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Posted
Posted

I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

anyway.

I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

what happened:

1- she says hi. I say hi.

2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

reporting for work today. . .

6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

she wraps her arms around her chest

7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

regular old painless asphyxia. "

11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

apples. Do you want an apple? "

12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

want this pretty apple? "

14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

15- Waif boss " Oh "

16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

it good "

17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

to try it.)

21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

(DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

are what counts in fruit. . .

Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

ME and my pretty apple! "

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Posted
Posted

WOW, no offense to pre-teen girls, but she seems to be acting like a

pre-teen girl! " pretty " apple? That got the WTF reaction from me. I think

your instinct is correct--she is kind of trying to suck the energy from you

to feed her own need for emotional energy. And she needs a LOT of it, it

seems. Is there any way you can formulate an emergency escape button next

time she goes a strange route in conversations? Something like, " I'd love to

talk with you, but I really need to work on this client's stuff, how about I

get back to you? " and then completely forget to get back with her.

And ::hugs:: about your asthma attack. So glad you're alright! My husband

has bad asthma too, and it really can be scary, especially in allergy

seasons when he's constantly coughing since his lungs are seizing up thanks

to the pollen. >.<

On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 12:56 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I

> can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not

> be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT

> ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need

> to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in

> a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said

> she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have

> a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg

> you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE

> my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

> contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word

> I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of

> word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said

> I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused,

> or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

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Posted
Posted

I can think of a number of reasons this is annoying:

1. Random interruptions. You describe at least 3 distinct interruptions: the

chest pain question, the hug, and the apples. How are you supposed to get any

work done if you're frequently interrupted? I get interrupted at work all the

time and it drives me batty.

2. Not listening. " Does you chest hurt? " " No, my chest doesn't hurt. " " So your

chest hurts, then? " Kind of the human symptoms equivalent of the Monty Python

dead parrot scene. " He's not dead, he's pining for the Fjords. "

3. Uninvited hugs. Just ewwwww.

4. Demanding attention. " Look at my pretty apple! Look at it! You want it, don't

you? Don't you? DON'T YOU? "

5. Self-contradiction. First she's not interested in your mole and then she

wants the recipe?

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

If this were a male boss treating you like that, I think it would be easier to

realize how inappropriate and intrusive and boundary-violating these behaviors

are.

I think your boss views you more as a daughter or companion or as a younger

version of herself, than as a co-worker. Those feelings and behaviors are

entirely inappropriate in a professional, office environment, work relationship.

Well, I should say, nobody can help how they feel, but you sure as hell can help

how you behave, and her behavior is inappropriate in my opinion.

If she is unable or unwilling to behave in a more professional manner toward

you, then, if this were happening to me, I'd first set very clear and firm

boundaries with her. " No, thank you. " like a broken record to all inappropriate

requests, say " Excuse me, I'm expecting a phone call (or some other business

issue) and leave when she wants you to " spin " . Keep conversations to

work-related topics only. When asked any personal questions, just reply, " Thank

you for your concern, but, I don't want to discuss that. " or " I'm sorry, but

that's personal. " When asked the same question repeatedly (like the apple

thing) respond only once and then if she persists, " I believe I did answer you. "

and nothing else. If she tries to hug you, back away, put your hand up, and say

" I'm sorry, but that makes me uncomfortable. " Always with Medium Chill in

place. No emotion. Polite but neutral.

If setting these clear and distance-creating boundaries doesn't work or makes

her hostile toward you, then, its a trip to the personnel office to register a

complaint.

The last resort is to ask for a transfer or give notice (after you've lined up

another good job.) Life is too short to have to put up with inappropriate,

overly-personal, intrusive, touchy-feely behavior from bosses.

Bottom line: its just a job. And life is much sweeter when you don't have to

dread going into the office every day. There are good bosses out there; I'm

betting you can find one.

Just my opinion, from my point of view.

-Annie

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

YES, you guys are right - its kind of like " Knock knock " and " whose there "

" The interupting... " " MOOOOOOO "

But it is also a matter of her wanting me to be something to her I'm not - a

friend, a daughter, a younger version of herself. . . etc. And I used to let

her treat me that way - before therapy. My T says that she also thinks I am

her husband in a lot of ways.

Great suggestions, thanks. i just couldn't put my finger on why it felt

slimey. Because if she did genuinly care - she wouldn't be saying, did your

chest hurt, or trying to extract comfort from me by hugging me - she would

Look at me when I told her and then say " I'm glad you are ok. "

Our office is a weird culture. Its a small business. Its advertising. There

are only about 30 of us. . boss and I have sat about 8 feet from each other

for 40 hours a week for 5 years -so I don't know if " just business "

boundaries are completely achievable, but I am trying hard to make the

boundaries more normal and more businessy. What I think is weird is that I

know she is confused by it - I mean half the time, her face is totally

crumpled in confusion - but she just isn't catching on. And she doesn't ask

me if anything is wrong, or if I'm unhappy with my workload (which I am) or

anything else. I honestly think she would ask, but she is afraid that I will

answer her honestly (which I would) and then she won't have the skills to do

anything about it. So she would rather pretend that nothing is different.

That said, while I can't make it absolute business boundaries, SOME

boundaries are achievable. And I think a lot of the little girlish " look at

my pretty apple stuff " is more related to her trying to turn back time - I

used to be closer to her. Then I went to therapy and realized she was not

behaving toward me like a friend would. That said, I don't think she really

knows how to be a good friend to me or anyone else. . . So of course I had

to back away from the relationship.

A few months ago she was really excited, because she had reconnected with a

friend via facebook who she hadn't seen in over 30 years. I did NOT get it.

She made a big dinner date with this friend. Personally, being a KO, I

couldn't understand why . . . first of all, if you liked someone, why would

you let 30 years go by without talking to them. . . I figured there must be

a REASON they were no longer friends. And then, unless there is something

current in your lives to draw you together - - - well - - -why now? I mean

there is nothing in Waif Boss' life except her justin bieber-style obsession

with that opera singer and also her disordered relationship with her adult

daughter. Everthing else is her PRETENDING to be interested in things. But

for her, it was a HUGE deal to have a friend to hang out with for one night.

