tangent.

Happy birthday to my nada (although I'm sure she has found some way to still

remain miserable today) and good riddance to my so called family that have acted

so cruelly and immaturely.

~Sara Jo

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara-Jo,

I am sorry about the stuff with your family. That sounds very hard. I think

that's one of the worst things about BPD, that it doesn't only impact on your

relationship with the person who has it, but it spreads across families and

forces people to take sides. It's so insidious and destructive.

Re-NC and birthdays, I have been NC for 6 months. It was my nada's birthday a

couple of weeks ago and mine next week. I have found myself much more conscious

thinking about nada both then and in the lead up to my own birthday. I think

birthdays are just so symbolic of that tie to your parents, and perhaps

particularly one's mother, and when that relationship is fractured those dates

are such a strong reminder of what you don't have.

Take care.

Mim

>

> UGH.

>

> Some days I feel " free " of my nada.

>

> Lately, that's been hard to do. Here goes.

>

> I have an aunt, uncle, and cousins that I didn't speak with for 2 years

because, you guessed it, my nada turned them against me. We've been in contact

with each other for a while now, even though they live 10 hours away, and things

are good and I see them when I can. They are actually visiting my town for the

summer because their work called them here for a few months. So it's been real

nice seeing them so often, although it's exhausting because I'm not used to

having much else to do other than work and come home.

>

> I have ANOTHER aunt and uncle and cousin that ALSO live far away, and my uncle

also got called to my town to work for a while. His wife and daughter (my aunt

and cousin) came to my town to visit him for a few days. My uncle has not

contacted me, and when I found out my aunt and cousing were coming, too (I found

out on facebook) I sent a message saying how much I would love to see them,

since I haven't seen them in about 5 years. I never got a response.

>

> Now...I've NEVER had any animosity with these folks. We've never had bad

things between us. I just got an invitiation to my cousin's graduation (I

couldn't go, but I sent a nice gift). We keep in touch through email and such.

Why on earth would they ignore me when they are literally just a couple miles

away? They've been ignoring my other aunt and uncle who are here in the same

town as well. We have both tried to reach out with no response.

>

> I strongly believe my nada has turned them against me. I've never been close

with this particular uncle, but I know he talks to my nada on a regular basis.

>

> It's the only explanation I have. I'm hurt, confused, and bewildered. I think

that it's triggered some nasty moods in me. I'm pissed at the world, and just in

a fowl mood.

>

> Just makes me feel angry that my nada can still affect me even though she is

no longer a direct part of my life.

>

> Today is nada's birthday, also. I am feeling slight guilt because I haven't

wished her happy birthday. We've been NC for almost a year. Except, she sent me

an email this past January for my birthday. She said " Hey Sara Jo, i wanted to

wish you a happy birthday, have a wonderful day " to which I responded " Hi mom,

thank you for the birthday wishes, I hope you have a wonderful day, also. Love

Sara JO "

>

> I'm not sure what she wanted to accomplish by sending me a happy birthday

email. I don't think she really wanted to wish me a happy birthday. i think she

expected a different response from me. I gave her nothing to work with.

>

> Anyway..I've gone on a tangent.

>

> Happy birthday to my nada (although I'm sure she has found some way to still

remain miserable today) and good riddance to my so called family that have acted

so cruelly and immaturely.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara-Jo:

NC on Mothers Day was hard for me. I still think about it.I don't know if I will

make it through my nada's birthday next year with NC.At the same time, every " I

love you " I say or send is so hollow and meaningless.I don't feel any love. All

I feel is anger and resentment.So I can understand how you feel. But...this list

has helped me a lot. Glad you're all here!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, June 5, 2011 9:04:56 PM

Subject: Re: I'm in a bad funk.

Hi Sara-Jo,

I am sorry about the stuff with your family. That sounds very hard. I think

that's one of the worst things about BPD, that it doesn't only impact on your

relationship with the person who has it, but it spreads across families and

forces people to take sides. It's so insidious and destructive.

Re-NC and birthdays, I have been NC for 6 months. It was my nada's birthday a

couple of weeks ago and mine next week. I have found myself much more conscious

thinking about nada both then and in the lead up to my own birthday. I think

birthdays are just so symbolic of that tie to your parents, and perhaps

particularly one's mother, and when that relationship is fractured those dates

are such a strong reminder of what you don't have.

Take care.

