Guest guest Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Ain't that the truth! The paths of our lives have brought us to where we are today, and created the persons we are today, for better and for worse. If X had been different, we would not be us and we wouldn't be here, we would be someone else somewhere else... I'm not sure it would always have been worse. But...we can't know for sure. In fact, we can't know at all. I have some X (and Y and Z and so on...) points in my life of which I sometimes think that I wish it had been different. Some really life changing, dramatic, events (and I guess it's about those we most often think the "if it only had..."-thoughts), but also relatively smaller things. Like for instance, the time when a friend of ours were assaulted and stabbed in our presence (he survived, I guess I should hasten to add, before you wonder why I sort it under "smaller things"...), we had been out to eat and were on our way home when it happened, and had talked about staying at another bar on the way for a last beer, but decided on an early night since we all had plans involving an early morning the next day and went straight for the train home. That turned into kind of a bad evening...And a lot of hassle to follow: police questioning, the whole police investigation as such, the court trial, physical pain and/or discomfort for us all (while he was the main target of the attack and certainly the most badly hurt, he was not the only one hurt, they attacked his girlfriend too, kicked her in the stomach among other things, to get to him I presume, and was pushed away and got a minor cut on the arm, by accident, I hurt a foot and a knee in the turmoil and had trouble walking for months to follow). And all of this just because we decided to be good, go to bed early and not have that last beer... Kind of an "if only", huh... We did joke a bit about it in the time to follow: "They say you never regret the beer you didn't drink...well I think I'll disagree..." etc. But, in reality, what do we know about the alternative? Sure, precisely that thing is very unlikely to have happened, at least right there, at least in that manner, had we simply not arrived at that spot until an hour or so later...But, how can we be sure what had happened instead had been better? What if...say a drunk driver had ended the evening in an even more fatal and tragic way had we been at another wrong place at another wrong time? We don't know that would have happened, no. But that is precisely the point. We don't know anything about alternative chains of events. Not even for a relatively simple and uncomplicated event like that, and even less so for something more complex. Life is so truly and profoundly unpredictable that we can't even "predict" it in hindsight... OK. Enough with the late night philosophy now...love/Reb>> Sometimes I think "Wow, I wish X had been different.." but then I> wouldn't be who I am now. If I hadn't divorced #1 and #2, both abusive> idiots, would I have appreciated Himself when I met him (30 years ago come> Halloween, BTW!) I'm thinking not... and my kids would have gotten the> entirely wrong idea of what a man is supposed to be like...> > I know from experience it's really easier to stay in the bad relationship,> it feels safer where you KNOW what's going to happen even if it's bad, but> it's really not better for anyone, even the "bad" partner...> > Hugs and prayers for you and yours. > > > > in WY> Practical Blackwork Designs> "You get a wonderful view from the point of no return..." > http://practical-blackwork.blogspot.com > http://practicalblackwork.com> stuff> > > Hi all,> Now that I'm certain that my emails are now private, I can share and vent a> bit.> I am seriously considering divorce, and have even set up a free consultation> with a lawyer for next Tues. I am feeling scared and alone right now about> it all. Don't think I'll be able to survive on the mere $800 I receive for> disability, and unsure I'd receive alimony, though someone said they thought> being on disability would increase my chances.> I'd love to hear from anyone that has gone through, or is going through a> divorce. I know my husband is going to be shocked, enraged, etc., and I'm> not certain I can handle his response. I am fairly sure there will be no> physical ramifications of the news.> I am struggling right now. I am depressed to the point of considering> hospitalization, though that always severely impacts my kids. Then they have> to be alone with the lunatic that is their dad. I can't have that either. I> feel lost and very stuck.> I'm sorry to be so down lately. It's just what I'm dealing with right now.