Guest guest Posted October 6, 2011 Report Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thank you, Clefairy.  I am going to look into a therapist today. I appreciate all of your perspectives and the support I've received from you and the group in helping to make an informed decision.  My brother does live in a home now. She is no longer his legal guradian due to some Jersey laws, but he is being abused at his home and I am also trying begin the process of seeing if there is anything I can do to help change his situation, but being a sibling it's a hard process to get going.  The validation of my right to take care of myself and son and the right to live a happy life is more meaningful than I have words to express. Thank you ________________________________ From: clefairy_looking_for_moonstone To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 11:42 PM Subject: Re: Shattered  Firstoff, holy sh*t, Bridgette. You've lived though a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain you and your siblings have experienced. Second, Protect your child from your Nada the way no one protected you. This is *your* child and you have the opportunity to give him a real childhood not riddled with the insanity, trauma and fear that you or your Nada experienced. My recommendation is NC but if you aren't ready to do that, only seeing your Nada a certain amount of time in a very public place. There is safety in numbers. Be somewhere that an escape is possible to protect yourself and your child. Third, are you able to protect your brother? Is it possible to put him in a home where you know he will be treated kindly and lovingly? Because I can tell you, he's definitely not getting that from your nada, and taking that responsibility on yourself might not be a good idea after everything you've experienced. Finally, how are you? How are dealing with all this? It sounds like you're still in shock and badly needing to process the grief and trauma you've experienced. I would highly recommend some therapy just to get through this and come to terms with your experiences, your loss and get some tools to deal with Nada now. You don't have to suffer and you're not alone. Having a professional guide you through the grieving process can be immensely helpful. Your strength is amazing, and you're inspirational for leading such a successful life. You owe it to yourself to make sure you're living the life you want to, not marred by the pain of your past. Many hugs and sending good thoughts your way. Clefairy > > My mind is blown! I've got to make serious decisions regarding the safety of allowing my son to visit with my nada and I've just received an informational blow that has me reeling. I need to vent and could use some brutally honest feedback. > > So the run down of pertinent facts. > > Childhood home life filled with domestic abuse between parents. Dad was obvious scape goat. Drugs, alcoholism, infidelity, etc. While we were young Mom was pretty loving (for selfish reasons, but enough to have us mostly fooled for much of our childhoods). Oldest of 3. Girl. 2 brothers. Youngest born serverly handicapped/disabled. Parents eventually seperated by the time I was about 10. Big issues in life were overcoming the grief of my brother's mistfortune and the horrible things I was witness to as a young kid. Had some trouble with drugs and promiscuity and low achieving, but out grew it got married and really focused on a life that makes me happy. I have primarily succeeded. Never been in an abusive relationship have high self esteem a career I love and a beautiful son. > > My dad committed suicide in June. He was HIV positive and we all saw it coming. However the revelations that unfolded have taken me to the twilight zone. I had already discoverd by my own research that my mother's rapid downward spiral was due to bpd and other diagnosis which she had been hiding from me. Lots of bad stuff happened and she was very " suicidal " all my focus was on trying to keep her alive and helping her avoid facing the consequences of her outrageously bad decisions. My last conversation with my Father was riddled with insecurities about the man I believed him to be and the fact that for the previous two years my mother had been launching an anti Dad campaign. 3 days after his suicide she pulls the vanishing act when she's needed most. Just a little love support help with the baby since the family was in dissarray and all of the arrangements were falling on my shoulders. But no it was drama queen time. She even sent threating emails about harming me. > > This vanishing act was the final straw for me. It opened my eyes and I started to see things as they really were. I saw my role in perpetuating and allowing this to go on. I decided to have as little contact as possible. However, they never fully divorced so I had to get her to sign over administratorship and help with attaining the appropriate medical paperwork to prove my disabled brother incompetent to even sign off on any papers. > > HERE COMES THE BOMB!!! > > Said paperwork includes a list of his official diagnosis. She had been lying for years telling us all that he had left brain atrophy. Tha he had had a stroke in the womb because my Father beat her while pregnant. Did happen so dad's not vindicated, but he also had a diagnosis of Autism and Cebrebral Palsy. For my whole life I've been asking is any part of his conditin possibly genetic or hereditary. She $#@ & ing lied to me. Even came with me to the Dr. and lied to her about the medial history involved in my brother's disability. > > I was considering a temporary NC period, but have now decided to go NC indefinitely. I had been allowing her to visit breifly a few hours a month with my son. Now I don't trust her at all. Always thought the line would be drawn at physical well being but now it is obvious that it was more important to make herself the victim and my father the devil than to correctly inform her own children as to the risks associated with deciding to have children. Seems like anything is fair game on the alter of her selfishness and delusion. > > The last area of concern is that she was sexually abused by her brother and /or father as a child. She has accused my father of molesting my disabled brother ( which greatly contributed to his suicide) we'll never know if it was true. She's accused my sister in law of abusing her son which is def not true and even called dyfuss which she of course denies. Worried that she'll either A- abuse my son sexually or B- accuse my self or husband of doing so. > > Anyone out there who could share any insight or thought, please, it would be greatly appreciated. > > Nada threatens suicide often and am afraid she'll do it if I take my son out of her life, but not willing to sacrifice my son up to rescue her. > > Losing my mind.... > > Bridgette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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