I still think its weird. I wonder if she is just a little short in the

social skills department.

I mean, obviously based on the " Does your chest hurt? " and the " Look at my

pretty apple " (yeah seriously, imagine a dude boss saying that HAAAA), she

is short on both social skills and also just life skills.

Actually, on the topic of life skills, this is one of the things about her

that bugs me the MOST! I mean, she can't manage things like 1) keeping the

registration current on her car 2) calling a plumber to come to her home 3)

balancing a budget at home or work 4) calling a doctor when something is

wrong with her body or to get a regular screening 5) planning her week so

that she meets her deadlines, even when she only has a few things she needs

to do 6) purchasing something with her OWN personal credit card and etc etc

etc etc.

Not only do I feel bugged with her for not developing these life skills, but

I feel bugged with the majority of people that I know for neglecting to

develop basic life skills. Its kind of like, I'm sorry, but if I could do

all these things for a family of FOUR while I was in elementary school, why

the hell can't you do it for a single person in your 6th decade of life????

Swift kicks to the ass all around!!!! And do you ever look at someone and

snort on the inside and go " Wait, so YOU think YOU are the BOSS of me??? You

who can carry neither a box up a flight of stairs nor carry a one in basic

addition? YOU boss of ME HA HA HA " and now insert count chocula vocals.

On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 12:38 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> If this were a male boss treating you like that, I think it would be easier

> to realize how inappropriate and intrusive and boundary-violating these

> behaviors are.

>

> I think your boss views you more as a daughter or companion or as a younger

> version of herself, than as a co-worker. Those feelings and behaviors are

> entirely inappropriate in a professional, office environment, work

> relationship. Well, I should say, nobody can help how they feel, but you

> sure as hell can help how you behave, and her behavior is inappropriate in

> my opinion.

>

> If she is unable or unwilling to behave in a more professional manner

> toward you, then, if this were happening to me, I'd first set very clear and

> firm boundaries with her. " No, thank you. " like a broken record to all

> inappropriate requests, say " Excuse me, I'm expecting a phone call (or some

> other business issue) and leave when she wants you to " spin " . Keep

> conversations to work-related topics only. When asked any personal

> questions, just reply, " Thank you for your concern, but, I don't want to

> discuss that. " or " I'm sorry, but that's personal. " When asked the same

> question repeatedly (like the apple thing) respond only once and then if she

> persists, " I believe I did answer you. " and nothing else. If she tries to

> hug you, back away, put your hand up, and say " I'm sorry, but that makes me

> uncomfortable. " Always with Medium Chill in place. No emotion. Polite but

> neutral.

>

> If setting these clear and distance-creating boundaries doesn't work or

> makes her hostile toward you, then, its a trip to the personnel office to

> register a complaint.

>

> The last resort is to ask for a transfer or give notice (after you've lined

> up another good job.) Life is too short to have to put up with

> inappropriate, overly-personal, intrusive, touchy-feely behavior from

> bosses.

>

> Bottom line: its just a job. And life is much sweeter when you don't have

> to dread going into the office every day. There are good bosses out there;

> I'm betting you can find one.

>

> Just my opinion, from my point of view.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> > anyway.

> >

> > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I

> can

> > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> > what happened:

> >

> > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if

> I

> > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was

> not

> > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not

> be

> > reporting for work today. . .

> > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> > she wraps her arms around her chest

> > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I

> just

> > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT

> ALL,

> > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> > regular old painless asphyxia. "

> > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm

> not

> > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need

> to

> > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such

> PRETTY

> > apples. Do you want an apple? "

> > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> > want this pretty apple? "

> > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend?

> (as

> > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some)

> " Was

> > it good "

> > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her

> in a

> > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said

> she

> > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we

> have a

> > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg

> you

> > to try it.)

> > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you

> can

> > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and

> she

> > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

> >

> > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so

> annoying.

> > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE

> my

> > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

> contribute,

> > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a

> word I

> > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I

> could

> > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of

> word,

> > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I

> said I

> > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that

> looks

> > are what counts in fruit. . .

> >

> > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused,

> or

> > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over

> to

> > ME and my pretty apple! "

> >

> >

> >

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Posted

Ok, so she left for about 4 hours. Came back says " Did you miss me? " I said

" No. "

Long pause

Then I said " Other coworker is here. " (IE I didn't miss you because I wasn't

alone, wasn't trying to be mean, but I did let it sit out their to be

obnoxious)

Then I said " Other coworker told me WAY too much about his bodily functions

that made him sick and late. "

Waif boss says " Tell him about how you lanced a boil the other day and how

gross it was in trade. "

Me - " Actually, my exboyfriend had a boil lanced when he was in the Persian

gulf war and it really didn't sound that gross. "

Her - " Eeeeew OMG are you serious "

Me - " Yes, are you really that grossed out by that? " (I meant it, I can't

imagine being totes grossed out by that - but then I have an advanced degree

in doing things like chlamydia counseling, so I never know what other people

will be freaked out by. However, get me around a kitchen sink that hasn't

been scrubbed and I will LOOSE MY MARBLES, its an old nada issue)*

Her - " Well, you know me. " *

WTF is " Well, You know me " supposed to mean???? I do know her and that is

why I asked, it was an honest question.

I'm super grateful she closed her door. I have nothing to do. NOTHING to

work on. I'm trying to fill out my grad school apps - but they are a

circular clusterfuck - as in, go to your original schools' website and get

your GPA (I'm locked out until I can scan and send them my ID card from 15

years ago, or until I find another solution). Now, enter that GPA HERE. Umm,

ha ha, not gonna happen without making a few phone calls! And I can't make

phone calls here at work where they aren't supposed to know I'm applying to

grad school!

On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 1:07 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> YES, you guys are right - its kind of like " Knock knock " and " whose there "

> " The interupting... " " MOOOOOOO "

>

> But it is also a matter of her wanting me to be something to her I'm not -

> a friend, a daughter, a younger version of herself. . . etc. And I used to

> let her treat me that way - before therapy. My T says that she also thinks I

> am her husband in a lot of ways.

