Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Your radar is fully functioning and right on the money, just turn up its volume a little, and you will hear " Dear Dorothy* **!!!!!GRAB YOUR LITTLE DOG AND RUN!!!!!* *This is not a gift, this is really- really -really sick. Really. Who in their right mind would ever, even on their most weirdly dysfunctional day give a " just in case your baby dies, I stand to win $100,000 dollars " cause I'm the beneficiary of the insurance policy ** **gift?!!, " to anyone, and expect the parents will think it's peachy dandy?! You are not overreacting to this horrendous and thinly veiled threat, but you don't trust yourself because you have become, ( as do most of us KO's) habituated to her batsh*t freakin behavior. It has been my own unfortunate experience with borderlines, that they often telegraph bad intent, or tell on themselves after committing atrocities, that few people,( other than other KOs SOs, POs) would think them possible of. Please, oh please take good care of yourself, and don't let that striped stockinged she devil anywhere near your precious baby, or you and you husband for that matter. I would not eat or drink anything she gives you, wear anything she gifts to you, or ride with her if she is driving. . Borderlines have some pretty weird fantasies, and since the rest of us are not real people to them, but pegs on which they hang their fantasies, we are, more often than we may know, in danger from their *toxic, cruel, and yes, sometimes criminal intent. Good Luck, and May the Force be with you! On Tue, Jun 7, 2011 at 7:55 PM, greengoldfish77 wrote: > > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I > feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was > my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance > policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified > AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without > our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " > families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 For what its worth, my parents (bpd mom, dishrag dad) took out a life insurance policy on me when I was born. It wasn't much, basically enough to cover a nice funeral (at that time, $1K would have provided a lovely funeral for a child). Nada told me when I turned 20 that the policy had " matured " (or whatever the correct terminology is) and the $1K in cash was for me. So, some life insurance policies are like an investment instrument. If that's what your nada-in-law intended with this policy: that your baby will get the cash when he grows up, then, that was a nice thing for her to do. Sort of like buying 20-year T-bills for the baby. But, you'd have to know what kind of policy it is, when it matures and who exactly gets the cash when the policy expires, to know for sure if she did something nice for the baby, or something nice for herself. You could show the policy to a representative of the insurance company that sold it to your nada-in-law, and ask him or her to explain it to you. That way, you'll know whether to be happy that she actually did give your baby a real present (a large chunk of money when he grows up) or if this is some bizarre bpd thing. Find out all the facts first, then act from a position of knowledge. Knowledge is Power! -Annie > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 that is so creepy...and bizarre. So, it's an infant life insurance policy, one of those Gerber kind of plans? Wow. I " m amazed an authentic insurance professional ok'd her putting herself down as beneficiary. I don't think at all that you're overreacting. It's ghoulish. A government bond, I can see. But life insurance is just plain weird. Did your husband agree with your reaction? Or did he confront her about it? > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Buying a grandchild policy is not terribly uncommon. Not that nada is any less nada, but in this case it is not a terrible idea. Although..I would make the childs parents the beneficiary! When the kiddo is of age, it gives them the right to convert and keep the policy, or if it has cash value to convert and cash it out. The great advantages of this are that if for any reason the child is not able to get life insurance, he can get this policy without a physical. So , if Godforbid, some disease or accident occurs, he is still able to be insured using this policy. The other advantage is that it will be cheaper, and a policy started when the child turns 21 is cheaper than later in life, and can start up his protection and building for his future. We hope it will never be needed. But a friend of mine lost her 22 yo daughter last week. She had no insurance, and my friend has to scrape up the money to attend her final expenses. Insurance policy for a kid is not a fun gift, but it is practical. Perhaps, one of hte few practical things your nada has ever done! Doug > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I see two problems here. Buying the insurance policy doesn't sound like a problem in and of itself. That's a common enough thing. What bothers me is that she made herself the beneficiary rather than you and spouse, and that she did it without talking it over with you then kept it secret for a year. If a child dies, it is the parents who need money to pay the expenses associated with the death and whatever caused it, not the grandmother. Making yourself the beneficiary of a policy on a child you're not raising or supporting just seems a bit ghoulish to me. Doing it without telling you feels to me like she's trying to show power over your family and negate your right to make decisions about your own child - things that nadas commonly like doing. At 07:55 PM 06/07/2011 greengoldfish77 wrote: >Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning >that what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others >think of this: Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift >from Nada-in-law was a life insurance policy listing >Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified AND >more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago >without our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance >or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over >reacting??? It scares me! -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 OMG I think that is totally totally creepy!!!!! She could have started a college savings fund - instead of putting