Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 Hello, I didn't think I would be writing again so soon. I just began an assignment for my ethics in human services class and I am horribly triggered/upset. The assignment is on childhood value messages. I have to list value messages that I received as a child and remark on weather they are positive or negative. Then, I have to mark weather or not I still hold them and if I do, do I need to change them. I can't help but feel like I will be the only one to have all negative values that I no longer hold. I also am having a very hard time remembering a lot of them because I have blocked out so much of that time. BB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 Here is what I have so far. Any suggestions or comments? 1. Everything and everyone is dangerous and out to hurt you. 2. You are responsible for other people’s feelings. 3. People who are different are worthless and it is a sin to befriend them. 4. Always put family before yourself. 5. Gossip is the unforgivable sin. 6. If someone does something for you, you can never say no to them after that. 7. You’re place is to do everything that you are told to. 8. You must never disagree with family. 9. You must never show your feelings, they may upset someone else. 10. You must never lie but must lie for family if told to. BB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 Beatrice, What you just wrote is spot-on, and an excellent list for your assignment IMO. You just described the same rules my family had! Except for #5, for me, it wasn't so much as gossip in my family that was the unforgivable sin, but tattling. I guess tattling would be the word for it. Or sharing the truth, or even hinting at anything that might be perceived as bad about the family. We had to keep presenting the perfect view to the world, at risk of fada's ire. I would classify everything as a " negative " message. How are you doing right now, after making this list? On Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 10:45 AM, Beatrice Benedick < motherlessmommy@...> wrote: > Here is what I have so far. Any suggestions or comments? > > 1. Everything and everyone is dangerous and out to hurt you. > > 2. You are responsible for other people’s feelings. > > 3. People who are different are worthless and it is a sin to befriend > them. > > 4. Always put family before yourself. > > 5. Gossip is the unforgivable sin. > > 6. If someone does something for you, you can never say no to them > after that. > > 7. You’re place is to do everything that you are told to. > > 8. You must never disagree with family. > > 9. You must never show your feelings, they may upset someone else. > > 10. You must never lie but must lie for family if told to. > > > BB > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 I am struggling a bit with anger and sadness. I am having to fight being angry at the professor for giving us such personal assignments. The logical me knows that ethics and values are very important in my chosen field (social work) but the emotional part wants to keep hiding these things for fear that people will think that I am like my family. It is sad to remember what I didn't have growing up. I just have to remember that I can be proud that I taught myself such wonderful values in spite of what I was taught. Thank you for asking. BB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 ((hugs)) My guess is that the professor perhaps doesn't realize that some students have grown up in extraordinarily dysfunctional homes. He probably thought that most people would have a mix of negative and positive, instead of a whole list full of negatives. Or maybe he does know, but pushes people anyway. It's hard to tell. If the assignment allows you to do so, perhaps you can share what you just said, if you wish. Your personal experience with dysfunctional families, your self-taught positive values, and the fact that you overcame your past---all of this will help you tremendously as a social worker. You have been doing great, and you will keep on doing great And you survived this assignment so far! On Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 11:41 AM, Beatrice Benedick < motherlessmommy@...> wrote: > > > I am struggling a bit with anger and sadness. I am having to fight being > angry at the professor for giving us such personal assignments. The logical > me knows that ethics and values are very important in my chosen field > (social work) but the emotional part wants to keep hiding these things for > fear that people will think that I am like my family. It is sad to remember > what I didn't have growing up. I just have to remember that I can be proud > that I taught myself such wonderful values in spite of what I was taught. > Thank you for asking. > > > BB > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 > > I can't help but feel like I will be the only one to have all negative > values that I no longer hold. I also am having a very hard time remembering > a lot of them because I have blocked out so much of that time. > My first thought is...how do you know that? Maybe there is someone else (or two or three someones-else) who is feeling the same way you are; it is impossible to know that before anyone has shared. My second thought is: even if you are the only one, don't you think the class will be lucky to hear your perspective? How is anyone going to be any good at social work if they think all families have only positive values? Not only will you be able to provide your classmates with a new perspective, you will be an example that it is possible to adopt new values and beliefs. IOW, the way you look at the situation is up to you; you can be embarrassed and ashamed about something that isn't your fault (your FOO's dysfunction), or you can be proud of the progress you have made to overcome it. I'm sorry this assignment has been difficult and triggering for you. I understand it's not fun to feel forced to think about things you'd rather put aside. But your list looks honest and good--and I guarantee it will be helpful for the other students, whether they have a similar list or not. Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 I'd be a bit angry at the professor too - these are very personal things that for anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family would might only be safe to go over in therapy. Not in front of the class or given to a professor. I'd say examine the things that feel like it would be a violation to you to reveal and delete those. Put a few value ethics like " be a good samaritan " or " keep up appearances " if your list is too short, stuff that isn't triggering and gut wrenching. You have the right to your privacy. Eliza > > I am struggling a bit with anger and sadness. I am having to fight being > angry at the professor for giving us such personal assignments. The logical > me knows that ethics and values are very important in my chosen field > (social work) but the emotional part wants to keep hiding these things for > fear that people will think that I am like my family. It is sad to remember > what I didn't have growing up. I just have to remember that I can be proud > that I taught myself such wonderful values in spite of what I was taught. > Thank you for asking. > > BB > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 I agree with Eliza. Cut out the things that you just aren't comfortable sharing and maybe put in some generic positives. Whether or not it might be helpful to someone else...you have the right to privacy and to not reveal more of yourself than you feel comfortable revealing to this professor or your class. I think doing things we are uncomfortable doing out of a need/duty to help others is just more of the same stuff we were fed growing up - same meal, different course. > > > > I can't help but feel like I will be the only one to have all negative > > values that I no longer hold. I also am having a very hard time remembering > > a lot of them because I have blocked out so much of that time. > > > > My first thought is...how do you know that? Maybe there is someone else (or two or three someones-else) who is feeling the same way you are; it is impossible to know that before anyone has shared. > > My second thought is: even if you are the only one, don't you think the class will be lucky to hear your perspective? How is anyone going to be any good at social work if they think all families have only positive values? Not only will you be able to provide your classmates with a new perspective, you will be an example that it is possible to adopt new values and beliefs. IOW, the way you look at the situation is up to you; you can be embarrassed and ashamed about something that isn't your fault (your FOO's dysfunction), or you can be proud of the progress you have made to overcome it. > > I'm sorry this assignment has been difficult and triggering for you. I understand it's not fun to feel forced to think about things you'd rather put aside. But your list looks honest and good--and I guarantee it will be helpful for the other students, whether they have a similar list or not. > > Sveta > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I'm with Eliza - I had classes like this too for my major and I would often set boundaries with how personal I wanted to get with the teacher and classmates. For example - I was supposed to do a behavior change. I had a million things I wanted to change about myself, depression, body image, relationships. . . and I chose flossing. I felt I could share info about flossing my teeth without violating my personal space. I'd do the same thing with yours - be superficial, or pretend you were raised by a friend's parents for what you turn in. But you can always do the assignment yourself and only share it with your T. Good luck! > > > I agree with Eliza. Cut out the things that you just aren't comfortable > sharing and maybe put in some generic positives. Whether or not it might be > helpful to someone else...you have the right to privacy and to not reveal > more of yourself than you feel comfortable revealing to this professor or > your class. I think doing things we are uncomfortable doing out of a > need/duty to help others is just more of the same stuff we were fed growing > up - same meal, different course. > > > > > > > > I can't help but feel like I will be the only one to have all negative > > > values that I no longer hold. I also am having a very hard time > remembering > > > a lot of them because I have blocked out so much of that time. > > > > > > > My first thought is...how do you know that? Maybe there is someone else > (or two or three someones-else) who is feeling the same way you are; it is > impossible to know that before anyone has shared. > > > > My second thought is: even if you are the only one, don't you think the > class will be lucky to hear your perspective? How is anyone going to be any > good at social work if they think all families have only positive values? > Not only will you be able to provide your classmates with a new perspective, > you will be an example that it is possible to adopt new values and beliefs. > IOW, the way you look at the situation is up to you; you can be embarrassed > and ashamed about something that isn't your fault (your FOO's dysfunction), > or you can be proud of the progress you have made to overcome it. > > > > I'm sorry this assignment has been difficult and triggering for you. I > understand it's not fun to feel forced to think about things you'd rather > put aside. But your list looks honest and good--and I guarantee it will be > helpful for the other students, whether they have a similar list or not. > > > > Sveta > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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