>

> Great suggestions, thanks. i just couldn't put my finger on why it felt

> slimey. Because if she did genuinly care - she wouldn't be saying, did your

> chest hurt, or trying to extract comfort from me by hugging me - she would

> Look at me when I told her and then say " I'm glad you are ok. "

>

> Our office is a weird culture. Its a small business. Its advertising. There

> are only about 30 of us. . boss and I have sat about 8 feet from each other

> for 40 hours a week for 5 years -so I don't know if " just business "

> boundaries are completely achievable, but I am trying hard to make the

> boundaries more normal and more businessy. What I think is weird is that I

> know she is confused by it - I mean half the time, her face is totally

> crumpled in confusion - but she just isn't catching on. And she doesn't ask

> me if anything is wrong, or if I'm unhappy with my workload (which I am) or

> anything else. I honestly think she would ask, but she is afraid that I will

> answer her honestly (which I would) and then she won't have the skills to do

> anything about it. So she would rather pretend that nothing is different.

>

> That said, while I can't make it absolute business boundaries, SOME

> boundaries are achievable. And I think a lot of the little girlish " look at

> my pretty apple stuff " is more related to her trying to turn back time - I

> used to be closer to her. Then I went to therapy and realized she was not

> behaving toward me like a friend would. That said, I don't think she really

> knows how to be a good friend to me or anyone else. . . So of course I had

> to back away from the relationship.

>

> A few months ago she was really excited, because she had reconnected with a

> friend via facebook who she hadn't seen in over 30 years. I did NOT get it.

> She made a big dinner date with this friend. Personally, being a KO, I

> couldn't understand why . . . first of all, if you liked someone, why would

> you let 30 years go by without talking to them. . . I figured there must be

> a REASON they were no longer friends. And then, unless there is something

> current in your lives to draw you together - - - well - - -why now? I mean

> there is nothing in Waif Boss' life except her justin bieber-style obsession

> with that opera singer and also her disordered relationship with her adult

> daughter. Everthing else is her PRETENDING to be interested in things. But

> for her, it was a HUGE deal to have a friend to hang out with for one night.

> I still think its weird. I wonder if she is just a little short in the

> social skills department.

>

> I mean, obviously based on the " Does your chest hurt? " and the " Look at my

> pretty apple " (yeah seriously, imagine a dude boss saying that HAAAA), she

> is short on both social skills and also just life skills.

>

> Actually, on the topic of life skills, this is one of the things about her

> that bugs me the MOST! I mean, she can't manage things like 1) keeping the

> registration current on her car 2) calling a plumber to come to her home 3)

> balancing a budget at home or work 4) calling a doctor when something is

> wrong with her body or to get a regular screening 5) planning her week so

> that she meets her deadlines, even when she only has a few things she needs

> to do 6) purchasing something with her OWN personal credit card and etc etc

> etc etc.

>

> Not only do I feel bugged with her for not developing these life skills,

> but I feel bugged with the majority of people that I know for neglecting to

> develop basic life skills. Its kind of like, I'm sorry, but if I could do

> all these things for a family of FOUR while I was in elementary school, why

> the hell can't you do it for a single person in your 6th decade of life????

> Swift kicks to the ass all around!!!! And do you ever look at someone and

> snort on the inside and go " Wait, so YOU think YOU are the BOSS of me??? You

> who can carry neither a box up a flight of stairs nor carry a one in basic

> addition? YOU boss of ME HA HA HA " and now insert count chocula vocals.

>

>

>

>

>

> On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 12:38 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>> **

>>

>>

>> If this were a male boss treating you like that, I think it would be

>> easier to realize how inappropriate and intrusive and boundary-violating

>> these behaviors are.

>>

>> I think your boss views you more as a daughter or companion or as a

>> younger version of herself, than as a co-worker. Those feelings and

>> behaviors are entirely inappropriate in a professional, office environment,

>> work relationship. Well, I should say, nobody can help how they feel, but

>> you sure as hell can help how you behave, and her behavior is inappropriate

>> in my opinion.

>>

>> If she is unable or unwilling to behave in a more professional manner

>> toward you, then, if this were happening to me, I'd first set very clear and

>> firm boundaries with her. " No, thank you. " like a broken record to all

>> inappropriate requests, say " Excuse me, I'm expecting a phone call (or some

>> other business issue) and leave when she wants you to " spin " . Keep

>> conversations to work-related topics only. When asked any personal

>> questions, just reply, " Thank you for your concern, but, I don't want to

>> discuss that. " or " I'm sorry, but that's personal. " When asked the same

>> question repeatedly (like the apple thing) respond only once and then if she

>> persists, " I believe I did answer you. " and nothing else. If she tries to

>> hug you, back away, put your hand up, and say " I'm sorry, but that makes me

>> uncomfortable. " Always with Medium Chill in place. No emotion. Polite but

>> neutral.

>>

>> If setting these clear and distance-creating boundaries doesn't work or

>> makes her hostile toward you, then, its a trip to the personnel office to

>> register a complaint.

>>

>> The last resort is to ask for a transfer or give notice (after you've

>> lined up another good job.) Life is too short to have to put up with

>> inappropriate, overly-personal, intrusive, touchy-feely behavior from

>> bosses.

>>

>> Bottom line: its just a job. And life is much sweeter when you don't have

>> to dread going into the office every day. There are good bosses out there;

>> I'm betting you can find one.

>>

>> Just my opinion, from my point of view.

>>

>> -Annie

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

>> > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

>> > anyway.

>> >

>> > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I

>> can

>> > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

>> > what happened:

>> >

>> > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

>> > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall

>> (I

>> > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

>> > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

>> > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

>> > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

>> > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if

>> I

>> > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

>> > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

>> > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was

>> not

>> > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

>> > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably

>> not be

>> > reporting for work today. . .

>> > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her

>> office,

>> > she wraps her arms around her chest

>> > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

>> > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I

>> just

>> > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

>> > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

>> > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT

>> ALL,

>> > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

>> > regular old painless asphyxia. "

>> > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

>> > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm

>> not

>> > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just

>> need to

>> > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

>> > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

>> > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

>> > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such

>> PRETTY

>> > apples. Do you want an apple? "

>> > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

>> > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do

>> you

>> > want this pretty apple? "

>> > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

>> > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

>> > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend?

