First NC period of time with BP Mom, and I feel uneasy

[Guest guest]

Hello Guys,

I thought maybe you could help with this. I know most of you here know what it

is like to deal with a BP Mom and many have had NC periods of time with their BP

parent or sibling.

About a month ago, I had another big argument with my parents, for the most part

triggered by the anxieties of my BP Mom regarding my parents first visit to the

US. (I am from France)

The trip was cancelled and the blame was laid on me, once more, for ruining the

trip.

Short story long, I have been NC with my parents for a month, for the first time

in my life.

It happens so that during that month I went through mother's day (a big deal in

my family) and father's day and my father's birthday are coming in the next

couple weeks.

I am conflicted as to whether I should call them for these occasions.

For mother's day, I sent my BP Mom her mother's day presents and a card, where I

wrote to them how hurt I was by their behaviour, and how unfair I felt they were

with me. First time I ever wrote anything like that to my parents.

No news since then, they must be extremely angry at me at this point.

I am conflicted and I feel like a mess emotionally.

Part of me feels like I should call them to restore communication, just so I can

call my Dad on his birthday and get it over with. Not to be lovey dovey.

And another part of me feels like I don't have the courage to face the drama and

the stress.

My boyfriend -an amazing man who stood by me every time my BP Mom lost it- is

wondering if I am not being " punishing " by maintaining the silence with my

parents. He is not judging me but wants me to think about my motives here.

Maybe I am being " punishing " , because I want to tell them loud and clear that

enough is enough. I have taken enough injustice and abuse throughout the years.

My Mom gets away with everything, there are no consequences, it seems like.

So there is a part of anger at play here.

Somehow I feel like I have to protect myself from them, and that I need to

change the rules. I can't take it anymore. I wonder if I feel uneasy because

this is new to me, and I have to deal with feeling of guilt?...

The difficulty is that my BP Mom can be " normal " and nice for long periods of

time. I have seen her being " normal " for 4-5 months top, but I have also seen

her been insane for long periods of time. You know the drill. It's exhausting.

What are your thoughts and advice on this?

Should I try to contact my parents again to make father's day + my father's bday

easier?

I am also moving back to France at the end of August, and I am freaking out that

my BP Mom will want to be back in my world the way she used to. It's quite a

stressful time for me right now.

Thanks in advance for your insights!

Coralie

[Guest guest]

Hi Coralie,

It seems to me that its not you who is enforcing No Contact, its your parents.

You contacted them explaining in your letter why you were hurt and upset with

them, and they have not responded. The ball is in their court, so to speak;

they're the ones who are " punishing " you by not responding to your letter.

Its hard to get to the point where nothing that your parents do (or don't do) to

you has any negative impact on you.

It takes time to go through the stages of grief and reach the stage of

acceptance that they are the way they are: horribly selfish and controlling and

mentally ill, and that they view you more as an object they possess than as a

fellow human being with feelings that deserve equal respect as theirs. But with

borderline and narcissistic pd parents, their feelings, their control, their

pride will always be more important to them than you.

They're upset with you because you are simply being the adult that you are and

not the compliant, obedient, eager-to-please child you used to be. You are

supposed to cater to and coddle your mentally-ill, personality disordered mother

and take all the blame for all her unhappiness; in their eyes that's your job.

And they're probably using a tactic that has worked on you before: their

disapproval and withdrawal. They know what works on you and elicits the most

pain, and (inappropriate, misplaced) feelings of guilt and responsibility in

you.

You're the only one who can decide what you can and can't live with, and what

you can and can't tolerate. They're not going to miraculously change and become

mentally healthy, but you can decide how you're going to react to their abusive

behaviors, and you can decide that they're not going to occupy a great portion

of your waking thoughts any longer. That part is in your control.

-Annie

>

> Hello Guys,

> I thought maybe you could help with this. I know most of you here know what it

is like to deal with a BP Mom and many have had NC periods of time with their BP

parent or sibling.