Mim

>

> UGH.

>

> Some days I feel " free " of my nada.

>

> Lately, that's been hard to do. Here goes.

>

> I have an aunt, uncle, and cousins that I didn't speak with for 2 years

>because, you guessed it, my nada turned them against me. We've been in contact

>with each other for a while now, even though they live 10 hours away, and

things

>are good and I see them when I can. They are actually visiting my town for the

>summer because their work called them here for a few months. So it's been real

>nice seeing them so often, although it's exhausting because I'm not used to

>having much else to do other than work and come home.

>

>

> I have ANOTHER aunt and uncle and cousin that ALSO live far away, and my uncle

>also got called to my town to work for a while. His wife and daughter (my aunt

>and cousin) came to my town to visit him for a few days. My uncle has not

>contacted me, and when I found out my aunt and cousing were coming, too (I

found

>out on facebook) I sent a message saying how much I would love to see them,

>since I haven't seen them in about 5 years. I never got a response.

>

>

> Now...I've NEVER had any animosity with these folks. We've never had bad

things

>between us. I just got an invitiation to my cousin's graduation (I couldn't go,

>but I sent a nice gift). We keep in touch through email and such. Why on earth

>would they ignore me when they are literally just a couple miles away? They've

>been ignoring my other aunt and uncle who are here in the same town as well. We

>have both tried to reach out with no response.

>

>

> I strongly believe my nada has turned them against me. I've never been close

>with this particular uncle, but I know he talks to my nada on a regular basis.

>

> It's the only explanation I have. I'm hurt, confused, and bewildered. I think

>that it's triggered some nasty moods in me. I'm pissed at the world, and just

in

>a fowl mood.

>

>

> Just makes me feel angry that my nada can still affect me even though she is

no

>longer a direct part of my life.

>

>

> Today is nada's birthday, also. I am feeling slight guilt because I haven't

>wished her happy birthday. We've been NC for almost a year. Except, she sent me

>an email this past January for my birthday. She said " Hey Sara Jo, i wanted to

>wish you a happy birthday, have a wonderful day " to which I responded " Hi mom,

>thank you for the birthday wishes, I hope you have a wonderful day, also. Love

>Sara JO "

>

>

> I'm not sure what she wanted to accomplish by sending me a happy birthday

>email. I don't think she really wanted to wish me a happy birthday. i think she

>expected a different response from me. I gave her nothing to work with.

>

>

> Anyway..I've gone on a tangent.

>

> Happy birthday to my nada (although I'm sure she has found some way to still

>remain miserable today) and good riddance to my so called family that have

acted

>so cruelly and immaturely.

>

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I agree with all of you, birthdays and hollidays make it really hard to be

NC.

And I am on the same page as you, whenever my Mom goes through a crisis where I

am the bad daughter, I almost instantly dread the repercussions within my

family.

My Dad is toally enmeshed so if my Mom is mad at me, so is he. He believes her

no matter what.

My brother is pretty much on the same boat, although now that he has seen how my

BP Mom treats his new girlfriend, he might be opening his eyes a bit. But

usually if I'm the bad girl according to Mom, I'm the bad girl in my brother's

opinion too.

Last Christmas my BP Mom lost it and I know my relationship with my aunt and

grandmother at least were strained, because of all the stuff she told them about

me.

She spends an awful lot of time on the phone playing the victim, and I just

don't have the time and energy to try to " undo " all this stuff.

I feel like at some point, if people really do believe her, and are not willing

to give me a chance, it is their problem, it shouldnt be mine. I have to let go

of the impulse of wanting to fix everything my Mom did. But is is a process, I

am more and more " ok " with it, but I am not totally at peace with it.

Coralie

[Guest guest]

" She spends a lot of time on the phone playing the victim "

In my opinion this should be added to the DSMIV criteria!!!!!!

>

>

>

> Yes, I agree with all of you, birthdays and hollidays make it really hard

> to be NC.

>

> And I am on the same page as you, whenever my Mom goes through a crisis

> where I am the bad daughter, I almost instantly dread the repercussions

> within my family.

> My Dad is toally enmeshed so if my Mom is mad at me, so is he. He believes

> her no matter what.

>

> My brother is pretty much on the same boat, although now that he has seen

> how my BP Mom treats his new girlfriend, he might be opening his eyes a bit.

> But usually if I'm the bad girl according to Mom, I'm the bad girl in my

> brother's opinion too.