>> (as

>> > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some)

>> " Was

>> > it good "

>> > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

>> > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

>> > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

>> > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her

>> in a

>> > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said

>> she

>> > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

>> > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we

>> have a

>> > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her

>> on

>> > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg

>> you

>> > to try it.)

>> > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you

>> can

>> > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and

>> she

>> > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>> >

>> > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so

>> annoying.

>> > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to

>> VAMPIRE my

>> > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

>> contribute,

>> > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a

>> word I

>> > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I

>> could

>> > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

>> > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know

>> that

>> > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of

>> word,

>> > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I

>> said I

>> > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

>> > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that

>> looks

>> > are what counts in fruit. . .

>> >

>> > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

>> > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is

>> just

>> > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

>> > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual,

>> confused, or

>> > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

>> > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over

>> to

>> > ME and my pretty apple! "

>> >

>> >

>> >

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Posted
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I guess your office culture or your industry, possibly, is so radically

different than any I've ever worked at that I can't even relate! I can't

imagine having or even listening to a discussion about bodily functions and

boil-lancing with a co-worker. (Gah!) So, for your own comfort level, you'll

need to find or establish whatever level of intimacy that feels right for you in

an office setting with co-workers. The office cultures I'm used to and feel

comfortable with are just light-years more conservative and private than the

ones you are used to, I guess.

-Annie

> >> >

> >> > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> >> > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> >> > anyway.

> >> >

> >> > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I

> >> can

> >> > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> >> > what happened:

> >> >

> >> > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> >> > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall

> >> (I

> >> > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> >> > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> >> > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> >> > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> >> > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if

> >> I

> >> > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> >> > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> >> > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was

> >> not

> >> > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> >> > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably

> >> not be

> >> > reporting for work today. . .

> >> > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her

> >> office,

> >> > she wraps her arms around her chest

> >> > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> >> > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I

> >> just

> >> > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> >> > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> >> > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT

> >> ALL,

> >> > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> >> > regular old painless asphyxia. "

> >> > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> >> > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm

> >> not

> >> > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just

> >> need to

> >> > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> >> > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> >> > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> >> > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such

> >> PRETTY

> >> > apples. Do you want an apple? "

> >> > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> >> > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do

> >> you

> >> > want this pretty apple? "

> >> > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> >> > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> >> > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend?

> >> (as

> >> > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some)

> >> " Was

> >> > it good "

> >> > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> >> > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> >> > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> >> > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her

> >> in a

> >> > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said

> >> she

> >> > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> >> > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we

> >> have a

> >> > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her

> >> on

> >> > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg

> >> you

> >> > to try it.)

> >> > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you

> >> can

> >> > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and

> >> she

> >> > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

> >> >

> >> > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so

> >> annoying.

> >> > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to

> >> VAMPIRE my

> >> > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

> >> contribute,

> >> > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a

> >> word I

> >> > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I

> >> could

> >> > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> >> > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know

> >> that

> >> > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of

> >> word,

> >> > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I

> >> said I

> >> > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> >> > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that

> >> looks

> >> > are what counts in fruit. . .

> >> >

> >> > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> >> > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is

> >> just

> >> > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> >> > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual,

> >> confused, or

> >> > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> >> > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over

> >> to

> >> > ME and my pretty apple! "

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

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Exactly - ZERO privacy - that's one of the things I hate most.

Plus our clients task us with things like decreasing outbreaks of gonorrhea

among teens and selling chocolate to menstruating women. . . so yeah, that's

the subject matter we deal with :)

But waif boss is still a " case " even in this weird culture.

On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 5:10 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> I guess your office culture or your industry, possibly, is so radically

> different than any I've ever worked at that I can't even relate! I can't

> imagine having or even listening to a discussion about bodily functions and

> boil-lancing with a co-worker. (Gah!) So, for your own comfort level, you'll

> need to find or establish whatever level of intimacy that feels right for

> you in an office setting with co-workers. The office cultures I'm used to

> and feel comfortable with are just light-years more conservative and private

> than the ones you are used to, I guess.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> > >> >

> > >> > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have

> physical

> > >> > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. .

> but

> > >> > anyway.

> > >> >

> > >> > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif

> boss I

> > >> can

> > >> > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis.

> Here's

> > >> > what happened:

> > >> >

> > >> > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> > >> > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook

> wall

> > >> (I

> > >> > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> > >> > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> > >> > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday

> night.

> > >> > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> > >> > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees

> things if

> > >> I

> > >> > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and

> assuming

> > >> > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> > >> > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death

> was

> > >> not

> > >> > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further

> from

> > >> > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would

> probably

> > >> not be

> > >> > reporting for work today. . .

> > >> > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her

> > >> office,

> > >> > she wraps her arms around her chest

> > >> > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> > >> > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt.

> I

> > >> just

> > >> > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> > >> > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest

> hurts? "

> > >> > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me

> AT

> > >> ALL,

> > >> > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its

> just

> > >> > regular old painless asphyxia. "

> > >> > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> > >> > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes.

> I'm

> > >> not

> > >> > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just

> > >> need to

> > >> > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think

> she is

> > >> > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> > >> > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> > >> > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such

> > >> PRETTY

> > >> > apples. Do you want an apple? "

> > >> > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> > >> > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it?

> Do

> > >> you

> > >> > want this pretty apple? "

> > >> > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with

> me. "

> > >> > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> > >> > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this

> weekend?

> > >> (as

> > >> > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her

> some)

> > >> " Was

> > >> > it good "

> > >> > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> > >> > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> > >> > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> > >> > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked

> her

> > >> in a

> > >> > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She

> said

> > >> she

> > >> > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be

> too

> > >> > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here,

> we

> > >> have a

> > >> > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate

> her

> > >> on

> > >> > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to

> beg

> > >> you

> > >> > to try it.)

> > >> > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then

> you

> > >> can

> > >> > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience

> and

> > >> she

> > >> > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

> > >> >

> > >> > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so

> > >> annoying.