>

> About a month ago, I had another big argument with my parents, for the most

part triggered by the anxieties of my BP Mom regarding my parents first visit to

the US. (I am from France)

>

> The trip was cancelled and the blame was laid on me, once more, for ruining

the trip.

> Short story long, I have been NC with my parents for a month, for the first

time in my life.

> It happens so that during that month I went through mother's day (a big deal

in my family) and father's day and my father's birthday are coming in the next

couple weeks.

>

> I am conflicted as to whether I should call them for these occasions.

> For mother's day, I sent my BP Mom her mother's day presents and a card, where

I wrote to them how hurt I was by their behaviour, and how unfair I felt they

were with me. First time I ever wrote anything like that to my parents.

>

> No news since then, they must be extremely angry at me at this point.

> I am conflicted and I feel like a mess emotionally.

> Part of me feels like I should call them to restore communication, just so I

can call my Dad on his birthday and get it over with. Not to be lovey dovey.

> And another part of me feels like I don't have the courage to face the drama

and the stress.

> My boyfriend -an amazing man who stood by me every time my BP Mom lost it- is

wondering if I am not being " punishing " by maintaining the silence with my

parents. He is not judging me but wants me to think about my motives here.

> Maybe I am being " punishing " , because I want to tell them loud and clear that

enough is enough. I have taken enough injustice and abuse throughout the years.

My Mom gets away with everything, there are no consequences, it seems like.

> So there is a part of anger at play here.

> Somehow I feel like I have to protect myself from them, and that I need to

change the rules. I can't take it anymore. I wonder if I feel uneasy because

this is new to me, and I have to deal with feeling of guilt?...

>

> The difficulty is that my BP Mom can be " normal " and nice for long periods of

time. I have seen her being " normal " for 4-5 months top, but I have also seen

her been insane for long periods of time. You know the drill. It's exhausting.

>

> What are your thoughts and advice on this?

> Should I try to contact my parents again to make father's day + my father's

bday easier?

>

> I am also moving back to France at the end of August, and I am freaking out

that my BP Mom will want to be back in my world the way she used to. It's quite

a stressful time for me right now.

>

> Thanks in advance for your insights!

>

> Coralie

>

[Guest guest]

First off, Annie is right is stating that it is not you reinforcing NC. It

sounds more like they are punishing you by withholding themselves from you.

If you are anything like me, you have spent a large amount of your life being

enmeshed in their day to day drama. The withdrawal from not being in the middle

leaves a vacuum. Don't get me wrong, its REALLY nice to not have their drama all

the time. But part of making sure my world is ok is by knowing where mom is

emotionally. When they are not talking to me, not responding, my radar isn't

getting feedback and it makes me nervous. Maybe this is part of what you are

experiencing?

>

> Hello Guys,

> I thought maybe you could help with this. I know most of you here know what it

is like to deal with a BP Mom and many have had NC periods of time with their BP

parent or sibling.

>

> About a month ago, I had another big argument with my parents, for the most

part triggered by the anxieties of my BP Mom regarding my parents first visit to

the US. (I am from France)

>

> The trip was cancelled and the blame was laid on me, once more, for ruining

the trip.

> Short story long, I have been NC with my parents for a month, for the first

time in my life.

> It happens so that during that month I went through mother's day (a big deal

in my family) and father's day and my father's birthday are coming in the next

couple weeks.

>

> I am conflicted as to whether I should call them for these occasions.

> For mother's day, I sent my BP Mom her mother's day presents and a card, where

I wrote to them how hurt I was by their behaviour, and how unfair I felt they

were with me. First time I ever wrote anything like that to my parents.

>

> No news since then, they must be extremely angry at me at this point.

> I am conflicted and I feel like a mess emotionally.

> Part of me feels like I should call them to restore communication, just so I

can call my Dad on his birthday and get it over with. Not to be lovey dovey.

> And another part of me feels like I don't have the courage to face the drama

and the stress.

> My boyfriend -an amazing man who stood by me every time my BP Mom lost it- is

wondering if I am not being " punishing " by maintaining the silence with my

parents. He is not judging me but wants me to think about my motives here.

