today's my birthday

[Guest guest]

Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with nada since

around mother's day. Just about a month now.

But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt creep

back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of my mouth

as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would be nice

to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me he wasn't

allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any expectations.

But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years ago. It

must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

.....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to square

one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place, but I

already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st birthday;

and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't attempt to contact

us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety again!).

Thanks for " listening " .

Judy

[Guest guest]

Happy Birthday!!

Mine is tomorrow, so we're practically twins.

Just remember, in a world without BPD, you would be used to this day being about

YOU! For YOUR birthday to be about your mother . . . that's just not right.

As much as you can, give yourself grace - this is still pretty fresh if you just

went NC. And, try as much as you can to celebrate yourself! You've done

something that took a lot of courage and inner strength. Good for you.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

>

> I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with nada

since around mother's day. Just about a month now.

>

> But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt creep

back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of my mouth

as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

>

> I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would be

nice to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me he

wasn't allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any

expectations.

>

> But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years ago. It

must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

> ....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to square

one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

>

> Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place, but I

already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st birthday;

and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't attempt to contact

us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety again!).

>

> Thanks for " listening " .

> Judy

>

[Guest guest]

Happy birthday, Judy! I hope you really relish it and have a wonderful day,

despite all the conflicting feelings.

happy birthday to baby, too, on Friday!

>

> Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

>

> I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with nada

since around mother's day. Just about a month now.

>

> But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt creep

back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of my mouth

as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

>

> I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would be

nice to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me he

wasn't allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any

expectations.

>

> But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years ago. It

must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

> ....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to square

one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

>

> Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place, but I

already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st birthday;

and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't attempt to contact

us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety again!).

>

> Thanks for " listening " .

> Judy

>

[Guest guest]

Happy Birthday twinners!!!!!!! Way to go, you have come so far. So proud of

you.

My suggestion is if you get a message from nada delete it w/o opening.

Or don't answer the phone and don't listen to the message and don't call

back. After a few years of doing this, they will stop calling

XOXO

>

>

> Happy birthday, Judy! I hope you really relish it and have a wonderful day,

> despite all the conflicting feelings.

>

> happy birthday to baby, too, on Friday!

>

>

> >

> > Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

> >

> > I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with

> nada since around mother's day. Just about a month now.

> >

> > But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt

> creep back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of

> my mouth as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

> >

> > I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would

> be nice to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me

> he wasn't allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any

> expectations.

> >

> > But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years

> ago. It must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

> > ....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

> Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to

> square one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

> >

> > Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place,

> but I already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st

> birthday; and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't

> attempt to contact us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety

> again!).

> >

> > Thanks for " listening " .

> > Judy

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the support and for the birthday wishes. I did get a card from

nada and Dad, as well as some flowers. They also called (from my Dad's phone, I

have call blocked her) and she left the nicest f*cking message ever. Grrr, she

is so frustrating. One of her " friends " (this woman believes she is BPD) emailed

me on my birthday too and said that nada told her that I was having marital

problems, that I am trying to break up her and Dad's marriage, and that I am

brainwashing the family that she is the one who is mentally ill.

And then she leaves a nice message. Can we say b*tch?

And, of course, today is my baby's 1st birthday (whoa, where does the time

go?!). They sent a card, and she wrote in it: " We have a big present for you

that we bought 6 months ago but it is too big to mail, so we will give it to you

when we see you next time! "

Did I mention that I have been NC with nada for over a month now? How b*tchy is

that note? I am so angry.

> >

> > Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

> >

> > I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with nada

since around mother's day. Just about a month now.

> >

> > But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt creep

back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of my mouth

as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

> >

> > I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would be

nice to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me he

wasn't allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any

expectations.

> >

> > But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years ago.

It must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

> > ....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to square

one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

> >

> > Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place, but I

already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st birthday;

and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't attempt to contact

us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety again!).

> >

> > Thanks for " listening " .

> > Judy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Happy birthday to you and to your baby! Birthdays are tough for me too - I guess

it is the time that reminds us all the things we were deprived of as kids. I am

glad you didn't let her ruin your birthday! And how wonderful that your baby has

a birthday so close, giving you a chance to make her childhood so different than

yours. To make sure her birthdays will always give her a smile and good

memories.

I so understand you about her leaving you a nice message and then telling bad

things about you behind your back! I had a very similar experience lately. My

mom was sick and I talked to her, asked her what she had, found information

about her problem and explained it to her and gave her advice on what to do to

feel better and she was all compliments for me, how much I helped her, how she

feels so much better thanks to me and so on. And then my mother in law calls me

and tells me that my mother told her she was sick because of me, because I am

going on a trip that seems dangerous to her (believe me, it is not) and she

tried every manipulation possible to make me not go, so she told my mother in

law that the worry made her sick. It was so frustrating, to me she is saying how

I helped her feel better, but to everybody else she says it's my fault she was

ill. I guess this is something we have to expect from BPD moms... I am sorry it

happened on your birthday. I hope you didn't let it spoil your special day.

> > >

> > > Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

> > >

> > > I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with nada

since around mother's day. Just about a month now.

> > >

> > > But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt

creep back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of my

mouth as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

> > >

> > > I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would

be nice to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me he

wasn't allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any

expectations.

> > >

> > > But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years

ago. It must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

> > > ....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to square

one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

> > >

> > > Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place, but

I already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st birthday;

and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't attempt to contact

us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety again!).

> > >

> > > Thanks for " listening " .

> > > Judy

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

She doesn't realize yoy know how two-faced she is. It is really kind of funny:

she thinks she is hiding herself from you (yeah right, her own kid!), and you

see through her poorly crafted costume to the wolf underneath. She sounds

pathetic.

Take heart in that the friend also sees what is going on. I am sorry you have a

nada to begin with, but glad you see her for what she is and is trying to do.

Congrats on the baby being 1! The fun is just starting at your house--my niece

just turned 2 and its like trying to civilize a baboon! (She is in daycare with

mostly older boys and she keeps coming home with the darnedest new skills:

spitting, etc.)

> > >

> > > Hello friends! So, today is my birthday.

> > >

> > > I've been feeling very peaceful and at ease lately. I've been NC with nada

since around mother's day. Just about a month now.

> > >

> > > But for some reason today I am feeling that sadness, anxiety and guilt

creep back up. It starts in my gut, and I feel like it might explode out of my

mouth as vomit and out of my eyeballs as tears. (Sorry to be so graphic)

> > >

> > > I don't want to hear from her today, and I highly doubt I will. It would

be nice to hear from my Dad though. Although last I talked to him he told me he

wasn't allowed to speak to me, so I'm not sure if I should have any

expectations.

> > >

> > > But I also feel bad for her. She had me on this day 30-something years

ago. It must be painful for her that I am no longer in contact with her....

> > > ....I have to literally say NO to myself when I start thinking like that.

Feeling bad for her and guilty for my decisions always gets me back to square

one, and I like this peaceful place right now.

> > >

> > > Just needed to write out some feelings. I know I'm all over the place, but

I already feel better...until Friday at least. Friday is my baby's 1st birthday;

and, if I know nada at all, I would be shocked if she didn't attempt to contact

us in some way, shape or form (bring on the anxiety again!).

> > >

> > > Thanks for " listening " .

> > > Judy

> > >

> >

>