> > >> > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to

> > >> VAMPIRE my

> > >> > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

> > >> contribute,

> > >> > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to

> a

> > >> word I

> > >> > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I

> > >> could

> > >> > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an

> asthma

> > >> > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know

> > >> that

> > >> > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice

> of

> > >> word,

> > >> > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when

> I

> > >> said I

> > >> > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't

> you

> > >> > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows

> that

> > >> looks

> > >> > are what counts in fruit. . .

> > >> >

> > >> > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty -

> but

> > >> > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is

> > >> just

> > >> > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends

> even

> > >> > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual,

> > >> confused, or

> > >> > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of)

> when

> > >> > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation

> over

> > >> to

> > >> > ME and my pretty apple! "

> > >> >

> > >> >

> > >> >

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Posted
Posted

So on the topic of no privacy - our health insurance allows ZERO privacy. I

do self pay for anything personal, because we have to pay cash and then be

reimbursed through an HRA, after the snoopy office manager and CEO review

our health issues. And it only reimburses a small amount anyway. But in

other words, from psych meds to labor and delivery, our office manager and

CEO are right there in the hospital room with you!

GAAAH I HATE that about this place. It's none of their business!!!

On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 5:43 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Exactly - ZERO privacy - that's one of the things I hate most.

>

> Plus our clients task us with things like decreasing outbreaks of gonorrhea

> among teens and selling chocolate to menstruating women. . . so yeah, that's

> the subject matter we deal with :)

>

> But waif boss is still a " case " even in this weird culture.

>

> On Mon, Oct 17, 2011 at 5:10 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>> **

>>

>>

>> I guess your office culture or your industry, possibly, is so radically

>> different than any I've ever worked at that I can't even relate! I can't

>> imagine having or even listening to a discussion about bodily functions and

>> boil-lancing with a co-worker. (Gah!) So, for your own comfort level, you'll

>> need to find or establish whatever level of intimacy that feels right for

>> you in an office setting with co-workers. The office cultures I'm used to

>> and feel comfortable with are just light-years more conservative and private

>> than the ones you are used to, I guess.

>>

>> -Annie

>>

>>

>> > >> >

>> > >> > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have

>> physical

>> > >> > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. .

>> but

>> > >> > anyway.

>> > >> >

>> > >> > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif

>> boss I

>> > >> can

>> > >> > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis.

>> Here's

>> > >> > what happened:

>> > >> >

>> > >> > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

>> > >> > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook

>> wall

>> > >> (I

>> > >> > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

>> > >> > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

>> > >> > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday

>> night.

>> > >> > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

>> > >> > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees

>> things if

>> > >> I

>> > >> > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and

>> assuming

>> > >> > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

>> > >> > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death

>> was

>> > >> not

>> > >> > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further

>> from

>> > >> > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would

>> probably

>> > >> not be

>> > >> > reporting for work today. . .

>> > >> > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her

>> > >> office,

>> > >> > she wraps her arms around her chest

>> > >> > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

>> > >> > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't

>> hurt. I

>> > >> just

>> > >> > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

>> > >> > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest

>> hurts? "

>> > >> > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to

>> me AT

>> > >> ALL,

>> > >> > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its

>> just

>> > >> > regular old painless asphyxia. "

>> > >> > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

>> > >> > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes.

>> I'm

>> > >> not

>> > >> > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I

>> just

>> > >> need to

>> > >> > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think

>> she is

>> > >> > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

>> > >> > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

>> > >> > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got

>> such

>> > >> PRETTY

>> > >> > apples. Do you want an apple? "

>> > >> > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

>> > >> > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it?

>> Do

>> > >> you

>> > >> > want this pretty apple? "

>> > >> > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with

>> me. "

>> > >> > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

>> > >> > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this

>> weekend?

>> > >> (as

>> > >> > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her

>> some)

>> > >> " Was

>> > >> > it good "

>> > >> > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

>> > >> > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

>> > >> > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

>> > >> > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked

>> her

>> > >> in a

>> > >> > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She

>> said

>> > >> she

>> > >> > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be

>> too

>> > >> > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here,

>> we

>> > >> have a

>> > >> > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate

>> her

>> > >> on

>> > >> > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going

>> to beg

>> > >> you

>> > >> > to try it.)

>> > >> > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then

>> you

>> > >> can

>> > >> > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience

>> and

>> > >> she

>> > >> > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>> > >> >

>> > >> > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so

>> > >> annoying.

>> > >> > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to

>> > >> VAMPIRE my

>> > >> > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

>> > >> contribute,

>> > >> > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to

>> a

>> > >> word I

>> > >> > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma,

>> I

>> > >> could

>> > >> > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an

>> asthma

>> > >> > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already

>> know

>> > >> that

>> > >> > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice

>> of

>> > >> word,

>> > >> > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when

>> I

>> > >> said I

>> > >> > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH

>> don't you

>> > >> > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows

>> that

>> > >> looks

>> > >> > are what counts in fruit. . .

>> > >> >

>> > >> > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty -

>> but

>> > >> > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she

>> is

>> > >> just

>> > >> > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends

>> even

>> > >> > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual,

>> > >> confused, or

>> > >> > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of)

>> when

>> > >> > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation

>> over

>> > >> to

>> > >> > ME and my pretty apple! "

>> > >> >

>> > >> >

>> > >> >

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Posted
Posted

Girlscout Cowboy,

Geeezzz, I am annoyed and I wasn't even there! What a nut job your waif boss is.

I don't do facebook for many reasons and never have. Now I am glad I don't. She

has way too much access to your life for my taste. I guess I would suggest

seriously considering going bare bones on the facebook so she has minimal

information about you and also so you don't have to wonder where her comments

are coming from to you. I know all about being asked a serious question and then

being ignored mid-explaination. Story of my life! It is really rude and horrible

and I guess I would resist getting deep or meaningful or explain anything

personal to her as you know she isn't even really listening and is sucking your

energy! I think you have her pegged there. I say less is more and a bit of

mystery in your life, especially where she is concerned would be healthy!