>

> Last Christmas my BP Mom lost it and I know my relationship with my aunt

> and grandmother at least were strained, because of all the stuff she told

> them about me.

>

> She spends an awful lot of time on the phone playing the victim, and I just

> don't have the time and energy to try to " undo " all this stuff.

>

> I feel like at some point, if people really do believe her, and are not

> willing to give me a chance, it is their problem, it shouldnt be mine. I

> have to let go of the impulse of wanting to fix everything my Mom did. But

> is is a process, I am more and more " ok " with it, but I am not totally at

> peace with it.

>

> Coralie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know it's frustrating, isn't it.

I get blackballed by my whole family no matter what I do. They generally do not

ignore, as much as they throw digs and make snide comments that indicate mucho

discussiono has gone on behind my back, about me.

I have one cousin whom I have defended over and over and over again for decades

against the racism of my family because she prefers to date men from another

ethnic background. She pulls this crap on me when I talk to her sometimes and it

always leaves me speechless. I can't even process through the fact that I have

been stabbed in the back, to get to the point of thinking how I should reply.

It's a completely disarming situation. I think you need validation and support,

and reinforcement that if they have jumped on the family crazy train there is

just nothing you can do about it. For me I need to stop deluding myself to the

fact that if these people make this drastic of a snap judgement about me, they

don't give a crap about me anyway, and certainly are not on my side, or have no

loyalty to me. I am kind of the family punching bag. I am about to retire from

this position though...I am sick of trying to be accepted and then finding out

that despite some pretty heroic and admirable undertakings on my part (caring

for my grandmother until she passed, fighting my parents battles against this

lunatic uBPD sister in law and standing up for her kids to her time and again),

that I am still being run down as a 'no count, ne'er do well, good for nothing

lunatic'. This time, my family has just gone too far, and I am at my breaking

point. I guess most of us probably get there eventually.

>

> UGH.

>

> Some days I feel " free " of my nada.

>

> Lately, that's been hard to do. Here goes.

>

> I have an aunt, uncle, and cousins that I didn't speak with for 2 years

because, you guessed it, my nada turned them against me. We've been in contact

with each other for a while now, even though they live 10 hours away, and things

are good and I see them when I can. They are actually visiting my town for the

summer because their work called them here for a few months. So it's been real

nice seeing them so often, although it's exhausting because I'm not used to

having much else to do other than work and come home.

>

> I have ANOTHER aunt and uncle and cousin that ALSO live far away, and my uncle

also got called to my town to work for a while. His wife and daughter (my aunt

and cousin) came to my town to visit him for a few days. My uncle has not

contacted me, and when I found out my aunt and cousing were coming, too (I found

out on facebook) I sent a message saying how much I would love to see them,

since I haven't seen them in about 5 years. I never got a response.

>

> Now...I've NEVER had any animosity with these folks. We've never had bad

things between us. I just got an invitiation to my cousin's graduation (I

couldn't go, but I sent a nice gift). We keep in touch through email and such.

Why on earth would they ignore me when they are literally just a couple miles

away? They've been ignoring my other aunt and uncle who are here in the same

town as well. We have both tried to reach out with no response.

>

> I strongly believe my nada has turned them against me. I've never been close

with this particular uncle, but I know he talks to my nada on a regular basis.

>

> It's the only explanation I have. I'm hurt, confused, and bewildered. I think

that it's triggered some nasty moods in me. I'm pissed at the world, and just in

a fowl mood.

>

> Just makes me feel angry that my nada can still affect me even though she is

no longer a direct part of my life.

>

> Today is nada's birthday, also. I am feeling slight guilt because I haven't

wished her happy birthday. We've been NC for almost a year. Except, she sent me

an email this past January for my birthday. She said " Hey Sara Jo, i wanted to

wish you a happy birthday, have a wonderful day " to which I responded " Hi mom,

thank you for the birthday wishes, I hope you have a wonderful day, also. Love

Sara JO "

>

> I'm not sure what she wanted to accomplish by sending me a happy birthday

email. I don't think she really wanted to wish me a happy birthday. i think she

expected a different response from me. I gave her nothing to work with.

>

> Anyway..I've gone on a tangent.

>

> Happy birthday to my nada (although I'm sure she has found some way to still

remain miserable today) and good riddance to my so called family that have acted

so cruelly and immaturely.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>