feeling crappy

[Guest guest]

So I just want to whine. If I had a mom, I might call her at a time like

this. Anyway, I am in physical therapy because I have severe problems

(probably fibromyalgia) that are concentrated in my right neck, shoulder and

upper back. I finally found a doctor who understands mind body and she sent

me to her personal PT. I'm extremely excited about this!!! The thought that

I might heal is completely out of the question. But the thought that I might

improve!!! Well, that's exciting.

Anyway, I had PT yesterday. It is very time consuming, like 4 to 6 hours per

week in clinic plus at home work and all during biz hours. It also is

somewhat painful, but it hurts in a good way. But the aftermath. . . anyway

I went yesterday and felt pretty rundown after, but today . . . well. . . I

can barely function - its like my brain maybe was affected a bit ha ha.

Relearning how to move - and stand and hold my tension is MENTAL work.

Despite my problems I have managed to be very physically active for most of

my life. I had to cancel the kids dance class I teach today and I may be

canceling yoga tonight and maybe even the mother daughter dance class I

teach tomorrow. I'm also not able to do all the little things i wanted to

do, like grocery store and house cleaning.

Booo

And the reality is that most of my problems are probably at least 99 to 100

percent a result of childhood trauma. I personally realized (without being

enlightened by research or literature) in my mid twenties that my parents

should have put my in PT, had MRIs, sent me to a pediatric neurologist and

all the stuff I'm doing now done when I was NINE when this all started. We

had health insurance, we had access to care. But they didn't do it. They

didn't CARE!!! Then I learned that fibro and chronic headaches are often

caused by childhood trauma. And then my doctor asked me if I'd had trauma in

my life and I said I'm the daughter of a borderline. she said ME TOO!!! AHH

someone who gets it. And she said yep, this is what happens to a kid with

daily emotional and physical trauma.

So yes, things are going very well for me right now. But I'm still a little

broken, injured, hurt and not functioning at least for today. I know if I

had a real mom would at least send me a nice note. I guess instead of a real

mom I have an army of REAL MOMS who aren't my mom, but they are moms - even

if we don't have kids, we have raised ourselves.

Anyway, i guess I'm whining, can anyone send me a little cheese to go with

it? HA HA