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

>

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Posted
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I totally agree with this, but get the feeling you already have a rather

familiar relationship and may be too much friends to now suddenly be too

formal.....I guess I am sensing you may have to do this gradually. You know your

office environment and could make some changes so your boundries are clearer for

you and for her. And I don't mean to harp on it, but I am really thinking you

may want to rethink the facebook venue. In my opinion she has way too much

access to your personal life in pictures and words and this changes boundries as

well.

> >

> > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> > anyway.

> >

> > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> > what happened:

> >

> > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> > reporting for work today. . .

> > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> > she wraps her arms around her chest

> > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> > regular old painless asphyxia. "

> > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> > apples. Do you want an apple? "

> > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> > want this pretty apple? "

> > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> > it good "

> > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> > to try it.)

> > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

> >

> > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> > are what counts in fruit. . .

> >

> > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> > ME and my pretty apple! "

> >

> >

> >

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Posted

Great points, thank you! I was thinking the same about Facebook - I might

just move to Google Plus which I don't think she has heard of.

Yeah, the office is so informal that it is hard to set up boundaries or

privacy, plus, I'm trying to do it backwards - instead of letting her earn

my trust to access my life, i have worked there so long that I am trying to

withdraw trust, and that doesn't go unnoticed. In talking with my boyfriend

tonight, he suggested I get out more while I'm slow and spend time

networking. I'm thinking, i might just kind of " network " into creating my

own strategy to take control of my workload again, and just do whatever I

need to to feel like I'm productive.

Last week, or maybe the week before I tried to start a conversation with her

about how I need more stimulating work. She said she was aware of the

problem but could't talk about it at the time and would get back to me. She

DID NOT, so I think I'll just develop a plan and start getting things done,

a little at a time. Not so much that I have zero time to work on my grad

school apps (which I know I should do on my time - but really, what am I

supposed to do) but enough that I don't feel depressed and angry.

And then we will both be distracted from the weird dynamics. So anyway, that

tis my plan for now.

Thanks you guys!!!

> **

>

>

> I totally agree with this, but get the feeling you already have a rather

> familiar relationship and may be too much friends to now suddenly be too

> formal.....I guess I am sensing you may have to do this gradually. You know

> your office environment and could make some changes so your boundries are

> clearer for you and for her. And I don't mean to harp on it, but I am really

> thinking you may want to rethink the facebook venue. In my opinion she has

> way too much access to your personal life in pictures and words and this

> changes boundries as well.

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> > > therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> > > anyway.

> > >

> > > I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss

> I can

> > > already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis.

> Here's

> > > what happened:

> > >

> > > 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> > > 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall

> (I

> > > have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> > > barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> > > experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> > > 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> > > 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things

> if I

> > > post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and

> assuming

> > > that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> > > 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was

> not

> > > completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> > > medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably

> not be

> > > reporting for work today. . .

> > > 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her

> office,

> > > she wraps her arms around her chest

> > > 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> > > 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I

> just

> > > couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> > > 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> > > 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT

> ALL,

> > > I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> > > regular old painless asphyxia. "

> > > 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> > > 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm

> not

> > > really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just

> need to

> > > hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she

> is

> > > trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> > > interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> > > 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such

> PRETTY

> > > apples. Do you want an apple? "

> > > 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> > > 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do

> you

> > > want this pretty apple? "

> > > 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> > > 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> > > 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend?

> (as

> > > seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some)

> " Was

> > > it good "

> > > 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> > > 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> > > 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> > > 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her

> in a

> > > text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She

> said she

> > > didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> > > spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we

> have a

> > > very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her

> on

> > > ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to

> beg you

> > > to try it.)

> > > 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you

> can

> > > make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and

> she

> > > goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

> > >

> > > So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so

> annoying.

> > > i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to

> VAMPIRE my

> > > energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to

> contribute,

> > > explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a

> word I

> > > said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I

> could

> > > have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> > > attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know

> that

> > > (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of

> word,

> > > so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I

> said I

> > > didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't

> you

> > > have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that

> looks

> > > are what counts in fruit. . .

> > >

> > > Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> > > nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is

> just

> > > kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> > > though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual,

> confused, or

> > > angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> > > really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation

> over to

> > > ME and my pretty apple! "

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Posted
Posted

" I feel like I need to take a shower " -- there's your answer right there. This

is abusive; if this were a man, it would be considered sexual abuse.

yikes.

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

GS, first of all, so sorry to hear of your asthma attack on Friday. That

must've been beyond scary.

I agree with you, that your boss is just looking wherever possible to have a

pity party. She is like nada, in that she wants you to take her into your

confidence, but the bad part about that is that whatever you tell her, she will

gnaw at every time she thinks you look down or low, and turn it into a

catastrophic event... " did you have another asthma attack?!! "

she's also like nada with the food: if you don't take the apple or whatever

she's offering, she's crestfallen and takes it very personally. It's

emotionally exhausting.

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

>

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Posted
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GS, your post reminds me of when I worked on an advertising team years ago. The

team was just 3 of us and we worked together for 10 years.

Even now, writing about it, I feel unsafe and weird. I pretended to be someone

I wasn't with the other 2 members of the team most of the time, just to be

" cool " like them and to survive working there. We were the most enmeshed group

of people (aside from my FOO!), making comments about others as soon as they'd

turn their backs, etc. It was sick. I just brought in all my mess from my FOO

to this small group.

I never realized any of that until I started therapy. When i look back on it, I

feel sick about it. I know just how my daughter feels with all the middle

school drama, bc I lived it.

After I left that team, one of the other members also left. The last one was

livid and upset bc both of us left so suddenly and he felt abandoned. I just was

so glad I was gone from that environment.

All of that to say, small office dynamics can be really messed up; everyone's on

top of each other and in each other's face and business. ugh. I don't miss it.

>

> YES, you guys are right - its kind of like " Knock knock " and " whose there "

> " The interupting... " " MOOOOOOO "

>

> But it is also a matter of her wanting me to be something to her I'm not - a

> friend, a daughter, a younger version of herself. . . etc. And I used to let

> her treat me that way - before therapy. My T says that she also thinks I am

> her husband in a lot of ways.