> Maybe I am being " punishing " , because I want to tell them loud and clear that

enough is enough. I have taken enough injustice and abuse throughout the years.

My Mom gets away with everything, there are no consequences, it seems like.

> So there is a part of anger at play here.

> Somehow I feel like I have to protect myself from them, and that I need to

change the rules. I can't take it anymore. I wonder if I feel uneasy because

this is new to me, and I have to deal with feeling of guilt?...

>

> The difficulty is that my BP Mom can be " normal " and nice for long periods of

time. I have seen her being " normal " for 4-5 months top, but I have also seen

her been insane for long periods of time. You know the drill. It's exhausting.

>

> What are your thoughts and advice on this?

> Should I try to contact my parents again to make father's day + my father's

bday easier?

>

> I am also moving back to France at the end of August, and I am freaking out

that my BP Mom will want to be back in my world the way she used to. It's quite

a stressful time for me right now.

>

> Thanks in advance for your insights!

>

> Coralie

>

[Guest guest]

I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time, it's just a

matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the bigger the storm.

And it feels weird because it is new.

I have never :

- written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was hurt and

angry at them

- maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger person " . I

would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put the drama in the

past I guess.

I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the right

balance in the way I communicate with them.

[Guest guest]

It still seems to you that *you* are withholding contact, but that isn't the

case. You did contact them. They are withholding contact from you. They have

not responded to your letter.

What feels weird to you is that you are no longer begging them to respond to you

by sending a second communication attempt, either by mail or by phone.

It will be hard for you to get past viewing your parents from a child's

perspective. You aren't yet able to see them simply as fellow adults. You're

even still giving them the power to " punish " you, in your mind. They don't have

that power any longer, but the child part of you still believes that they do.

This is going to be hard for you, but, my suggestion is to just wait.

The ball is in their court. It could take weeks or months or longer, but wait

and do not beg them to contact you.

If you do what you've always done: caved in and been " the bigger person " (aka

agreeing that they are in control and can manipulate you) then nothing will

change.

Its up to you to decide if you want to continue with them treating you the way

they always have, or if you want something different now.

Its your call.

When an adult child of a controlling, domineering parent is feeling small, weak

and scared, I usually advise them to replace the feelings of fear with some

anger, temporarily.

What your parents are doing to you is *abusive*, and *they don't even freaking

care!* That *should* make you angry!

Anger is empowering: it can give you the courage to stand up for yourself. Its

a dangerous state to stay in, anger, but it can help you when you're feeling

like a limp, helpless prey, or when you're feeling like its better to go back to

being an enmeshed, dependent, weak child and take more abuse from momster and

dadster than it is to take a stand as an adult and establish your right to be

respected as an adult.

-Annie

>

>

> I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time, it's just a

matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the bigger the storm.

> And it feels weird because it is new.

> I have never :

> - written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was hurt and

angry at them

> - maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger person " .

I would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put the drama in

the past I guess.

>

> I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the right

balance in the way I communicate with them.

>

[Guest guest]

This is what happened with my dad and stepmom.  For a while, I would call and

talk to them, or send an email, but I was always the one who initiated

contact.  When I decided to go NC and see what would happen, I didn't get any

calls, emails, etc, and I still haven't.  I did contact them when my brother

told me my dad wasn't doing well, but it turned out that my brother lied about

that and dad was fine.  After that, I did try once to call, almost every day,

for 2 weeks, and no one would answer the phone.  So, I showed up at their house

unannounced, and they weren't there, so left a letter for my dad to read.  I

haven't heard a thing from them since, other than what my brother tells me,

which is always suspect.  It's been hard not to try to contact, but I have held

my ground and left the ball in their court.  It's hard at first, but as each

day goes by, it gets easier and easier. 

Janet

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, June 8, 2011 12:32 PM

Subject: Re: First NC period of time with BP Mom, and I feel

uneasy

 

It still seems to you that *you* are withholding contact, but that isn't the

case. You did contact them. They are withholding contact from you. They have not

responded to your letter.