money on your baby dying!!! RUN!!!!! > > > > Buying a grandchild policy is not terribly uncommon. Not that nada is > any less nada, but in this case it is not a terrible idea. Although..I > would make the childs parents the beneficiary! > > When the kiddo is of age, it gives them the right to convert and keep > the policy, or if it has cash value to convert and cash it out. The > great advantages of this are that if for any reason the child is not > able to get life insurance, he can get this policy without a physical. > So , if Godforbid, some disease or accident occurs, he is still able to > be insured using this policy. The other advantage is that it will be > cheaper, and a policy started when the child turns 21 is cheaper than > later in life, and can start up his protection and building for his > future. > > We hope it will never be needed. But a friend of mine lost her 22 yo > daughter last week. She had no insurance, and my friend has to scrape > up the money to attend her final expenses. > > Insurance policy for a kid is not a fun gift, but it is practical. > > Perhaps, one of hte few practical things your nada has ever done! > > Doug > > > > > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that > what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: > Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a > life insurance policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of > $100,000. I am horrified AND more so as she apparently took this policy > out over a year ago without our knowledge...I don't know much about life > insurance or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over > reacting??? It scares me! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 It's hard to learn to trust our own intuition when we have been disconnected from that inner radar due to having a BPD nada and the conditioning that our own feelings and insight don't matter...a big part of my recovery has been learning to trust my own gut instincts. If you feel uneasy about this " gift " I would take that as a clue that that something is not right. On the surface, her taking out a Gerber type policy (and we are assuming it is that type of policy) is not that out of the norm. But you are the best expert on your nada. My own nada is broken and high maintenance and frustrating as h*ll, but she is not homicidal toward my kids. My MIL is a different story. There's an undertone of aggression towards my kids that I have picked up on, and it's why she only had supervised visits with them. It is troubling that your nada is the beneficiary of the policy. That right there negates the good will effect of the deal in my eyes. IMO, she should have asked you about this before doing it, or at least should have told you about it right away, Waiting for a year and then presenting it as the child's gift seems odd. Knowing that my nada stood to gain financially if my child were to die would bother me very much. It's the undertone of the whole thing. I'm a mother of six, grandmother of six and would encourage you to trust your instincts. You're a mom with the responsibility of making sure your child is around safe people. If it upsets you or feels wrong, then it is. Darrowby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I agree with Annie's advice, but I do also think it is weird she made herself the beneficiary. So, what? God forbid, something happens, then <she> is going to pay for hospital/funeral bills? Then have that to hang over you for the rest of your life - while you grieve? Is she going to insist on planning the funeral herself? Make him wear a sailor suit? Insist on powder blue carnations? Invite Beverly Shea to sing " He Touched Me " ?!? All because she's " paying " for it? Sounds like a Nada's dream - like a wedding, but the person at the center of attention can't voice an opinion and the other centers of attention are beside themselves with grief. I am going totally (and irreverantly) worst-case scenario, but wow - it's weird... > > > > > > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I > > feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was > > my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance > > policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified > > AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without > > our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " > > families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 that's creepy. it is not a birthday present to him, it is a monetary gift to her in the event of his passing. > > Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning that what I feel is valid. Anyway, was wondering what others think of this: Saturday was my baby son's first birthday. Gift from Nada-in-law was a life insurance policy listing Nada-in-law as the beneficiary of $100,000. I am horrified AND more so as she apparently took this policy out over a year ago without our knowledge...I don't know much about life insurance or what " normal " families do so not sure if I am over reacting??? It scares me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 > > At 07:55 PM 06/07/2011 greengoldfish77 wrote: > >Not sure if I should be upset about this or not--still learning > >that what I feel is valid. You know what the most prominent word in the whole post was to me? The word " should. " There is no " wrong " way to feel. You are right that we have to un-learn that. If you are upset, that is not right or wrong, it just is. You can examine why you feel what you feel, and sometimes that is helpful. I think there has been a boundary crossed somewhere, and your feeling upset is a good indicator of that. But what you feel is valid whether or not anyone else agrees with you. Even if you are the only person in the world who finds this upsetting, it is still a valid feeling. > What bothers me is that she made herself the beneficiary > rather than you and spouse, and that she did it without talking > it over with you then kept it secret for a year. I agree. That she's had this for a year and named herself the beneficiary are both weird. And how exactly is this a good present for a first birthday-- " Look, everybody, Grandma gets a sh!tload if the baby dies! Happy Birthday, pumpkin! " Bet everybody who brought a truck or a tricycle was kicking himself that he didn't think of this first! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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