>

> Great suggestions, thanks. i just couldn't put my finger on why it felt

> slimey. Because if she did genuinly care - she wouldn't be saying, did your

> chest hurt, or trying to extract comfort from me by hugging me - she would

> Look at me when I told her and then say " I'm glad you are ok. "

>

> Our office is a weird culture. Its a small business. Its advertising. There

> are only about 30 of us. . boss and I have sat about 8 feet from each other

> for 40 hours a week for 5 years -so I don't know if " just business "

> boundaries are completely achievable, but I am trying hard to make the

> boundaries more normal and more businessy. What I think is weird is that I

> know she is confused by it - I mean half the time, her face is totally

> crumpled in confusion - but she just isn't catching on. And she doesn't ask

> me if anything is wrong, or if I'm unhappy with my workload (which I am) or

> anything else. I honestly think she would ask, but she is afraid that I will

> answer her honestly (which I would) and then she won't have the skills to do

> anything about it. So she would rather pretend that nothing is different.

>

> That said, while I can't make it absolute business boundaries, SOME

> boundaries are achievable. And I think a lot of the little girlish " look at

> my pretty apple stuff " is more related to her trying to turn back time - I

> used to be closer to her. Then I went to therapy and realized she was not

> behaving toward me like a friend would. That said, I don't think she really

> knows how to be a good friend to me or anyone else. . . So of course I had

> to back away from the relationship.

>

> A few months ago she was really excited, because she had reconnected with a

> friend via facebook who she hadn't seen in over 30 years. I did NOT get it.

> She made a big dinner date with this friend. Personally, being a KO, I

> couldn't understand why . . . first of all, if you liked someone, why would

> you let 30 years go by without talking to them. . . I figured there must be

> a REASON they were no longer friends. And then, unless there is something

> current in your lives to draw you together - - - well - - -why now? I mean

> there is nothing in Waif Boss' life except her justin bieber-style obsession

> with that opera singer and also her disordered relationship with her adult

> daughter. Everthing else is her PRETENDING to be interested in things. But

> for her, it was a HUGE deal to have a friend to hang out with for one night.

> I still think its weird. I wonder if she is just a little short in the

> social skills department.

>

> I mean, obviously based on the " Does your chest hurt? " and the " Look at my

> pretty apple " (yeah seriously, imagine a dude boss saying that HAAAA), she

> is short on both social skills and also just life skills.

>

> Actually, on the topic of life skills, this is one of the things about her

> that bugs me the MOST! I mean, she can't manage things like 1) keeping the

> registration current on her car 2) calling a plumber to come to her home 3)

> balancing a budget at home or work 4) calling a doctor when something is

> wrong with her body or to get a regular screening 5) planning her week so

> that she meets her deadlines, even when she only has a few things she needs

> to do 6) purchasing something with her OWN personal credit card and etc etc

> etc etc.

>

> Not only do I feel bugged with her for not developing these life skills, but

> I feel bugged with the majority of people that I know for neglecting to

> develop basic life skills. Its kind of like, I'm sorry, but if I could do

> all these things for a family of FOUR while I was in elementary school, why

> the hell can't you do it for a single person in your 6th decade of life????

> Swift kicks to the ass all around!!!! And do you ever look at someone and

> snort on the inside and go " Wait, so YOU think YOU are the BOSS of me??? You

> who can carry neither a box up a flight of stairs nor carry a one in basic

> addition? YOU boss of ME HA HA HA " and now insert count chocula vocals.

>

>

>

>

>

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Posted
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what?!! that sounds illegal. Wow. I would be VERY unhappy with everyone

knowing my private medical info.

>

> So on the topic of no privacy - our health insurance allows ZERO privacy. I

> do self pay for anything personal, because we have to pay cash and then be

> reimbursed through an HRA, after the snoopy office manager and CEO review

> our health issues. And it only reimburses a small amount anyway. But in

> other words, from psych meds to labor and delivery, our office manager and

> CEO are right there in the hospital room with you!

>

> GAAAH I HATE that about this place. It's none of their business!!!

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I agree, Fiona. A total violation of federal HIPPA laws.

> what?!! that sounds illegal. Wow. I would be VERY unhappy with everyone

knowing my private medical info.

>

>

> >

> > So on the topic of no privacy - our health insurance allows ZERO privacy. I

> > do self pay for anything personal, because we have to pay cash and then be

> > reimbursed through an HRA, after the snoopy office manager and CEO review

> > our health issues. And it only reimburses a small amount anyway. But in

> > other words, from psych meds to labor and delivery, our office manager and

> > CEO are right there in the hospital room with you!

> >

> > GAAAH I HATE that about this place. It's none of their business!!!

>

>

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Posted
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Maybe I should look more into the legality - but I also did the PR for a

major medical insurer, and that was exactly what they suggested as a best

practice. . . .

Yes, the group is too small. It's like we are roommates or something,

instead of coworkers. Thanks for the support guys. I am really grateful I

have you all.

> **

>

>

> I agree, Fiona. A total violation of federal HIPPA laws.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > what?!! that sounds illegal. Wow. I would be VERY unhappy with everyone

> knowing my private medical info.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > So on the topic of no privacy - our health insurance allows ZERO

> privacy. I

> > > do self pay for anything personal, because we have to pay cash and then

> be

> > > reimbursed through an HRA, after the snoopy office manager and CEO

> review

> > > our health issues. And it only reimburses a small amount anyway. But in

> > > other words, from psych meds to labor and delivery, our office manager

> and

> > > CEO are right there in the hospital room with you!

> > >

> > > GAAAH I HATE that about this place. It's none of their business!!!

> >

> >

>

>

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Posted
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Maybe I should look more into the legality - but I also did the PR for a

major medical insurer, and that was exactly what they suggested as a best

practice. . . .

Yes, the group is too small. It's like we are roommates or something,

instead of coworkers. Thanks for the support guys. I am really grateful I

have you all.