What feels weird to you is that you are no longer begging them to respond to you

by sending a second communication attempt, either by mail or by phone.

It will be hard for you to get past viewing your parents from a child's

perspective. You aren't yet able to see them simply as fellow adults. You're

even still giving them the power to " punish " you, in your mind. They don't have

that power any longer, but the child part of you still believes that they do.

This is going to be hard for you, but, my suggestion is to just wait.

The ball is in their court. It could take weeks or months or longer, but wait

and do not beg them to contact you.

If you do what you've always done: caved in and been " the bigger person " (aka

agreeing that they are in control and can manipulate you) then nothing will

change.

Its up to you to decide if you want to continue with them treating you the way

they always have, or if you want something different now.

Its your call.

When an adult child of a controlling, domineering parent is feeling small, weak

and scared, I usually advise them to replace the feelings of fear with some

anger, temporarily.

What your parents are doing to you is *abusive*, and *they don't even freaking

care!* That *should* make you angry!

Anger is empowering: it can give you the courage to stand up for yourself. Its a

dangerous state to stay in, anger, but it can help you when you're feeling like

a limp, helpless prey, or when you're feeling like its better to go back to

being an enmeshed, dependent, weak child and take more abuse from momster and

dadster than it is to take a stand as an adult and establish your right to be

respected as an adult.

-Annie

>

>

> I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time, it's just a

matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the bigger the storm.

> And it feels weird because it is new.

> I have never :

> - written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was hurt and

angry at them

> - maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger person " .

I would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put the drama in

the past I guess.

>

> I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the right

balance in the way I communicate with them.

>

[Guest guest]

Funny, I am French too! And although much older than you are, still

Fighting my conscience ( or is it training?)

I have been nc with nada for10 days now, after she raged for not being invited

to son in law's birthday( she has made it clear she hates him because he stands

up to her)

Well the nc is eating at me. I don't have the luxury to think I can wait it out,

she is 93!

Any suggestions? She of course does not use email.

> >

> >

> > I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time, it's just

a matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the bigger the storm.

> > And it feels weird because it is new.

> > I have never :

> > - written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was hurt

and angry at them

> > - maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger

person " . I would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put the

drama in the past I guess.

> >

> > I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the right

balance in the way I communicate with them.

> >

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think we should start an Annie fan club. We could all have shirts, or little

bracelets, like medic alert thingys, and it would be like a secret society/club

that only the coolest kids could join. Just sayin...

Coralie, sorry your parents are turds. I know it's hard, but try to hold out. Do

something for yourself in the meantime that makes you stronger and healthier.

> > >

> > >

> > > I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time, it's

just a matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the bigger the

storm.

> > > And it feels weird because it is new.

> > > I have never :

> > > - written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was hurt

and angry at them

> > > - maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger

person " . I would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put the

drama in the past I guess.

> > >

> > > I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the

right balance in the way I communicate with them.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

lets get annie tattoos!!!!

>

>

> I think we should start an Annie fan club. We could all have shirts, or

> little bracelets, like medic alert thingys, and it would be like a secret

> society/club that only the coolest kids could join. Just sayin...

>

> Coralie, sorry your parents are turds. I know it's hard, but try to hold

> out. Do something for yourself in the meantime that makes you stronger and

> healthier.

>

>

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time,

> it's just a matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the

> bigger the storm.

> > > > And it feels weird because it is new.

> > > > I have never :

> > > > - written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was

> hurt and angry at them

> > > > - maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger

> person " . I would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put

> the drama in the past I guess.

> > > >

> > > > I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the

> right balance in the way I communicate with them.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Aw, you guys are very sweet, and very, very silly.

Love it, that's a great combo.

I think a " Welcome To Oz " T-shirt would be awesome; we're all fans of this Group

and we can be our own mutual fan club. I think all of us are very insightful

and give very supportive, on-target advice.