> Thanks for listening,> love to all,> Kate> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Whoa, Reb, what a story! God was really watching over each of you. It could have turned out so much worse. These life experiences really have a way of molding and shaping who we are.Thanks for your philosophizing ! We all need it.love to you and ,KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Wed, October 13, 2010 5:23:46 PMSubject: Re: stuff/ Ain't that the truth! The paths of our lives have brought us to where we are today, and created the persons we are today, for better and for worse. If X had been different, we would not be us and we wouldn't be here, we would be someone else somewhere else... I'm not sure it would always have been worse. But...we can't know for sure. In fact, we can't know at all. I have some X (and Y and Z and so on...) points in my life of which I sometimes think that I wish it had been different. Some really life changing, dramatic, events (and I guess it's about those we most often think the "if it only had..."-thoughts), but also relatively smaller things. Like for instance, the time when a friend of ours were assaulted and stabbed in our presence (he survived, I guess I should hasten to add, before you wonder why I sort it under "smaller things"...), we had been out to eat and were on our way home when it happened, and had talked about staying at another bar on the way for a last beer, but decided on an early night since we all had plans involving an early morning the next day and went straight for the train home. That turned into kind of a bad evening...And a lot of hassle to follow: police questioning, the whole police investigation as such, the court trial, physical pain and/or discomfort for us all (while he was the main target of the attack and certainly the most badly hurt, he was not the only one hurt, they attacked his girlfriend too, kicked her in the stomach among other things, to get to him I presume, and was pushed away and got a minor cut on the arm, by accident, I hurt a foot and a knee in the turmoil and had trouble walking for months to follow). And all of this just because we decided to be good, go to bed early and not have that last beer... Kind of an "if only", huh... We did joke a bit about it in the time to follow: "They say you never regret the beer you didn't drink...well I think I'll disagree..." etc. But, in reality, what do we know about the alternative? Sure, precisely that thing is very unlikely to have happened, at least right there, at least in that manner, had we simply not arrived at that spot until an hour or so later...But, how can we be sure what had happened instead had been better? What if...say a drunk driver had ended the evening in an even more fatal and tragic way had we been at another wrong place at another wrong time? We don't know that would have happened, no. But that is precisely the point. We don't know anything about alternative chains of events. Not even for a relatively simple and uncomplicated event like that, and even less so for something more complex. Life is so truly and profoundly unpredictable that we can't even "predict" it in hindsight... OK. Enough with the late night philosophy now...love/Reb>> Sometimes I think "Wow, I wish X had been different.." but then I> wouldn't be who I am now. If I hadn't divorced #1 and #2, both abusive> idiots, would I have appreciated Himself when I met him (30 years ago come> Halloween, BTW!) I'm thinking not... and my kids would have gotten the> entirely wrong idea of what a man is supposed to be like...> > I know from experience it's really easier to stay in the bad relationship,> it feels safer where you KNOW what's going to happen even if it's bad, but> it's really not better for anyone, even the "bad" partner...> > Hugs and prayers for you and yours. > > > > in WY> Practical Blackwork Designs> "You get a wonderful view from the point of no return..." > http://practical-blackwork.blogspot.com > http://practicalblackwork.com> stuff> > > Hi all,> Now that I'm certain that my emails are now private, I can share and vent a> bit.> I am seriously considering divorce, and have even set up a free consultation> with a lawyer for next Tues. I am feeling scared and alone right now about> it all. Don't think I'll be able to survive on the mere $800 I receive for> disability, and unsure I'd receive alimony, though someone said they thought> being on disability would increase my chances.> I'd love to hear from anyone that has gone through, or is going through a> divorce. I know my husband is going to be shocked, enraged, etc., and I'm> not certain I can handle his response. I am fairly sure there will be no> physical ramifications of the news.> I am struggling right now. I am depressed to the point of considering> hospitalization, though that always severely impacts my kids. Then they have> to be alone with the lunatic that is their dad. I can't have that either. I> feel lost and very stuck.> I'm sorry to be so down lately. It's just what I'm dealing with right now.> Thanks for listening,> love to all,> Kate> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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