> **

>

>

> I agree, Fiona. A total violation of federal HIPPA laws.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > what?!! that sounds illegal. Wow. I would be VERY unhappy with everyone

> knowing my private medical info.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > So on the topic of no privacy - our health insurance allows ZERO

> privacy. I

> > > do self pay for anything personal, because we have to pay cash and then

> be

> > > reimbursed through an HRA, after the snoopy office manager and CEO

> review

> > > our health issues. And it only reimburses a small amount anyway. But in

> > > other words, from psych meds to labor and delivery, our office manager

> and

> > > CEO are right there in the hospital room with you!

> > >

> > > GAAAH I HATE that about this place. It's none of their business!!!

> >

> >

>

>

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I would have to agree, it is none of their business and I am sure violates your

medical privacy rights. I have kids in their 20's and once they turned 18 the

same doctor who would discuss everything with me as their mom wouldn't share a

word without a signed permission form from my kids.

> >

> > So on the topic of no privacy - our health insurance allows ZERO privacy. I

> > do self pay for anything personal, because we have to pay cash and then be

> > reimbursed through an HRA, after the snoopy office manager and CEO review

> > our health issues. And it only reimburses a small amount anyway. But in

> > other words, from psych meds to labor and delivery, our office manager and

> > CEO are right there in the hospital room with you!

> >

> > GAAAH I HATE that about this place. It's none of their business!!!

>

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Posted

With BPD's that I know, they always want you to eat what they are eating until

you are insane and give in. So, that is what I thought of first with the apple

thing.

Though, what is glaring to me is that sounds like something said in

SNOW WHITE by the evil witch presenting the apple that will kill you.

So, I'm thinking you'd been talking about your possible death and somehow this

whole thing got mixed up in someones' psyche. Or, she was offering you another

way to die. But, either way it's all a little disturbing. Did you ask her if

her pretty apple is poisoned? lol

>

> I didn't get into work until a few min after 10 today. I have physical

> therapy twice a week for 3 more weeks and that delayed me today. . but

> anyway.

>

> I dont understand how after just one hour with in 50 feet of waif boss I can

> already be ready to rip out my hair. I need a 3rd party analysis. Here's

> what happened:

>

> 1- she says hi. I say hi.

> 2- she says how are you feeling. I assume she went on my facebook wall (I

> have some privacy features against her, but I can't put up the full

> barricade while I still work here) and saw that i had a near-death

> experience - the most serious asthma attack of my life on Friday night.

> 3- I say I feel fine, but it was a scary weekend

> 4- She didn't read on my facebook (I think maybe she only sees things if I

> post pictures and not just words), she was just being waify and assuming

> that I feel bad just naturally and trying to start a pity party

> 5- So I tell her yes, I had a very serious asthma attack and death was not

> completely off the table as a consequence, if I had been further from

> medical care, like backpacking hours from a hospital I would probably not be

> reporting for work today. . .

> 6- So she says nothing for like 10 min. then she comes out of her office,

> she wraps her arms around her chest

> 7- So does your chest just hurt terribly, Waif Boss says

> 8- I think she means " did " and I try to answer. " No, it didn't hurt. I just

> couldn't breathe at all. The next day it kind of hurt. "

> 9- Waif boss - " oh so when you get an asthma attack your chest hurts? "

> 10- Me (thinking what the hell, I don't think she is listening to me AT ALL,

> I think her mind is elsewhere) " No, it isn't really painful, its just

> regular old painless asphyxia. "

> 11- Waif boss goes back in her office without saying anything

> 12 - then she comes out and wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I'm not

> really in the mood but I put up with it. Baby talk babble " Oh I just need to

> hug you. " blah blah, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think she is

> trying to have a relationship with me without actually giving the

> interaction even 30 seconds of meaningful attention.

> 13 - Then she says from her office where I can't see her " I got such PRETTY

> apples. Do you want an apple? "

> 12- Me " No thanks, I have apples. "

> 13 - Then she comes out, " look at my pretty apple, do you want it? Do you

> want this pretty apple? "

> 14- Me, louder " NO, I don't want an apple. I have TWO apples with me. "

> 15- Waif boss " Oh "

> 16- So then she tries a new angle " You made Mexican Mole this weekend? (as

> seen in my facebook post, also I texted and offered to bring her some) " Was

> it good "

> 17 - Me " Yes, it was good. "

> 18 - Her, " It looked amazing in the photos. "

> 19 - Me, " yeah, it was good. "

> 20 - Her, " What's in it? How do you make it? " (a side note, I asked her in a

> text last night if she likes it and wants me to bring her some. She said she

> didn't know because she had never had it but was afraid it would be too

> spicy and not sweet enough. It's a pretty common food around here, we have a

> very large Mexican population, and I wasn't in the mood to educate her on

> ethnic cooking, so I was like oh ok forget it then, I'm not going to beg you

> to try it.)

> 21 - me, " Well, you start with a mix of spices called MOLE and then you can

> make it different ways,' but I'm starting to totally lose patience and she

> goes back in her office. Its seriously like playin whack a mole.

>

> So then she left for a meeting. i just don't know why this was so annoying.

> i think maybe it annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to VAMPIRE my

> energy away - like steal it for herself. She wanted to get me to contribute,

> explain, elaborate, educate. . .whatever. . but she didnt listen to a word I

> said. For instance, if she had listened when I said " I had asthma, I could

> have died from lack of oxygen. " She would have gathered that an asthma

> attack is related to BREATHING, if she didn't happen to already know that

> (DUH)! And then with the apples - I mean " pretty " is a weird choice of word,

> so I think she chose that for attention. But she didn't LISTEN when I said I

> didn't want one. She just wanted me to say something like OOOH don't you

> have great esthetics when it comes to apples, and everyone knows that looks

> are what counts in fruit. . .

>

> Anyway, I feel like i need to take a shower - I just feel dirty - but

> nothing really happened in that interaction. . . I think that she is just

> kind of doing a dance with me - like " lets pretend we are friends even

> though we are not, and we will pretend not to have conflictual, confused, or

> angry feelings, and I will also pretend to be listening (kind of) when

> really I'm just trying to find an opening to turn this conversation over to

> ME and my pretty apple! "

>

>

>

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