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I think a part of me thinks I will get punished for this big time,

> > it's just a matter of time. The longer I wait to restablish contact, the

> > bigger the storm.

> > > > > And it feels weird because it is new.

> > > > > I have never :

> > > > > - written to my parents to let them know how *I* felt and that I was

> > hurt and angry at them

> > > > > - maintained the NC between us. I have always tried to " be the bigger

> > person " . I would always call after a while and try to move on. Just to put

> > the drama in the past I guess.

> > > > >

> > > > > I hope fear and anger will leave me at some point and I will find the

> > right balance in the way I communicate with them.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Coralie,

I just want to point out that you don't have to call your dad on his birthday or

on father's day. You wrote that you wanted to get the calls over with, and that

seems to indicate that in your gut, you don't want to talk to him. So listen to

your gut. If guilty feelings are driving you to make those calls, try to tap

into your love for yourself and tell yourself it's ok to respect your instinct

about these things.

I hope that helps.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 11:15 AM

Subject: First NC period of time with BP Mom, and I feel

uneasy

 

Hello Guys,

I thought maybe you could help with this. I know most of you here know what it

is like to deal with a BP Mom and many have had NC periods of time with their BP

parent or sibling.

About a month ago, I had another big argument with my parents, for the most part

triggered by the anxieties of my BP Mom regarding my parents first visit to the

US. (I am from France)

The trip was cancelled and the blame was laid on me, once more, for ruining the

trip.

Short story long, I have been NC with my parents for a month, for the first time

in my life.

It happens so that during that month I went through mother's day (a big deal in

my family) and father's day and my father's birthday are coming in the next

couple weeks.

I am conflicted as to whether I should call them for these occasions.

For mother's day, I sent my BP Mom her mother's day presents and a card, where I

wrote to them how hurt I was by their behaviour, and how unfair I felt they were

with me. First time I ever wrote anything like that to my parents.

No news since then, they must be extremely angry at me at this point.

I am conflicted and I feel like a mess emotionally.

Part of me feels like I should call them to restore communication, just so I can

call my Dad on his birthday and get it over with. Not to be lovey dovey.

And another part of me feels like I don't have the courage to face the drama and

the stress.

My boyfriend -an amazing man who stood by me every time my BP Mom lost it- is

wondering if I am not being " punishing " by maintaining the silence with my

parents. He is not judging me but wants me to think about my motives here.

Maybe I am being " punishing " , because I want to tell them loud and clear that

enough is enough. I have taken enough injustice and abuse throughout the years.

My Mom gets away with everything, there are no consequences, it seems like.

So there is a part of anger at play here.

Somehow I feel like I have to protect myself from them, and that I need to

change the rules. I can't take it anymore. I wonder if I feel uneasy because

this is new to me, and I have to deal with feeling of guilt?...

The difficulty is that my BP Mom can be " normal " and nice for long periods of

time. I have seen her being " normal " for 4-5 months top, but I have also seen

her been insane for long periods of time. You know the drill. It's exhausting.

What are your thoughts and advice on this?

Should I try to contact my parents again to make father's day + my father's bday

easier?

I am also moving back to France at the end of August, and I am freaking out that

my BP Mom will want to be back in my world the way she used to. It's quite a

stressful time for me right now.

Thanks in advance for your insights!

Coralie

[Guest guest]

Good advice from . Is there a big " honor thy father and mother " message

driving this sense of obligation? Read something great, somewhere linked from

here, on that topic. Anyone " remember " where for me?

>

> Coralie,

> I just want to point out that you don't have to call your dad on his birthday

or on father's day. You wrote that you wanted to get the calls over with, and

that seems to indicate that in your gut, you don't want to talk to him. So

listen to your gut. If guilty feelings are driving you to make those calls, try

to tap into your love for yourself and tell yourself it's ok to respect your

instinct about these things.

>

> I hope that helps.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 11:15 AM

> Subject: First NC period of time with BP Mom, and I feel

uneasy

>

>

>  

> Hello Guys,

> I thought maybe you could help with this. I know most of you here know what it

is like to deal with a BP Mom and many have had NC periods of time with their BP

parent or sibling.

>

> About a month ago, I had another big argument with my parents, for the most

part triggered by the anxieties of my BP Mom regarding my parents first visit to

the US. (I am from France)

>

> The trip was cancelled and the blame was laid on me, once more, for ruining

the trip.

> Short story long, I have been NC with my parents for a month, for the first

time in my life.

> It happens so that during that month I went through mother's day (a big deal

in my family) and father's day and my father's birthday are coming in the next

couple weeks.

>

> I am conflicted as to whether I should call them for these occasions.

> For mother's day, I sent my BP Mom her mother's day presents and a card, where

I wrote to them how hurt I was by their behaviour, and how unfair I felt they

were with me. First time I ever wrote anything like that to my parents.

>

> No news since then, they must be extremely angry at me at this point.

> I am conflicted and I feel like a mess emotionally.

> Part of me feels like I should call them to restore communication, just so I

can call my Dad on his birthday and get it over with. Not to be lovey dovey.

> And another part of me feels like I don't have the courage to face the drama

and the stress.

> My boyfriend -an amazing man who stood by me every time my BP Mom lost it- is

wondering if I am not being " punishing " by maintaining the silence with my

parents. He is not judging me but wants me to think about my motives here.

> Maybe I am being " punishing " , because I want to tell them loud and clear that

enough is enough. I have taken enough injustice and abuse throughout the years.

My Mom gets away with everything, there are no consequences, it seems like.

> So there is a part of anger at play here.

> Somehow I feel like I have to protect myself from them, and that I need to

change the rules. I can't take it anymore. I wonder if I feel uneasy because

this is new to me, and I have to deal with feeling of guilt?...

>

> The difficulty is that my BP Mom can be " normal " and nice for long periods of

time. I have seen her being " normal " for 4-5 months top, but I have also seen

her been insane for long periods of time. You know the drill. It's exhausting.

>

> What are your thoughts and advice on this?

> Should I try to contact my parents again to make father's day + my father's

bday easier?

>

> I am also moving back to France at the end of August, and I am freaking out

that my BP Mom will want to be back in my world the way she used to. It's quite

a stressful time for me right now.

>

> Thanks in advance for your insights!

>

> Coralie

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Coralie,

> I just want to point out that you don't have to call your dad on his birthday

or on father's day. You wrote that you wanted to get the calls over with, and

that seems to indicate that in your gut, you don't want to talk to him. So

listen to your gut. If guilty feelings are driving you to make those calls, try

to tap into your love for yourself and tell yourself it's ok to respect your

instinct about these things.

>

> I hope that helps.

>

>

She's right. I used to feel obligated to send cards or make a short call. It

didn't feel genuine to send a card, and I dread speaking to either of my parents

on the phone. This year--even while still LC--I decided I'm not doing that

anymore. It really is a big relief. I don't feel guilty about it at all, either.

[Guest guest]

Thank you , thanks everyone for your input. All your messages are

helpful to me.

I think you are right about my gut feelings, in my gut I do not want to contact

them, I want to have nothing to do with them as a matter of fact. For a while, I

don't know how long.

It is still weird for me to think that whatever I want for myself should come

first. I have been so used to putting my BP Mom's feeling at the center. And it

is a collective fault too, like my Father and my Brother totally catter to that.

I remember once where I bumped into my Mother as a child, we both didn't notice

eachother and hit eachother pretty hard in a hallway. My head was hurting, and

so was my Mom's. My brother and Father both ran toward my Mom to comfort her and

make sure she was ok, and they both looked at me in a critical way and asked me

" why didn't you see her?!! " . Even though I am the youngest child, I have often

felt like my BP Mom was actually the child in the family.

There is something freeing about putting yourself first, and claiming space for

your own feelings. But I gotta say, it is like exercising a muscle that has been

dormant for a long time. Discomfort at first.

This forum is really helpful for me, it helps me put things in perspective. I am

very appreciative of your help!

Coralie